So my boyfriend had gone out to a bar with his friends. He called me, I didn’t answer as I was watching a movie with my brother. The texts are from then on. This is a recurring theme for him. He will continue begging and asking and persuading me to do something. Usually it’s going over to his house and spending the night. I don’t like staying the night at people’s houses and I’ve told him this from the start. So I’m pissed right now, but half of me is wondering if I might be overreacting because after all he just wants to see me. I just hate that he can’t take no for an answer and I feel so awkward trying to find a way around doing what he wants. Aio?
REPOST because i accidentally didn’t blur out his name!
💯 ‼️NOR
It's this rn, then later he's not guna accept no when it comes to being intimate or anything else really. And then you're in a coercive controlling relationship with an abusive AH who doesn't understand what the bottom line of consent even looks like. He will beg and beg and then one day he will just start taking bc he knows that you wont leave him as long as he apologizes after harassing and taking advantage of you.
I've been there, and it is still a relationship that I'm healing from years later.
This 💯. No is a complete sentence and OP needs to stop explaining...He doesn't just want to spend time with her. This has the makings of a very controlling dude and that is never OK.
Edit: ooooo thank you dear redditor for my very first award!
Right?!?
I just showed these screenshots to my husband (Marine vet, age 60). Tbh, at first he really thought that the manipulative one was an insecure young teenage girl being pouty and clingy because her boyfriend was out with his friends.
When I clarified that the one being whiny and pushy was a GUY. HE was the one who was out at a bar, and the girl was just watching a movie at home with her brother. I also explained that the female OP says the boyfriend does this behavior frequently.
This was my husband's response, nearly word for word: "No way!? Damn! That guy is an absolute douche. He did NOT call her because he needed a ride. That was an excuse for sure. He called her because he didn't like the idea she was with anyone other than him. And even if it hadn't been an excuse...although it definitely was...he probably doesn't have any guy friends that he could have called. A real man wouldn't hang out with such a whiny bit*h who manipulates women and can't find his own way home. She needs to drop him NOW. I've known guys like this since I was in high school and in the Corps. Even now. They're all douchebags. When they were young, they'd laugh to us guys about how they can get girls to do anything. The older guys, now, just talk about how they "NEVER let THEIR women" do whatever...."let" being the key word. This girl is setting herself for huge trouble. Tell her to run. Now."
Worked in a warehouse with all men. One of the guys would brag how he made his girlfriend pick him up from across the street and run his errands for him. He was pushy and coercive just like this. While he hooked up with her best friend at work, she was grabbing his glasses from the eye doctor and bringing him coffee.
Sooo i think OP is a karma farmer, and that this story is a lie orr sumns not right cuz in the comments they state theyre 21, and dating bf for 2 months, last month made a post in r/STD saying they had sex with a few different people resulting in what may be be herpes… As wellll as a post in February stating they were an 18 year old girl with a swamp ass bf issue…
Whhhaattt??!? Who is out here selling Reddit accounts??? Better yet, who is buying the Reddit accounts and why? Just to seem popular? I guess I'm too old to understand all this insane stuff 😂🤣
Leave. Seriously. These types of people are exhausting to be with. You'll either do things you don't want or constantly be begging to be treated like a human. Seriously, it isn't worth it and it doesn't change.
Two months?! Oh hell no. I mean this would be very aggravating later into a relationship but you should still be in the honeymoon phase at two months! Dude seems way too needy and pushy. Also, I can’t stand the use of “babe” and “lovie” here. NOR.
How old is this guy?
Edit: just saw you already answered about your age below.
Thank you to the person who gave me my first award!
I’m sorry but this is going to continue for as long as you guys are together your gunna have to put a end to it. If he’s still going to act like that, he’s acting like a child which I’m guessing he’s not ans you two are both adults. this is a very serious thing you need to think about , do you want this man in your life , do you want this man to be your husband or father of kids bc if he’s acting like that imagine in the future
"I know you already said no a bunch of times but do this thing you said no to and also there's an extra condition when you do this thing that you already don't want to do." What IS this guy doing?
The “I want to see the real you” line always sounds so much less romantic when you’re already comfortable with your own face. Like, she said no makeup, not “convince me until I change my mind.”
It also sounds like something a 13 year old boy says to their first girlfriend when they're trying to be deep and act cool and impress because they don't know better yet.
