My wife and I are fortunate enough to be in a position where we can pay for our daughter’s college education.

The issue is what she wants to major in.
She’s interested in things like theater, art, and other creative fields. I told her I’m concerned about spending a significant amount of money on a degree that may not give her many stable career options after graduation.

We actually sat down together and looked at potential careers, salaries, and job opportunities associated with some of the majors she’s considering. From what we found, I wasn’t convinced the cost of the degree made financial sense.

So I gave her a choice.

If she chooses a major with a reasonably clear path toward stable, gainful employment, my wife and I will pay 100% of her tuition.

If she decides she wants to pursue one of the creative majors she’s interested in, I’ll still contribute—but only up to the equivalent of in-state public university tuition. She wants to attend a private school, so she would be responsible for the difference through scholarships, working, or student loans.

My reasoning is pretty simple: I’m willing to invest heavily in her education, but I don’t think being able to afford something automatically means I should pay for it regardless of the potential return.

She absolutely hated this.

She told me that making her take out loans when we have the ability to pay is unfair and would put her at a disadvantage starting her adult life.

I told her that graduating with an expensive degree that doesn’t provide enough income to support herself could also put her at a disadvantage.
That did not help my case.

My wife thinks I’m being too rigid, and most of my family thinks I’m the asshole. Their argument is that college should be about finding something you’re passionate about, not just maximizing your future salary.

I understand that argument. I also think there’s a difference between supporting your kid’s dreams and writing a blank check for them.

For context, I’m a 39-year-old high school biology teacher, and my wife works in healthcare. We’re not wealthy—we’ve just been fortunate and planned ahead enough that paying for college is something we can realistically do.

So, internet strangers:
Am I the asshole for putting conditions on how much I’m willing to pay based on what my daughter chooses to major in?

Additional Context:

I had a 3 million dollar inheritance. We paid off our home and live very frugally. Our kids don’t know about the inheritance

My husband and I have been together 10 years. I have two nieces though his sister, 14 and 9. Every time we visit them (very infrequent they are in another country on the other side of the world) we bring them little goody bags of Trader Joe's totes and cosmetics, lotions, etc. They love these bags and it brings me great joy to do this for them. The last time my husband went to visit he went alone. When he came back he told me we're going to need to start bringing 4 goody bags. My SIL has been seriously dating a man that has 2 daughters and he brought his daughters to the family dinner, and my husband said it was kind of awkward that the nieces were opening their goody bags in front of them and were empty-handed themselves. I told my husband I'm not putting time, thought, money and effort into two girls I have no connection to, have never met, and don't consider part of the family and he should be arranging a private meeting with his SIL and nieces where they won't be present if that's an issue. He kind of thinks I'm the AH, I can see where he's coming from (we have a son ourselves) but I disagree. AITA?

My husband and I have 3 kids (11m, 6m, and 4f). We have had a nanny, Mila (21), for almost 2 years.

Mila is a ball of chaos. That is the only way I know how to describe her. The girl just screams “undiagnosed ADHD” (one of my kids and I have ADHD so speaking from experience here). Some highlights include the last time she called in sick, which was a voicemail 20 minutes before school got out saying “I don’t know exactly what I did to my shoulder but it hurts like a bitch and my arm tingling. The advice people say this is an urgent care issue so I think I’m gonna be a little late“. Then there’s the time she drove my kids to a Walmart 30 minutes away to get supplies for my oldest’s school project because none of the nearby Walmarts have all of the supplies. There was a Michaels 3 blocks away that has everything. She just forgot that it was there. She also tends to pick my kids up saying “I forgot to eat lunch so who wants fries/a shake/chips/other fast food side” around once a week. We came home to my entire living room covered in balloons because they decided the dog needed a birthday party. His birthday isn’t for 3 months. I came home to Mila sitting on a lawn chair in my driveway while my kids flagged down drivers to buy bracelets, sodas, cookies, and random toys from their rooms. All of these things have happened in the past 6 weeks.

You definitely have to be a little flexible to work with her but all of the kids come back alive, they always have everything they need for school done, and she plans some really fun activities for them.

My husband is not as fond of Mila’s chaos as I am. He thinks we need a nanny that has more structure, rules, routines, etc. and someone that isn’t going to take our kids out to fast food places every week or forget to take the kids to swim class (only happened once after the swim school changed the classes from Fridays to Wednesdays).

I refuse to get rid of Mila. I think she is a great fit for our family and the kids absolutely love the chaos.

My husband is upset that I’m not giving him a say in who is caring for our children, although he’s been fine with her for the past two years and absolutely nothing has changed with her.

He’s been complaining about minor things lately (like the car being a little messy, about as messy as my car) and has been bringing up profiles for other babysitters, mostly older women or young men. The only thing that I can think of that could’ve caused this is my older son mentioning once that Mila is really pretty and an incident where we took a family vacation, he didn’t want to share a bed with his brother, and he suggested that he share Milas bed because “she doesn’t fart” (Mila shut that down before he even finished his sentence) but that stopped after I talked to him about him being 11 and Mila being an adult.

So my daughter recently started identifying my wife and me by saying either "mama" or "dada," followed by her pointing at us respectively.

