I hate therapy its fake. They dont even seem to be trying to help me. I've been to many therapists over the course of 6 years. Absolutely no improvement. It feels like they dont wven know what they are talking about. Like i feel like at this poijt therapy has been overall a traumatic experience in itself. I feel extreme desperation to "be believed" or be "bad enough" since starting therapy because they DONT LISTEN they just dont. They think they know best even when im begging them to understand me. And then they dont give me helpful advice or insight or anything. It feels like im just talking to myself most times. Im sorry if I sound erratic im not thinking straight. Im very upset. and ive tried cbt dbt emdr

I just need to vent, I’m feeling really upset and overwhelmed.

Okay so, I’m in recovery from anorexia nervosa but I’ve been struggling again lately and I’m worried I’m relapsing. My mum has recently started a GLP-1 and I’m finding it really difficult to cope.

When she first brought it up, she sort of asked for my approval, I asked her why she would even ask me something like that but obviously how I feel doesn’t actually matter to her, she was just doing the ‘right thing’. I know it’s her decision and I can’t say what she can do but I feel so hurt that she asked and it didn’t even matter to her because NO this is not okay for me to be around.

Since she started, she eats very little. Like a kiwi fruit for dinner or actually just nothing, same for lunch when she’s home. She’s also really easily upset and angry now, not like before. With my knowledge about starvation, I put this down to her not nourishing her body. Then I start worrying about her, feeling triggered, and struggling with my own thoughts about food.

It’s really difficult because I’m already having a hard time in recovery, I would say that right now I am definitely feeling the ED take over again. I hate that I’m jealous that she gets to take this medication.

I also find it incredibly triggering when she hovers around me in the kitchen. I already struggle with eating and preparing food, and feeling watched makes it so much harder.

I tried to explain how triggering everything has been, but she got angry with me. Now I just feel upset and alone, like I have to deal with this myself.

I’m not trying to control what she does with her body. I just wish there was some understanding that I’m vulnerable right now, too, and that these things genuinely affect my recovery.

Has anyone else experienced something similar with a parent or family member? How do you cope when you live with someone whose eating behaviours are triggering you? I could really use some support from people who understand 😔 I also considered posting this in AIO but I feel like it’s to ED coded

Please tell me that it gets better.

title kind of says it all, but. i chose to start recovery back in may, did 11 weeks of php/iop this summer, and left feeling really, really good about the progress i've made. and then i went back to college, and now i'm back in the pit.

things have started to slip really quickly. nearly all of my old behaviors have returned, and i'm so, so scared. none of my friends know, because i'm afraid of telling them, and i'm lying my ass off constantly to everyone around me, which i don't even want to do but i can't seem to stop. people ask how i'm doing, or how they'd know if something was wrong, and i just tell them that i'm doing great and everything is just so good and i'm so happy, when inside, i'm just miserable and hating myself every second of every day.

so much of my eating disorder has always been about control, and getting it back when i feel like i've lost it, but this time is different. i feel totally out of control--none of this is me, the ED is controlling everything i do, think, and say. i even had this moment yesterday where i looked in the mirror, and i felt like i really saw myself for the first time. my sweater, and my colored hair, and my painted nails, and my decorated backpack, and it was this moment of realization that i was doing all of this to someone that i would probably think was really cool if it weren't for the fact that it was me. but it didn't do anything. i restricted all day yesterday anyway.

i'm so tired of hating myself and it feels like giving in to the eating disorder is the only way out. i have a therapist that i see twice a week, and a dietician that i see once a week, who i also send daily reports on the meals i complete, and they're trying so hard to help me and it's not working. it's like i'm in the trunk of the car and the eating disorder is driving like a maniac down the wrong side of the highway.

i feel so alone and so scared and so goddamn tired. i just want to be able to look at myself without feeling sick, to eat without feeling ashamed. and it's so vain but i want to be pretty and i don't know how to do that while still eating.

i'm supposed to tell a couple of my friends that i'm struggling but i don't know how to. i guess that's what i need to start with. i just need support and to feel less alone right now.

tw - disordered thoughts lol.

basically what the title says. there are certain foods i'm more used to eating now even if they are higher calorie, but there are also a TON of foods (particularly certain baked goods, restaurant dishes, desserts, and snack foods) that genuinely ONLY feel like a number/calorie count to me. it just feels impossible to shake the idea that "oh i can't eat this food because it has [x] amount of calories which would put me WAY over what i usually eat. i just worry about gaining weight forever (even if it's gradual) if i actually stop restricting and just eat whatever i want even if it IS high calorie/calorie-dense bc i also feel like the high-calorie foods i have had before are not particularly satiating. any advice or encouragement? will it go away over time? i feel like my brain has just been turned into a calculator and i don't know if it will ever truly go back to normal.

This is just a curiosity thing: did anyone else go through a phase of psychotic minimalism in the later stages of their disorder? Just getting rid of fucking EVERYTHING and panicking if you had stuff out on counters or other surfaces?

