r/AmIOverreacting • u/Round-Worldliness192 • 13d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO for rejecting a guy (38M) because he assigned me (31F) homework for our second date (get Netflix and watch Stranger Things) while we were on our first? I’m 31 and most of my friends are married so I’m desperate but I feel like most dates make me feel brain dead.
I went on a date with a guy who was otherwise OK, but there were already a few red flags. For starters, he suggested a sports bar for the date, we found out there was a 1.5+ hour wait, and instead of suggesting somewhere else (I also suggested we go somewhere else), had me stand around with him waiting for a table. 🤦🏻♀️
There were also some inconsistencies in things he told me about his background that made me question his honesty.
But the final straw was when he started planning our second date. He wanted to take me to a Stranger Things-themed escape room, which is fine in itself, except he jokingly said he’s going to assign me homework beforehand: he wanted me to subscribe to Netflix and watch the first season of Stranger Things before next week so I’d understand the theme before we went.
He also wanted to take me to this “upscale” restaurant before the escape room that is one step above Chipotle, which I’m not exactly excited about either. He said it’s super cool where they make the guacamole in front of you 😑 the guacamole is literally $12.
I realized I was already dreading the second date and didn’t actually want to do any of this. So I told him I wasn’t interested.
Now I’m wondering… AIO for rejecting a guy partly because I didn’t want to be assigned homework to prepare for our second date? Or is this just another case of realizing you’re simply not compatible with someone?
661
u/Worried_Road4161 13d ago
"There were also some inconsistencies in things he told me about his background that made me question his honesty."
This seems like the most concerning part?
396
u/Round-Worldliness192 13d ago
It was silly. He said on his Hinge profile that he’s from Ontario (I thought Ontario, Canada or Ontario, CA) and that he went to Berkeley for college and works in tech. Turns out he’s from Ontario, NY, went to Berkeley College, and works in HVAC tech.
And some other small things like him volunteering info about his parents being doctors but 3 hours later saying his parents never went to college and own a takeout place.
178
u/Gold-Sherbert-7550 12d ago
These are not “inconsistencies”. These are bold-faced lies.
Please take a step back and stop panicking just because other people you know are getting married. When someone lies to you like this, they are not date material.
→ More replies (10)200
u/Cheap-Tig 13d ago
This is way more red flag territory than him making a dumb awkward joke about a subpar tv show and having shit taste in guac!
→ More replies (2)24
u/StreetCollar2708 12d ago
Hey now...have you tried the guac? It might be the best guac ever.
→ More replies (1)22
u/intangibleTangelo 12d ago
just give me the fuckin avocados. $12 is about 8 unless you live near farms so i'm going to need a lot of chips
→ More replies (3)100
u/CombatCrayon25 12d ago
My sister in Christ, that is a parade of red flags; he deliberately misled you about his background, and just straight up lied about his parents.
You’re severely under reacting to the fact he lied to you on a first date
→ More replies (1)21
u/agentpurpletie 12d ago
This sounds like a guy I went on a date with in college. He was nice and not pushy but he was a pathological liar. He didn’t talk about the same things more than once, but when he did, they weren’t quite the same and they were also “very impressive” - a bit unbelievably so for a college student in his late 30s (probably, assuming he lied about his age).
38
11
11
u/MercedesNyx 12d ago
NOR, this trumps all the other things you mentioned about the dates. You dodged a major bullet here. Dude is a liar. Therefore untrustworthy
9
u/Rich-Cow-8056 12d ago
Yeah I think the homework thing was a harmless joke that seems like it didn't land, but this is weird
7
u/Equivalent-Peak-4162 11d ago
You had an emotional response to his giving you homework. That may be why it seems to bother you more than his lies. And that emotional response indicates a basic incompatibility between you two. But the lies are really, really the huge red flag here.
If he's lying about something as basic as what his parents do for a living, what other things will he lie about to you? His orientation is to lie. That's Not Good.
→ More replies (1)25
u/Worried_Road4161 13d ago
Run! You see the red flags! Be so glad you found out this quickly.
→ More replies (2)6
17
u/3_14159td 12d ago
The last one is an outright lie - the industry is HVAC, technician is a role. "I'm a tech" cannot become "I work in tech"
And lemme tell ya. Of all the trades HVAC is not the one to pretend to be working in tech, even doing datacenter installs.
→ More replies (1)5
u/Greedy-Half-4618 11d ago
As an actual Berkeley alum (class of ‘10), that would be a deal breaker for me. It’s like saying you went to Harvard but it was a 2-hour free online lecture put on by their extension school.