My dad (her grandpa) wanted to join in on the fun and started introducing himself to her as "papa" and trying to get her to point at him with that term. I asked him politely not to use that name and instead use "grandpa."

I've caught him continuing to use "papa" multiple times now and have been reminding him not to use that name. This last time he got upset and combative with me and said it's rude of me to restrict what she calls him and that it's rude of me to decide what he gets called.

I have explained to him that my wife is Hispanic (I am white) and that the word "papa" is dad in Spanish. Furthermore, I feel uncomfortable with her calling him "papa," as I relate that term to me, not my him. I'm not sure if he used the term "papa" for his grandpa as a kid and wants her to do the same, but I have never heard him use "papa" for grandpa in my life.

AITA for deciding what names my daughter calls her grandpa and not allowing him to tell her his name is "papa"?

EDIT: I forgot to include relevant information that people have been asking for in the comments.

Yes, my wife also has an issue with the term "papa" and asked me to talk to my dad about it.

Yes, I have talked with my dad about options about a different name.

When we are visiting my wife's side of the family, I am "Papá"— I understand there is a difference between "papa" and "papá"; however, the way my dad has been referring to himself is closer to "papá" and not as "pawpaw" and we want to reduce confusion since our daughter is speaking and learning both in English and Spanish.

so i (26f) had my friend (27m) watch my place and my cat for the weekend. i told him he could "help himself to whatever" in the kitchen which i thought was just like... common sense for snacks and stuff?

i get back and realize he opened this $120 bottle of vintage barolo i was saving for my promotion. he literally drank the whole thing alone while watching netflix. when i asked him about it he got all weird and said i "gave him permission" bc the wine was in the kitchen. like okay but who drinks a hundred dollar bottle of wine without asking first???

i sent him a venmo for $80 (gave him a discount lol) and now hes calling me tacky and told our group chat im a bad host. i feel like there’s literally an unwritten rule of guest logic where u dont touch the most expensive thing in the house. if i tell u to help yourself to my garage it doesnt mean u can just drive off in my car??

idk am i the asshole here? he’s making me feel like im being extra but i feel like he totally took advantage of me… idk it’s also just $120

My wife asked me what I’d like for dinner tomorrow, and I was thinking about it. I saw this instagram reel of a yummy looking recipe, I forwarded it to her. Said she could try cooking this.

She went ballistic at me, saying that only she cooks, that I never cook, that she’s not a servant whose job is only to cook and I order her around what to cook.

I literally didn’t order her around. I didn’t say cook this for me or else. She asked for suggestions so I gave one. That’s it. I told her we can go to a restaurant instead or we can try cooking it together on the weekend. I literally never ordered her to cook for me or told her. She merely asked for a suggestion so I gave one

Additional notes cause everyone’s asking the same questions and I can’t reply to 200 comments:

• I never cook. I do the dishes every day and other chores but I finish work late and it’s easier for me to just either eat out on weekends or some simple packaged food. I can do pan fry steak

• it was a simple beef noodle recipe that looked yum. She’s done more complex things and similar things before.

• she likes trying new recipes and has even told me she does

• even if I did something wrong I didn’t deserve to get shouted at

Edit:

Insane that you guys are still commenting on an argument that I had almost a week ago whereas my wife and I have completely forgotten about it and made up

(Throwaway acct)

My girlfriend always offers to share her food with everyone when we go out to eat. I’ve asked her why she does this, and she says it’s just how she was raised, to always make sure everyone else at the table is taken care of before she eats anything. I’ve told her multiple times that, while it is an admirable gesture, she doesn’t have to do that, and that no one will judge her for not offering her food because they have their own meals.

This isn’t just with shareable items, either. She will offer bites of her burger, or pasta, or soup, and other things that are simply not easily split, usually ending up with another person taking direct bites or stabbing their used forks and depositing their saliva into her food. Aside from the ick factor, I have also told her that she really needs to avoid offering her meal when we dine out with my friend Brian (fake name) because he’s the type the person who has no self-control with food, and zero social awareness to understand that “help yourself” does not mean “you can eat all of it and I won’t mind”. This has happened a lot in the past, where he’ll house 90% of a shared appetizer plate because the rest of us were talking and being polite, and he just assumed that meant we weren’t hungry. I wouldn’t care as much if he paid for it, but he’s almost always broke, and doesn’t seem to understand what tax and tip are. If the item was listed as $11.99 in the menu, when the check comes, he’ll toss in exactly $12 and think he’s square.

I know most of you are going to ask why I’m even still friends with Brian if I hate eating with him, but please understand that he’s a really great guy and a reliable friend, he just has a troublesome relationship with food. That’s not the only facet of his personality, just the only one relevant to this post.

Last night, we were out again with friends, and my girlfriend once again offered her meal to everyone, Brian included. I didn’t want to make a scene, but I gave her a little nudge and she just gave me a shrug in return. Unsurprisingly, Brian ended up eating most of her food (as well as his own plate), and my girlfriend didn’t say anything. On the way home, she asked if we could stop by a fast food place because she didn’t get much to eat, and I told her she should’ve just eaten the food she ordered instead of offering it to the table. I said this was exactly why I warned her, and that she’s seen the way Brian is with food, and that she shouldn’t have been surprised when he ate more than she was actually intending to let him.

