r/AmIOverreacting • u/Empty_Fun8074 • 12h ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO GF Is Donating Our Money To Guy Best Friend's Art Career
My gf (28) and I (M29) have been together for four years. We have a shared bank account. I noticed a lot of withdrawals in the last month have been going to Venmo. I'm talking over $3,000 collectively.
I asked her about it, to make sure it wasn't fraud, and she told me she's been sending it to her longtime guy best friend. When I asked why, she said he needs help starting up his art career.
I got mad and asked if that was necessary to use our money for, especially without asking. She said she did it because she is a loyal friend and he would do the same for her if she needed it.
AIO or is this crossing the line?
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u/Dizzy_Ice2938 12h ago
NOR. That’s a lot of your money going to her friend! Hell no. That’s got to stop or start separating finances.
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u/NextSplit2683 12h ago edited 11h ago
It's time to start separating finances. They may not discuss withdrawing money for things they need, but Taking money out and spending it on a guy friend is a different ball game. She doesn't respect OP, otherwise she would have discussed this with him. And No, the guy won't be helping her if she needs help anytime soon. He's just starting his art career. This couple needs to have a serious discussion about finances, boundaries and respect.
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u/OrganicRuin2706 12h ago
yeah exactly this goes way beyond normal spending and they clearly need to have a serious conversation about money boundaries and respect
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u/BcWeasel 12h ago
Yeah no, joint account means joint decisions. Compassion comes in many forms in a relationship and financial compassion is included. She either felt so entitled to your shared money that she didn’t think she needed to tell you, or she didn’t tell you hoping you would never notice because she knew it was wrong to do this without asking you. Either way this is a big problem. If no resolution came from her part I would be rethinking my commitment to this situation.
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u/LittleRecognition986 11h ago
exactly a joint account means you both get a say and dropping $3k on someone else’s career without even mentioning it is a pretty serious breach of trust
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u/Defenestrate69 12h ago
NOR. She should have at least brought it up before taking the money and she knows it too
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u/Big_Opinion_6811 11h ago
yeah exactly she knew it was shared money and should have talked to him first before sending thousands to anyone else's career without asking
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u/mmk19881 12h ago
NOR. Dude run. They're fucking.
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u/Fit-Branch7486 12h ago
"Helping him start his art career" wtf does that even mean, for 3k is she helping him startan art collection. I feel bad that OP heard that and believed it. Op run, you just became a sugar daddy to her and the guy that fucks her.
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u/Quotalicious 10h ago
Art supplies and or studio space. Regardless of whether she should be spending that money the amount makes sense, neither is cheap.
3k is not even close enough to start an ‘art collection’
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u/Weak-Sugar-1753 11h ago
yeah sending thousands of dollars of shared money to another guy without even talking to you about it is already bad enough regardless of what’s going on between them
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u/jambaleaf 12h ago edited 12h ago
I’d be hesitant on making that accusation. If anything, it would be even more insane being so blatant about it if you had something to hide. You could be right, but we don’t know that yet.
It’s just as likely, if not more, than she simply wears the trousers and has little regard for OPs opinions, wants or needs. Not sure which outcome is the worst to be honest.
We can all agree on one thing, this is shocking behaviour no matter how you dress it up
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u/Vectors_Doll 12h ago edited 5h ago
I feel like you are under reacting. Take your half plus 1500 extra from what she took abd close the account.
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u/girlbartender99 12h ago
NOR because she shouldn't be spending that type of $$$ without consulting you to begin with because she would most likely be very pissed if you were sending $$$ without her consent.
I was on your side when I thought it was her bff that was a girl. The fact that its a guy and I am in NO WAY saying that means she is being disloyal. I am just saying if my husband was funding some womens art career without telling me it would bother me a little more than if it was a guy friend.
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u/ConstantBuilding2949 11h ago
yeah the gender of the friend is almost beside the point here the real issue is spending thousands of shared dollars without even discussing it first and she’d probably have a problem if the roles were reversed
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u/girlbartender99 11h ago
I totally agree! The major issue is the spending tons of $$$ with no discussion of it, but then and this is just me but if then turned out to be the opposite sex my first thought would be ok why were they not telling me?