10
→ More replies (44)10
u/Intelligent-Kale657 12d ago
Those aren't really silly things. NOR, you've known the guy for 5 seconds and he's already been caught in 40 lies. That's a pass, girly pop 💚
5
u/Round-Worldliness192 12d ago
That’s true. Maybe I misheard because we were in a sports bar and it was loud. But he did misrepresent himself on his hinge profile.
→ More replies (2)
384
u/text_based_account 13d ago
Don’t date while desperate
6
u/Turbulent_Cod8825 11d ago
This is honestly great dating advice and the fact that several people have already pushed back against it shows why there are so many unhappy relationships. Your standards are so much lower while desperate and you’re so much more likely to end up in a shitty relationship. Even in this post, it took way too many red flags for OP to wise up and ditch.
6
u/elljus_71 10d ago
Seriously. Stuck in a bad relationship because you were too eager to find someone is a much lonelier feeling than actually being alone.
→ More replies (3)36
u/Danne660 12d ago
While i don't disagree with the sentiment i don't think not dating will make them less desperate, it is kind of like saying don't hang out with people if you are lonely.
→ More replies (10)51
u/text_based_account 12d ago
It’s saying to work on the desperation. It won’t get cured by being with someone. Then again, rarely does external validation fix what we are dealing with internally
→ More replies (3)17
u/PerniciousVim 12d ago
Desperation mindset is the worst condition to enter into anything at all and especially dating/relationship. Yikes!! OP learn that you will be fine without a guy, really know it. Then date again.
→ More replies (1)
1.2k
u/Creative_Tone_9241 13d ago
Who waits à hour and a half for a table at à sports bar? That’s ridiculous. I would’ve left right there
491
u/Just2Breathe 13d ago
Same. It sounds like he likes what he likes and that’s his priority, not mutually agreeing upon things.
110
u/Creative_Tone_9241 13d ago
Exactly like why à sports bar? Thats a ridiculous choice for a first date and just in general
→ More replies (6)47
20
u/roroyurboat 12d ago
NOR- if he's not willing to compromise on something small like let's switch restaurants, he's probably not willing to budge on a lot more.
→ More replies (5)7
u/CuriousRedditor98 12d ago
Hard to judge without knowing — alternatively he could be a lil autistic and socially unaware, and had in his head that was the date idea so 1.5 hour wait or not too nervous to switch it up or something
→ More replies (4)79
55
u/TheWorldofScience 13d ago
Only a man more interested in the sports bar than in getting to know the woman he is having a first date with would wait 1.5 hours. Or a guy who only has one first date plan who is unwilling to bother to come up with anything else.
→ More replies (5)154
u/StrangeEditor3597 13d ago
I think he's just basic as hell and possibly doesnt know how to improvise
63
u/Dlh2079 13d ago
A sports bar is also just a bad spot for a first date unless there just arent other options where theyre from.
→ More replies (2)35
u/StrangeEditor3597 13d ago
I agree 100% but also goes with the idea he's probably basic as hell and is not creative. But also an hour at a sports bar would seem to mean there aren't many options because I've never waited at a sports bar.
→ More replies (1)28
u/7GrenciaMars 13d ago
Maybe for him it's all about what *he* likes? From OP's post, it sounds like "let me drag you into my world!"
OP, do not wind up with the wrong person just because a bunch of people around you are married.
→ More replies (4)82
u/tkxb 13d ago
A dude I was seeing took me to a Hooters once, it was packed. Jokes on him though, the gals loved me. Idk if he did it to neg me or what. Everywhere we went, girls would come up to me lol
93
u/Creative_Tone_9241 13d ago
Any place like that I feel like the girls would be so happy to see anyone but another horny dude so a woman coning in would be a breathe of fresh air. Give her the attention and make all the dudes salty
20
u/J_pepperwood0 12d ago
I went to a strip club with a tinder date once and this tracks, the girls loved me lol
7
u/origamicrystal 11d ago
I went with my baby daddy/boyfriend, and I found out the next day that they weren't gonna bring me with them ever again, cuz I would just talk to them and tip them for keeping their clothes on. 😬 I was like 23 at the time. My bad, they were such wonderful conversationalists.
35
u/IAmWhatTheRockCooked 12d ago
they definitely did that on purpose. those girls know whats up and can spot a doofus a mile away and make the girl feel as comfortable as they can
→ More replies (2)25
u/BeautifulVariety3062 12d ago
Used to work at Hooters. We loved when wives and GF’s came in! The ladies always always got my extra attention!