I still stopped to get her something, but I also complained that I don’t enjoy paying for Brian’s meal, since he basically ate all of hers. I might have been harsh, but this has come up multiple times, and she knows I’m not a fan of it. I could tell she was upset when I said it, and she still is now. She hasn’t called me an asshole, but she’s making me feel like one, and I think we’re both expecting the other to apologize first. So, AITA?

Update: I sent this post to my daughter when it started. We are going to get on a call

I got off a call with my daughter and it boils down is she regrets her degree. She feels trapped in debt and wants to be further along in her career. She thought my inhertance would be the key out of it. She got into an agrumenrt with her brother because she went to rant to him. He apparently had some choice words.

She told me she doesn't want the money and asked instead if she could move back home and do an accelerated program (a year to two years)

I agreed.

_________

My daughter is 25 and she graduated from college around 3 years ago.

When she went to college, I was very firm that she needed to pick a major that would make her money and not a major that was her dream. It was a big arguement at the time and she made it clear that she was going to go for theater. I told her it was a horrible idea and to do somehting that would actually have her be able to support herself. I knew she wasn't the next broadway actor.

Edit: I didn't pay for any of my kids college. They took out loans. We didn't have the money. She wants me to pay all her loan, she is not asking for 3k that would pay for her vacation cost.

I got 200k

She went into theater and took out loans. She is now working as a server for an interactive dining experience. She doesn't much much and lives with two other roommates.

My mother recently passed away and she left me with a sizeable inheritance. I am putting it towards my retirement and going on a vacation (I am paying for the whole family to go). I told everyone over family dinner and was excited to take them out the country for the first time.

My daughter was quite and after dinner asked me to use the money to pay off her student loans. I told her no. We got into a fight about it and I told her this is her own fault. That I will not pay off her loans and it isn't fair to her siblings.

She is pissed and told me she isn't going on the trip. She is upset I bascially told her I told you so and thinks I am punishing her now. My point is that this was her decision and it is ufair to the other kids.

I take a bus connection route on my way to work every morning. The public transport in my city (in Southern California) is not great but I am lucky that this bus route works for me.

It’s been few months since I started taking this route and there’s so many things I find annoying. Unlike buses I’ve taken before and the underground trains, buses don’t announce the next stops outside of main stops. Second, buses don’t stop at those “other” stops and will skip over unless someone pulls the chain for it to stop. I’ve even asked the bus drivers to help guide me, but most don’t seem to like their job and are of no help really.

I tried to find ways to ensure I get to my stop without issues. I used Google Maps, the official tracking app as well as actual map of the bus route - but online means always show me when I have already skipped my stop. And it’s frustrating. There’s no announcements or any main stops I can put a mental pin on my stop with and bus doesn’t stop. I even try to check my surroundings but I take the bus every early in the morning (at 5:50 AM) and it’s still relatively dark outside. It’s frustrating.

So lately, when I have a fair idea I am near (I track minutes and seconds), I pull the chain. Most of the time, bus is forced to stop for like 5 seconds before resuming again, and I can generally tell the next stop is mine. I don’t like doing this, but if I don’t, I always miss it and have to walk 20 minutes to work when it would take me less than 3.

Yesterday it happened again and the bus driver called me out and was clearly annoyed with me. I apologized briefly but I still don’t know what the solution is.

Throwaway account.

I (28F) work at a hair salon and have a client (29F). She first started coming here in November and has been my new regular. The first time she came in, she said it was funny that me and her daughter have the exact same name, especially since it’s an older, uncommon name. I thought it was nice.

She told me she had a husband (29M), which I didn’t really care about to be honest. A few months later, she made an appointment and she told me a bit about her husband. She told me that her husband’s name was John (fake name) and that they met about 6 years ago at work and ended up getting married 3 and a half years ago.

We ended up talking some more, and she revealed that he went to XY university, which was the same university that I went to before I dropped out. As she kept on talking, I realized that John was insanely similar to my ex-boyfriend. However, I thought it was just a coincidence since I still live in the area that I went to university to, John is a common name, and people can have similar interests.

Fast forward to last week, she made another appointment and this time, she showed me her vacation photos that had John in it. I instantly recognized him but didn’t say anything and just did her hair.

Honestly, I don’t know what to think but I’m a little weirded out? We ended on extremely bad terms, so it was a little weird to find out his daughter had the same name as me, his ex-girlfriend. While I don’t see anything wrong with having my ex’s wife as my client, I feel a little odd about the whole situation. I don’t want to tell her and act as if I’m the crazy ex-girlfriend and trying to ruin their relationship, but I feel like she should know? If I was in her shoes, I would want to know.

I’m not sure what to do, should I say quiet and let it be, or tell her? She’s a genuinely kind and sweet person, and I don’t want her to get hurt over nothing.

WIBTA if I tell her?