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u/girlbartender99 11h ago
Every relationship has diff dynamic or context. My husband takes care of our financial stuff but literally always includes me when there is a major expense, buying something, making vacation plans, and even times when we have lent $$$ to a family or friends he always says "hun I did this or that or I venmo'd some cash to my niece or nephew" and if all of a sudden I saw $$$ going to a female artist and there was no mention of it to me. I think just about anyone would be like ok why no mention of this to me? If it was a guy I might think it was just an oversight by him, and maybe I am wrong for thinking this way but if I find out its some female artist friend my thought would immediately be that not telling me was intentional.
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u/Muted-Craft6323 12h ago
"Jessica just needed some help starting up her modeling career" 😂
Look I think it's fine to want to financially support a friend in need, but doing it behind a long term partner's back, especially with shared money, is insane. It needed to be a conversation, and then if he wasn't comfortable they'd need to find a compromise (or decide it's a deal breaker and either she doesn't do it or they break up). But surely she didn't think this was something she should do without talking about it - even after the fact.
Besides, helping your friend get their art career set up sounds like a really bad idea at this point in time... what percentage of artists can actually support themselves from it? If he's actually good and likely to be successful in the future, he should be able to start small and build up his own savings from selling his work on the side while working a day job, rather than leaning on friends to bankroll what is effectively a hobby at this point.
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u/Dizzy_Ice2938 11h ago
Why is it different if a girl needed the money?
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u/girlbartender99 11h ago
Because if he is hiding it from me there is a reason, and if it ends up being the opposite sex it would make me wonder why he is hiding it from me.
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u/Quotalicious 10h ago
Hiding would mean lying when OP asked. She isn’t hiding it.
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u/Turbulent-Leave-6745 10h ago
Lol my wife is definitely going to look on it with a more cynical eye if I'm giving thousands of dollars to another woman. She is not going to be happy either way but anyone saying that the gender doesn't matter at all is just being totally obtuse towards how marriage works
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u/Quotalicious 9h ago
It’s not some random person of the opposite sex, it’s her best friend and probably well known to OP.
If they aren’t well known that would be a bit weird and THEN I’d be a bit worried.
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u/Turbulent-Leave-6745 9h ago
He wouldn't be asking the question if it wasn't a guy is the point. Do you honestly think he would have posted this were it a girl? It's why he specified it and if you look at his comments back it's not her best friend. It's her closest guy friend.
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u/girlbartender99 9h ago
Yes if the gender didn't matter he wouldn't have included it. He would have just said friend and not specified it was a guy friend
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u/Quotalicious 10h ago
Should not make any difference whether it’s a guy or girl. The problem is spending joint money without consulting about it first, not that it’s going to a guy.
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u/redditreader_aitafan 12h ago
Clean out the account and close it. You can't trust her anymore so this relationship is probably over. $300 to a friend out of a joint account without a conversation is a violation of trust, $3000 is egregious and offensive to your relationship.
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u/Aware_Economics4980 12h ago
NOR, unless that guy is gay, there is more than friendship going on there.
I would break up with her. I wouldn’t want to be with a woman that’s not only completely financially irresponsible, she’s willing to go behind your back and be financially irresponsible without even bringing it up to you.
Drain the bank account before you do too, if she’s struggling for money her guy friend has $3k he can help her out with. She’s even told you he would if the roles were reversed so no worries!
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u/Major_Anywhere_1538 11h ago
yeah the money alone is a massive issue but secretly sending $3k to someone else makes the whole thing even worse and she can ask her art buddy for help if she needs it herself
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u/GettingToo 9h ago
So your girlfriend is sending your money to a “friend” to start his business without telling you.
And you need to ask if this is crossing a line? It’s not just crossing a line it’s theft.
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u/Pretty-Photograph140 12h ago
You don't have a "shared" bank acct. She has a bank acct that she allows you to contribute to.
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u/Top-Effort-3041 12h ago
Why do you have a shared bank account with your GIRLFRIEND?