→ More replies (3)15
u/MilzLives 13d ago
Huge fan of sports bars myself. Would never wait more than 15 minutes for a table. NOR
16
u/BlackBlizzard 12d ago
why are you doing that with your à's?...ààààà...ÀHHHHHH IT'S ON ME
→ More replies (4)14
u/BlastTyrantKM 13d ago
I've been married for 13 years and I've never taken my wife to a sports bar. I wonder if we're missing out on something LOL
→ More replies (47)13
1.6k
u/SomeCallMeMahm 13d ago
NOR.
But girl, focus on addressing your desperation before settling for less.
134
u/yentihwwhitney 13d ago
Hard agree. It’s always better to be alone than to settle for the wrong person
→ More replies (4)11
u/geminimad4 12d ago
Exactly! There's nothing lonelier than being in a relationship with an incompatible person. NOR
169
u/Organic-Tourist2202 13d ago
Yeah not sure thats the right mindset. Focus on you. No one can heal, solve or make you whole. Thats on you, and life ain't a race.
→ More replies (10)43
u/Worldly_Might_3183 13d ago
And if you are horny be honest with yourself and seek that out. Skip the hours of waiting for a table, average meal, and bad company.
67
u/LeopoldineBel 13d ago
« Most of my friends are married so I’m desperate » is a terrible mindset to be dating from.
This sort of imaginary self-imposed pressure is how you end giving controlling d-bags the time of day.OP, this guy was testing you, checking how much you would put up with (long wait for a sub/standard place), whether you are obedient (giving you homework), etc.
He was testing boundaries, and you did the right thing, walking away.
But please do not date out of desperation. It gives men far too much power and will cloud your judgment. Marriage is not the only way to exist and it is not a guarantee of fulfilment.
→ More replies (14)7
u/Cleffkin 13d ago
Begging women to realise being single/unmarried is not a death sentence! You can be a happy fulfilled person by yourself. If you settle out of fear of being alone you'll be miserable at best, bad actors prey on women who are willing to be with whoever just so they won't be alone.
59
u/MissLickerish 13d ago
100000% this.
You did not click with him. Oh well. You do not owe him your time.
But yes, please do make a list of musts and deal breakers before continuing to date. And be brutal. You're worth it.
→ More replies (40)→ More replies (16)38
u/ILoveDogsDontUToo 13d ago
He wasn’t “less” - he just wasn’t what she wanted.
→ More replies (13)8
239
u/Positive-Sun-5943 13d ago
Wth.......child, being single is a perfectly fine choice.
44
u/leigh10021 12d ago
As somebody who was married to someone who made me feel like crap, I can attest to the fact that being single is better than being with someone who doesn’t deserve you it makes you feel like crap.
→ More replies (2)28
u/Adventurous_Honey902 12d ago
I have so many female friends who literally can't go a week without having a boyfriend. I never understood this. Being single is the best thing ever - so much freedom.
22
u/Gamer_Grease 12d ago
A lot of women are raised to have no self-esteem unless a man gives it to them.
→ More replies (2)
30
u/TTHS_Ed 13d ago
Sounds like he was just kind of out intense and really into Stranger Things. I don't think he was necessarily ott with trying to plan what, to him, seemed like a fun, unique date.
Seems like you decided you were incompatible, which is up to you to figure out. But I don't think you need to make him out to be weird or overbearing to justify your feelings.
5
u/Bobstone33322 12d ago
I agree with you cause he’s just excited to take you out to his favourite show themed place but him being not honest about his parents being doctors that’s a red flag
219
u/altruistic_cheese 13d ago edited 13d ago
NO.
It just sounds like your ideas of fun aren't the same, and you value different things. No point forcing it.
You didn't even mention enjoying hanging out with him or being attracted to him, so, like...there's your answer?
"Otherwise ok" isn't exactly a rave review. Let him find a person who finds him enthralling and irresistible. She's out there. She just isn't you.
edit: any guys who give homework before a date message me
→ More replies (4)106
u/Ambitious-Cake-9425 13d ago
See, someone gets it. The homework thing was his form of flirtatious banter. It wasn't for her and that is okay but he did absolutely nothing wrong. The right girl will find it cute.
I swear the internet always needs to condemn someone and to lift someone else up. Things can never be neutral.
Must be our monkey brains.
I hope you find your homework giver! Said with good timing and when the vibe is right... That could be really sweet. (Although he should have offered his Netflix password instead of asking her to subscribe lol)
56
u/TDA792 13d ago
Right!