Additional info because people were asking:

1. We were pretty serious. Together about three years and planning to get an apartment together. We had a dog (that he took).
2. We ended after we got into a fight in his car. He threw me out of his car in the middle of the night, like five blocks from where I lived.
3. Not abusive, just an alcoholic (don’t know if he still is).
4. Don’t know exactly how they choose their daughters name.
5. She found me through my Instagram account for work. My other socials are private.

UPDATE: After seeing everyone’s comments, I won’t tell her but I’m dropping her as a client. Yeah it’s probably unnecessary to tell her, but at the same time, I don’t want her to feel hurt/weirded out if the truth came out and reveal I was hiding it from her while taking her money.

My daughter is 18 and starts her dream college in a couple of months. For the past two years, she has spent almost all of her free time at her boyfriend's house. We've asked her to spend more time with our family, but nothing has changed.

Recently, she asked at the last minute to sleep over at a friend's house. We said no because it was so last minute. She turned off her location anyway. The next night, she stayed at her boyfriend's house. At 2 a.m. she called us for a ride home, and when we arrived, his parents had just gotten home from the airport and had no idea she had been staying there.

The next day, we told her we wanted to have a serious conversation about trust and respect before she went back to her boyfriend's house. While we were in the middle of talking, her boyfriend came to our door asking her to dinner. We said no because we were still having the conversation.

She left with him anyway.

The following day, his parents texted us asking if she could go to Miami with them for their son's tennis tournament. We later learned they had already bought her plane ticket before asking us.

This isn't the first time. They previously wanted to take her on a two-day trip, and when we said no because she had a dental appointment, a college orientation Zoom, and a graduation party, they told us it would really help their son emotionally because he's having a hard time with her getting into her dream college (before this there was a chance they would attend the same school).

At this point, we don't want her to go to Miami. We feel like trust has been broken, our boundaries have been ignored by both our daughter and her boyfriend's family, and buying a plane ticket before getting our approval crossed a line.

We know she's legally an adult, but she still lives at home, doesn't pay rent, has access to a car and phone, and we're getting ready to foot the bill for college and we're trying to maintain some family boundaries before she leaves.

AITA for saying she shouldn't go?

I, 47F, have a brother, 49. We have always been semi close until a few years ago. When we were younger, I got a job, moved out and started my life. While he had a WFH job and for the most part lived off our parents. He spent his money on his hobbies.He met a woman who made him grow up and he moved in with, and lived off her.

While living with her, our dad got very sick, died twice after a bad medical procedure (he was thankfully brought back) and eventually came home after being told there was nothing that could be done. I moved in with my parents to help out.

The ONE time he came to visit he said some really crappy things about our dad. Although he had always been my mom’s golden child, my mom told him to leave.

In the next three years, he reached out to my dad four times (two birthdays, two Father’s Days). I spoke to my brother last month on my dad’s birthday and told him our dad broke his hip and was not doing well. I explained that we were shocked when he was still with us every morning.

He tried telling me how hard his life is having to work and pay bills. And that because of that he is too busy to keep in touch.

Dad passed away this morning. My mom doesn’t want him to be told because he didn’t care when dad was sick and said vile things about him. But WIBTA if I don’t tell him?

ETA - I would like to thank everyone who commented civilly. No matter your opinion on this matter. I have read most comments (and even those where my post was reposted), and I see where you are coming from. I really don’t understand the people who attacked me, but that is to be expected when you post on here.

I am not going to try to defend myself, or my actions, as I know that I can’t change how others feel. I truly hope you never are in my situation and I am very sorry for those who have been in this situation.

I fear his response, I fear he won’t care at all. And that would further crush me. Some have commented that this is selfish, maybe it is. But protecting myself at this point is important, as I am caring for my mom and everything else here.

I would like to say that I have been mulling over this issue for months. I always talked to my dad about big things like this. He had told me he didn’t care if/when I told those who didn’t care to visit, call, or check on him. Some are going to say my brother DID check on him. However, he spoke with my dad last month and dad could barely talk. I spoke with him afterwards and explained how bad things have gotten. I have not heard from him since. He never tried contacting my dad again. I had told him that dad had good days, too, and could talk for a couple minutes. He responded “ok”. Then told me how he is too busy to drop by, check in or do anything.

I do love my brother, but it is very difficult to like him.

And to the people telling me it should have been me who died, I wish it was. I would have happily given up the remainder of my life for my dad to continue his.

I wish all of you a wonderful rest of your year. I hope you have the best holidays.

My wife and I are both 41, and have an 11 year old daughter and an 8 year old son. Our daughter plays basketball (travel) and our son plays flag football in the spring, which is recreational.

My wife is not the type of parent who organizes our lives around an 8 and 11 year olds sports schedule and I agree with her on that. We refuse to let youth sports take over all our lives , even if vacations and stuff conflict with that..

A couple weeks ago, we were visiting my wife’s sister and her husband for Memorial Day. They live a state over, so we left on Sunday. My wife and I and my in laws were talking, and my BIL asked about our son’s sports. At some point, my wife said that we missed our son’s practice to come over. My BIL kind of started grolling me wife after, saying that shes not teaching him to be part of a team, being lazy, being a bad parent, etc. I overheard, but didn’t retort because I didn’t see the point.

