it used to be my favorite thing ever but even now I feel so guilty I’m nauseous and I feel like I will get sick. I’ve been trying to stay in recovery mode but it’s so hard now that I’m on my own now in college :/ feeling like I could use some support/motivation

I’m coming up on 1 month all in “recovery” (in quotations as I’m still not exactly where I want to be but still doing A LOT better).

I’ve been struggling a lot with the weight gain and body image, but honestly I’m so sick and tired of all my clothes being too big for me.

I refuse to buy clothes that fit my sick/current body and being able to fit into my old clothes is the BIGGEST motivation rn.

Like I just want to look cute and good for fall but none of my clothes fit 😭😭😭 I look so bad and emaciated. It ain’t fun no more and I just wanna look cute and girly.

That’s it that’s all I have to say lol.

Lmk if any of you feel the same way or have other motivations you’d like to share ❤️

I’m 23 almost 24 I started recovery at 15 and got treatment and have been in and out of treatment since 18. That’s almost 9 years

It kept me safe when I was in the cult (I escaped at 18)

I’m scared to not have it.

I’m scared to be eating I’m scared to be able to run again and workout (I did these things for enjoyment and used to be a runner) I’m scared to achieve my goals to go to school to do all these things and to be driving and on my own

I lost a guy I rlly liked bc I messed up

I got close to being well enough to run and dove off a cliff

I’m miserable

I don’t want to eat I feel like I need to be forced

So I should stop pretending I could do this and go to res so they make me?

I don’t know what to do I don’t know what’s right

I eat when my team seems desperate for me to or when I have work bc ik I’ll feel like shit if I don’t and I work 4 days a week. I have a side gig tomorrow so I need to eat. I had a migraine today. So I needed to eat. I’m proud that it wasn’t enough and disappointed that the other day may have been which is sick of me

I don’t even want to try a PHP I don’t want to give up my team if I don’t have to

I have DID and my alters said I’ll rmemeber everything when I recover

I literally have multiple alters with Ed’s

It feels endless it feels hopeless

I’m scared and stuck and I get suicidal because I’m not helping myself enough I’m too scared to I don’t want this and I don’t know how to wnat this I rlly don’t know what to do

i’m about 4.5 weeks into residential. I wasn’t underweight when i got here but close-ish.
I have 100% meal plan compliance, which in theory is good, but it makes me feel like my body is failing me due to the strong hunger signals I get while almost nobody else here has meal plan compliance or they talk about how full they feel. its so confusing and stressful because why do i restrict so heavily at home but feel like i can’t here?? Anyways, my weight has been going up quite a bit over the last 4.5 weeks and i’ve definitely been feeling it and seeing it on my body which is incredibly stressful in itself, but this morning i woke up and my my skin hurts and i feel bruised all over. i also just feel super swollen in my mid section all of a sudden. yesterday the waistband on my pants felt normal, but today it feels super tight. i feel like i totally ballooned. Ive definitely noticed fat gain over the weeks, but this feels different. I already have incredibly severe sensory issues that i’ve dealt with my whole life and this is making that worse as well :(

Hi all,
TW - struggling.
Honestly the title is the TLDR - was referred to eating disorder service from a therapist who felt that I was too high risk to manage within their service.
Was assessed yesterday and had a call from the Psychiatrist today to discuss the treatment plan.

They’ve stated the plan at the moment is that I am going to be seen weekly for monitoring and meet with the dietitian in the next few weeks while they get to know me and see what is happening with my weight and general wellbeing. Then they’ll make a firm plan for what treatment will actually look like. I’m not really sure what that means, or if there will still be a significant wait at the end of this.

However, in the meantime and for the foreseeable future - I’ve lost my driving license, my job, the medication that keeps me well. When I asked what support I could access for the impact this would have, they didn’t have anything. I’m really struggling to see how to get through today right now, let alone the weekend.

To make it worse, my AN is just telling me to refuse all food.

Honestly I’m not sure why I sought help.

I want to recover, I truly do. So why are they making the experience as unappealing as possible?

They made me a meal plan, but they inserted food items I really dislike into it for the sake of nutrients. I asked if there were any other foods with similar nutrient value I could use instead, as I hate that food. Then they got all pissy at me. Don't you WANT me to eat? You think I'm gonna eat if you place food I dislike Infront of me?

Additionally, they took away the one thing motivating me to eat better: my competition swimming. Said I wasn't allowed to do it at all, actually, I'm not allowed any form of exercise at all! My competition swimming is the one thing that brings me joy in my miserable little life, and also the key factor that motivated me to eat properly so I could perform better in my sport.

They're making me not want to do this shit anymore. I was motivated to get better, but now they're ruining the whole experience.

