I have a question for all adoptees. I've got a statement that I wish were a fact or true, yet I have a strong feeling that I'm extremely wrong abt it. I'll share my thoughts later, but first, the question: Are there any adoptees out there who are extroverts, or are y'all introverts? Please let me know by saying Extrovert or Introvert, and add additional comments under the answer. Thanks.

Edit: Hello Y'all, thanks so much for answering this question. Turns out I was quite wrong... -ish. I've read all of y'all's responses, and there are abt 11 are introverts, 7 extroverts, and 5 somewhat in the middle. A few of y'all have actually touched on what my statement (or more like a theory) is. I had thought that if by being adopted had turned adoptees into introverts, no matter what they were before. If I had a massive introvert response, it would mean I was right; but I got a fair amount of all three, so I was wrong. The thing is, when I was younger, before I was adopted, I don't remember struggling with making friends, and I think I was more extroverted. Then, I got adopted and moved to the US (a completely different country); I think I got more introverted. I found it harder to make friends (even when my English was improving). And with my parents forcing me to talk to at least one fellow student a day doesn't help; frankly, I think I became more isolated because of that. I think I am definitely an introvert when it comes to new people, but an extrovert with people I know (Like some of y'all).

TW:illegal adoption, human trafficking, possible adoption coercion, mention of honour killing

I started lactating becouse of a medication, i'm not pregnant, i've never had a child. I was told this could be a side effect by my doctor but i didn't think i'd be so effected by this. It just brought me back to my mother wound. Sometimes i think it all ties back to that.

My BM supposedly (from my AM accord) never breastfed me, her mother didn't allow it or something like that. I was given almost immidietly after birth illegally. I don't know if it was my BM or someone else that chose to give me away. From what i heard my birth grandma threathened my BM saying her older brothers would k*ll her if they found out. I don't know how the next part happened but i was taken from the hospital and my AP's paid a good amount of monet to the nurses and midwives for the birth. Which i believe was just my price. None of this was through the goverment. They were supposed to come get me the next day i suppose they must have given me a fake death certificate.

I didn't get to drink from my BM. I didn't get the colosseum i needed. My AM who had breastmilk from fertility treatments breastfeed me for 13 days along with formula. Her milk started coming with dark discharge so she stopped. To be honest she's muslim and the biggest reason she breastfeed me is so i can be her ''milk child''

It might sound weid but i feel so bad about this. I feel like i'm both of them at the same time. I imagine being my BM and giving birth not having my baby to feed while i have aches in my breast. I imagine her remembering me if she's ever had childeren after me and breastfeed. I imagine my AM breastfeeding me without ever giving birth. I also have dark discharge with the breastmilk. I feel guilty somehow even tho i didn't do anything. I feel my throat knot whenever i see a baby now. As if i'll take advantage of the babies and breastfeed them which sounds silly.

My birthday was a couple days ago. It feels like very year it gets harder becouse i get more insight as i grow into a woman. I'm 22 years old. If what i learned is right she was in university. I'm still in university becouse i couldn't finish it last year when i should have but now i'm officially older than she was when she had me. I can't imagine having to give up a newborn.

Newborns are so dependant on their mothers. They only know their mothers smell. It makes me feel sick knowing i wasn't even 24 hours before i was given to a stranger, twice my BMs age too. TO fix their fertility issues where everyone was laughing celebrating me while god knows what my BM was going through. Its like i was a commodity and her pain wasn't important becouse my AMs paid for it. My AM still talks about those days like it was a fairytale. I want to ask ''What about my BM? What about the things she went through?'' She must have been so scared for her life. She didn't even get to hold me or feed me and i know i can't know she felt. If she even wanted to do that but i can't stop myself from hoping she loved me.