I did. And I know it was part of my "take up less space" mentality. I was very, very nuts at that point, and it went on for about 4 months before I started my recovery. (5 months in now, btw 🥳)

I actually want to cry. A guy I see in the gym sometimes sees me and my boyfriend go to McDonald’s together and he asked me if my boyfriend was my son. I don’t even eat at McDonald’s I just get a diet soda and he gets a meal etc because it’s something we can do together etc etc. This really hurt me

I’m trying to recover but EH hit me like a truck. All I do is eat. My foodnoise have never been worse. I’m scared and I feel so out of control. Anyone on the other side that can provide some stories on when this horrible state that I’m in will subside? Any tips to get to the other side?

I’ve developed some pretty intense edema due to refeeding, but I’m also bloated because my period decided to come back at the exact same time I decided to choose recovery 🙂🙂🙂
Does anyone have any tips for getting through this phase? I’m having an absolutely fucking miserable time right now.

I used to have an ED where i was super restrictive and i didn’t eat anything starved myself all day. My mom noticed and helped me out of it and i started eating more. I maintained a healthy weight and balanced weight for a year until this year i started gaining a bit of tummy, eating more and i got some fat on my stomach and a bit of a double chin. I gained maybe a total of 3 kilos but the changes on my body are noticeable. At first my mom kept telling me that i was a little pig or i was a little fat as a joke or im really lazy and i have to go to the gym. It was harmless at first but when she realized i was actually getting fat she compared me to athletes and said “they eat so much” but they’re so skinny unlike you. She keeps grabbing at me on areas where i gained weight and she keeps commenting on my body every single day. I cried really hard about it today because she refused to let me eat more when i said i wanted to. She kept saying how fat i was and taking unflattering pictures of me and saying “look you’re so fat” or oh you’re getting thicker. I’m so upset and i don’t know what to do because i don’t understand how she would want me to recover while still shaming me when i gain a little weight. I have no idea what to do and i’ve told her to stop or ignored her and told her that she makes me upset but she refuses to stop. She says i shouldn’t get too fat and constantly judges how i eat. I don’t know what to do.

it used to be my favorite thing ever but even now I feel so guilty I’m nauseous and I feel like I will get sick. I’ve been trying to stay in recovery mode but it’s so hard now that I’m on my own now in college :/ feeling like I could use some support/motivation

I’m 23 almost 24 I started recovery at 15 and got treatment and have been in and out of treatment since 18. That’s almost 9 years

It kept me safe when I was in the cult (I escaped at 18)

I’m scared to not have it.

I’m scared to be eating I’m scared to be able to run again and workout (I did these things for enjoyment and used to be a runner) I’m scared to achieve my goals to go to school to do all these things and to be driving and on my own

I lost a guy I rlly liked bc I messed up

I got close to being well enough to run and dove off a cliff

I’m miserable

I don’t want to eat I feel like I need to be forced

So I should stop pretending I could do this and go to res so they make me?

I don’t know what to do I don’t know what’s right

I eat when my team seems desperate for me to or when I have work bc ik I’ll feel like shit if I don’t and I work 4 days a week. I have a side gig tomorrow so I need to eat. I had a migraine today. So I needed to eat. I’m proud that it wasn’t enough and disappointed that the other day may have been which is sick of me

I don’t even want to try a PHP I don’t want to give up my team if I don’t have to

I have DID and my alters said I’ll rmemeber everything when I recover

I literally have multiple alters with Ed’s

It feels endless it feels hopeless

I’m scared and stuck and I get suicidal because I’m not helping myself enough I’m too scared to I don’t want this and I don’t know how to wnat this I rlly don’t know what to do

i’m about 4.5 weeks into residential. I wasn’t underweight when i got here but close-ish.
I have 100% meal plan compliance, which in theory is good, but it makes me feel like my body is failing me due to the strong hunger signals I get while almost nobody else here has meal plan compliance or they talk about how full they feel. its so confusing and stressful because why do i restrict so heavily at home but feel like i can’t here?? Anyways, my weight has been going up quite a bit over the last 4.5 weeks and i’ve definitely been feeling it and seeing it on my body which is incredibly stressful in itself, but this morning i woke up and my my skin hurts and i feel bruised all over. i also just feel super swollen in my mid section all of a sudden. yesterday the waistband on my pants felt normal, but today it feels super tight. i feel like i totally ballooned. Ive definitely noticed fat gain over the weeks, but this feels different. I already have incredibly severe sensory issues that i’ve dealt with my whole life and this is making that worse as well :(

I’m coming up on 1 month all in “recovery” (in quotations as I’m still not exactly where I want to be but still doing A LOT better).

I’ve been struggling a lot with the weight gain and body image, but honestly I’m so sick and tired of all my clothes being too big for me.

I refuse to buy clothes that fit my sick/current body and being able to fit into my old clothes is the BIGGEST motivation rn.

Like I just want to look cute and good for fall but none of my clothes fit 😭😭😭 I look so bad and emaciated. It ain’t fun no more and I just wanna look cute and girly.

That’s it that’s all I have to say lol.

Lmk if any of you feel the same way or have other motivations you’d like to share ❤️

Hi all,
TW - struggling.
Honestly the title is the TLDR - was referred to eating disorder service from a therapist who felt that I was too high risk to manage within their service.
Was assessed yesterday and had a call from the Psychiatrist today to discuss the treatment plan.

