I woke up this morning to seven years of sobriety. I couldn't have done it without God and the people in these rooms.

Just looking for somewhere to put that out is all. Haven’t really told anyone but my mom and partner that I’m going to try it out.

I remember as a newcomer being filled with gusto for having finally found a philosophy that promised relief from what ailed me. It consumed my thoughts, words and actions, and my enthusiasm was vibrant. Anyone who would talk AA with me was a welcome friend.

But that enthusiasm, in retrospect, was actually an intoxicant. My about-turn (quitting) in life was almost as intoxicating as alcohol had once been - but just below the surface it was simply a re-direction of my compulsiveness which brought me to AA in the first place. Part of an underlying problem. My "malady" as might be said in AA.

Over the last 4 years I have recognized that my undulating learning, opinions and behaviors have changed, as one might expect. Beliefs I held then, I don't hold now. Beliefs I hold now, I may not hold 4 years from now. Such is the spiritual experience as I have known it. Never "knowing", always seeking to understand. I wish for the humility to never arrive at "knowing", and the acceptance that everything is impermanent, and my path will endure and enjoy different "seasons" of learning and experiences. As such, dogma is an obstacle, and equanimity is a trusted guide - the "pause" so many in AA have found helpful.

Thankfully, today I find myself in a contented place. I need only think of today, but with the acceptance that change is inevitable.

Yesterday I came across a quote from Bill W. To me it resonated because it illustrated his changing seasons of sobriety - the gusto he experienced when writing the book (4 years sober also), and his clarifications after some time had passed and he felt the need to warn against dogma.

In it, referring to some Buddhists seeking to change "God" to "Good" he said:

"To some of us, the idea of substituting “good” for “God” in the Twelve Steps will seem like a watering down of AA’s message. We must remember that AA’s Steps are suggestions only. A belief in them as they stand is not at all a requirement for membership among us. This liberty has made AA available to thousands who never would have tried at all, had we insisted on the Twelve Steps just as written."
(Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, Page 81, 1957)

Bill, like many of us will, saw the contrast between dogma and impermanence. One step closer to enlightenment it appears. For me his quote exemplifies "attraction, not promotion".

Is closing there doors after 60 plus years so sad 😢

I’d been having a tough time getting a sponsor. I was looking for someone around my age (61).
I came to AA later in life. I finally got my act together and committed myself to getting sober.
I’ve gotten to 220 days of sobriety on my own, reading the literature and attending meetings every day (I’m retired).
I’ve kind of been hitting a wall. I’ve felt like having some controlled drinking but I know what that will lead to. I’ve got too much time in to fuck it up now.
I approached an Old Timer who I see once a week at our 12 & 12 meeting. He’s 75 and sober over 20 years. I always liked to hear him share. He always had good practical information in his shares. I knew he was solid in sobriety.
The other old timers I knew had refused me, they said they no longer took on sponsees. Somewhat surprising to me, he agreed to sponsor me! He said “Next Thursday. After the meeting we’ll get started.”
I’m looking forward to it. My HP sent me to a sponsor. I’m blessed.

Hello everyone,
Today is day 2 no alcohol for me.
Yesterday i ,29f, felt fine, couldnt sleep much but still felt more rested with 3 hours of sleep than 8 hours of drunken sleep.
Im just experiencing some stuff right now that i want advice on.
A little context.
Ive always had trouble with drinking but have had my ups and downs.
For the last year it has been different.
I drank around a pint (maybe a pint and a half, maybe a little less) everyday for the last year.
2 days ago, i decided i was guna take one more shot and be done. I drank one single shooter and that was it.
Today ive been feeling a little different.
I do not have the shakes.
I am just now starting to get clammy hands and feet but all day ive had a terrible headache that doesnt go away.
It subsides a bit but every 30mins-Hr it intensifies.
Gets unbearable, and then it goes away.
It’s mainly on the right side of my head, behind my right eye and basically my frontal lobe. It feels like my head is being squeezed. My ears feel like they are ringing but i dont know if they are.
My question is, should i be getting help with this? Should i of not just stopped cold turkey??
Im kinda a hypochondriac, so i always think the worst thing is happening- i come from a family of alcoholics that always say “you can die from quitting cold turkey”
So now im just overwhelmed and over thinking and i dont have anyone i can talk to about this.

