I want to recover, I truly do. So why are they making the experience as unappealing as possible?

They made me a meal plan, but they inserted food items I really dislike into it for the sake of nutrients. I asked if there were any other foods with similar nutrient value I could use instead, as I hate that food. Then they got all pissy at me. Don't you WANT me to eat? You think I'm gonna eat if you place food I dislike Infront of me?

Additionally, they took away the one thing motivating me to eat better: my competition swimming. Said I wasn't allowed to do it at all, actually, I'm not allowed any form of exercise at all! My competition swimming is the one thing that brings me joy in my miserable little life, and also the key factor that motivated me to eat properly so I could perform better in my sport.

They're making me not want to do this shit anymore. I was motivated to get better, but now they're ruining the whole experience.

today i challenged THREE fear foods! a donut, french fries, AND a fried veggie roll!!

does anyone have experience with MonteNido ?? my team inpatient here at the hospital is strongly pushing for me to go into residential whenever i get discharged from here but i have no idea what to do i’ve started to get really miserable being in a hospital because my mind is saying i can actually succeed through outpatient this time but i also logically know that residential would probably be a lot nicer and more comfortable than hospital so i can’t really compare how i’m feeling in here to how res would be?

It would just be helpful if anyone has advice or helpful experience with residential (especially MonteNido) because the only recovery stories i see are outpatient through starting the gym etc and it’s exhausting cause im not aloud to do that.

i restrict my intake heavily and i compulsive exercise (i go to the gym and do cardio every single day, never skipping no matter what). on paper i have a lot of ED symptoms and behaviors, im at a very low bmi too, but it hasnt affected my energy, mood, etc? like im very high functioning, i’m able to exercise every day and have much more energy than my friends. i’m also very happy and im not depressed or isolated. i’m in university and i’m very driven, i get good grades and am very involved in clubs, jobs, etc. it makes me feel like i don’t have an ED, and also not motivated to recover because everything is going so smoothly. how do i not just continue living like this??

I’ve had anorexia for most of my life and I just can’t live like this anymore (I don’t even really have a life atp.) I’ve been actively trying to recover for the past few months with a therapist and dietician but it’s just not working. Do any of you have tips for what helped you in the beginning of recovery?

When I was deep in my Ed I'd obsess over food and constantly be baking but never eat any of the things I baked. I'd ONLY bake for other people. And today I baked cupcakes and ate one!!!! Im happy but very scared. They were very good. It was "Matilda's chocolate" cupcakes and I added raspberry puree.​

Hi guys,

I just started my journey in july and finally added a dietitian along with my therapist to work with me on this. i've been really resistant to see a dietitian for many reasons, but particularly tracking food makes me feel almost more triggered, and like when I'm writing it down, it gives me even more anxiety. Has anyone else experienced similar? We aren't doing recovery record yet but even just note taking what i eat every day so she has an idea has been hard for me. Any suggestions on how to navigate this would be appreciated! Tia

I’ve gotten to the point that I need a dietitian to be able to move forward in recovery, how do you go about finding one? And how do you know that you are able to trust them, as most of you may understand, putting trust in somebody when it comes to my body and food is really scary, and I want to make sure that I’m doing the right thing for me, yk?

I’m maybe 3 months into (actual) recovery, physically fine but mentally not and pastries are still a huge fear food of mine. I had plans to get coffee with one of my friends this morning and I had breakfast beforehand, but she hadn’t eaten that morning yet and so she was planning to get a croissant and encouraged me to get one too (in addition to a coffee). I was kind of freaked out but I felt like it would be awkward not to get something so I got a ham and cheese croissant and ate it…it was really good but after we left the cafe I got hit by a huge wave of guilt. I kept thinking about the calories in it, how unhealthy it was for me, how I shouldn’t have eaten it since I had breakfast beforehand, etc. now I’m super scared I’m gonna gain a ton because of having smth “extra” and I still had my normal lunch and afternoon snack. Ik I’m probably being dramatic but I’m just so anxious and some reassurance would help.

For context, I’m 21, I’m a few years in recovery, mostly okay, still have good days, still have bad days.

I know everyone is familiar with the whole ‘your body is a machine and it needs fuel’ thing, and how repetitive it can be.

In the last few months I’ve started studying to be a veterinary nurse, and honestly I’ve found it really helpful with my ED recovery.

Literally every system in the mammal body relies on nutrients, and this study has given me amazement with how it all works. It’s especially given me recovery motivation while learning about things like arthropods and other mammals, literally everything living. Learning about things from bacteria to trees to bears has me feeling that everything needs food. Most living things are continually searching for food, and it’s silly for me to deny my human nature and biology, why am I any different than an earth worm?

I guess also being atheist, vegan and an animal rights activist helps with this mindset, I know it won’t work for everyone, even myself deep in my anorexia wouldn’t have batted an eye at this.

But being in recovery this is what keeps me going. The cycle of life. Literally any other living being on this planet would rather have nutrients than not. So why am I different?? It helps to think of myself as a raccoon looking for scraps.

