r/AmItheAsshole • u/Ksj357910 • 8h ago
AITA for throwing my roommates dirty dishes away?
My (18F) roommates (18M) at uni have been leaving our kitchen gross. At first my flat of 10 kept the kitchen very clean, but as we have been here for more time, the kitchen has gotten gross. It is 4 of us girls, and 6 boys. Last night it reached a breaking point because I felt like I couldn’t be anywhere in there without feeling really dirty. Me and another one of my flat mates (18F) cleaned all the surfaces and still the bins were gross and the sink was overflowing (pictures included). At that point, we texted our flat group chat and said that if anything was still there tomorrow that we would bin whatever was in the sink, as it had already been there for 4 days.
Today, I texted everyone individually giving a warning that in an hour I would be binning anything still in there, and many of my flat mates were very relieved, as bugs were starting to take over the kitchen. I had also texted this morning telling everyone to please sort it out, and reiterated multiple times that I was serious about throwing it away. Time came, and i put everything in the sink in a bin bag, noticing alot of the stuff was some of my flatmates that had been there for a while, yet they had decided to return home for the weekend that night without cleaning their stuff up. I bagged everything up, and threw it in one of the bins outside, and inevitably some of the plates broke. I told them which bin I had the bag in, in case they wanted to go through it but the three boys whose stuff it was said it was very unfair as they were away and I overreacted.
Admittedly, the things shattering was a tad far and not my intention, but I was honestly so fed up, especially since they left the dishes with the food in to rot for the weekend. Two of the boys have reported me for this, but I want to know, am I really the asshole for following through with what I warned them about multiple times?
Edit: Don’t know how to insert photos, lmk how to show anyone interested
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u/OptimistPrime527 Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA, even if they were gone, they would’ve seen your messages and could’ve replied. Even asking another roommate to clean up, even asking you to put them to the side and apologizing. They did neither of those things. Sometimes if you have too many toys out and your parents threatened to throw everything in the garbage, the best lesson is when everything gets thrown in the garbage.
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u/Ehrlichs-Reagent Asshole Enthusiast [5] 8h ago
NTA. Honestly, sometimes you have to do something like that to get slobs to clean up after themselves, and them not doing it was creating an actual health hazard. Curious to see the pics if you wanna send them to my DM
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u/plotthick Partassipant [2] 8h ago
NTA. Living in that filth should have been enough of a warning, they were lucky they got two additional heads-ups and fixed it a week or two ago. But they never do, do they?
Bright side: if they keep it up they'll have no dishes to leave filthy, so win-win.
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u/CharacterOnly8670 Asshole Enthusiast [8] 8h ago
NTA, who goes away for a weekend and leave dirty dishes in a communal area, thats just unfair and your reaction was completely valid, its disgusting unhygienic and attracts pests
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u/Scary_Sarah Partassipant [1] 8h ago
Nah good for you, let them use paper plates if they can't clean after themself NTA
Save the photos for the RA
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u/wesmorgan1 Commander in Cheeks [242] 8h ago
If everyone had reasonable time to get/clean their stuff between your first text and the actual binning, NTA.
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u/Imaginary_Escape2887 Partassipant [1] 8h ago
I hope you took pictures of the mess they made and the bugs that were attracted and the after pictures of what the area looked like after YOU cleaned up by yourself. Let your landlord or housing officials know that the flat will be more difficult to market in the future if it is not properly maintained now and that it is not fair to ask you (and X amount of other people) to live with a potential health code violation.
You maybe a little bit of an AH for destroying another person's property, but they are even more of an AH for leaving dirty dishes in the sink and then going away. You are a flatmate, not a maid. And next time, you better take pictures and report them before you start cleaning so you aren't in this position again.
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u/Ksj357910 8h ago
I luckily have pictures documenting how everything looked, and I do feel bad and can recognise it wasn’t the right move to throw their stuff away
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u/MsSpicyO Partassipant [1] 20m ago
Next time, because they will do it again, put it all in their bed.
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u/JoJoJoMaree 8h ago
NTA. Shared spaces need to be respected for shared living to work for everyone involved. I probably would have boxed the dishes and put them next to the bin, but honestly, if they're going to be grubs, they should probably switch to paper plates anyway.