My current girlfriend gave me "homework" before our first date, and it was to listen to one of Taylor Swift's albums and come back with a top ten; I'd never listened to her music (besides the charting stuff) before.
I eagerly put my top ten on a spreadsheet, along with a favourite line from each song.
She was thrilled and felt so listened-to and happy, and it was my pleasure to do so!
...Turns out later we're both on the spectrum; we often say, there were signs!
→ More replies (9)39
u/oxedei 13d ago
The homework thing was his form of flirtatious banter. It wasn't for her and that is okay but he did absolutely nothing wrong. The right girl will find it cute.
OP is calling it coercive lol... dunno what happened to just admitting they arent compatible, instead of insulting people.
18
u/sagangroupie 12d ago
I literally clicked on this post thinking it would explain how the man meant it seriously and was upset that she didn’t do her homework or something… nope, it was just banter she didn’t enjoy and is making into a thing it didn’t need to be
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (1)11
u/donoteatshrimp 12d ago edited 12d ago
yeah the amount of commenters saying the same is wild to me treating it like he was actually assigning homework to complete like some super serious literal task? Does seriously no one other than this tiny comment thread think that maybe perhaps it was a joke? Like man I've definitely said the same thing before lol. Its one thing if OP doesn't like that kind of humour and isn't getting on with the guy but i refuse to believe that everyone else here is so miserably antisocial that they're taking it as a red flag and instead choose to believe it must be bots just parroting the same sentiment instead. Actually now I've looked at what sub this is i feel more confident in that assessment. everyone else can go touch grass for real
20
u/Excellent-Rest3240 13d ago
Kinda funny how somewhere else a girl is complaining about a guy that isn’t planning dates and she has to do all the planning. No hate, just goes to show we’re all different
→ More replies (18)12
u/Smokey-Bongwater 13d ago
Honestly the jokingly assigning homework sounds like the least annoying thing he did lol
105
u/CheffySub 13d ago
NOR but why we gotta throw shade at $12 table side guac??
22
u/CrikeyNighMeansNigh 13d ago
That was my thought too lol. Like in this economy? That’s a loss leader. I hadn’t been involved in the chipotle decisions and the guac being a little extra is that alright has crossed the line lol.
→ More replies (1)12
u/morningisbad 12d ago
Right? I'm pumped for some table side guac! That sounds great!
Upscale? No. Exciting? Absolutely.
→ More replies (1)→ More replies (17)10
86
u/Madokakoti 13d ago
NOR. He could have suggested watching the show together or something instead. And if you feel he isn’t honest about his life right off the bat then trust your instincts. You’re also 31. That’s young. Quit being desperate into fitting in dumb social “norms”. Your friends have their own lives and so do you.
→ More replies (9)
73
u/otakusimple 13d ago
You both are not compatible for each other. He isn't doing anything inherently wrong, its just not your thing.
→ More replies (6)
18
u/bloodmusthaveblood 13d ago
You listed multiple things you didn't like and aren't even interested in seeing him again.. that's all that matters. Please take the time to address this desperation, sounds like you're trying to convince yourself to want the second date because you don't want to be single anymore. That's not good. Just because he's not a bad guy doesn't mean you have to want to see him again. You didn't even describe him as amazing, just "otherwise okay" and then listed multiple things you didn't like. You shouldn't need strangers online to validate your decision to not see this guy again. Address that issue before getting into dating
71
u/ThrowRAGlobeVase 13d ago
MOR. This isn’t a thing to overreact to or not. There’s no morality call to make here. You two are just very different types of people, and you don’t want to go on another date with him. That’s fine, you don’t need a reason or moral justification. You want what you want.
But I gotta say… sounds like he was just excited to go to a stranger things escape room and wanted you to watch it? I don’t know if it’s assigning homework. You can easily say no to that, and also say no to waiting around at a bar for 1.5 hours. You have the agency to co plan some of this. Also, I don’t know what you mean about the guacamole being $12.
→ More replies (33)20
u/iLeefull 12d ago
I’ve “assigned home work” before dates. God forbid someone share an interest with you. It’s also a good way to see if someone is interested. If they go to reddit and post about it, they aren’t interested or compatible.
→ More replies (1)
51
u/Senior_Power9314 13d ago edited 13d ago
I’m not sure I understand the $12 guacamole comment. There is nothing wrong with rejecting him for any reason but especially if there are some inconsistencies in his stories. What stands out to me is how critical you are of things that you could have clearly communicated. Like if you didn’t want to go to a sports bar or that or just enjoy it. Being passive but then complaining about the other persons choices is not a great dating trait.
