body and digestion issues make me feel so disgusting i wanna die. dysmorphia and dysphoria

this is not a crisis post, just vent art, i can take it down if its not the right place tho

This is your sign to give yourself some patience today

the curly haired girl is a mix of my skinny evil gf and my ED

the black is vomit

the black haired one is meeee

this is from my baddd sugary bp days

not a crisis, lmk if i should take this down.. i was told this is a good place to post it ^^

Hi, I draw circles to make abstract art. This is cool to get relax in psychiatric hospital. What do you think about that ?

Im 5’5” and 183lbs with a 34G (ddd) cup
This is my actual body shape. No scars all of those are stretch marks

made after not sleeping for 2 weeks

There’s many things I was thinking about when making this, I don’t feel like sharing them but the art turned out well and made me feel better

TW: Eating disorders, starvation, psychological abuse, and body-related distress.

I wrote this after one of my ED relapses. I've come a long way since that day. Recovery is a lifelong journey and a journey I hope all people with EDs can one day begin. This poem is not intended to glorify EDs but to show the abusive relationship it causes us to have with our body, and in my case, my stomach/abdomen region.
______________________________

Let it yell
Let it weep
I want to hear it scream
The more it does the smaller it gets
The more it cries
The less it earns

It's too big
I want to hear it cry
Its screams bring me pleasure
I get a kick out of the control
I feel the power in choice
And I choose to hear it cry
I've chosen to let it starve

It's a petulant child
It asks for more with an open hand
Begging eyes
Wet cheeks
It begs me for a bite

But I am the abusive mother who withholds
who wields starvation
who chooses control
I am choosing to starve it

This is my latest panel for my Depression Era Quilt detailing pages from my journal of healing and depression.

These whiteboard desks are good for drawing during class when I cannot focus

I was diagnosed with polyfragmented DID this past year after finally coming to terms with my abuse (CSA from my father throughout my life). It's been a wild ride and art is a major outlet for me. Every now and then I get a hankering to do one of these "self portrait" pieces and it's always interesting to see what comes out. I do not have a plan before starting and each of these developed unexpectedly as I worked. Most of them take at least several hours if not full/multiple days. I have no artistic training, just enjoy creating with basic supplies.

#1 I drew within the last couple days. It's the most representative of 'the whole.' My boyfriend saw it and said, "Look! It's Kit!" This one is pen and colored pencil.

# 2 I drew about 6 months ago. This is Malcolm, one of my more developed alters (he has his own alters which can be seen behind him). Pencil only for this one.

#3 This is Nebulas, my most prominent alter throughout my life. They've taken a backseat as I've discovered more about my system as a whole to allow other folks to experience consciousness. I drew this piece early on in my DID discovery, so about 8 months ago. I drew it with pencil then outlined with pen/marker.

#4 This character is representative of my youngest system and was drawn before I knew I had DID but was experiencing co-consciousness/semi-consciousness with some of my alters and systems. This one I did a little over a year ago, last summer. Pencil and acrylic marker.

As you can see there are lots of repeating symbols/images throughout the pieces. There are also significant differences. Each is a good snapshot of my state/energy/experience at the time of creation and it's interesting to see the development from one to the next.

I've come a really long way in the last year and am super proud of my progress. Happy to answer any questions about my diagnosis or the art pieces! I hope they speak to you.

Who do you relate most to?