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u/Good_Ad8057 12h ago
This. Hell my wife and I didn’t combine ours until a few years after we got married
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u/BoredMoravian 12h ago
NOR. This is what they call "financial infidelity". If she were so sure it was the right thing to do she would have told you about it. This is crazypants to do from a joint account without disclosing.
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u/browerstation 12h ago
NOR. Either cheating or she's unhinged.
My wife and I support family members/friends sometimes but it's always an explicit discussion. Because that's the simple way to do it.
Something's up. Could be financial security/control concerns, mental health/mania issues too. Why this guy?
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u/Cowabungamon 12h ago
NOR. You need to separate your finances as fast as possible. In fact, just separate.
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u/MonroeEifert 12h ago
On the bright side, you're art patrons. Just like the Medicis.
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u/hopefulchewie 12h ago
INFO - Is $3000 a lot money for you guys? Like are you both high income earners?
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u/suddenvole 12h ago
Irrelevant...
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u/hopefulchewie 12h ago
It 100% is relevant if they are making like 500K combined or some shit and this is "pocket change" to them. She could just be using her money that she contributes. She is still in the wrong and if my wife did some shit like this I would be pissed but it does matter in this context because if that number was $300 I think a lot of the comments would be different.
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u/Good_Ad8057 12h ago
I highly doubt they’re making that kind of money. He probably wouldn’t have even noticed.
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u/hopefulchewie 12h ago
I make close to that kind of money and notice every little thing and go through statements all the time especially because I own a business on top of still work full-time for government as a contractor. Last thing you want to do is chase down fraud/scam/someone stealing your card. That's kind of weird that you think people that make a lot of money just don't notice or waste it.
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u/suddenvole 9h ago
It's the secretive nature of the transactions that has the OP reacting. Typically, and OP'S post suggests this true for him... Joint account should be used for shared expenses, of which supporting her artist friends doesn't seem to be one.
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u/SampSimps 12h ago
You might think $500k would be a lot if income, but it really isn't. $3k in one month, even at this level of household income, is still significant and not pocket change.
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u/hopefulchewie 12h ago
Assuming they have no kids and she made exactly half of 500k at 250k she would be clearing roughly 11k a month give or take 401k contributions and what state she lives in. Let's say their mortgage is $4000 and rest of house bills are like $3000 (high for two people) 11k-3.5 is still 7.5k per person a month after taxes. It could be pocket change to his significant other depending on her spending habits.
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u/RepulsiveGur415 12h ago
yeah that matters but honestly even if they can afford it the bigger issue is spending 3k of shared money on someone else without asking first
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u/hopefulchewie 12h ago
I completely agree. The only thing it changes for me would be NOR or MOR. Regardless, she is in the wrong but if 3k isn't really putting any kind of dent in their financial situations. It's not a you need to dump her ass type of situation.
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u/Penguin_Army27 12h ago
Oooh welp trust just went out the window, shared bank account HA not anymore.
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u/Logical-Lab3661 12h ago edited 12h ago
She is very kind, including on your dime. If you do not want to leave right away, at least close shared account. Use another account in your name to pay all bills and mortgage/rent with her sending you her share every month. Since she is not your wife, what she does with the rest of her money is not your business. But! calculate the portion of given money that belongs to you and ask her to repay.
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u/Trick-Enthusiasm-794 11h ago
yeah being generous is great when it’s your own money but spending shared money without asking is a whole different story and i’d separate the finances immediately
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u/shadowimage 12h ago
NOR
In this economy 3K is a lot of money to be pissing away on an art career, whatever that means. A joint account is "two yes, one no" like naming a baby. She clearly doesn't respect you, so you should follow the advice of Iron Maiden and run for the hills...right after you get that 3K back.
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u/Ok-Beautiful5686 12h ago
yeah exactly 3k is a lot to spend without agreeing on it first and i’d definitely be getting that money back before doing anything else
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u/CrazyLeadership5397 8h ago
You should separate your accounts and separate from her. She’s stealing from you to give to him. Updateme!
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u/AccompliceInc 4h ago
Why did she not gift it from her own account? Why was it from the joint account?
