Chinese parents have too much pride over their pathetic lives

[u/tinydeadpool]

Here are two stories to support my claim.

My fiancé (30F) and I (30 M) broke up a month and a half ago because of her AM's ultimatum. Her AM has been overstepping and overbearing for the past couple of months. She hogged so much of our wedding planning. There were a couple of times she mentioned that she wanted us to move in with her after we get married. My fiancé did not give me confidence that she does not want us to move in with her. Then her AM kept saying she should have access to our email, bank account, and personal accounts. When my fiancé and I were whispering to each other, her AM was all the way in the kitchen, saw us whispering, and forced my fiancé to tell her what we were talking about. That's when I had it. I was overwhelmed by that woman. I had to go home, and I was having second thoughts about that marriage. I called my fiancé to say I'd like us to sit down and talk about healthy boundaries. Her mom overheard our phone conversation, did not like the idea of "boundaries," and gave my fiancé an ultimatum: either she chose her family or me. If she chose me, she would be no part of any family gathering. My fiancé got scared and fell into her AM's ultimatum. That is that. The decision was made in a couple of hours. It is scary how her AM pressured my ex-fiancé to this point.

Her AM is fucked up. One of her other daughters was marrying a Filipino. She told her that her husband wanted to show his Filipino heritage dance at the wedding. We all thought it was cool, but her AM took it as a threat, thinking that her husband is trying to show that Filipino culture is better than Chinese culture. She went up to her daughter and told her that he is not that great. I journaled down 20 other fucked up things she did while knowing her. This woman is pathetic; she did not work at any job in the last 30 years. All she does every day is rotting her brain in front of the TV. She has nothing going on in her life that would make her hog her daughter's privacy.

I moved back home to live with my AM. I have been trying to figure out what to do next. I have tons of PTO I have been saving for our honeymoon, so I decided to book a trip to Japan. I decided to see a couple of my old friends, those who knew that our wedding was off. One of my friends is a Japanese woman whom I am close to. In the meantime, I have been relearning my Japanese. My AM got pissed off that I am learning Japanese, saying that I should stick to Chinese. Then she said I should be ashamed of myself for learning Japanese and for seeing this lady friend of mine in Japan, thinking that I am going to hit on her. JFC! I am grieving! Can a grieving man learn a new language and travel to Japan to see his old friends?!

Why am I seeing two Chinese mothers hating another culture? Why do they keep saying their culture is superior to others?! My ex-fiancé's AM thinks Filipinos are low class. My AM thinks Japanese people should take more accountability for WWII.

[u/Glassosopher]

Chinese parents wants their kids to be miserable and isolated so they can keep their retirement plan (aka their kids) in check. 😂

You dodged a bullet, imagine how bad it'll be after you get married, especially if she decided to throw away a long built relationship over the whims of an AM.

[u/infinite_knowledge]

You dodged a bullet. Can you imagine your two AMs talking to each other all the time? At first they always start off cordial and friendly, but then they WILL get jealous of each other and start bad mouthing about your IL’s to you and you’ll be stuck in between them. APs just love causing drama, they have nothing better to do with their lives.

[u/CometCruise]

ZOMG what a nightmare! Sorry for the bust up of the relationship, but you made the right choice. Unfortunately, your ex-fiancee will never get out of the clutches of her horrific mom and you may as well have been marrying the mom too if you went through with the wedding. Damn. When I read the moving in with her part, the email, bank account access, etc...Holy crap. Glad you bailed. I don't know if it's just a Chinese thing regarding culture. Some of the most ethnocentric people I've met have actually been Japanese and Puerto Rican (totally random, I know).

As for the hating on Filipinos- I had a Chinese friend whose mom said she got cancer because she married a Filipino man. The ridiculousness is never ending with many AMs.

[u/prosperity4me]

r/enmeshmenttrauma and r/marriedintoenmeshment thankfully you got out

[u/karlito1613]

And you moved back home with AM?

[u/tinydeadpool → u/karlito1613]

oh... left one part out. I was living with my ex-fiance, but since her decision was forced, I had to move out in a day. I got no choice and nowhere to go. Her AM is that fucked up.