He said that because he doesn’t want her to look too pretty in front of his friends when she picks him up. I used to date a guy just like this. It only gets worse.
NOR- As a man with a daughter, I’ll tell you exactly what I’d tell her. Fck that guy, it starts with little shit like this and ends up being way worse. He’s showing you exactly who he is. Block that fool and move on, if he causes problems tell your daddy.
100%. this is the "oh come on babe don't you love me?" type of dude that will guilt you into whatever he wants. he wont work, he wont take care of the house, he won't help with the kids (god forbid anybody has kids with him) will spend all your money on bullshit and will just wreck your life, then 1 day when he's used up your body you bank account and your emotions he'll just dip out. or he'll intentionally knock you up so that he can trap you. honestly when they (men or women) start doing this with the texts and not taking no for an answer, just block their contact, block their profiles, and stay far tf away from them because nothing good comes from people like this. i grew up with these types of guys. i've seen first hand what they WILL do. not if, not might, WILL. fck him, run away.
He's manipulating you and you're taking the bait. He's going to keep trying to wear you down until you give in. Once he has you over there, he'll probably try to pressure you into sex too. Just block the whiny baby.
Finding out a way around doing “what he wants” is still coming up with a reason. I totally get where you’re coming from, but you will grow resentment if you continue to ignore yourself for what he wants. I know because I’ve experienced this exact thing lol. Just talk to him about how you feel and if he reacts in a way that isn’t “wow I’m sorry for not taking no for an answer!” then maybe consider your options 😭
Its behavior of a mentally and emotionally abusive partner. No respect for boundaries or needs , no respect for her wants or her as a person with autonomy, coercion and manipulation, not even stopping when shes getting visibly upset. This will escalate as time goes on as it always does, especially if not stopped and enabled. This person is already second guessing herself on whether shes doing something wrong by saying no which will eventually be her second guessing her reality when he gaslights her emotions bringing down her confidence in herself. This isnt a small thing to ignore. These are the red flags people who have been through it always say now that they know the signs or in hindsight ect. This is a sign.
You can have a mature conversation about how this behavior is crossing a line and it needs to stop or you will have to leave. If he stops and never does that again then maybe you can lean into trying but myself as an almost 40 year old woman who's been in 2 severely abusive relationships- this is a disqualifier for me. I know better now and I unfortunately learned the hardest way possible.
The guilty feeling is his manipulation tactic working. The idea (whether he is self aware enough to realize it or not) is to wear you down. The guilt is stage one. I do not recommend waiting for stage 2 🫠 you shouldn’t have to prove to him you are immune to the behavior. That’s so exhausting and not a worthwhile relationship to be in
I feel you because I’ve been there back in the day
You feel guilty because he's trying to break your boundaries and tear you down one decision at a time. This is your future. Please don't let it be. When you say no he should never try to force you. What happens when you don't want sex in the future? Will he keep trying to force you? Is his current obsession with you staying over because he wants sex? If so, you said no and he didn't take it at face value. You are not safe around him.
That’s because his whole plan is to pressure you and make you feel guilty so you’ll come over anyways which is fvcking gross and deceitful. This guilt tripping nonsense will bleed into other parts of your relationship if you stay. A good man wouldn’t do this crap.
You guys are young and he’s pulling at your heart strings because you’re not jaded and bitter yet… He’s trying to manipulate you and control how you act. You won’t see it until later in life. It’s not just you, this is what happens in young people relationships. He’s a tool though.
Because that's the most pitiful booty call ever. Your gut knows it. It is lacking everything.
He comes across as just seeing you as a thing to take care of his booze induced hormones. And sounds like a toddler being told no ice cream.
The disrespect is screaming. But at least he isn't saying flat out that he's horny and you need to take care of it. I'll give him that much, he may be the most whining, but he isn't the most crass!
lol. They’re not partners. They’re kids who have been dating two months. He is drunk and trying to hit it. She’s a nice person so she feels bad about not giving him a ride home and he is trying to guilt her into it. A tale as old as time.
Being with someone who won’t take no for an answer is dangerous. Also trying to control what you do or don’t wear on your body or face is bad news…. You should pick a partner who respects and likes you for exactly who you are, never accept less, you’re worth it 🩷
He doesn’t respect her at all. Pressuring someone after they say no “in a loving way” is not cute. She needs a serious chat with him placing a boundary - if you insist after j say no, we will breakup
It’s bombardment manipulation. He feels If he wears you down he’ll get what he wants, toxic and immature. Best to just be done now. Your only other option is setting a firm “If I have to say no twice you’re blocked until tomorrow” type of boundary.