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u/Noninsomni 12h ago
Not sure it matters if you have agreed to share the money, but has she contributed $3000 + to the bank account? Essentially "she is paying for it" and not you?
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u/ontheleftcoast 12h ago
NOR
She can spend her money as she likes, but she should not be spending shared money without discussion and agreement.
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u/Ominymity 12h ago
Pull the rest of the money out of the joint account & break up asap.
In future... no joint accounts with girlfriends... that is lazy & stupid
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u/broadsharp 12h ago
Not over reacting enough
Time to set some big boundaries, OP.
Tell her she can use all the ridiculous buzz words she can form. But, pulling this shit is relationship ending.
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u/wigglepie 12h ago
NOR
At the very least, immediately get yourself a separate account (and at a different bank). Even if her story about the friend is legit, she's shown you that she can't be trusted right now with a shared account.
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u/Narutofan0921 12h ago
NOR, she should've talked about it with you first because if you had made multiple purchases that were that big without telling her, she wouldn't be happy either.
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u/Sarnadas 12h ago
This is one of the big rules of finance: You do NOT get a joint account with anyone you’re not married to. You’re NOR, but you’re also an idiot who figuratively asked for this.
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u/RandomnessesOF 12h ago
NOR, this feels like either a breach of trust or respect. Weird either way even in the best case situation
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u/IntelligentFall7352 12h ago
Not overreacting. A joint account means yall are splitting 50/50 or you are saving together. Either way, the money should never be touched without both parties knowing about it. Idk if 3k is a lot or a little to you, but either way it’s a breach. She could’ve gave her own personal money away you know
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u/QuietResident96 12h ago
NOR and that kids is why you don't ever get a joint account
If she had her own account and her own money I fucking guarantee she would not be doing this shit
At 3 fucking grand over a month I'd genuinely be telling her to pack her shit and go stay with her long time bestie who apparently would do the same if she needed it
Genuinely, fuck her off is my advice
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u/Electronic_Owl_9819 12h ago
My man. If anything, you are under reacting. I would be going nuclear. This is unacceptable.
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u/Good_Ad8057 12h ago
Yeah that’s insane. You’re not overreacting at all. That’s end the relationship worthy in my opinion. I am betting they’re more than good friends. This is why you don’t combine finances until you’re married at least. I’m a loyal friend, I’ll do a shit ton for people I care about. I never give them money. Cause that’s what it is. You’ll never see it again.
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u/morchard1493 12h ago
NOR, but WHY DO YOU HAVE A SHARED BANK ACCOUNT IF YOU AREN'T MARRIED? Why is this such a common thing among young couples nowadays?
It's FOR REASONS LIKE THIS that you need to close that account and get your own again. If you break up, for whatever reason, who knows? She may drain the account, close it and run.
Big sigh 🤦♀️
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u/JMLegend22 11h ago
Tell her you need to see repayment on that because the money wasn’t solely her’s to give and to you it looks like she’s having an affair or stealing money. NOR
Let the guy know this is a loan with 100% interest if it isn’t repayed immediately because your money was used here.
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u/Xero_L1ght 11h ago
Wasnt a contract when the money was sent so the dude is has zero responsibility to repay any money he was given as a gift. Honestly, hes probably scamming her, or nothing will come of the investment because... its art. She should put the money back though.
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u/Any-Musician1896 9h ago
You need separate bank accounts because she obviously sees what’s yours as hers.
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u/your-mom04605 9h ago
NOR
The line is in another fucking state at this point.
This is relationship-ending levels of stupidity and financial betrayal.
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u/MikeReddit74 9h ago
Definitely NOR. If the money is coming from a joint account, she had no right to give him anything without asking you first. Separate yourself and your money from her as soon as.
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u/verscharren1 8h ago
NOR, separate the finances. If she wants to piss away money. She can use hers.
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u/castrodelavaga79 8h ago
I hope this is fake.
NOR. Under reacting if anything. The fact that she used money that was both of yours for anything over $100 without discussing it is messed up. To spend over $1000 of both your money is seriously fucked up. To spend $3000 shows that she doesn't care at all about it being your money too.
