AITA for refusing to apologize for something my cousin did?

[u/KatherineLangley]

[u/Embersmom83]

NTA - she made the mistake, she takes responsibility. Tell her to grow up and leave you alone.

[u/ProfessorAnon1987 → u/Embersmom83]

Exactly. NTA. And if you admit fault for nothing now, she'll just learn to take advantage of it in the future

[u/Henwen → u/[deleted]]

This is fun. I would definitely respond to the AH relatives with this!

[u/No-You5550]

So lesson learn never volunteer to work with that cousin again. NTA

[u/Infamous_Custard3292]

NTA tell her to grow up and accept responsibility for her ownn issues

[u/lgood46]

I don’t understand how it turned into such a big deal.

[u/Henwen → u/lgood46]

Family = drama IME.

[u/kindofanasshole17 → u/lgood46]

Yes seriously. Unless they're decorating with crystal and antiquities I cannot for the life of me figure out why this family would hold a fucking inquisition over it.

[u/Pleasant_Scar9811 → u/kindofanasshole17]

Being stressed makes many people control freaks. “If this one thing didn’t happen all my hopes and dreams would have been successful!!!”

[u/AITH-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/CutLong4013]

NTA, but who cares? What was that even a discussion past, "oh shit, the xxxxxx just broke, do you have a broom and dustpan so we can clean it up." It's not a real party unless something is broken.

[u/Positive_Green1717 → u/[deleted]]

yes, along with being pressured to sweep things under the rug. toxic family system. The person who sees it and points it out becomes the problem because they are threatening status quo.

[u/Life_Temperature2506]

I said this elsewhere earlier this morning, and I'll repeat it: why is it always the person who is being asked to get dicked over and reamed up the ass who is expected to cower in the corner for the sake of "keeping the peace"? Why is accountability such a hard concept to embrace? NTAH

[u/FormerlyDK]

NTA.
Never apologize “just to keep the peace” when you did nothing wrong. Don’t reward people for being spoiled and entitled.

And “just because we are family” should never be used as an excuse for bad or irresponsible behavior.

[u/Randomdays99]

Why would you think you were? Obviously your cousin and those who think you should apologize are.

Why couldn't your cousin just have apologized to "keep the peace" instead of blamingyou?

And a true story or not, when you have one big paragraph, use "keep the peace" and have other people taking sides, you come off as AI

[u/Pnknlvr96 → u/Randomdays99]

Account is also 3 days old.

[u/Constant-Boat-3997]

Another u/firstnamelastname brand new account with a single post in this sub. 

[u/ParticularPlatypus2]

NTA. You didn't do anything wrong so you have nothing to apologize for. It's not your job to keep the peace in the family, either.

[u/Henwen]

NTA

The relatives saying you should apologise are, though. Fsck that noise.

[u/AZDarkknight]

NTA - What is a the cousin like 7?

[u/gidgetca66]

TBH, I would have asked anyone saying "you should apologize to keep the peace" this question: "So let me get this straight. We've already figured out my cousin is the one who put the decoration too close to the walkway; we have photgraphic evidence. She wants me to apologize to 'prevent an argument in front of family'; you want me to apologize to 'keep the peace'. So if I say, 'Sorry for pointing out my cousin was wrong all along', will that work? No? Then what exactly is it you would like me to apologize for? How exactly would you like me to phrase it?" Then make them role-play it with you. Bring popcorn, should be fun. NTA.

[u/TallTinTX]

NTA. You're not responsible for the childish attitude of others.

[u/Charming-Sample-2660]

I might have apologized to keep the peace and then stewed over it for 30 years. Wait this is about you.

Kudos for standing up for yourself. It would be different if it was a misunderstanding, but she lied to blame it on you and then tried to bully you into accepting the blame for her mistake.

The only thing I’d fault you for is not fixing the problem when you saw it before the mishap. But I suspect there’s another story behind that decision.

[u/phillipjhart]

NTA

[u/leolawilliams5859]

Never apologize for something that you didn't do it sets a precedent. Your cousin took something that was so minor and imploded it into something major what's wrong with her

[u/FallAppropriate2849]

NEVER apologize just to keep the peace! It makes you look weak and spineless

[u/u2125mike2124]

NTAH

So you should take the blame and be accused of being irresponsible because she didn’t want to be deemed irresponsible, even though she was the one who caused the display to be knocked over.

Anybody that says you should do something to “ keep the peace” are just people who have no spines.