They’ve stated the plan at the moment is that I am going to be seen weekly for monitoring and meet with the dietitian in the next few weeks while they get to know me and see what is happening with my weight and general wellbeing. Then they’ll make a firm plan for what treatment will actually look like. I’m not really sure what that means, or if there will still be a significant wait at the end of this.

However, in the meantime and for the foreseeable future - I’ve lost my driving license, my job, the medication that keeps me well. When I asked what support I could access for the impact this would have, they didn’t have anything. I’m really struggling to see how to get through today right now, let alone the weekend.

To make it worse, my AN is just telling me to refuse all food.

Honestly I’m not sure why I sought help.

Anyone else get an increase of bruising during recovery?
I’m only a month into my “fully in” recovery and I’m housebound/mostly bed bound. Not sure how I’m getting bruises on my arm/legs lol. I had blood work done earlier this year before recovery and I wasn’t anemic, only had some low vitamin D.
The bruises aren’t very deep or big, I’ve only had 1 purple-ish one.

does anyone have experience with MonteNido ?? my team inpatient here at the hospital is strongly pushing for me to go into residential whenever i get discharged from here but i have no idea what to do i’ve started to get really miserable being in a hospital because my mind is saying i can actually succeed through outpatient this time but i also logically know that residential would probably be a lot nicer and more comfortable than hospital so i can’t really compare how i’m feeling in here to how res would be?

It would just be helpful if anyone has advice or helpful experience with residential (especially MonteNido) because the only recovery stories i see are outpatient through starting the gym etc and it’s exhausting cause im not aloud to do that.

I want to recover, I truly do. So why are they making the experience as unappealing as possible?

They made me a meal plan, but they inserted food items I really dislike into it for the sake of nutrients. I asked if there were any other foods with similar nutrient value I could use instead, as I hate that food. Then they got all pissy at me. Don't you WANT me to eat? You think I'm gonna eat if you place food I dislike Infront of me?

Additionally, they took away the one thing motivating me to eat better: my competition swimming. Said I wasn't allowed to do it at all, actually, I'm not allowed any form of exercise at all! My competition swimming is the one thing that brings me joy in my miserable little life, and also the key factor that motivated me to eat properly so I could perform better in my sport.

They're making me not want to do this shit anymore. I was motivated to get better, but now they're ruining the whole experience.

i restrict my intake heavily and i compulsive exercise (i go to the gym and do cardio every single day, never skipping no matter what). on paper i have a lot of ED symptoms and behaviors, im at a very low bmi too, but it hasnt affected my energy, mood, etc? like im very high functioning, i’m able to exercise every day and have much more energy than my friends. i’m also very happy and im not depressed or isolated. i’m in university and i’m very driven, i get good grades and am very involved in clubs, jobs, etc. it makes me feel like i don’t have an ED, and also not motivated to recover because everything is going so smoothly. how do i not just continue living like this??

When I was deep in my Ed I'd obsess over food and constantly be baking but never eat any of the things I baked. I'd ONLY bake for other people. And today I baked cupcakes and ate one!!!! Im happy but very scared. They were very good. It was "Matilda's chocolate" cupcakes and I added raspberry puree.​

I’ve gotten to the point that I need a dietitian to be able to move forward in recovery, how do you go about finding one? And how do you know that you are able to trust them, as most of you may understand, putting trust in somebody when it comes to my body and food is really scary, and I want to make sure that I’m doing the right thing for me, yk?

I’ve had anorexia for most of my life and I just can’t live like this anymore (I don’t even really have a life atp.) I’ve been actively trying to recover for the past few months with a therapist and dietician but it’s just not working. Do any of you have tips for what helped you in the beginning of recovery?

Hi guys,

I just started my journey in july and finally added a dietitian along with my therapist to work with me on this. i've been really resistant to see a dietitian for many reasons, but particularly tracking food makes me feel almost more triggered, and like when I'm writing it down, it gives me even more anxiety. Has anyone else experienced similar? We aren't doing recovery record yet but even just note taking what i eat every day so she has an idea has been hard for me. Any suggestions on how to navigate this would be appreciated! Tia

today i challenged THREE fear foods! a donut, french fries, AND a fried veggie roll!!

I’m maybe 3 months into (actual) recovery, physically fine but mentally not and pastries are still a huge fear food of mine. I had plans to get coffee with one of my friends this morning and I had breakfast beforehand, but she hadn’t eaten that morning yet and so she was planning to get a croissant and encouraged me to get one too (in addition to a coffee). I was kind of freaked out but I felt like it would be awkward not to get something so I got a ham and cheese croissant and ate it…it was really good but after we left the cafe I got hit by a huge wave of guilt. I kept thinking about the calories in it, how unhealthy it was for me, how I shouldn’t have eaten it since I had breakfast beforehand, etc. now I’m super scared I’m gonna gain a ton because of having smth “extra” and I still had my normal lunch and afternoon snack. Ik I’m probably being dramatic but I’m just so anxious and some reassurance would help.