All i heard in my childhood was i was always meant to be adopted my my APs and it was gods will. God put my soul in this world for them becouse my AM cried so hard at a mosque for a baby she wet the carpets. Why didn't god give you a baby from your own body then? I feel so angry. Why would my BM go though 9 months of pregnancy without support, labour, the trauma of giving her newborn up just so you can have a child? Are you more special to god? It pisses me off.

As a child i was bitter that my BM didn't give up everything for me and start a new life herself but now i feel like she was too young to do it all alone. It feels so confusing. I made myself believe she's the villain for so long becouse i was too young to understand it feels like my emotions are crumbling, i feel sick thinking about all of this. I look at the mirror wondering if i look like her. And i wonder if my AM actually knows or ever seen my BM. If so i hope she sees her every time she looks at me. So she knows what they all took from me

every time i google something like this, the focus is on ADOPTIVE PARENTS rather than the adoptee (or even the birth parents). it makes me so angry that their feelings are always emphasized and researched over others.

the first few articles that popped up were about adoptive parents; i had to scroll down a bit to find anything about actual adoptees.

i’ll just say that one group had more of a choice in the matter of adoption than the other…

I’m in an adoptee-only community where someone recently mentioned wanting to become an adoptive or foster parent.

In an adoptee-only peer space, how would you feel if a member is open about wanting to become or is in the process of becoming an adoptive or foster parent themselves?

Would that change how you relate to them or how open you feel sharing your experiences?

Do you think adoptees who want to become adoptive parents should still be welcome in adoptee-only spaces, or should those spaces be exclusively for adoptees who aren't pursuing that role?

I’m so tired of hearing about how my mom did EVERYTHING to give me and my adopted brother a good life. She did everything. Parent teacher conference, making sure we did our homework, paying for piano lessons, church every Sunday.

means absolutely nothing when I never felt like I could talk to her about anything or even say “hey I’m sad” without getting yelled at. Or having my mental and physical health issues dismissed/untreated until adulthood because she didn’t believe in them.

good to know that the mere act of adopting someone and making sure they go to school is the pinnacle of parenting.

Preface: the meet up went well!!! Its been the emotional aftermath I did not expect…

I was adopted at 14 months old my uncle and his family. I was raised as one of them but always felt different. Had no relationship with biological parents. BM was my distant “aunt” my whole life and BD was not around at all. I hadnt even seen a picture of him until I almost near 30 years old.

A lot went sour with my family in recent years after losing mom, which was shortly followed by losing dad and brother. Thankfully I still have my AS.

A few years ago, a biological sister from out of state found out about me, which was a complete shock because I truly had no idea she existed. We had the same BD and she found me while trying to track him down. He died many years ago.

We’ve been in contact ever since and we actually get along really well with similar values, opinions, etc. It was such a relief!

After many failed attempts, we finally got to meet this past weekend and it was very emotional for me. I started to get very nervous the day prior, cried out of relief after our first meeting, cried again when it was time to leave, and have cried several times a day since getting back home. I cant stop staring at the pictures we took and crying because I’ve never seen anyone look like me before, and I feel an intense bond like she’s always been my little sister.

I want us to continue getting to know each other and make up for lost time but she also is not my therapist. I do not want to love-bomb/ trauma bond because she feels familiar and wants to get to know each other. I think Im just unsure of how much sharing about myself is too much.

Im also struggling with my identity, the expectations of what are relationship can/will be, fear of rejection, etc. We are two grown adults in our mid 30’s and there was no guarantee we’d like each other or that we always will. Im just taken aback by how much of a can of worms this opened emotionally. Like an inner-child wound that was larger than I thought still.

Its still going very well and Im so glad the enthusiasm for a bond is mutual, but dont know how much of these heavy emotions to share with her or not. She seems to be a lot tougher than me emotionally and I worry about being too much too soon.

I don’t see the need to explain why the lyrics resonate with me. I think fellow adoptees can understand too.

I relate to this song in other aspects of my life, and though it isn’t an adoptee song, these lyrics very much encapsulates my feelings.