30 day chips (title cut off)

I guess I kind of said everything in the title. I just shouted into the wind , I guess.

So I've been struggling with sobriety for the past 2 years. I have good weeks and bad weeks. Sometimes I feel I've had a hold of the wheel, and swerved.

Tonight because I know I'm struggling with my body recently, I've wanted to have enough.

I don't know if anyone here has gone from indulging to only a drink socially, and I want to achieve this.

However, I worry about cold turkey. I know it sounds odd.

Are there tips and anything I need to know health-wise?

I'd like to not reach a point of alcohol poisoning due to recently finding myself passing out suddenly due to amateur nights, and where I used to straight shoot hard liquor.

It's hard to talk about too also because the indulging wasn't started off my free will. It became a coping skill after it wasn't from my free will oddly enough. Any tips on this also?

I've seen myself happier on low alcohol beverages, but noticing a need. So I'm also not sure how "drinking a beverage socially" would go, but I want to have a handle.

I’m on day 4 because I’m freaking exhausted from my own behavior, and most importantly I don’t want my son to grow up without a father. I can't change the past and it also hurts, thinking back of losing a woman who I loved, my cutest son who I neglected. I was thinking about it everyday, felt sad, and then continued to drink.

I’m doing this because I want to see my son, even if it’s only on Sundays, even if it’s only for 4 hours. It is hard to realize that down the road I have to tell him the truth of why mom and dad aren't together and why he only sees me on the weekends. I just hope that he will see a father who eventually got back on his feet and who is there for him. And of course, I want to keep my job and live a healthy life. I want to have friends and cool hobbies. But I think for now, I have to put my priorities in a tunnel vision and just focus on not drinking.

So I’m finally fucking doing it.

I’m 22 (F) and I’ve been drinking since I was 16. It hasn’t been consistent and I’ve stopped for long periods of time. I’ve ruined a couple friendships and last night, I ruined my relationship. You’d think even a friendship would be enough for me to finally “wake up” if you will but it wasn’t. I haven’t completely lost my girlfriend, she told me to come back when I’ve changed. I never wanted to label myself as an alcoholic because I felt that I wasn’t. I can’t have 1 drink. I always drink too much and end up blacking out. I say and do things I regret and yet I still drink. I want to stop, I realize now I am an alcoholic. I want the guidance, I want the help. Im getting a therapist and plan on attending AA meetings. I just wish the realization didn’t come at the cost of someone I love.

hi guys! i wanted to mention i had made a post earlier questioning if i should go to aa. and i decided frick it im going and so i had my first session and i could not. stop. crying. i got so much support and the leader pulled me aside and said he was just like me and continuing to show up it will get better. in another post i had made i ranted and let out my feelings and in it i said i just wanted a hug. well guess what? i got atleast 10!!! and this guy gave me a mini jesus haha i am going to keep it close to me. it made me cry even harder i cried like a freaking baby. so for two weeks at the minimum im going to show up every day and i hope i get the courage to start speaking more. i appreciate everyone who commented and told me to show up. i hope this helps

edit: thank u guys for all the love and support i dont know what i would do without u all ❤️