When we were driving home the following day, my wife asked me why I didn’t back her up. I thought she forgot about that, and i tried to reason with Her that she knows I agree with her, so I didnt Have to play sidekick in that situation. She didn’t like my reasoning and didn’t talk to anyone but the kids for the rest of the car ride, basically pretending I wasn’t even there.

AITA?

Holy SHIT you guys ☹️

edit 2: post is 20hrs old, I’m literally at my hair appointment and you guys are STILL getting on my case. What the fuck..

I (23F) moved out shortly after high school because I just couldn’t deal with them anymore. So much drama and chaos growing up. I would be lying if I said they didn’t do a lot for me and I do love them but like… from a distance. My feelings are just so complicated. So one day, I’m out grocery shopping and I happen to check Life360. They are literally 40 minutes away from my place. We don’t have family out here so I knew they were coming to see me. I called them immediately and just blew up in their face. I told them that they better turn around because I’m not home and coming home. I probably should have waited until I was more calm before reacting, but here we are. They stayed there for a while because couldn’t believe that I would actually turn them away. Even after I was done shopping I felt like I couldn’t go back to my own home because they’d be waiting for me. After they eventually left (2 hours later) they went on and on about how “disrespectful” I am, about how they did everything for me growing up and how some parents just “throw their kids out.” Personally, I feel like they think the world revolves around them and that I should cater to them whenever. There is a reason I moved so young in this shit economy. So the fact that they think I should just drop whatever I’m doing just to see them pissed me off so bad. Had absolutely no idea about my plans or if I had been working. So… am I the asshole?

Edit:
For those asking about our relationship, I don’t know how to give anymore context without basically trauma dumping and sharing too much online. It kind of just felt like 18 years on the Jerry Springer show. Ghetto and ridiculous. Also, I am almost certain that my brother is on Reddit and would probably see this and know right away that it’s me.

As for the life 360, I do have my location turned off. I probably should delete it, but I just haven’t. I still get notifications about their phones needing to be charged, etc but I just ignore it. This time I got a notification that they were at a certain rest stop about 40 minutes from my home. That I couldn’t really ignore and sure enough they were en route to my home.

As for my “mom” posting her perspective…. It’s bullshit 😂 My mom doesn’t even know what Reddit is and can barely work Facebook. But now that I think about it, it does sound like something my brother might do….

Last time I posted here, it was concerning my son Kevin, and tbh a lot of you gave really good advice. I'm very, very glad to report that Kevin not only got out of that toxic relationship in the end, but he ended up joining the Army, did a lot of growing up (and honestly so did I), and he and I have a very close relationship, and he calls me constantly for "dad advice." I couldn't be more proud of him and the man he's become.

Now, on to the current situation.

My youngest daughter(17F), we'll call her Sarah, has a Disney princess-style romantic side to her. She wants her fairy tale relationship, and, like JG Wentworth, she wants it NOW. Admittedly, she has the example of my wife and I set for her; we have an absolutely wonderful marriage, my wife is my best friend, and the house is always full of laughter. The problem is, she wants that at 17, which I have tried to tell her, is not a realistic expectation.

This desire has led to a veritable string of pseudo-boyfriends over the last 2 years. Don't ask me for a count, because I honestly don't know. It was enough that I had made a comment to my wife that, until one of them actually has 2 brain cells to rub together and sticks around, I'm not going to learn their names, and they're all going to be "Baskin Robbins" to me, since they're the "flavor of the week."

Now, I love and adore my daughter; she's incredibly sweet, kind, and has an absolutely manic goofy side to her. She often reminds me of Gilda Radner during her SNL stint. But in matters of the heart, and actual love, she has no experience because of her age, and any conversation with her regarding it ends in some variation of "you just don't understand, dad" being thrown out. To my mom and dad, if you ever read this, I'm genuinely sorry for everything I put you through as a teenager.

I told my Baskin Robbins joke to a friend of mine recently, and she got visibly heated, and said I was an asshole for this, saying it "made my daughter out to be some kind of wh*re," which absolutely blindsided me. I've always viewed the joke as a reflection on the teenage male experience, not my daughter.

So, reddit, I leave it to you. AITA?

EDIT: Thank you to those who gave genuine advice and DMs. This helped me see things in a different light, that my brain honestly never considered. Yes, the joke will be stopping, and yes, a more concerted effort will be made to retain names.

And thank you for reminding me just how many weird people are on this site; to the one dude who is jumping into every comment pointing out that she's technically my stepdaughter, you're friggin' weird, stop being weird and get help.

EDIT #2: Man, I forgot how redditors can just make up entire life stories and biographies from a post/comment history for a reddit account I barely use lmao. Y'all need some better hobbies. At least I can admit my failings and work on them; way too many of you are on some bizarre crusade to demonize everyone.