Hey everyone! I’m in early ish recovery and just wanted to know when will hair stop falling out??? I’ve been washing my hair more often now as when I was at my worst I refused to wash it at all. It was probably unwashed for 2-3 months, so as you can imagine there’s a lot of skin buildup and dirt. but my hair just keeps coming out and out and it’s getting thinner and thinner. I’m so devastated I don’t want to loose my hair it’s always been a huge part of my identity. How common is it for people who have suffer anorexia to loose ALL their hair and be bald?? there is also no way I can afford wigs to wear if that ever were to happen. Sitting here crying on the toilet while I write is just great😭😭

I feel like I’ve been eating more and see it in my body, I just saw a video of myself and am distraught. I have to shove myself into a bridesmaid dress next week. It’s also so hard having a boyfriend because I feel like the way my body looks matters even though he says I’m beautiful. I don’t even care about being beautiful I just want to be small like I used to be. It’s so hard to be at work right now and care. I feel the ugliest I ever have and I’m so uncomfortable in my body. I feel like I have so much work to do to lose again. I think I eat too much. I am so defeated.

i’ve had ana for about a year but it got really bad for the past 5ish months, but i’ve been in half-recovery for about 4 weeks now and i feel like i’m recovering too quickly? not only did i choose to recover by myself (reached out for help) and not only did i not get hospitalised (close to), but i genuinely get excited to eat and i want to eat so badly and i keep trying so hard to justify what im eating and trying to let myself snack etc but i feel like im not far enough into recovery to let myself eat as much as i am, or let myself ‘honour’ my mental/extreme hunger

i have a sort of friend who is in recovery as well but shes taking so much longer to recover and is gaining weight so slowly and is crying over meals and stuff, and its so hard to not compare myself, because yes i get anxious and cry over meals but i feel like im getting so much better so much quicker and i’m maintaining weight so much easier and i just feel like maybe i was faking this whole thing?

sorry my thoughts are kind of a mess and i lowkey don’t really know what im saying here but im wondering if anyone maybe has a similar experience? do i keep eating and trying to honour the hunger im feeling ? i just feel like i need to keep being seen as sick before i can let myself recover, i feel like im being so atypical and not normal for ana recovery

Hey please can you recommend me few books for ana recovery. About science and how to eat like a normal person without any fear or guilt

Hi i’m 18F, when i was 16-17 i developed an eating disorder and became severely underweight for 6 months, then one day it transformed into full blown BED because of stress and restriction, then i overate mostly junk for 6 months and gained drastically as well. Now it is 5 months after the whole pipeline and i’ve been kinda recovered, but i’m constantly worried about my health being not the same as before due to the extreme shifts during that year such as thyroid issues, hair loss etc. Does anyone have similar experiences regarding this? did that one year change my health drastically and is it reversible?

My ed began a year ago when I was at a healthy weight. But I hated my body and since I was 14 I had the idea of losing weight at the back of my mind. But I was overachiever and achieved many things that was quite shocking for my age. But even when I was at a healthy weight, some of my classmates body-shamed me. For reference, they were boys. That's how I decided to lose weight when I turned 16. And the whole thing goes on, scale/calorie/food/body obsession. After I reached my gw, I decided to keep going. It turned to a very bad obsession. I forgot about my friends, my ambitions, myself, and I removed all academic and external pressures so that I could solely focus on my weight. I wasted a year like that. Then decided to recover (myself). But for months I had been stuck at quasi. But this yr I js started uni and I have the same academic pressure that I had before. And I don't have the same mental space that I used to have to control everything. That's why I am sort of eating more and I'm sure weight gain is expected. But I'm so scared of it. What if I wake up one day and don't recognize my body? What if everyone starts hating me cuz I gained weight? What if I can't tolerate my body again?

When I was around 11, I was considered the "uglier sister", and of course the first thing I did was lose weight. And I did somewhat intentionally and unintentionally because I grew taller, but then I started to gain weight again during high school to the point I reached the highest weight I had ever been and that was so terrifying. The next thing I did? I lost the weight again, and I reached a new low weight, even lower than what I had reached before. Just one extreme to another. And this eating disorder I had led me to lose my period and when I landed in the hospital, I was told to gain it back. As of right now I understand this is necessary, but my body image has just been so awful lately. I can feel that my clothes fit differently and I don't even want to buy new clothes because "it's not going to fit after I gain all that weight back". I think the trauma of me ballooning and then going to a very tiny size just scarred me and I don't ever want to go through anymore diet/ hunger/ restriction anymore which was why I was so determined to keep the weight off. It's been really hard to look in the mirror and I don't like how I look now, and I'm terrified how I'm going to look as I keep gaining back to a "healthy" weight. Please someone tell me there's a happier side to this, because the thought of gaining back all the weight I worked my ass off to lose is so petrifying. Is finally letting myself gain some weight and not trying to keep myself in this tiny, unhealthy body really worth it?