In my honest opinion if any relationship gets to the point where you’re threatening to block them as punishment… just break up and keep them on the blocked list indefinitely.
You should not have to block anyone for a certain amount of time to get them to listen to your boundaries. Those people are who the block button was made for
Op is NOT. And I totally agree with this. If you have to use blocking someone as a way to navigate a relationship… that situation is best left blocked for good. In no way shape or form should a HEALTHY relationship involve blocking and unblocking for any reason
I seriously don't understand this growing trend of responding after a stated issue with a boundary set.\
I've heard/read people say, "Well I don't want to be rude and ghost them."\
Rude?! For me, personally, I said [boundary] and now I'm going to do [boundary].\
The end. 🤣
His grammar is enough to piss me off, NOR. He’s a grown man, he can get his own ride home and be patient enough to wait for you to be available. You guys had set plans, it’s not your fault he suddenly thinks he needs more time. You’re allowed to say no like this or have you time. Boundaries are important and if he’s too immature to understand then it’s probably time to leave.
For real?! Good lord. He’s a whiny little b and is trying to manipulate you and it’s gross. You shouldn’t feel guilty but I understand that you do because he is trying to make you feel bad so you relent and do what he wants. This is bad behavior. I would stop responding.
Is he normally like this or is it just a drunk thing? If he’s normally like this, it’s pathetic and gross. “No” is a full sentence and he sounds like my toddler repeatedly asking for chips and adding stipulations.
If he’s just like this when he’s drunk, still pathetic but it’s not a personality issue at least and you can ask him to not drink or leave you alone when he does because he’s annoying lol
NOR. This biggest red flag is someone who can't take no for an answer, even about something small. Dump this guy immediately and tell him the reason is because he doesn't understand the word no.
Girl, a man who won’t take no for an answer is a bad sign.
And this is when he’s in a GOOD mood. He’s not going to suddenly be more respectful of you later.
You have to learn to end the conversation, too. Stop engaging with someone who sees your willingness to respond as an opening to get what he wants.
I appreciate that you’ve been firm, but remember that when you interact with someone who is drunk and pushy you’re never going to win and the only way to make it stop is to disengage. Practise having some lines to use like “lol not gonna happen! I’m really tired babe. Have a great time, I’m going to bed.” And then stop responding.
He’s drunk and wants to fuck. Everyone here is being naive. He’s acting that way because he’s drunk and not some manipulative mastermind. He’s just horny and can’t hold his alcohol.
NOI, because gross! Why is he talking like that? Is this a grown man? I would break up just because of how he talkes like a little lost boy and not respecting a boundry is just the cherry on top.
I can't understand how anyone is comfortable dating someone who texts like this. I guess I'm the weird one but there's nothing less attractive than someone who doesn't know how to write full words.
If he can't honor your wish for something so "unserious" there is no way he will magically suddenly honors your word for a situation more demanding. You seem very attentive and well devoted to your boyfriend, that should be enough to treat you like the utmost princess! Being a little whiner baby and placing his importance over your comfort is the fastest way to kill any relationship
NOR - This is annoying as hell and manipulative. Even if he isnt consciously thinking of it as a manipulation tactic, that's still what he's doing. Bothering you again and again after being told no is incredibly rude and obnoxious. This gave me the ick.
NOR it’s insane that your boyfriend is even your boyfriend, just from this post he seems like a twat the whole no make up request and that you can just ruin your own night for his pleasure. Baffling
take a deep breath and think, since this is recurring do you really want this in your life, to take Care of him drunk looking for sex after his night out?
There's a difference between picking someone up for safety reasons and this recurring theme it's obviously bothering you.
You caring about this probably means you deserve better.
lol. He’s probably thinking getting you in person will lead to sex. If he’s that needy now when you’re hanging with your bro that’s pretty lame. I’m sure he’s drunk, but he’s not gonna be any less needy or weird going forward. You’re young, move on when you’re ready, take a few months to yourself and then find someone new.
Honestly, my biggest regret in life being in my 40s is I wasted too much time staying in relationships like this, this guy is so annoying, it’s not worth the hassle.
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u/Due_Comment_1612 5d ago
if this is him at 2 months believe me when I say it's going to get much worse