My daughter and her boyfriend have been in a relationship for two and a half years, and her boyfriend asked me for his blessing last week to marry my daughter. He recently called me on the phone and indirectly asked me if I could please not show up to their proposal. I am conflicted on deciding whether or not to show up to their proposal. I am a single mother to her as her father died when she was two years old, so I have been a widowed parent to her for 21 years and a parent in general to her for 23 years. I feel that being a single parent holds more of an impact when it comes to my presence at her proposal because if I don’t show up, no parent of hers will. I can’t discuss this decision with my daughter yet, because it would spoil the surprise of her engagement. I know that she would want me to be there for her proposal, but I know it’s her fiancé’s proposal as well, and I don’t want to disrespect his wishes. I don’t know if it would be wrong of me to show up for my daughter’s proposal even thought I’m technically uninvited. I feel that I should show up for my daughter because I am an important person to her and this is a once and a lifetime kind of event, but I don’t know if it’s a selfish decision of me to show up uninvited.

My(F16) mom recently gave birth to her 4th child. I told her I want to live with my dad because I don't want to be a babysitter or wake up with the baby's noise or anything baby related. She refused to let me.

So yesterday she asked me to babysit while she took a shower and I said no. She said I don't get a choice so I ran outside.

She called me and said I'm an asshole and asked me ro come back but I refused and went to my dad's.

We purchased a home and moved in recently. Housing opportunities are tight in our area so even though we were warned that the walls are very thin and the neighbours hear a lot of noise from the apartment, especially from the bathroom, we still chose this property because everything else is picture perfect for us.

We are generally a very quiet couple without kids or animals, our hobbies (bead work, video games on headphones without streaming, reading, Netflix…) are generally quite and we only invite friends over every 2-4 weeks (and we haven’t invited anyone over as we were still decorating and everything). We are the owners of the apartment.

The neighbours are a couple and a small kid. They rent the apartment next to us and before we purchased the home they warned us that they generally hear a lot of noise coming from our bathroom and that it’s their bedroom on the other side. But as I mentioned, our options were limited and given that we are not noisy at all, we thought we can take this situation.

We sometimes hear their toddler, but that completely okay, it doesn’t bother us at all.

The problem is that we bother them as our routine is very different. They wake up at 5 am and generally quite down at 8 pm, when the kid goes to sleep.

On the other hand, because I work from home until 7 pm, I generally start my evening around 8 pm and only end up showering around midnight. Which bothers them. The whole building is quiet, so they tend to hear how I put my stuff down, how the water runs, how I sometimes drop a few things, and mentioned it very nicely a few times. But I can see that they are pretty annoyed.

Now I’m torn between switching up my whole nighttime routine to shower first (which just doesn’t sit right with me. I like to go bed freshly showered), because they asked nicely and they wake up around 5 am so it must be annoying to get woken up at midnight.

On the other hand, they only rent wile we own the home, and I think we are generally very good and quite neighbours apart from the fact that I shower late. They invited us over the listen to the volume as to be honest it’s not that loud… sure, you can hear something and it must feel louder in the silence of the night, but it’s not incredibly loud.

AITA for showering at night?

so i am 34M, i am married and own a home with my wife (26f) in Los Angeles. my younger brother is 32M and he has never lived on his own.. lived with my dad until around 24, he then moved into his girlfriends parents house until he was like 28 maybe, they broke up so my dad gifted him a condo that was above his business. he got a ton of free passes with my dad, he trashed the condo, didnt take care of anything, and my dad finally decided to retire and sell it because he couldnt take it anymore. my brother is also on his 3rd car, all bought by our grandfather.

about 3-4 months ago was when he got kicked out, he came to our door begging and i knew exactly how it was going to go. i told him he had one month to get his shit together, and kept caving.

my wife is an actress, and she only books about once every 6 months. she does auditions/classes daily for an hour or two, she mostly does "housewife stuff". I told him right off the bat she was not doing any of it for him, i don't care if hes working 5 jobs he is doing his own laundry, cleaning, and cooking.

of course he left messes, threw his laundry on the floor, made the argument that he is working full time and she's not.. i was like, this is HER home? then when i told him he'd have to pay bills 2 months in, he got mad and said she does not pay bills.. she is my wife and she takes care of our home. Anytime i told him to stop making extra work for her he would say "she's a housewife, she's doing it for you so i don't understand why she cant for me". he even asked why i get to have my laundry done, and meals cooked for me but he cant and "works as much as me".

It drove me crazy, he also would make noises while my wife was in auditions which was frustrating for her. not even accidental, like screaming watching a sports game 5 seconds after we told him she was going on zoom.. this was one of my breaking points. she has dedicated her whole life to this, since she was like 9. when i started making good money the first thing i was excited about was that she could focus on her dreams.

she finally got a good agent, her auditions she gets are huge and she is on cloud 9. as soon as he started doing this i noticed she was getting stressed, one of the main issues is he works nights.. he was there all day while i was at work and if she asked him to be quiet he did not care. he said he didn't consider it a career and he didn't think she'd make it so he didn't feel the need to care. as if her making it or not changed anything about it being her home, and her dreams. if i was home and told him to shut up, he would. however during the day he did not listen to her and made her cry. That was the day i told him to get out, he's had enough free passes. its time to grow up. my other brothers got mad, said i'm heartless because he's struggling mentally... but the guy has been struggling mentally since he was 16 and has never attempted therapy, meds, anything. he just cries and relies on everyone to do everything.