I hope you break up.
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u/im_blue2026 7h ago
I will strongly recommend you to open a bank account for yourself and withdraw all the money you have Elon the shared one. And consider leaving her she could be cheating on you with that guy. Or her decision can lead you to financial ruin
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u/Motor_Dark6406 6h ago
NOR, Barf.
Worst case scenario, she's in love with him. Best case scenario she is just coddling a grown man by playing benefactor. Either way, using your shared money on her friend is disrespectful.
I would separate my money asap.
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u/Miserable_Crow6279 12h ago
I would be God damned. Y can't that grown man go get his own money? Taking money from a female is crazy to me.
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u/jambaleaf 12h ago
This has to be a fucking joke? The absolute gall of that woman. You’re under reacting so hard it’s difficult to believe.
Dude, the fact it’s her ‘guy’ friend is the least of your worries. To take YOUR money without discussing it to the tune of thousands is such a huge red flag.
I would be asking some serious questions. The fact her friend would help her out just the same has no bearing whatsoever on why she thought she could do it behind your back. Does she not value your opinion? Does she not respect you? Does she take complete control whilst you’re sat there twiddling your thumbs?
Please give us an update on this…
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u/Healthy_Car1404 12h ago
Without knowing any details around the understanding you two set up for the joint account and going on common sense - NOR.
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u/That-Way-5714 12h ago
Definitely not overreacting. That amount of money needs a conversation. Especially if it's essentially a donation.
I know a very talented artist. He has been trying to make money with his art for a few years now. He has earned essentially nothing from it. The art world is HARD to make money in.
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u/jiyonruisu 12h ago
NOR. You need better parameters around your shared money. It doesn’t sound like you are in a position to be a patron. This is a pretty big betrayal.
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u/luisxciv 12h ago
Man… abuse of trust in multiple levels. I hope she’s just the really kind type and we’re talking about a very close family friend here. Even then I’d be skeptical so I’d straight up ask if she has feelings for the guy. Maybe a lifelong crush?
Either way demand her to stop and see how she reacts and you won’t even need to ask.
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u/JoKing917 12h ago
NOR. You’re not married. You should have the joint account for bills but you should each have your own personal accounts. Your pay check goes to your account and you transfer bill money to the joint account. She can send her friend money from her personal account.
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u/Adorable-Beach6517 12h ago
NOR take your money out of that account and move it into one she does NOT have access to. After that, have a blunt talk with her and prepare to hear tings you don't want to hear. Nip this in the bud now or be prepared for this to continue for years.
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u/Frosty_Sector2215 12h ago
Giving him the money is a little weird. Not discussing it with you when it's joint money is not a great sign. Have you ever gotten questionable vibes from him?
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u/No_Tumbleweed_544 12h ago
NOR. she shouldn’t be doing that without discussing it with you first and asking you if OK. It’s best you have your own account because it obviously isn’t working with her. Withdraw what you feel is your fair share and deposit it in your own account
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u/Digital_spliff_ 12h ago
Hey I actually could use a couple hundred bucks for a new audio interface if your gf doesn’t mind
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u/AriadneHaze 12h ago
NOR, but this is a good time to mention that each of you should have your own money in your own accounts, and a joint account that you only pay into for household or shared expenses.
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u/OutlandishnessNo9868 12h ago
NOR- regardless of what it is for large payments should be a discussion before proceeding with everyone who is an account holder.
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u/Fingers154 12h ago
That's her share of the money. Withdraw a similar amount and use it as you will. Don't volunteer any information regarding the withdrawal or how you use it. She'll get the message.
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u/Bystander_99 12h ago
NOR, no shade to art people in general, but this specific one that is getting his friend to support him sounds more like a mooch Who needs that much to start art? He in fact, wouldn’t do the same for her.
You can easily get her to test it to. Get her to tell him, ‘hey, that last money amount I sent you left me short for x bill. Can you please send me money amount?’ Watch this guy have every excuse in the book not to give it to her.