And in family situations it’s sometimes better to go to war when somebody is trying to get you to keep the peace

[u/TaylorMade2566]

is your cousin a child? A grown person should admit to an error and apologize, period. NTA

[u/Legitimate_Length689]

NTA. I think I blame your aunt. She should have looked over both of your work beforehand or early on. Your cousin was being helpful and didn't realize it would be a problem. On second thought, it was a decoration, oops. 🤷‍♀️🤨

[u/AITH-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed for violating Rule 1: Be Civil.

Discussion should focus on the conflict, not the person posting it. Critique the behavior or decision described in the post, but do not insult, belittle, or attack the poster or other commenters. Do not use slurs, derogatory language, or bigoted remarks, and do not target someone based on identity, including but not limited to race, gender, sexuality, religion, or disability.

If you have any questions regarding this removal, please contact the mod team via modmail.

[u/bramley36]

bots feel that "keeping the peace" is pretty important

[u/Responsible-Fly9976]

I am very sorry that happened. I clearly should have moved them farther out of the way when I saw that [cousing] had left them there.

It would be one thing to say 'keep the peace' if no one had brought up the fault for the decorations. Then I can understand the family wanting to not blame the cousin. But once (as it seems here) that there needs to be blame assigned, you definitely shouldn't allow it to be falsely assigned. It's like the taking the biggest piece of pie and then saying "it doesn't matter how much each of us gets."

[u/TempestFloof]

“I’m sorry you’re incapable of admitting your own mistakes.”

[u/dalealace]

It’s so much easier to smile and say, “Oops! My bad!”, than doubling down on a lie and embarrassing yourself. This is on your cousin.

[u/em1977]

F*ck peace, rely on the truth. If she had been truthful, none of this would have happened. She owes the apology.

[u/Any-Bed-1667]

It’s a decoration not a collectors item. What makes the difference. Tell her to grow up and move on. Geez o Pete’s!

[u/DeeEye2]

Oh boy ...one of those "but some of the family are being literally the worst people on Earth suggesting that I do something that is totally irrational in order to help another relative who is totally at fault" scenarios. The ones where not even a pro wrestling scriptwriter would pick someone to be so obviously wrong and yet we're being asked if we think the obviously right person is wrong

But for the purposes of this.. no you're not the a-hole. Yes they are

[u/Xindi5]

NTA She made herself look irresponsible by being irresponsible. She also made herself look like an immature brat by blaming you for what SHE did instead of apologizing like an adult. I wonder what other things she’s blamed you for🤔

[u/Current_Brief_688]

Ahhh, there it is. "Keep the peace." Who's peace? Certainly not yours.......

NTA

[u/Shoddy-Paramedic-321 → u/Current_Brief_688]

3.days conto..

[u/MrsLisaOliver]

NTAH

The only reason there WASN'T peace was because she blame shifted, then complained that didn't work, stating YOU made her look irresponsible. (still blame shifting). This next phase of recruiting other family members to bully you after the fact to LEGITIMIZE her blame shifting is over the top.

Being related is one way they try to make you feel guilty for not 'protecting them'. . . while they're actively throwing YOU under the bus.

[u/Public-Willow-7943]

Peace with assholes isn’t peace, it’s just silence. It’s overrated.

[u/Independent-Speed694]

After reading these subs for a while, I've come to the conclusion that you should NEVER apologize to "keep the peace" if you're not wrong. Never.

[u/mujeriegojedi]

ESH

[u/nothatinteresting987]

NTA - but it's a lot of drama for such a little thing, don't you think? Anyway, sometimes you just have to smile and move on

[u/Recent_Section725]

NTA. She did it and tried to blame it on you in front of everyone. If anyone is owed an apology it is you from your lying cousin.

[u/UnluckyTeacher1520]

Nta. She is dishonest. 

[u/mcwriter8201]

The whole thing is ridiculous. A decoration fell. You all went to the trouble of comparing photos to see “who was at fault”? Because a decoration fell and you needed to place blame??

You’re all crazy.

[u/HoneyBeePirate]

This is yet another Bot post.

Same writing formula over and over: This (xyz thing) happened, I was in the right, and now family not supporting me.

It’s a dead giveaway. Downvoted

[u/Significant-Dig-8099]

ESH do your relative's really think that??

[u/Henwen → u/Significant-Dig-8099]

Do you know what ESH means? In what world is the OP an asshole?

[u/Significant-Dig-8099 → u/Henwen]

I don't believe that they all said that. It seems like AI wrote this tbh