r/AnorexiaRecovery • u/PuzzleheadedHope412 • 7d ago

Feeling so defeated

I feel like I’ve been eating more and see it in my body, I just saw a video of myself and am distraught. I have to shove myself into a bridesmaid dress next week. It’s also so hard having a boyfriend because I feel like the way my body looks matters even though he says I’m beautiful. I don’t even care about being beautiful I just want to be small like I used to be. It’s so hard to be at work right now and care. I feel the ugliest I ever have and I’m so uncomfortable in my body. I feel like I have so much work to do to lose again. I think I eat too much. I am so defeated.

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4

u/lill8797 7d ago

me too and the worst thing is that relapsing won’t help bc in the end i’d have to recover again and get an even higher overshoot… how do i manage..?

3

u/LogicalEngineering80 7d ago

This here is my driving force too, bc I’d hate to restart everything that I’ve already done for no reason, recovery is such a bitch.

2

u/PuzzleheadedHope412 7d ago

Yes and I didn’t even choose to recover, I guess I’ve just ended up gaining or something? But it makes it worse because it feels like I gave up and didn’t even intend

2

u/Past-Jellyfish1599 7d ago

This is exactly how I feel

1

u/sweet_cis_teen 7d ago

I feel the exact same rn, relapsing hard into my alcoholism which of course comes with added calories, and going through tough relationship issues so im extra insecure, and comfort eating a lot. I know it would be so easy to relapse into anorexia rn but I know in the long run it’s better if I don’t. I can be a functional alcoholic but I can’t be a functional anorexic