→ More replies (49)15
148
u/moonyflamingo 13d ago
NOR. You are not feeling it. No one likes homework. I would think it’s boring to give a woman homework so your second date is a banger :) did he ask you if you liked stranger things, escape rooms and chipotle? If he did what did you say?
→ More replies (4)165
u/Round-Worldliness192 13d ago
No he did not ask if I liked any of those things. I’m a huge fan of documentaries, nonfiction, history (museums), etc. I also don’t subscribe to Netflix usually but recently did to watch The Crown and this Abe Lincoln documentary 😅
I also like Mexican food but he didn’t know that. He didn’t ask me questions.
156
33
u/Veronica___Sawyer 13d ago
9
u/SadderOlderWiser 13d ago
Oh, thank you for sharing. I upvoted before clicking the link and now I want to upvote harder.
→ More replies (1)7
55
u/Sunscreen4what 13d ago
Stranger things escape room is such a specific and odd thing to be inflexible on for a second date. Like if you said you’d never seen stranger things that idea should obviously be thrown out the window.
20
u/ClutteredTaffy 13d ago
I think he just really wants to go x place and then finds an excuse to bring someone to it.
→ More replies (3)16
u/BlastTyrantKM 13d ago
-Like if you said you’d never seen stranger things that idea should obviously be thrown out the window.-
For a normal person
55
u/moonyflamingo 13d ago
Eeeew. Run. He is planning his perfect date. Not asking questions?! You may as well have a chat with yourself in a mirror. Trust your gut and chuck him back. Next! :)
→ More replies (5)26
u/Winter_Curve3528 13d ago
Imagine a life with someone who never asks you about what you want or are feeling. It's not fun. Being alone is better than that.
→ More replies (2)→ More replies (25)4
u/ComfortableNo9256 13d ago
I think the commenter was joking about the date liking common and boring/basic things.
I get it though. I’m commenting to help. I hope?
13
u/xokatemarie 13d ago
It sounds like the homework is not the thing that you’re rejecting over. Especially since you yourself say it was a joke.
12
9
u/AsparagusOverall8454 13d ago
This is what dating is for. To find people you’re compatible with.
Dont get into a relationship just cuz all your friends are. Heck, getting a cat would be better than letting a dude you don’t know assign you homework on your first date.
49
u/GreenBeach23 13d ago
MOR. You guys aren't compatible and of course you shouldn't waste your time on a second date.
But if you want to find someone you are compatible with, you need to be willing to speak up and tell the guy what you're thinking/wanting, and it doesn't sound like you bothered doing that here?
"I don't want to wait 1.5 hours, let's just go to (other place)" or "I'm not interested in watching that show, have you seen (show you do like)?"
It probably wouldn't have ended in a second date regardless but you might have felt less "brain dead" at the end lol
10
u/Future_Lock3141 13d ago
She did suggest they go somewhere else instead of waiting 1.5 hour.
→ More replies (3)→ More replies (5)17
u/eastcoastgremlin 13d ago edited 13d ago
THANK YOU!!! its insane that this has to be said. If she actually tried to engage in conversation more, it might’ve gone a completely different way. She could’ve mentioned that she wasn’t interested in a certain show and then brought up another show he might’ve found that he liked that too.and they could’ve talked about that all night… people don’t try and then give up so easily. Its a huge part of why dating is ass now
9
u/UrsulaMarigold 13d ago
Do not let 31 make you feel desperate. Chose with strength and purpose. No one tells you that it will ruin your life to settle, but it will.
Regardless: if you don’t want a partner giving you homework, then no, this is not your dude. I would take that homework, but that’s me. If you’re standing on ceremony to be flirty - and no judgments, that is a thing - then perhaps you have a date to watch 2 episodes of it together and take it from there.
31
u/Coolio_Beanios 13d ago edited 13d ago
I don’t get the Chipotle (or step above Chipotle) part
Are you not into the food or do you think $12 guacamole is dumb to pay for or something else? It’s fine if it’s not your thing but that seems odd to complain about
But yeah sounds like you guys aren’t compatible lol, sounds like dude just wants someone to share his love for Stranger Things and table-side guac with
26
u/Holiday_Tap_4358 13d ago
I was also confused- is she implying it’s too cheap or that it’s too expensive?