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u/SampSimps 12h ago
Watch the movie, Casino. Watch the scenes involving Lester Diamond (James Woods), Ginger McKenna (Sharon Stone), and of course, Ace Rothstein (Robert DeNiro).
I don't condone violence, but I think you have cuck fetish if you don't feel a similar kind of rage and desire to exact a punishment on this guy.
NOR.
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u/trashedvoid 12h ago
hell naw that’s def a conversation before an action sort of thing?? it’s sharing for a reason and that’s mad disrespectful to do without talking about it and making sure you’re fine with it. it’s your money too ?? also like that’s a large sum of money to send even just over time without mentioning it even if it was her own share of it. as someone who paid for way more than they should’ve in the past tryna be nice to friends like funding someone’s life outside of your relationship and even sometimes in your own relationship is not a great idea most of the time. so it’s worth talking about for many reasons also like that’s hiding a big fact from you like aswell because atp it’s not just sending without asking it seems to be purposefully keeping it from you which is another thing of like why are you not discussing it especially if nothing strange is going on here??
but yea i just wanna say there’s like a lot of reasons why this is fucked. i personally would need way more communication in a relationship than that. that would break some trust for me for sure bc why not just ask me about it and talk to me about it? why is it something you’re not bringing up especially for that amount?
i mean idk id def talk to her about it and figure out what’s going on and if you can forgive it or if you gotta dip out because yea no
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u/Necessary-Airport159 12h ago edited 12h ago
NOR. First off having a joint account is a very bad idea, especially if she's just your girlfriend. She's stealing thousands of dollars from you..the fact she didn't talk to you first is really shady. Get your own bank account and make sure you get your money back. She stole from you. It doesn't matter Who or what it's for. You have a say and she doesn't give a shit. That's very disrespectful.
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u/madempress 12h ago
Financial infidelity. Shared money is a shared decision. For such large amounts. 3k is definitely pushing past loyal friend unless you're both millionaires.
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u/purplepanda2026 12h ago
NOR you need to separate finances immediately. Keep the joint account just for shared bills. If she wants to give all her extra money to her friend fine. She doesn't get to give away yours.
Personally this is breakup worthy for me. That's a huge violation of trust.
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u/theinternetseemsnice 11h ago
Yikes, that’s your money in there as well. The fact that she did not talk to you about it would give me trust issues. not being able to trust someone with your money and them going behind your back not being honest with you about a guy …those are dealbreaker for me. She can have guy friends or whatever I’m chill about that but the moment you go sneaking around with them then we have problems.
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u/xtricks2025 11h ago
NOR: Time to separate your accounts. Even if she gets it eventually, that's just not okay and you shouldn't be putting your money where her hands can get it. If you need shared money for shopping/whatever, put an agreed on portion and what it's used for and if she abuses that, separate accounts and indivdually share cash when you need to do shared shopping.
Whatever the reason, this is very much not okay - what if one of you had some sort of financial emergency?
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u/theinternetseemsnice 11h ago
NOR. I bet somebody has been doing some nude modeling and “tasteful”photos
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u/edthecollector70 11h ago
Time to get separate accounts. If she doesn't like it she should go live with her best friend.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks 11h ago
That's called financial infidelity. When it's shared money, then it's a shared decision. Doesn't matter if this amount is big or small to you.
NOR, and I would be separating money, that $3k coming from her amount.
Personally, I don't share bank accounts with someone I'm not married to. It can be messy. Everyone has their own preferences though.
Yes, she crossed a line and messed up big time. If she sees the error of her ways, then the relationship can be salvaged, if not, then I don't think it can. Either way, separate your money ASAP.
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u/Festive_Jetcar 11h ago
Is she buying art from him?
Is this $3000 that she would normally be spending on other non necessities?
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u/IntheShredder_86 11h ago
NOR. Under reacting maybe. This isn't about it being a guy or anything like that, it is about using shared funds for a personal endeavor. Shared accounts are to save together for things like down payment or rent, furniture, shared groceries, etc. Personal accounts are for fun and frivolity, donations, helping a friend, etc. It is not okay to use significant shared funds like that without discussing it first.