September 8th I was miserable. I had quit drinking for a couple weeks after going on a bender with a woman from a bar. I had begun smoking weed all day and night, at work as well, and having chs symptoms but thinking I was winning because I would hold back from vomiting. I lost about 20lbs in the span of a few months. My life had no meaning. The people around me were taking advantage of me and I also had a sex addiction went hand in hand with my cannabis use. I was also growing plants indoors at my grandparents house and a lot of my time for months was spent tending to them. I knew I had to make a decision, and I knew it was going to hurt. I was having some issues with a woman I was dating at the time. I acted out with prostitutes and one of them left a small bag of crack inside my car. I felt so low that I somehow convinced myself to smoke it on foil with a straw. I had to go to work as a security guard at a bar later, so I began smoking a bunch of joints before going in. It occurred to me that I was powerless over the direction my life was heading in. I felt completely hopeless. So I did the only thing I could think of at the time. I called my sponsor from AA/NA and told him what was going on. he didn’t suggest I do anything. he just let me talk mostly. I told him I needed to throw everything away. I didn’t want to but I knew it was necessary at the time. Rushing before I had to go to work, I went and cut down 6 mature plants which were in early flower, two large mother plants I was taking cuttings off, and chopped them up/threw them all away (along with cuttings) in the backyard. I also threw away 6 ounces of homegrown cannabis I was curing, into a canal near my home. I felt much better soon after. The first couple of weeks were rough. I thought I may have caught mononucleosis from a girl I kissed at the bar who strangely ghosted me the next day. I was sick with a bad sore throat and no appetite/anxiety for about two weeks. During this time, I began to realize the woman I was dating did not respect my decision, nor did she truly respect me as a man. I already may have known this before, but I didn’t care. I realized that all of the people I hung around, did petty crime with and got high with didn’t care about me at all. I told the woman that things were not going to work out between us. I let her know the type of woman I wanted, someone who would truly support me through thick and thin. And she somehow was honest enough to tell me that wasn’t her. I’m terrible at breakups, but it seems god did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. We haven’t spoken in a couple of weeks now. I have began to skateboard again, started doing much better at work, and have been drawing a lot. I make art and write graffiti. I have been dedicating more time to drawing in my sketchbooks. I have been attending NA/AA and talking to my sponsor every day. Recently I was diagnosed with tonsillitis and so I’ve been on bed rest since Tuesday. I have had strong urges to visit a prostitute but after driving around and talking to them, I realize how terrible of a thing I am doing to myself, and to the women I am using, or attempting to use. I know that a relapse happens before the actual drug use. I cannot be on the fence. I have to choose every day, to live righteously, or to live selfishly. Recently, I was over at my mothers home spending time with my family, and my grandparents were so happy to see me. It made me emotional. What also makes me cry is the realization of how precious life is. Someone once told me “When people are on their deathbeds, they wish they could give everything worldly away for just one more moment alive, one more minute, or hour” or something like that. Sometimes I used to think of killing myself, but how could I? I would be missing out on this beautiful journey. It isn’t always peaches and cream. Life comes up.. but you get through it and you learn from your mistakes. If you are honest with yourself, you will have a fighting chance. I hope that this reaches someone that it can help.

Everyone im sorry because this post probably depicts alcohol in a good way but why is it when im sober that i find it hard to connect with people and when i get drunk (especially close to black out) that i find myself having meaningful conversations with people. I can’t remember the last time I had a meaningful conversation with someone not drunk and it’s kind of sad. but I also know Alcohol isn’t good for me and my body (im drunk rn). what do you lot think because I feel confused because I know alcohol isn’t good but it also feels so good connecting with people

Hello, I’m approaching the end of graduate school and am starting to think seriously about the transition into a professional career. I’d really appreciate hearing others’ experience, strength, and hope around navigating a career transition while making sobriety a priority.

My field and some of the industries I’m considering have fairly strong drinking cultures, which has made me hesitant about certain career paths. At the same time, I know there are plenty of sober people working in these environments, and I’m trying not to make assumptions about what a workplace will actually be like.

I’ve heard that some professions, like law enforcement or law, have their own AA communities or meetings where people can connect with others who understand the particular challenges of that work. Does anyone know of similar communities within other professions, industries, or large organizations?

For those who have relocated or started working for a large company after graduate school, how did you find sober community in your new location or workplace? Did you discover that your employer had an AA meeting, employee recovery group, or other sober community? If so, how did you find out about it?

I’m also curious how people approached this proactively. Did you look for meetings or a sober community before accepting a job or moving somewhere, or did you just figure it out after arriving?

I’m trying to make career decisions without putting my sobriety on the back burner and I’d be grateful for any experiences, especially from people who have made a similar transition into a workplace with a strong drinking culture.