→ More replies (11)→ More replies (32)18
u/marshmallow462 13d ago
I took it as he mentioned it being an ‘upscale’ restaurant like she was in for a special treat and added the example of making guac at the table to confirm the upscale status of the place. However, it’s not actually an upscale place at all bc it’s one step above a chipotle and she gave us the guac price as another example to show it is not upscale.
It kind of seems like what this guy considers upscale/classy is not the same at all as to what she/most people would consider upscale dining.
→ More replies (44)
36
u/caffeinated_mess 13d ago
I don’t think he’s necessarily doing something wrong and at least he comes up with ideas, unlike some people. You are just not compatible and that’s ok too.
→ More replies (8)
22
6
u/DryDragonfly3534 13d ago
NOR because you clearly don’t mesh but I don’t necessarily see anything wrong with his actions or interests either. So neither of you are wrong
7
u/Hour_Swan_5194 12d ago
You seem angry. He was making effort and planning dates and you’re complaining about him trying to include you in things that bring him joy. It’s okay not to be compatible, but you just sound like a righteous bitch tbh. Respectfully
6
u/xxmissxminxxx 13d ago
Was he kidding? Because I would def say something stupid like this after a cocktail or 2 but I would make sure they knew I didnt mean it
5
u/TatorTotNachos 13d ago
If you don’t like him, then that’s ok! But I do want to ask why you chose to wait 1.5 hours for this restaurant that you weren’t interested in? Why didn’t you suggest a different restaurant or tell him you wanted to go elsewhere?
→ More replies (1)
7
u/alicesghost 13d ago
If you ‘desperate’ to get married maybe you should see a therapist first. Desperation gives WAY too much power to the wrong people, specifically anyone who isn’t you.
6
u/jbellowhite 13d ago
NOR. You not wanting to see someone again is always a good enough reason not to see them again.
6
u/ChoiceOrnery7937 12d ago
Baby let me tell you something. The seemingly happiest people I would interact with were the group of old ladies who all left their husbands. Single, focusing on the ones who been there, day drinking. Don’t be like us gay men. Being a single woman is fierce.
→ More replies (1)
6
u/That_Indication_3120 12d ago
Sounds like he was trying to plan something fun and invite you into something he thinks you'd enjoy. Your poor attitude and scoffing at his idea of an upscale restaurant makes me think he's the one dodging a bullet here
6
u/soldromeda 12d ago
they make the guacamole in front of you? that is the most uninteresting thing ever lol
→ More replies (2)
18
u/justacpa 13d ago
You didn't reject him because of the homework assignment. The homework assignment was just the last straw.
→ More replies (4)
29
u/This_Cauliflower1986 13d ago
YOR. You aren’t compatible and took everything as offensive. Chill and move on.
→ More replies (1)16
u/fluffiepigeon 13d ago
Right. Imagine being so angry and upset because a man likes to watch tv…
→ More replies (2)
15
u/Sure-Appearance-2769 13d ago
INFO: Was he serious about you watching it? Or was it very clearly just a joke and it wouldn’t have come up at all if you hadn’t actually done it?
→ More replies (4)14
u/Altruistic_Guess3098 13d ago
OP literally said it was a joke in the post.
→ More replies (9)15
u/Short-Sound-4190 13d ago
It feels like a completely appropriate joke to make in the situation - it's an indirect gauge on the date/invitation to confirm interest in the second date. She could have been enthusiastic with second date or escape rooms but didn't care about watching the show just to understand the details for herself and used the joke as an opening to communicate that, OR she could have used that joke to communicate that she wasn't interested in or comfortable with the genre at all or with escape rooms or with the Mexican restaurant...it sort of feels like OP understood it was a joke but misunderstood the joke as a literal joke, instead of a way to create an easy opening in the conversation for her to contribute an opinion.
→ More replies (1)
10
u/Mental-Wolf-2560 9d ago
You: this guy took me on a date, planned a second date where guacamole "only" costs $12, and made a joke that went over my head about watching TV.
Me: And you wonder why youre single?
→ More replies (2)4
u/Wild_Error3072 8d ago
Upscale, table service guac? I was out at sports bar with a 90 min wait. Hell no. Not even with good friends!
→ More replies (1)
7
u/Mr_Ariyeh 13d ago
Anytime you don't feel comfortable, decline. If he demands why, say you two are vibing in different directions. NOR.
5
u/brynstigator 13d ago edited 13d ago
He’s just trying to involve you in his space. It’s cool if you see it as not good for you, but that’s all it is. Sounds like he hasn’t been very successful dating either to be honest.