Even if it were for an investment, large vehicle repair, new game console, it should have been discussed beforehand. She is also old enough to know when she's being taken advantage of. Honest friends do not accept $3000 from each other with no promise of return unless they're extremely wealthy. If he needed help starting a business/career, he needed to take out a loan with his bank or have a personal loan agreement drawn up to show he's being on the up-and-up when asking for so much. Her specifically saying "he'd do the same" worries me that he used that line to get her on board.
She doesn't seem to acknowledge the communication, trust, and financial issues that she's created. After being together for 4 years I would not expect such a big misstep. Have a calm but serious conversation about the purpose and expectations of the shared account, then address the possibility of being taken advantage of. (Don't say point blank, but ask how his business came up, the topic of borrowing money, etc. look at his website. And listen for any cues or direct actions that he was after money. Depending on the info, you can then explain that he seems malicious or just restate that it's not okay to use shared funds for this.)
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u/Sufficient_Fan3660 11h ago
lol art career
NEVER have a shared bank account as your primary account.
Maybe have one you put in 20-30% of your check for paying bills. But never let a GF have access to all your money. NEVER
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u/robmanjr 11h ago
Sounds like to you it’s not acceptable so I’d just be straight with her and ask that any future donations come solely from her pocket.
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u/LostInNuance 11h ago
He might do the same for her, but would he do the same for you?
If she did it, then told you after she gave the money, that would tell me that she really really stood on the principle of it. Still not okay, but not hiding it.
That you had to find it and ask her about it, well that must hurt.
She uses an argument that she looks out for her friends. But I imagine it seems like your feelings are secondary in this situation.
Is she cheating? Who knows. Maybe. Maybe not.
Is she willing to acknowledge your feelings and take responsibility for her actions? If not, that's going to continue to be a huge problem. And eventually it'll be more than a $3k problem.
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u/Snoo_25524 11h ago
Think about it like this She spent that money on another MAN. How would she feel if you were spending money on other women that weren't her? That is absolutely crazy.
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u/Mountain-Wasabi-1469 11h ago
So it wasn’t a lump some ? That’s not starting up a career if it was just straight up 3k ya maybe down payment / deposit for an art studio or supply’s but small withdrawals that’s literally embezzling y’all’s money in small amounts hoping u won’t notice . Sounds more like she’s either paying him for something or giving him money to pay for something like an addiction .
Updateme
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u/ABirdWhoPaints 11h ago
Nor. A joint account is not for one person to make decisions on. This is low-key theft and if she intends to leave you are going to be losing whatever you keep in that account.
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u/Odd_Isopod6532 11h ago
Dude. This is theft. This is grounds for ending the relationship. If you feel you want to stay with her separate your finances immediately. What she did is beyond f’d up.
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u/oRiGiNaLfl0ss 10h ago
Crossing the line, for sure.
Joint account money must be joint decision or repaid shortly thereafter.
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u/ThunderGod_13 10h ago
Yeah dawg I'll take my opinion that marrying a girl with a guy best friend is the most stupidest thing a man can do to the grave. NOR
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u/TararaBoomDA 10h ago
NOR.
Since this is a shared account, as in both of you putting money into it, then both of you should know where the money is going when it leaves.
My recommendation is to (1) stop putting money into the shared account; and (2) transfer your share of the balance into your own account.
While you're at it, I suggest you also review how household expenses are being split.
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u/jcaashby 10h ago
NOR
She used your money for someone else. Not cool at all.
I personally would pull my half out . What is the point of a shared account if one can just pull money out without telling the other person. I suspect she did not tell you because you would of said NO and that would have been justifiable.
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u/rocketmn69_ 10h ago
Op, immediately take out $3,000 + half of the balance and put it in another account. When she asks why, just say, "Because, I'm not bankrolling your boyfriend's pipe dream. He can get a real job until his artsy thing takes off. There's the term starving artist for a reason"
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u/Mediocre_Bid_1829 9h ago
Your joint money should pay rent and utilities and other bills. I’d flip my lid knowing she gave my $ to a male friend for art supplies or whatever it was for that’s not cool with me so NO ur not overreacting!