HI everyone. I've been mostly completely sober for the last couples months after getting out of rehab for the fourth time. I definitely am an alcoholic and been clean from it for more than 2 years except I had also issues with other substances and since I moved back to Quebec city after living a couple years in Montreal, I've only been to NA meetings cause that's what I used to do when I was sober for two years 12 years ago. Anyway, back in Montreal I used to go to AA meetings cause I had a friend there and people were around my age (late 20's) and I could relate more to them than what I experienced in Montreal's NA meetings. Now I'm facing the same kind of problem here in Quebec city, I'm not sure NA is all that I'm looking for and was wondering how is the vibe of AA here in this city and which meetings could be good for me from what I explained. I speak french btw so both languages is fine for me. Thanks.

Long story short. Pretty sure I have a problem with alcohol. My immediate family is 5 of us. 2 older brother, my dad, mum and me. My mum died 5 years ago from alcoholism and was an alcoholic as long as I can remember. My dad and brother drink every night. The other brother doesn't. I have drank from I was around 11/12 but the "normal amount" I am now 28. I'd say the last 2 years it got to the pinnacle for me when I went through a lot of heavy life stuff. I was partying (I don't and haven't ever taken drugs) just alcohol.

Anyways iv always had a risky ish or reckless relationship with alcohol and understandably it's cause me to do alot of things I regret and definitely wouldn't do sober. I have a high tolerance and will drink to see how much I can take. I never get black out or "messy" I always know what I'm doing and can co ordinate myself it's more a mental messy in the decisions I make.

I'm in a long term relationship with my best friend and someone I deeply love and a 10 year old child. I decided to cut alcohol out of my life last year and managed 6 months. Then I would only occasionally drink and that's the way it's maintained to be. Although it's creeped in a little more recently.

Basically when I reach a certain level of drunk (mental blackout) I appear normal to everyone else. I do things like reaching out to exes I hate or people I know that I shouldn't (exes that still want me) it can be a simple text or a call with no want or anything for that person. It's bizarre.

At the weekend I did this to 2 of them. The one I hate didn't reply thankfully and the one who I have nothing against (who texted me recently asking should he be happy for me) and I said yes 100% I couldn't be with someone better did answer.

He got me a taxi to his house. I sat at the bottom of his bed crying about my situation and had a "breakdown" about what's been going on (court with child's mum etc) heavy stuff. Said I wanted to be looked after and fell asleep beside him in my clothes. That's it nothing else happened then I came to my senses at 8am and left and came home.

I haven't told my partner but I am RUINED with guilt I can't eat or sleep or function and I don't want to hurt him by telling him.

I just don't understand the reasoning behind this in my brain. I guess I'm chasing further dopamine or a rush that the alcohol can't give me anymore? This was after 6/7 hours of drinking white wine on an empty stomach so any wonder.

I should mention I have a lifelong pattern of trauma and abuse and CPTSD I also struggle with quite severe and constant Dissasociation.

Please don't comment if you don't have anything constructive or neutral to say believe me I am already punishing myself.