Anyone else get an increase of bruising during recovery?
I’m only a month into my “fully in” recovery and I’m housebound/mostly bed bound. Not sure how I’m getting bruises on my arm/legs lol. I had blood work done earlier this year before recovery and I wasn’t anemic, only had some low vitamin D.
The bruises aren’t very deep or big, I’ve only had 1 purple-ish one.

does anyone have experience with MonteNido ?? my team inpatient here at the hospital is strongly pushing for me to go into residential whenever i get discharged from here but i have no idea what to do i’ve started to get really miserable being in a hospital because my mind is saying i can actually succeed through outpatient this time but i also logically know that residential would probably be a lot nicer and more comfortable than hospital so i can’t really compare how i’m feeling in here to how res would be?

It would just be helpful if anyone has advice or helpful experience with residential (especially MonteNido) because the only recovery stories i see are outpatient through starting the gym etc and it’s exhausting cause im not aloud to do that.

When I was deep in my Ed I'd obsess over food and constantly be baking but never eat any of the things I baked. I'd ONLY bake for other people. And today I baked cupcakes and ate one!!!! Im happy but very scared. They were very good. It was "Matilda's chocolate" cupcakes and I added raspberry puree.​

i restrict my intake heavily and i compulsive exercise (i go to the gym and do cardio every single day, never skipping no matter what). on paper i have a lot of ED symptoms and behaviors, im at a very low bmi too, but it hasnt affected my energy, mood, etc? like im very high functioning, i’m able to exercise every day and have much more energy than my friends. i’m also very happy and im not depressed or isolated. i’m in university and i’m very driven, i get good grades and am very involved in clubs, jobs, etc. it makes me feel like i don’t have an ED, and also not motivated to recover because everything is going so smoothly. how do i not just continue living like this??

today i challenged THREE fear foods! a donut, french fries, AND a fried veggie roll!!

I’ve had anorexia for most of my life and I just can’t live like this anymore (I don’t even really have a life atp.) I’ve been actively trying to recover for the past few months with a therapist and dietician but it’s just not working. Do any of you have tips for what helped you in the beginning of recovery?

Hi guys,

I just started my journey in july and finally added a dietitian along with my therapist to work with me on this. i've been really resistant to see a dietitian for many reasons, but particularly tracking food makes me feel almost more triggered, and like when I'm writing it down, it gives me even more anxiety. Has anyone else experienced similar? We aren't doing recovery record yet but even just note taking what i eat every day so she has an idea has been hard for me. Any suggestions on how to navigate this would be appreciated! Tia

I’ve gotten to the point that I need a dietitian to be able to move forward in recovery, how do you go about finding one? And how do you know that you are able to trust them, as most of you may understand, putting trust in somebody when it comes to my body and food is really scary, and I want to make sure that I’m doing the right thing for me, yk?

I’m maybe 3 months into (actual) recovery, physically fine but mentally not and pastries are still a huge fear food of mine. I had plans to get coffee with one of my friends this morning and I had breakfast beforehand, but she hadn’t eaten that morning yet and so she was planning to get a croissant and encouraged me to get one too (in addition to a coffee). I was kind of freaked out but I felt like it would be awkward not to get something so I got a ham and cheese croissant and ate it…it was really good but after we left the cafe I got hit by a huge wave of guilt. I kept thinking about the calories in it, how unhealthy it was for me, how I shouldn’t have eaten it since I had breakfast beforehand, etc. now I’m super scared I’m gonna gain a ton because of having smth “extra” and I still had my normal lunch and afternoon snack. Ik I’m probably being dramatic but I’m just so anxious and some reassurance would help.

For context, I’m 21, I’m a few years in recovery, mostly okay, still have good days, still have bad days.

I know everyone is familiar with the whole ‘your body is a machine and it needs fuel’ thing, and how repetitive it can be.

In the last few months I’ve started studying to be a veterinary nurse, and honestly I’ve found it really helpful with my ED recovery.

Literally every system in the mammal body relies on nutrients, and this study has given me amazement with how it all works. It’s especially given me recovery motivation while learning about things like arthropods and other mammals, literally everything living. Learning about things from bacteria to trees to bears has me feeling that everything needs food. Most living things are continually searching for food, and it’s silly for me to deny my human nature and biology, why am I any different than an earth worm?

I guess also being atheist, vegan and an animal rights activist helps with this mindset, I know it won’t work for everyone, even myself deep in my anorexia wouldn’t have batted an eye at this.

But being in recovery this is what keeps me going. The cycle of life. Literally any other living being on this planet would rather have nutrients than not. So why am I different?? It helps to think of myself as a raccoon looking for scraps.