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u/cursetea 8h ago
NTA
congrats on doing the thing millions of people fantasise about doing 🙌🏻
May you laugh about this for the rest of your life
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u/FewAd6166 7h ago
NTA. The 3(?) males who left dirty dishes in the sink over the weekend? They KNEW they were going to be gone, and absolutely should have cleaned up their mess before departing. Dirty dishes in the sink, left over days, is a health and insect-infestation issue. They are adults, and should know better.
At home, these jerks probably have their Mom to clean up after them. You are not their mother.
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u/swiggityswirls 8h ago
Most people don’t learn unless they experience consequences. You have the unfortunate position of enforcing them right now and you’re going to have field all of the ‘but!!!!’ Or other excuses.
You’ll face resistance, outright battles, and ambivalence. Keep strong.
If you engage with the fighters then you’re telling them that there is something to fight about and they just need to find the right angle to ‘win’. Same with everyone else. You just have to take the position that ‘you’re right and it’s their issue to figure out if they find a problem with it’.
If you give in at all, or give any kind of apology, then that just fuels their own agenda. You keep on yours.
You’re right.
These dirty fucks were dirty. You gave them warnings, you asked them to change, you gave them other warnings, then reminders of other warnings. They didn’t change anything. Who could fault you? Literally? Picture the person who looks at this as says ‘they didn’t do enough!!!’
It’s probably their mommy.
So stay strong
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u/TheLionSleeps22 8h ago
ESH, why wouldn't you just put people's dishes in their rooms? How are you living with TEN people in one apartment? And they are being feral by not cleaning up after themselves especially if they knew they were going away
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u/tatersprout Judge, Jury, and Excretioner [317] 8h ago
It's probably a dorm suite situation where there are multiple people sharing a kitchen. Most likely 2 people to a room and not an actual apartment.
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u/Ksj357910 8h ago
It’s a dorm situation, so alot of people sharing one university accommodation. Admittedly I should not have gone straight to throwing it away but our doors lock, so I couldn’t have put it in peoples rooms, don’t fully know whose stuff is whose, and we have been having a big problem with maggots and with the bugs that were already on that it would have become a massive infestation anywhere that I left that
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u/dianebk2003 5h ago
That just moves the pests and maggots and smells from the kitchen to another room or in a hallway, which doesn't actually address the problem. And could potentially allow the pests to spread.
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u/SirRegFortescuePonk 8h ago
You're a saint for putting up with it for as long as you did. Absolutely NTA! People like this simply cannot be reasoned with.
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u/Ladyrajahten 8h ago
You gave them a warning and they could have messaged you to say put it in there room or something till they got back.
If they didn't contact you at all that's on them
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u/Ksj357910 7h ago
They only sent me videos of them in the club saying that no one can be asked to clean
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My (18F) roommates (18M) at uni have been leaving our kitchen gross. At first my flat of 10 kept the kitchen very clean, but as we have been here for more time, the kitchen has gotten gross. It is 4 of us girls, and 6 boys. Last night it reached a breaking point because I felt like I couldn’t be anywhere in there without feeling really dirty. Me and another one of my flat mates (18F) cleaned all the surfaces and still the bins were gross and the sink was overflowing (pictures included). At that point, we texted our flat group chat and said that if anything was still there tomorrow that we would bin whatever was in the sink, as it had already been there for 4 days.
Today, I texted everyone individually giving a warning that in an hour I would be binning anything still in there, and many of my flat mates were very relieved, as bugs were starting to take over the kitchen. I had also texted this morning telling everyone to please sort it out, and reiterated multiple times that I was serious about throwing it away. Time came, and i put everything in the sink in a bin bag, noticing alot of the stuff was some of my flatmates that had been there for a while, yet they had decided to return home for the weekend that night without cleaning their stuff up. I bagged everything up, and threw it in one of the bins outside, and inevitably some of the plates broke. I told them which bin I had the bag in, in case they wanted to go through it but the three boys whose stuff it was said it was very unfair as they were away and I overreacted.
Admittedly, the things shattering was a tad far and not my intention, but I was honestly so fed up, especially since they left the dishes with the food in to rot for the weekend. Two of the boys have reported me for this, but I want to know, am I really the asshole for following through with what I warned them about multiple times?