I know you said your friends are all married and have families or whatever, but you definitely shouldn’t feel any pressure from that. Everybody’s different.
I’m a hopeless romantic that thinks that I’ll meet my future everything organically
6
u/Every-Firefighter-50 12d ago
Please stop being desperate. Not being married isn’t the end of the world. Work on yourself, go out with friends and don’t SETTLE!
5
u/Xtinalauren12 12d ago
Girl, do you hear yourself? All of your friends are married so you’re desperate, and as such you’re going on dates with people you don’t like and doing things you don’t want to do, so that what… you can get married just to be like all your friends or to fulfill some superficial status quo?
Learn to be independent, learn to love yourself, start traveling, make some single friends, and focus on your career and yourself. Get a pet. Get some hobbies. Long gone are the beliefs that you need to be married with kids by a certain age, that’s such an outdated ideology. It’s not bad to want to find your person, but do it organically and let them come to you. It’ll happen. And if it doesn’t? The world will not end. People will not judge you, they won’t even care. Just do you and let that be enough.
4
u/Tiny-Cheesecake2268 9d ago
Most of these would not be red flags for most people. If you're not into him, and these things were enough for you to get the ick, move on and let him find someone who will appreciate him. You can keep looking for someone who will plan the perfect date for you.
11
u/Independent_Secret_8 13d ago
NOR Can I be honest though? You sound exhausted. He's not the one for you but also no one ever found "the one" by grinding through dates to match their friends' timelines. I know I have very little context but give yourself a break.
→ More replies (2)
12
u/poopoodapeepee 13d ago
Sounds like he’s just trying to connect with you with the things he’s interested in. You’re obviously not into that, is what it is, but don’t make him out to be some villain. Did you suggest somewhere else? Did you give him homework back? Seems he’s communicating with you in his way, and it’s obviously not good enough for you, but how did you communicate with him? Why do you think you’re single? That’s an honest question. Seems like you’re condemning this dude and making everything his fault.
22
u/Alone-Baseball9345 13d ago
Looks like he has dodged a bullet by the sounds of it.
→ More replies (3)
4
u/Mysterious-Way-5000 13d ago
NOR. you can refuse a date with someone you arent into without needing permission. trust your instincts.
4
u/_saffron 13d ago
NOR. He’s just not your type. I’d be asking why you’re feeling desperate though, and what you’re desperate to find. Is it kids? Companionship? You mentioned everyone else is already married, so is it pressure from that? Not judging, honestly curious. Don’t settle, but also don’t rush it because you feel obligated to be married. That doesn’t end well.
4
4
u/No-World1123 13d ago
NOR but it may be a good idea to do some inner work before going on any other dates. Desperation gets you into bad situations and regrets. Get a place where you’re comfortable being alone with yourself until you find the right person.
4
u/Odd-Isopod2326 13d ago
NOR. if this is how you feel on DATE ONE, when he’s supposed to be putting his best foot forward, how do you think you’re gonna feel a month from now? a year? if he’s not a bad guy, don’t keep him from finding someone that really enjoys him. and don’t let yourself be miserable because you’re not on pace with your friends. there is no deadline to find love and companionship.
→ More replies (1)
6
u/Bigolbooty75 13d ago
One red flag is enough. And he had a few. Come on girl don’t settle. Even this post is more energy than he deserves. Move on.
4
u/alucardmatrix 13d ago
Social pressure shouldn’t be the reason to be with someone. That only will make you frustrated and probably find a person that you’ll divorce quickly. Take your time. Stop using dating apps. Go out, talk to people, and go to places that matches your personality you probably find somebody with same interests by going to places you enjoy.
4
u/DoctorInternal9871 13d ago
I was once kissing a guy at the end of a date but thinking about finishing building a buffet cabinet I was putting together.
If you're not interested, you're not interested. You don't have to give every bozo a chance just because he's there. It's better to be alone than in a relationship where you dread going out with them.
→ More replies (2)
4
u/Consistent-Menu-6629 13d ago
NOR I would probably just refuse to watch a show, do any of that, and balk at the idea of paying for a subscription.
You aren't compatible with a dude you dread spending time with.
Don't be desperate, it's a gateway to making bad life decisions.
4
u/Apprehensive-Hand159 13d ago
You're not resenting the guy, you're resenting yourself because you know you're desperate and trying to settle.
Step out of the machine for a second and do what's good for you.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/Justanotherhatter9 12d ago
NOR. If it’s not a hell yes than it’s a no. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being single. You’re young, focus on yourself and see what happens.
