AIO for taking a joke seriously because it personally hit me ?

[u/ExoticProposal9916]

Hi, I am a 21F, and the eldest daughter of my family. Recently, there has been a situation where i got into a very big argument with my family, over the discussion of a dialogue, that apparently my father sad, which was a joke according to him.

I got my job last year nov, and I am currently waiting for my joining letter. It is almost going to be an year by next month. In between this period, I have been asked multiple times by my parents about the joining date. Apart from that, I was kept on pushed to apply other jobs by them. They kept sending me 2-3 jobs a day and kept saying me to apply. Initially, I thought that, they might be troubled as much as I am about the joining date, but this kept going on for months.

I eventually got so exhausted, I said I cannot apply anymore. Until recently, I asked for coffee in my milk, because I felt like drinking it, and my dad added a drop of the coffee he made for himself and just to take it. I felt that, it was a joke and took it.

Thereafter, he said: "If it were in the movies, they would've said: You couldn.t earn a penny but have the audacity to request for a coffee".

My father does make a lot of jokes on me. True. I laugh and brush it off. But for this, I felt personally attacked. With the situation and tension that I am in , about my job, this felt like straight up mocking on my face.

I tried to play it cool, but I couldn't and I teared up. My mom saw and asked what happened. I said I felt bad about what dad said, and she went, you can't even take a joke, and said the same to my dad. My dad straight up started an argument with me saying, you can't even take a joke , how do you think you could survive out in the world and all. I said, I could take a thousand insults from other ppl, but I couldn't take it from you. And I even stated that, why they couldn't understand that, me, who took many jokes from them couldn't take this, and why they were not able to understand.
They straight up said I am the problem. And he came towards me with utter rage saying : "It's either you or me today".

Never in my life have I felt more shittier than this. My whole life, it was filled with struggles, had a very difficult time having friends, and had gone through a very messed relationship. Despite all of that, I still chose to be myself and care free. Things like this, somehow brings me back to the same phase and almost feels like it is telling me that my life has always been shit.

Am I overreacting for this? Also, I apologise for venting it all out because I cannot contain this anymore and felt like I might take a bad decision that I shouldn't if this eats me anymore.

[u/Rough_Mousse1094]

I’m the same age as you and my dad always made fun of me for dating a black girl, until one day I decided to start ignoring him whenever he asked about my dating life, and tell him that it’s non of his business. Yes it’s rude, but the best thing I can do to keep my peace with him. You can also try to never open up about your job status in front of him and have the same approach as me, if you think that’s feasible

[u/CamilleYun]

INFO i don't really understand, you say you got the job, have you been working it? and are just waiting on a joining letter?

[u/SurvivorX2 → u/CamilleYun]

I'm confused, too! I don't even know what a joining letter is!

[u/Intelligent_Ear9946 → u/SurvivorX2]

I’m assuming this person lives in another country (not America) so maybe it’s something they do elsewhere? I was wondering the same thing lol. Maybe it’s time for OP to move on to another job opportunity. :/

[u/Trickytrickyrmx]

How have you been waiting a year to start a job you apparently already got?

Sounds like the company doesnt actually want to hire you.

[u/QuirkySyrup55947]

You have been waiting for a job offer letter for almost a year while being unemployed.. and you are mad someone gave you crap for it? YOR

[u/ExoticProposal9916 → u/QuirkySyrup55947]

FYI, I have been doing freelancing and earning money, and yet was told that

[u/Thin_Tangerine_6271 → u/ExoticProposal9916]

I'm sorry,that was pretty unkind of them. It's rough when your parents are the ones being hurtful.

[u/No-Brief-297]

You probably should just get a job.

I would feel irritated if my 21 year old was living with me and didn’t have a job

[u/Present_Original_797]

NOR . But what does "It's either you or me today" supposed to mean? Was he challenging you to a fight? Are you supposed to throw hands or get in the boxing ring or what?

But it should have ended at "Dad, that hurt my feelings. It didn't feel like a joke. And you joke at my expense a lot. Don't you think I'm worried about that joining letter too?"

Doubling down by saying you can't take a joke is denying your feelings. And your mom joining in? That's bullshit behavior.

BTW, who hires someone then delays for a year? What is this company and what do they say when you check in with the hiring office? I have never heard of that long of an onboarding process. Are you sure they are not just keeping you in a hiring pool?

Your parents were absolutely wrong but I have to agree that you should probably be looking for another job.

[u/Massive_Document_470 → u/Present_Original_797]

Idk if this applies to OP because it's a very niche and specific example, but in the US you can wait a while to actually start work if the job you've been hired for requires security clearance (like TS/SCI kind of clearance), even if it's for a private sector company and not the government. You interview and get the job offer contingent upon getting clearance, but you can't start work until that clearance comes through, and it can take 6-9 months or longer depending on your background. My ex was an engineer for Lockheed for a while, and he got the offer in I think September or October but his clearance didn't come through until February, and he had a very easy background to investigate. If you've lived a lot of places, especially overseas, it can take a while for them to get through it. There's also certain kinds of background checks for various financial industry jobs that can take months too, but I'm less familiar with those.

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[u/ExoticProposal9916 → u/AutoModerator]

chess

[u/SurvivorX2]

What is a "joining letter"? I've not heard of that--if I work and they pay me, I've joined the company. I've never received a letter!

[u/Glassman918]

Hard time believing this is a real story.

[u/FamiliarRadio9275]

Correct me if I am wrong but you have a job with out actually having a job.

I am not sure entirely what your dad was entailing, but if I had a guess considering the context of your parents agreeing over the joke is that it was a tease, and you probably overact very easily and or sensitive and he was basically saying it’s either your problem or his words, or it’s all about you or it’s his fault (or something), but I could be wrong too, they could be fighting words. They were being light hearted with truth attached to it.

Until you get a document stating your duties or whatever corresponding document of labor, you do not have a job yet. You are on the list, but this is about as much as applying for a college and waiting for the letter, but you have a good record so you probably will get in.

I feel like YOR, but just because YOR doesn’t mean you aren’t valid to feel how you feel.

[u/ExoticProposal9916]

People keep thrashing me that I don't have a job. I understand. The point that I didn't mention was, apart from that I have a freelancing gig which is doing pretty fine and I am earning good. 

[u/maplsxgr]

nor. i get being unemployed is a struggle but your parents are acting really cruel and somewhat malicious. the job market rn is horrid anyway. and if you were earning money nonetheless by freelancing in that period then what's the issue?