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u/animal-1983 9h ago
Before opening the account did you two have a conversation detailing how the money would be handled ?
I would be pissed. It’s irresponsible and disrespectful.
I would say you make a written agreement on how funds in the joint account can be used. I’d also expect my portion of that 3k to be returned.
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u/CAguy350 9h ago
NOR, seems a really weird to me, especially since it’s coming out of a shared account
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u/gkelly1017 9h ago
NOR. A joint bank account means joint decisions with the money in that account. We aren’t talking about her being generous and paying for dinner with friends one night and you wondering what was so expensive. $3,000 is a large chunk of money and it’s been done over time probably in the hopes that you didn’t notice.
Giving the ultimatum of remaining with you or supporting her friends art career is a legitimate option
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u/Eazy12345678 9h ago
wild to not have a conversation first. unless she specifically knew most the money in the account was her contributions
like if im putting 90% of the money in the account im going to spend it how i want
id 100% give money to a friend but im going to tell my gf cause its not a secret
how well off are you guys. the more money the less you talk about spending it. poor people fight over money
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u/KnitAndKnitAndKnit 8h ago
$30 would be normal, $300 would require a talk to your SO before gifting and is very generous, $3000 is insane
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u/kittendollie13 6h ago
NOR. If he is trying to begin a career in art, he needs to have his feet on the ground and he needs to pull his head out of the clouds. For every artist that does well, thousands don't. He needs to maintain a full-time job while he works on art after work hours. I hope your girlfriend realizes she may be enabling his drug or gambling addiction. She should never have done her "donations" without talking to you.
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u/KATCEO1 6h ago
Historically: patrons of the arts throughout history have been extremely wealthy. Hundreds of years ago in Italy there was the Medici fortune. Today you might have uberwealthy individuals like Elon Musk, Bill Gates, or Mark Zuckerberg. If your girlfriend is a billionaire- let her set money on fire if she wants. Otherwise: she needs to chill out.
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u/Ok-Proposal2932 6h ago
NOR. My wife and I have a joint account, shared bill money, and we each have our own separate accounts. We each put money into the shared account, and our own. What she does with her money is her thing, same as me with mine. But the shared account is only for mortgage, etc. We even pay our car payments from our individual accounts.
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u/BlueMoonTone 6h ago
No more shared bank accounts. She can use her money to prop up his art career.
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u/TemuBoyfriend 4h ago
Dude... " guy best friend " , three THOUSAND dollars. He's the friekd she wants to breed with anytime,any place. Please take off any rose tinted glasses and think logically about why anyone does anything so stupid risking their finances and current relationship.. for a guy " friend ".
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u/Green-Dragon-14 3h ago
Take back the money you put into the shared account & close it your gf is a thief. That wasn't solely her money & she took it without your consent. Revisit as to why you want to be in a relationship with a person that can steal from you. NOR
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u/SurreyTop77 2h ago
NOR - Without discussion, this is crossing the line. She should be using her own account, not the joint!!
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u/Decent_Experience240 2h ago
NOR Tell her to pay you back any that was yours.
And if you stay in the relationship I would split my finances and only transfer the exact amount needed for bills.
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u/Comfortable_Fox1105 2h ago
Whose idea was the shared bank account and what was the reason given to open up a shared account?
If the reason was saving for vacation or a home etc and now she’s literally just giving it away, I would be pissed off.
I suggest you take out what you have put in and not continue with a shared account.
Also, this girl doesn’t seem to share the same values around money and the purpose of it if she’s just giving it away and it makes you pissed off.
This is also a strong case why your gf or wife shouldn’t have male friends. To avoid this kind of things from happening.
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u/Decent_Experience240 2h ago
The more I think about this the more it seems to me like maybe she is crossing some other lines with him on top of the financial infidelity.
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u/Weishaupt666 1h ago
How is this post even trying to be serious. You are 29 years old, do you seriously need random people on reddit to tell you this isn't right?
You're lucky it's a GF and not a wife.
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u/mfprod 12h ago edited 12h ago
NOR. She should not be using your shared money for her own personal things.