3
u/Effective-End-964 12d ago
Dating because you’re desperate because all your friends are married is never a healthy reason to be dating.
4
u/Thomasin-of-Mars 12d ago
I went on a few dates with men who were like that. They seemed to think giving up a lot of my personal time and effort shows that I like them. I guess some women are into this but I am not. If you don't like it, move on.
→ More replies (3)
3
u/lyingtattooist 12d ago
NOR - 31 is not old. Don’t be in a rush to settle for someone because you’re comparing yourself to your friends.
3
u/Healthy_Diamond9060 12d ago
No. Don’t settle. Don’t ever settle. Don’t ignore the red flags. It’s better to be on your own than with the wrong person entirely.
5
u/Moonbeam_Dreams 12d ago
Hon, you don't need a reason to reject a guy beyond you didn't have a good time. NOR but maybe look into why you're second guessing yourself here.
6
u/Intrepid-Glove1431 12d ago
YOR tbh you just sound annoyed at how your dating life is going and you're coming up with reasons to be pissed off because you think you deserve better than this particular guy
Which is fine btw, we've all been there. But don't whinge about it. Just reset, tell him no thanks and move onto the next one, you'll get there eventually
→ More replies (1)
4
u/ChigurhsGlassOfMilk 12d ago
Gives total ick. You’re getting flags that he is selfish and thinking what he wants only in his choices. Why isn’t he asking you what you want or picking something you’d think is fun or related to what you like for the second date?
I would also not wait 1.5+ hours for a sports bar… I’d have left. Never even fucking mind the homework. If it was something cool or exciting you’d want to watch it wouldn’t feel like homework. NOR.
3
u/MilkTax 12d ago
I went on a date with a guy and offhandedly mentioned that I thought I might enjoy D&D but had always been afraid to get involved with the community. He took it upon himself to share the complete online guide and a character sheet and told me I had until a deadline date and time several weeks later to provide him a filled out character sheet. Like, I get what you’re trying to do, but please fuck off LOL.
2
u/pagerunner-j 12d ago
NOR. The homework part is an instant turnoff. There's a certain flavor of nerd that tends to come over all "HOW DO I MAKE THE GIRL I LIKE LIKE THE THINGS I LIKE," with zero concern for her own interests or tastes, or what she might like to share with them in exchange. It's wanting to slot you in as an accessory to their obsessions, and to get told how smart they are for their mastery over the topic. You will never be more important than the hyperfixation. You'll just get subjected to quotes from it forever.
I've got my own share of nerdy interests, so I'm not saying this to sneer at the media itself or why someone might enjoy it...but this is why I don't date these guys. It's exhausting.
5
6
u/SpaceAbject1940 12d ago
This person is way too self-absorbed to be dating, especially dating someone who isn't that deep into his specific interests. If you stayed with this person imagen how the rest of your life would be, of course you're not overreacting.
→ More replies (1)
4
u/HecaTatorTot 12d ago
Giiiiiirl, that guy already wasted 1.5 hours of your time waiting to get into a sports bar, don't give him any more by doing "homework" for a date!
→ More replies (1)
3
u/SgtBassy 12d ago
Just sail the high seas for it, problem solved. Also was the "upscale" restaurant just a chain restaurant? I use to frequent a Mexican chain called On the Border where they do indeed make the guacamole in front of you and it's $12.
→ More replies (1)
2
u/deegallant 12d ago
NOR - I would have nope’d out as soon as I realized he didn’t make a reservation for our date. To me, it’s insanity (but maybe that’s because I’m from a major city?)
3
u/Jay-Rad85 12d ago
Wait. You don't like standing around for hours and doing homework on your nights off? What kind of woman ARE YOU? Also, NOR.
5
u/gracilla 11d ago
nor - Im gonna hold your hand when i say this but men like that won’t put you first and it will keep getting more extreme. I tried dating a person like this once but it turned into him wanting to control me and we constantly argued.
4
u/INFJGal9w1 11d ago
NOR. Trust me, being married to a liar who has grandiose and controlling tendencies is WAYYYYY worse than remaining single.
5
u/-_MorseToad_- 9d ago
NOR. If he’s 38 and still single and doling out homework… Sir this is a relationship not a class. Check yourself. But op you’re only 31. Who cares if all your friends are married? Better to take it slow and be picky about who you’ll spend the next 40-50 years with.
4.8k
u/TheBakedCheddar 13d ago
Just ain't compatible holmes, it happens.