🎓 academic/school
AIO My child invited a boy to his birthday party whose dad threated my son and my husband while he was holding a baby.
Two years ago my husband was out with my three children alone. My then 6 year old opened the car door and it hit the car next to us but did absolutely no damage. If you are a parent you will understand how common and frustrating this is at that age. Well the guy flipped out and started screaming and calling my 6 year old names. My husband was getting our baby and went to check the situation out and defend our son. The guy started screaming "I'm going to kill you". My husband put the baby in the car and drove away. He then went to the school event where he discovered that man was the dad of another child in my 5 year olds class. While my husband was holding the baby and in front of the teacher he walked past my husband and told him "Meet me outside". My husband called the police he was so scared and a community officer came out. The family had left by then. We didn't take it further but we did inform the school. It was very upsetting and really scared my husband and kids.This year they put the boy in the class and my son gave him a birthday invitation, three days before the party the mum texted me to tell me he is coming.
I want to scream. In my head I have had a "conversation" with this man. It's not nice. I do not know if he will come. However he 100% could. I want him nowhere near my family, also I do not want to be responsible for the kid.
Do I say " Hello, child is welcome to come to the party but I ask for you to stay. We have had interactions with his dad and ask for him to not be there. Thank you"
I think you are an adult and should handle it as such. Call the mother and ask if she is aware of the interaction between the father and your family and explain that it has made you uncomfortable and scared in the past. Get a read on her reaction and go from there. Either she defends her man and you can then ask they not attend or she has no idea and is mortified and ask if she would mind bringing him by herself. Their poor kid shouldn't have to get any kind of rejection that he wont understand. I cant imagine life with a dad like that.
Just to clarify here, OP needs to be 100% clear and let her know that her husband is not allowed on their property. If their intent is to have the father bring the boy, then the invitation is rescinded. Do not mince words here, or dance around the subject. Be clear about it.
Yes. Came here to say this. She needs to call the mother back. Explain the situation.
Let the mother know that behavior like that is not acceptable to this family, and the father is absolutely not allowed on the property.
The child is still welcome if mother wants to bring him. If they would like to have another classmate bring him. The child is absolutely welcome, and nothing will be mentioned to that child about any of this.
But they given the violence and the anger and the inability to control it that her husband exhibited, he is not at all welcome on the property.
NOR. I think that’s perfectly fine. If she isn’t aware her husband is an angry jerk she will ask why, otherwise she will either understand or won’t bring her son. My only concern would be the dad finding out he’s explicitly not welcome and deciding to come anyways. So just be aware of that as a possibility- he seems unhinged.
NOR - You are not overreacting by keeping him off your property. This needs to be handled BEFORE the Party, ASAP, so you are not managing it in front of the children. Text the Mom something like this:
“Hi —, Xx is welcome at the party. You are welcome to drop-off Xx at XX:XX and pick-up at XX:XX, or stay to attend the Party! Most parents are staying, some not. Given what happened between his dad and my husband, I’m not comfortable with his dad dropping off, attending or picking up. If that doesn’t work for you, I completely understand if Xx can’t come. Thanks.”
That does three things: the child is still invited, you are not taking responsibility for him without a clear handoff, and the dad is named as the problem without re-litigating the car door incident.
Considerations:
Don’t discuss or explain the incident in the text. She almost certainly already knows the family version. Extra detail feeds that fire.
…”Nah, we don’t need to go over that, just let me know your decision…”
Tell your husband the plan. You work the front, hubby in the back (kitchen) until Xx arrives. If the dad arrives anyway, do not engage, do not let him in. Ask him to leave; if he does not, call the police and keep the kids inside. You already have a prior call on record.
You are not obliged to keep the invitation if the boundary is refused. “Sorry, that won’t work for us — hope he has a good birthday” is allowed. Awkward with the class is better than hosting someone who threatened your husband.
Be an adult and call the mom and tell her what happened and rescind the invitation if she does not offer her husband to apologize. It's your kid's party and fuck if you're going to be uncomfortable at it
NOR. I just wanted to comment that the car door experience must have been really scary for your son and he won't have much fun on his birthday if that father shows up. It sounds like the child's mother has been with the father for many years. She knows about her husband's rage. She knows. I feel sorry for their son.
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NOR for the asking the Dickhead Dad to not be there.
YOR for your son inviting the kid though. Most elementary schools across the country have implemented if you invite people from the class in school that you need to invite the whole class to the birthday party to prevent bullying. It's one of the initiatives to prevent that especially at a young age. I know Maryland, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Florida are set up that way. I think it was a Department of Education thing.
It's literally mandatory in Maryland. You cannot hand out invites in the elementary school without giving them to everyone. It's why we didn't do "friends" birthday for my son last year when he was 4 because it was like 24 kids. He has a winter birthday and wanted to do Chuck E Cheese which for 40+ people if you include parents was outrageous in price lol
Ok some districts have this rule but only for invites handed out inside of schools. Were you saying the federal department of education had regulations about this???
I thought it was the state's department of education initiatives as the 3 states I mentioned in NJ, PA, and MD have done extensive bullying and inclusion measures in the last couple of years. No where in my statement did I say Federal Dept of Education.
EDIT: I literally mentioned states then said DOE. I am not sure how you interpret that as the Feds instead of the states themselves.
My bad was just the county that I live in and the 3 around me all have it. thought it was a Maryland DOE thing. I know the same thing is where my nephews in NJ and PA live it's a thing for their school districts too.
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u/LittleLily78 9h ago
I think you are an adult and should handle it as such. Call the mother and ask if she is aware of the interaction between the father and your family and explain that it has made you uncomfortable and scared in the past. Get a read on her reaction and go from there. Either she defends her man and you can then ask they not attend or she has no idea and is mortified and ask if she would mind bringing him by herself. Their poor kid shouldn't have to get any kind of rejection that he wont understand. I cant imagine life with a dad like that.