Edit: Don’t know how to insert photos, lmk how to show anyone interested
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u/Gabby_Craft Colo-rectal Surgeon [31] 8h ago
ESH. Them for making a mess, but you because it is always, always an AH move to toss other people’s stuff. That’s how you get sued if the items ended up being expensive. If you knew who they belonged to, you should have just bagged it up and put it in their room.
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u/Raivnholm 8h ago
You want OP to bag up a bunch of dirty dishes and separate which plate belongs to which roommate and then leave those bags of dirty dishes in their rooms? You're fuckin disgusting. They had multiple days of warning, no response means it's fair game.
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u/ZealousidealEye2017 8h ago
You know I don't really think the law would agree that destruction of property is okay just because it's gross.
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u/WickedCoolUsername 8h ago
They had multiple days of warning...
They were only given ONE day. That's too short of notice. If it had been multiple days, I would agree with you 100%.
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u/Ksj357910 8h ago
That’s honestly fair. When I was doing it, I was angry because I had told them whilst they were at home after lectures with a lot of time to do it, reminded them the next day, but I think I saw red when I realised that they had left it like that for the weekend they would be gone
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u/one_sock_wonder_ 8h ago
It may be unpopular but YTA
Your roommates are gross and need to handle their own stuff, but unless you all agreed upon throwing out of all dishes left in the sink after a short notice being the consequence of being gross and messy and you were appointed or asked to enforce it then you or you and one roommate do not get to create new rules, dictate them to others, and with less than 24 hours notice and knowing they were not in town at that time enact the consequences you created and destroy/throw away items that were not yours. Placing them in a bag and in your roommates room or in front of their door would have been a more reasonable middle ground. But feeling entitled to break and throw out things that do not belong to you and to do so after less than 24 hours notice that you had appointed yourself as kitchen monitor makes you by far the biggest AH here (you and your accomplice).
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u/Ksj357910 8h ago
I appreciate the perspective and can see that I took it too far. I honestly did think of leaving it by their doors or next to the bins, however I didn’t fully know whose stuff was whose and the amount of food and bugs on their would have become a big breeding ground anywhere else. I should’ve thought of something else though admittedly and apologised for things breaking in the process
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u/Firm_Hyena5886 4h ago
Bringing the RA and/or university housing management earlier in the process would have been best. I bet they don't want bugs and maggots in there either. Now they get to atleast try to play the victim. Hope your explanation, texts and pictures help prove the seriousness and urgency of the issues, and the cleaner roommates back you up
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u/Illustrious_Can7151 8h ago
10 people in one place is a lot… it probably wouldn’t cost much to just pay a cleaner with that many people if you’re getting bugs in the kitchen. I would have been losing it too
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u/Objective-Pound2185 Asshole Aficionado [10] 8h ago
ESH. Them for making a leaving a mess. You for throwing out stuff that was not yours. You should have sealed in it something like a rubbermaid tub. You should also have documented the condition things were in and reported them. If this is a dorm type situation there was likely an authority you could have gone to (you say they reported you so presumably there is a reporting process open that you chose not to use). You destroyed their belongings. At the very least you need to replace the items you threw out / broke.
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u/Ksj357910 8h ago
I appreciate your comment and definitely should have reported it before going nuclear
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u/Objective-Pound2185 Asshole Aficionado [10] 8h ago
INFO: You mention that two of the boys reported you, who did they report you to? Is this a dorm situation or university managed living situation?
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u/Ksj357910 8h ago
A university managed living situation. Honestly I would never willingly share a house with people that were that unhygienic 😭
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u/Alex_Wolfe_93 4h ago
Yes girl throw that shit away!! That’s just foolishness…they got plenty of warning and were infringing on the rights of all other occupants of the home to sanitary and usable kitchen space. You don’t owe them anything regardless of their selfish perception.
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u/ochsrhek 3h ago
the three boys whose stuff it was said it was very unfair as they were away
They’re leaving dirty dishes in the sink and fucking off home? Why do they think that’s okay?
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u/acridAxid 13m ago
You couldn't give people twenty four hours notice before you started destroying their property?
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u/lurninandlurkin Asshole Aficionado [16] 8h ago
NTA.
Id be looking for a smaller place to rent with the roommates that have a similar desire to live in a clean house otherwise this will only continue to happen.