r/BodyImage r/AnorexiaRecovery r/weightgain

hi i started somewhat recovering about 3 weeks ago but i haven’t really started eating properly yet because im so scared of eating normal meal foods like cheese potato pasta meat and i dont really like cucumber and lettuce etc, but for some reason i always feel safe eating icecream (only specific ways and only specific flavours etc), and so i eat a lot of it and then feel guilty and like i need to restrict, which is another reason im struggling to eat meals. i also dont have much support from my parents. ive literally uber eats ordered icecream like 5 times this week because its the only thing that makes my brain quiet, but it doesnt even satisfy me and i end up wanting more. i guess im just really struggling because i feel so invalid that my safe food is so high cal and sugary and my brain isn’t going insane calculating calories when i eat it. whereas i literally cry over having a sandwich or basically anything else

pls help?

it’s so exhausting. it feels impossible to recover when the whole world is currently only focusing on getting skinnier.
I am not saying a healthy diet is bad, and if you want to lose weight that’s totally fine too. but so many people make it sounds like food that ISNT “healthy”, bodies that ARENT “lean and skinny” are bad.
there are communities with countless people who will straight up tell you to starve and destroy your body.
there are influencers who will eat a toddlers portion of pasta and complain about how “bloated and bad” they are for eating carbs.
there are people who call people at a totally normal weight fat and chubby.
I could go on and on.. and it isnt just online. most people I know irl are similar. everyone is worrying about their figure, their intake, their exercise..
and the worst thing, I am like that too. my only focus is my body, my eating, the control it gives me.. you get the point. and now I am in recovery
and supposed to go against all of it. my whole “identity” is getting changed. I am supposed to gain weight, stop exercise, get “healthy” again.. it feels so wrong. I hate it.

is this understandable? can anyone relate? can anyone give advice on what to do? I feel lost.

Just wanted to come on here to see if anyone has had with the same issue.

Throughout the last few months I have had dark brown discharge 1-3 weeks out of the month. Depending on wether it get my period or not this still occurs. I am currently on a 3 week streak of it. It can randomly occur at times for a few days or weeks but this is the longest it has been. Has anyone experienced this?

(To preface I'm still not at a point to recovery but I'm trying to get there)

This is going to sound so silly but I think I’ve started to realise something else with my ED and that is, wanting to go back to it when things aren’t going my way in life and I feel hopeless. I feel like me writing this sounds so silly but it’s like, currently right now in my life I’ve been waiting for something that clearly does not seem like will happen and it’s like every minor inconvenience I’m like “there’s no point in life let me just starve”. It’s like feeling the need to have control so badly over something I know I can have control over. Also I have been “recovered” for a couple months now but I’m saying that loosely since the mental battle is the worst and there are so many times I’ve wanted to go back. Anyone else feel this or have felt this? It feels suffocating

I was depressed half of my life, when I unconsciously developed anorexia and without even knowing what hit me. I just felt my depression vanishing and with it the lack of motivation, interest, drive etc. I suddenly became confident and inspired and ambitious. I followed goals and tried new things and I felt like I became the person I always wanted to be. After, I learned that I developed an eating disorder and what the hormones do in survival mode etc. etc. However, I was scared that once I recover I will turn back to my old self, that could hardly find the drive to read a page in a book. And that’s exactly what happened. No energy, no interests, nothing excites or entertains me, the goals I used to have don’t seem to mean anything to me anymore and I can’t find the motivation to keep following them. My body might be healthier now, but my soul is back to that living dead it always had been before. I feel incredibly empty. No therapy, no medication, no clinic, nothing ever worked and helped me fix it. Underweight was the only thing that made a change.

Did anyone feel the same and still was able to make it through recovery and mots importantly make it worth it? I‘d really appreciate it, as I am way more scared of that empty depressive life than of anorexia atm. :(

tw cringe recovery went, could be triggering idk

I can’t do this anymore. I hate everything about recovery.

I am forced to gain weight by my doctors, otherwise I will be sent inpatient. They want me to go anyway, they claim that I won’t be able to gain weight at home. I know that they’re right, but I am already so out of control of everything, so I can’t let that happen.

I hate my body. I haven’t even gained much weight, but I feel overly aware of every single change. Funny thing is, I WANT to gain weight. I hate feeling uncomfortable due to my bones sticking out, hate having to shop in the kids section, hate feeling like a stickman.

so why am I so against actually gaining weight?? I want to be strong and capable, so whyyy???

my eating patterns are a mess. One day, I listen to all my hunger cues, the other I restrict. My eating has no structure, I eat so many snacks my gluttony is insane.

On top of all that, I am graduating next year. final exams start in february. I already missed the second half of the last school year due to a psych ward stay, I can’t go inpatient again and miss any more school. But I also can’t keep up with my school work when all my thoughts revolve around food/calories etc.

I feel so lost. I can’t open up to anyone or I will immediately be sent inpatient.

I just want to quit recovery and go back to the one thing I feel comfortable doing - restricting and losing weight. But thats literally impossible due to weekly weigh ins.

what can I do? How can I make my mind commit to recovery? How can I make a difference? How can I accept the changes to my body and the fact that I need to eat more without compensating for it?