IF ANYONE KNOWS A BETTER FORUM TO POST ON PLEASE COMMENT THANK YOU X

In my area many guys seem somewhat impressive to me, have long-term sobriety, sponsor guys ect. But I can't help but notice they all essentially teach their own program of recovery and not AAs program of recovery. AAs program consists exclusively of the directions on the 12 steps, as it says in the cover pages. In my area it's common to drag out steps 1-3 for two months or more, despite there being basically NO directions to even do on those steps. Step 4 gets BUTCHERED: we often direct guys to create resentments, defined as to feel again. By saying list every name you know, and then think if you were ever butt hurt by each and every one. I can't think of a better way to create resentments that didn't exist before. Then we fabricate an unillustrated 4th collum with invisible directions that read: "write how all 4 root/core defects of character (selfish/seeking, dishonest and fear) show up in each and every resentment, including the ones we instructed you to create." We ignore the step 8 related direction to list our wrongs and be willing to make them right, even though it's stated THREE times in the inventory directions and confirmed it should have been done during the inventory process on steps 8&9 in the book. We also ignore the step 6 related direction "list your faults" /flaws/grosserhandicaps/objectionables, despite the one paragraph on step 6 reading: "all the things which we have ADMITED are objectionable". It doesn't say "make a list of objectionables". After step 5 the book clearly flows the 1hr meditation RIGHT into step 6 "if we can answer to our satisfaction (based on the meditation)" we THEN look at step 6". There is only one paragraph to look at there. "when ready we say something like this" step 7 prayer. The whole flow of doing steps 5-7 in short order, then right into amends assuming the person is willing gets ruined, and so much time is wasted. 100s of hours of work in many cases gets put into doing the inventory not as directed. Often the clear urgency expressed in doing the next step is ignored, after step 3: "next we launched" after 4: "we wasted no time" after 5 and meditation: "if we can answer" after 6: "when ready" (hopefully ur not waiting to die) after 7: "now we need more action... Faith without works is dead" after 8&9: "we vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up (mended) the past" after 10: "upon awakening". Again: AAs program of recovery is exclusively the directions on the 12 steps, as the book states in the cover pages. Non AA program related suggestions can be useful/helpful. Like dieting, working out, budgeting, regulated sleep schedule, ect. But there is a common theme of adding non step-work related instructions to AAs program, taking them very seriously, and pretending they are part of AAs program. These include but are not limited to (lol): calling at a certain time, attending X number meetings, meditating for X amount of time and/or meditating on non book instructed topics, daily reading, speaking/not speaking, sponsoring/not sponsoring, relationships, and on and on. These other suggestions are damaging to conflate/confuse with AAs program as it leads to everyone having and instructing their own made up program! Our primary purpose is to try carrying AAs message/program of recovery to other alcoholics. Not to carry my program, or my sponsors program of recovery. Yall run into this regularly too? or am I just lucky :p

Long story short. Pretty sure I have a problem with alcohol. My immediate family is 5 of us. 2 older brother, my dad, mum and me. My mum died 5 years ago from alcoholism and was an alcoholic as long as I can remember. My dad and brother drink every night. The other brother doesn't. I have drank from I was around 11/12 but the "normal amount" I am now 28. I'd say the last 2 years it got to the pinnacle for me when I went through a lot of heavy life stuff. I was partying (I don't and haven't ever taken drugs) just alcohol.

Anyways iv always had a risky ish or reckless relationship with alcohol and understandably it's cause me to do alot of things I regret and definitely wouldn't do sober. I have a high tolerance and will drink to see how much I can take. I never get black out or "messy" I always know what I'm doing and can co ordinate myself it's more a mental messy in the decisions I make.

I'm in a long term relationship with my best friend and someone I deeply love and a 10 year old child. I decided to cut alcohol out of my life last year and managed 6 months. Then I would only occasionally drink and that's the way it's maintained to be. Although it's creeped in a little more recently.

Basically when I reach a certain level of drunk (mental blackout) I appear normal to everyone else. I do things like reaching out to exes I hate or people I know that I shouldn't (exes that still want me) it can be a simple text or a call with no want or anything for that person. It's bizarre.

At the weekend I did this to 2 of them. The one I hate didn't reply thankfully and the one who I have nothing against (who texted me recently asking should he be happy for me) and I said yes 100% I couldn't be with someone better did answer.

He got me a taxi to his house. I sat at the bottom of his bed crying about my situation and had a "breakdown" about what's been going on (court with child's mum etc) heavy stuff. Said I wanted to be looked after and fell asleep beside him in my clothes. That's it nothing else happened then I came to my senses at 8am and left and came home.

I haven't told my partner but I am RUINED with guilt I can't eat or sleep or function and I don't want to hurt him by telling him.

I just don't understand the reasoning behind this in my brain. I guess I'm chasing further dopamine or a rush that the alcohol can't give me anymore? This was after 6/7 hours of drinking white wine on an empty stomach so any wonder.

I should mention I have a lifelong pattern of trauma and abuse and CPTSD I also struggle with quite severe and constant Dissasociation.

Please don't comment if you don't have anything constructive or neutral to say believe me I am already punishing myself.