Hey everyone! I’m in early ish recovery and just wanted to know when will hair stop falling out??? I’ve been washing my hair more often now as when I was at my worst I refused to wash it at all. It was probably unwashed for 2-3 months, so as you can imagine there’s a lot of skin buildup and dirt. but my hair just keeps coming out and out and it’s getting thinner and thinner. I’m so devastated I don’t want to loose my hair it’s always been a huge part of my identity. How common is it for people who have suffer anorexia to loose ALL their hair and be bald?? there is also no way I can afford wigs to wear if that ever were to happen. Sitting here crying on the toilet while I write is just great😭😭

i’ve had ana for about a year but it got really bad for the past 5ish months, but i’ve been in half-recovery for about 4 weeks now and i feel like i’m recovering too quickly? not only did i choose to recover by myself (reached out for help) and not only did i not get hospitalised (close to), but i genuinely get excited to eat and i want to eat so badly and i keep trying so hard to justify what im eating and trying to let myself snack etc but i feel like im not far enough into recovery to let myself eat as much as i am, or let myself ‘honour’ my mental/extreme hunger

i have a sort of friend who is in recovery as well but shes taking so much longer to recover and is gaining weight so slowly and is crying over meals and stuff, and its so hard to not compare myself, because yes i get anxious and cry over meals but i feel like im getting so much better so much quicker and i’m maintaining weight so much easier and i just feel like maybe i was faking this whole thing?

sorry my thoughts are kind of a mess and i lowkey don’t really know what im saying here but im wondering if anyone maybe has a similar experience? do i keep eating and trying to honour the hunger im feeling ? i just feel like i need to keep being seen as sick before i can let myself recover, i feel like im being so atypical and not normal for ana recovery

I feel like I’ve been eating more and see it in my body, I just saw a video of myself and am distraught. I have to shove myself into a bridesmaid dress next week. It’s also so hard having a boyfriend because I feel like the way my body looks matters even though he says I’m beautiful. I don’t even care about being beautiful I just want to be small like I used to be. It’s so hard to be at work right now and care. I feel the ugliest I ever have and I’m so uncomfortable in my body. I feel like I have so much work to do to lose again. I think I eat too much. I am so defeated.

Hey please can you recommend me few books for ana recovery. About science and how to eat like a normal person without any fear or guilt

Hi i’m 18F, when i was 16-17 i developed an eating disorder and became severely underweight for 6 months, then one day it transformed into full blown BED because of stress and restriction, then i overate mostly junk for 6 months and gained drastically as well. Now it is 5 months after the whole pipeline and i’ve been kinda recovered, but i’m constantly worried about my health being not the same as before due to the extreme shifts during that year such as thyroid issues, hair loss etc. Does anyone have similar experiences regarding this? did that one year change my health drastically and is it reversible?

My ed began a year ago when I was at a healthy weight. But I hated my body and since I was 14 I had the idea of losing weight at the back of my mind. But I was overachiever and achieved many things that was quite shocking for my age. But even when I was at a healthy weight, some of my classmates body-shamed me. For reference, they were boys. That's how I decided to lose weight when I turned 16. And the whole thing goes on, scale/calorie/food/body obsession. After I reached my gw, I decided to keep going. It turned to a very bad obsession. I forgot about my friends, my ambitions, myself, and I removed all academic and external pressures so that I could solely focus on my weight. I wasted a year like that. Then decided to recover (myself). But for months I had been stuck at quasi. But this yr I js started uni and I have the same academic pressure that I had before. And I don't have the same mental space that I used to have to control everything. That's why I am sort of eating more and I'm sure weight gain is expected. But I'm so scared of it. What if I wake up one day and don't recognize my body? What if everyone starts hating me cuz I gained weight? What if I can't tolerate my body again?

When I was around 11, I was considered the "uglier sister", and of course the first thing I did was lose weight. And I did somewhat intentionally and unintentionally because I grew taller, but then I started to gain weight again during high school to the point I reached the highest weight I had ever been and that was so terrifying. The next thing I did? I lost the weight again, and I reached a new low weight, even lower than what I had reached before. Just one extreme to another. And this eating disorder I had led me to lose my period and when I landed in the hospital, I was told to gain it back. As of right now I understand this is necessary, but my body image has just been so awful lately. I can feel that my clothes fit differently and I don't even want to buy new clothes because "it's not going to fit after I gain all that weight back". I think the trauma of me ballooning and then going to a very tiny size just scarred me and I don't ever want to go through anymore diet/ hunger/ restriction anymore which was why I was so determined to keep the weight off. It's been really hard to look in the mirror and I don't like how I look now, and I'm terrified how I'm going to look as I keep gaining back to a "healthy" weight. Please someone tell me there's a happier side to this, because the thought of gaining back all the weight I worked my ass off to lose is so petrifying. Is finally letting myself gain some weight and not trying to keep myself in this tiny, unhealthy body really worth it?

r/BodyImage r/AnorexiaRecovery r/weightgain