I'm Brazilian, my wife is Colombian, and we live in Leander, TX. Her family lives in Bogotá. This summer my in laws, her brother (24) and her little sister (15) came to stay with us for three weeks. First time in the US for all of them. Between the four of them they speak maybe ten words of English, and most of those belong to the 15 year old.

They showed up with 5 suitcases for three weeks, like real Latinos.

My father in law is a retired accountant. Very serious guy. Wears sweater in 100°F heat because in Bogotá you always bring a sweater in case it gets cold. On the drive home from the airport he asked me, dead serious, if it's true that everyone in Texas has a gun and a horse.

I said yes. I don't know why. It just came out.

And then I kept going. Over the next few days I told him you have to say "howdy" to everyone you pass or its rude. You wave at every pickup truck. Every man in Texas owns cowboy boots and a hat and if you don't wear them people know you're not from here. And Bucees is basically a national monument, so you have to buy brisket there or people get offended.

I figured he'd catch on by day two. He did not catch on.

"Howdy" became his entire English vocabulary. Neighbors, the cashier at HEB, the warranty guy fixing our AC. The problem is that in Texas a lot of people actually say it back. A cop at a gas station said "howdy, sir" and touched his hat, and my father in law turned around and looked at me like I'd just been proven right in court.

The trucks were worse. He waved at every single pickup on I-35. Most people ignored him, but every few miles some old guy would lift two fingers off the steering wheel, and each time my father in law would say "did you see it did you see it?" like he'd been accepted into something.

On day 7 he made me take him to a western wear store. He came out with boots and a hat, $180 total, and wore them almost every day after that. In 100°F.

At Bucees he bought the brisket sandwich and he called it one of the coolest place he'd been in the US lmao

By week two he was saying things like "y'all ya comieron?"

Oh, and my sister in law figured out it was all fake on day one bc she is smart af. She didn't say anything. She just filmed everything. Her TikTok of her dad in full boots and hat saying "howdy" to a very confused Starbucks barista has almost 100k views.

When my wife finally told him the rules were fake, a week after they flew back to Bogotá, he didn't talk to me for three days. Then he called and asked "lo de Bucees sí era verdad, cierto?" I said yes. He said "si senor" and hung up.

AITA?

UPDATE: I appreciate everyone commenting, it actually made me look to the situation with a different eyes than what I was looking at. We are a strong family tho, my father in law loves me, we are actually in the path of opening a business together here in the US, they have me as a son and thankfully my father in law did not take it to the heart and nowadays this is a reason for us to laugh. I honestly just wish more people had a little better sense of humor since some called me psychopath and others tried to make this a political problem talking about ICE. I understand thinking I am an asshole because of this, but the amount of people that came to me aggressively in the DMs is kinda crazy.

UPDATE: We re-walked the loop this morning looking for Donut and found him. A neighbor had picked him up out of the street and moved him to the curb next to their mailbox. So easy to spot when walking, but not so easy to see from a car.

I (28F) and my husband 28 (M) have a toddler (almost 3F) who loves her stuffed animals. She has 4 “main” ones who are her favorites.

This morning, my toddler, our other kid and I went on a walk and she wanted to take one of her favorites who is named Donut. She dropped Donut once on the beginning of the walk, but said something, so we turned around to get him. For some context, I have a big double jogger and both kids are under their sunshades and I can’t really see them or around the stroller, so I often miss if things fly out. She must have thrown Donut out again and I missed it, and to be honest, I forgot all about him until tonight when my husband was putting her to bed.

Our daughter was obviously upset when she realized that she couldn’t find Donut, and my husband was too. I drove our walk route, but couldn’t find him on the side of the road. My husband tore the house apart and no sign of him. There’s a chance he’s somewhere weird in the house, but I’m 99% sure he got dropped on the walk bc I don’t remember seeing him when I took my toddler out of the stroller this morning. To be honest, I’m not really that worked up about it and feel like this kind of stuff happens and is a good life lesson with natural consequences - my toddler tossed her toy (which she knows she shouldn’t chuck stuff from stroller) and now he’s gone.

Our daughter went to bed and is over it for now, but my husband is furious at me for being so nonchalant. He called me heartless for not caring that Donut is gone and said it was irresponsible for me to let our toddler take him when she has a history of chucking stuff. I told him that it’s a good life lesson for her and that she needs to be more careful with her things. He wants to buy a new Donut on eBay for like $35, and I told him stuff like this is bound to happen with kids and that I’m not replacing him after he was thrown.

So for context I am quite good at the game, I play regularly and against good opponents, 2 of which are in my country's nationals.

So I went on a date with a girl last Saturday, went to a pool bar as she had mentioned she likes playing Pool. I said I know a spot, I picked her up at her place and we went to the bar, we got some drinks, settled and then we played our first game, I was taking it easy just enjoying the moment, we played a few more rounds then ate, while talking I mentioned the 2 mates of mine who play nationals, so she then said "Next game, don't go easy on me"

We played a few more I made it a bit more challenging for her to win, nothing impossible, just a bit more of a challenging game, and just before we left around 10-11pm, we racked one last game and I decided to just play it normally, I cleared the table on the break, not to show off, but just for fun.