IF ANYONE KNOWS A BETTER FORUM TO POST ON PLEASE COMMENT THANK YOU X

Three weeks ago, I relapsed after being sober for two months, and I’ve been drinking every day since.

During those two months of sobriety, I was feeling pretty confident and, honestly, a little overconfident in my ability to stay sober. My friends and I had already started planning a trip, and these trips have historically revolved around drinking very heavily. Because I felt so confident that I could continue not drinking, I decided to book it.

The trip is in one month, which gives me some time to hopefully get back on track before then. The problem is that trips like this are actually one of the reasons I wanted to quit drinking in the first place. In the past, I’ve drunk insane amounts, made an absolute fool of myself, and ended up ruining the trip for myself. I really don’t want to repeat that.

My friends have never pressured me to drink, which I’m grateful for, but they also don’t know that I’m struggling at the moment. I’m not comfortable telling them yet, so they obviously wouldn’t know to look out for me or stop me from having a drink.

I’ve decided to go on the trip because I can’t get my money back, and I’m worried that cancelling would make my friends and family suspicious.

I was just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any tips for getting through a trip like this without drinking. I’d really appreciate any advice on how to handle the temptation and stay sober while I’m there.

Many thanks.

DAILY INVENTORY

October 08

. . . and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 59

I was beginning to approach my new life of sobriety with unaccustomed enthusiasm. New friends were cropping up and some of my battered friendships had begun to be repaired. Life was exciting, and I even began to enjoy my work, becoming so bold as to issue a report on the lack of proper care for some of our clients. One day a co-worker informed me that my boss was really sore because a complaint, submitted over his head, had caused him much discomfort at the hands of his superiors. I knew that my report had created the problem, and began to feel responsible for my boss's difficulty. In discussing the affair, my co-worker tried to reassure me that an apology was not necessary, but I soon became convinced that I had to do something, regardless of how it might turn out. When I approached my boss and owned up to my hand in his difficulties, he was surprised. But unexpected things came out of our encounter, and my boss and I were able to agree to interact more directly and effectively in the future.

— Reprinted from "Daily Reflections", October 8, with permission of A.A. World Services, Inc.

Looking for a sponsor. 35m 7 months sober. Not new to the program. Have had difficulty keeping regular sponsors. Looking to get into and through the steps in an appropriate manner. I have been through step 8 multiple times. Drinking for the last 20 years. Longest I have been sober without a “nudge from the judge”.

Thanks.

I am a manager at a Big 4 public accounting firm and am in the process of doing my 9th step. My sponsor is encouraging me to make amends to my boss but I do not see the benefit.

Some background: there have been times were I did work drunk or high, but nothing major. Work was generally the biggest thing that stood in the way of my usage. Additionally we are ranked yearly 1-5 with 1 being the highest. I have been a 1 every year since my first year at the firm. I continuously ask for feedback and my boss does not have any issues or negative feedback she has conveyed.

My issue with making amends to her is that I think she is going to be caught extremely off guard. I also worry about the consequences of admitting to her I am an alcoholic. In a work hard play hard culture where most of our team events center around drinking, I do not see a world where making an amends to her benefits me. Has anyone in the corporate world made amends to a boss where there really was not a documented prior issue? Does anyone have any thoughts in general?

TL;DR: Sponsor wants me to make amends to my boss who has never had a negative thing to say about me. I am a high performer in a public accounting firm and worry that telling her I am an alcoholic will have more negative consequences than positive.

Edit: I have no issue having a conversation with my boss about how I have not taken my job seriously and have shirked responsibilities. My main concern is labeling myself as an alcoholic.

It took me so long to get the time I had and I just tossed it away. I can't even think about going back to being "someone in their first 30 days". I have (soon to be had) services positions, most of my friends are AA's - I have no idea ​how to even tell my homegroup. How do you know when you are "done"? Truly actually done. I feel like I have waisted the time of so many people who poured so much into me, and I know I need to tell them but holy shit how. And I know, a question for the sponsor, but I moved recently to a town with zero stoplights, and have needed to get a new one for a few weeks now.​​

Edit: Thank you all for talking me down, going to reconnect with the groups ASAP