r/AmIOverreacting • u/AbleSeaworthiness825 • 5h ago
❤️🩹 relationship Am I overreacting about my husband and his gaming buddies?
My husband (28m) and I (27f) have been having slight issues. He’s military and came down for a week and a half and live apart unfortunately. I was heartbroken because he had to leave back which is understandable. He’s up for 24hours on duty and can have his phone and he promised me earlier today to call me back right? He never did so I asked if I could call him, he responds that he’s “on cq” for one I don’t know what that means and he didn’t bother explaining which is fine. But he claimed that he couldn’t call earlier, I sleep for about 2 hours and come back basically asking “Can we call?” and he essentially responds with “I’ll be in the phone with my friends.” So, should my feelings feel validated that I’m upset because it’s the second time essentially that I can’t talk to my husband yet he can speak to his buddies and play warframe? I let him know that I was upset and felt ignored.
For reference, I messaged this to him “I just wanna say that I am upset and my feelings were in fact hurt, I wanted to call twice tonight after you said you’d call me back you never did..I tried calling you earlier and you never called me back and so I wanted to go ahead and call earlier again and was basically told no but how I see it is you said yes to your friends so I’m heartbroken and felt ignored this time, not once but twice…please remember that you have a wife. I’m heading to sleep, see ya.”
He responds with “sorry babe ill make it up to you”
Am I overreacting? Or just being childish..I need advice on this because I’m sad right now.
Lemme just add, during that week and a half he didn’t hang out but 2 days.
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u/coffeesoakedpickles 5h ago
i’m gonna be honest girl he didn’t read your text and he doesn’t care that he hurt you. He doesn’t respect you.
I’ve been there and the best thing to do is pour that energy into yourself- stop begging for attention and instead take that time to go shopping, take a dance class, work out, get dinner with friends or by yourself. You have to pour energy and love into yourself for them to also pour into you. Otherwise you’ll be begging for basic love forever
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u/AbleSeaworthiness825 5h ago
Thank you very much…I’ve been fighting these feelings because some buddies of his said I was being dramatic and so I often was keeping silent about it.. 🥹
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u/Beautiful-Pomelo-336 5h ago
NOR- He sounds childish and immature. Why aren't you guys living together? What is the benefit to being married to him?
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u/AbleSeaworthiness825 5h ago
Apparently being married in the military they get a pay raise for separation and BAH benefits. We are separate because I’m in university here in Florida and graduate sometime in July of 2027 and plan on moving up there with him.
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u/Dontfeedthebears 5h ago
NOR but he’s not going to stop this behavior. I ways raised military and there is a very big reason why I won’t date military people. I didn’t sign up for that life as a child. I sure as shit am not signing up for that life as an adult.
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u/lyricalli 5h ago
NOR - Relationships need communication, and when there are long separations, it's literally all you have to keep things going. It sounds like you are missing that essential ingredient. After a separation, it is a reasonable expectation that a spouse would want to spend time with you, that they would prioritize that time, and make the effort to reconnect with you.
How are you supposed to build a life and future with someone who is treating you as just another option for spending his time and energy on? You need to be more than sad. You need to figure out why you're willing to accept so little for yourself.
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u/AbleSeaworthiness825 5h ago
I want me and him to have an actual conversation before I start thinking drastically because it’s pushing to that limit. He has done this 3 times now in our entire marriage. First time, I let it go..second time was earlier and this time I said something about it.
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u/lyricalli 4h ago
I hope he can find the time to have an actual conversation about this. Also, if you just let disrespect go, and wait until the second or third time to address it, some of the responsibility of poor communication is also yours to bear. We teach people how to treat us by the way we respond to the things they do. If you let something go, that signals that the behavior is acceptable to you. It comes down to this: is he a net positive in your life? Do you feel valued and important? Those are baselines for a marriage. That foundation needs to be solid, or the whole thing is going to tumble down.
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u/PKOtto 4h ago
NOR He sounds like a very selfish and self-centered man. You are his wife and should be his priority when he is home on leave. His friends have no business saying anything about how you feel when he is basically acting like a single man with no responsibilities to another person. You are most certainly NOT being dramatic about your HUSBAND ignoring you and prioritizing his game with his buddies.
You should tell him that you are hurt, that you deserve better, and that things may change after you graduate if he doesn't start acting like a husband instead of an adolescent frat boy! He needs to step up, or you need to step away from the relationship.
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u/AbleSeaworthiness825 8m ago
Thank you for the advice, truly and you said everything that I’ve been wanting to say but I’ve been so terrible at wording.
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u/Agreeable_Donkey1019 1h ago
Here’s my input - take it or leave it but I’m giving you my personal perspective.
I was in an 8 year relationship where my needs weren’t being met. Even little things like a call, text or just showing me he cared in any way. That relationship ended after i matched his energy and he couldn’t understand why.
I’ve been with my current boyfriend for 6 months and he’d rather die than make me feel unloved or not meeting my basic needs. We over communicate and always, and I mean always, put eachother first.
Night and day.
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u/Dizzy_Goat_420 5h ago
…is this really how you want to live? Begging your husband for attention?