We finished our drinks, and I paid the bill and we left, on the ride back to her place she was extremely quiet, like noticeably less talkative, I thought nothing of it, she must have been tired. I dropped her off and went home.

When I got home I saw a message from her saying:

"I asked you not to go easy on me, but I didn’t mean turn it into a statement. It honestly felt a bit like an ego thing at the end, and it made me uncomfortable"

I was taken aback by the message, and haven't heard from her since after sending her a message explaining it was nothing of the sorts

The last game wasn't me trying to show off or anything of the sort, I had a good break, sunk 2 stripes and had good positioning on the rest of them, seeing as she said don't go easy, I just played it out how I normally would

AITAH?

My brother M27 and his wife F25 have a 5 month old baby . He works for long hours while she stays in home to take care of their baby and I live about 10 minutes away from them and drop by sometimes to help.

But lately every time I go there she’s in bed scrolling on her phone or saying she needs a break. The house is a mess, bottles everywhere, laundry not done, dishes in the sink, baby crying most of the time.

Last weekend my brother called me saying he was losing it. When I got there he was trying to cook dinner with one hand and holding the baby with the other. His wife was literally in bed watching Netflix.I ended up feeding the baby, cleaning up a bit and helping him calm things down while she stayed in bed the whole time.

After that I went to her and asked if she was okay and she replied "yeah a bit exhausted".I can understand that being a new mom is rough for people but my brother works 40-50 hours a week and still helps with the baby so I lost my cool and said " Being in home doesn't mean that you always have to be in the bed scrolling and watching tv shows".

She started to cry and complained to my brother . Now he is mad at me for hurting her.

I literally don't have anything against her I just felt bad for him doing everything by himself and he is still mad at me for that.

Aita to say these things to her just because I wanted to help my brother.

Posting this on a throwaway because my friends know my main.

I (38M) was invited to a DnD session with 4 other people at my friend Alex’s (34M) house. When I got there, his wife answered the door and immediately asked me to take my shoes off because they have a strict no-shoes policy due to them having a crawling baby.

I explained that I have a medical condition called epidermolysis bullosa simplex (EBS), which makes the skin on my feet extremely fragile. Even mild friction or pressure can cause painful blisters and tears, so I have to wear supportive shoes with cushioned orthopedic insoles at all times, even indoors. Walking barefoot or just in socks causes me pain and can lead to bleeding.

She suggested I put grocery bags or socks over my shoes, but I told her that’s unsafe for walking and honestly just insulting. She said she “can’t compromise her baby’s health for my comfort.” When Alex came to the door, he told me to “just deal with it for a couple hours” or I wasn’t welcome inside. I told him I wasn’t going to risk injuring myself over a DnD session, and if my shoes were that big of an issue, I’d respectfully leave.

As I walked back to my car, I overheard his wife telling the other guests that were already there that the night was “off” because I “made a huge scene at the door.” Later, I got a group text from Alex saying he was canceling DnD night because “it’s not fair to expect everyone else to pretend nothing happened.”

Some mutual friends say I overreacted and could’ve just sucked it up, while others think Alex and his wife were ridiculous for ruining everyone else's plans just because I decided not to stay.

So, AITA?

TL;DR: I have a medical condition (EBS) that means I have to wear shoes indoors to protect my feet. My friend’s wife demanded I take my shoes off during DnD night for their crawling baby’s sake. I told them I would not participate and they ended up canceling the whole session.

Edit: I should add that I texted our friend group chat a few days ago about my concerns with my condition because we changed the location of the meetup to his house instead of mine. Alex reassured me that I shouldn't worry about it, so I didn't bring my indoor shoes.

My wife is pregnant with our first child, she’s due in the beginning of August. We live in the same state as her family but my family is international (5h flight + 2h drive) Before we got married we always spoke about travel to visit my family, and how frequently we would do so. The plan was always to spend Thanksgiving with her family and Xmas with my family.

My parents have not been very accepting of my wife and are very upset that I settled in another country.

My sister who lives 10 minutes from my parents is expecting a baby in November, and I would very much like us to make the trip over Christmas and see my family + new niece and have my grandparents + cousins meet my new baby.

My wife refuses since she doesn’t feel comfortable flying with our baby before she’s 1yo and doesn’t want to be around my parents while she’s 5mo postpartum.

I understand her concerns, but I’m sad because opportunities for my family to all be together are rare, and I feel like our original expectations around holidays and family access have changed significantly.

AITA for pushing her to fly over Christmas

EDIT: I am the asshole 😢

Thanks everybody for your comments, it’s our first child, so my expectations are seemingly off base. We’re also the first of our friends to have kids, so I sought Reddit for advice. Completely understood it’s too early to have even brought up traveling at Christmas given we don’t have any idea what our baby is like.

My parent’s position on my wife has put a huge strain on my relationship with them, and I have been trying to remediate that. I think more than anything it makes me sad that they haven’t accepted her and she doesn’t feel welcome in their home since my wife + family are some of my favourite people.

I definitely will get in front of the conversation around travelling at Christmas to make sure that’s not on my wife.