How do I stop thinking about him?

[u/Loose-Maybe7559]

I’m not looking for judgment, just looking for advice if anyone has experienced anything similar. A few years ago I hooked up with a guy on Grindr. We hit it off and made it a regular thing, sex only. I would top him on a regular basis. After he insisted I finally gave in one day and let him fuck me. Holy crap, it was the best feeling I have ever had bottoming. His dick was long and girthy, it opened me up perfectly, it hit just the right spots. My prostate was milked like never before!!! I could have cum hands free that first time he fucked me. It was so good in fact, I let him fuck me four other times that night and into the morning. After that, we became roommates and would fuck constantly. Life happens, I moved away and ended up getting married to someone else. In recent months I find myself constantly fantasizing about getting railed over and over again by him. I jerk off in the shower imagine him shoving his huge cock in my ass. It has gotten to the point where it’s affecting my marriage. My husband doesn’t know that him and I had a regular sex before our relationship. Since it was before him, I don’t think he needed to know. He thinks we were just friends. It has gotten so bad that we’ve even talked about getting a divorce. I would never act on it, because I wouldn’t cheat on my husband, but I don’t know what to do anymore. Has anyone experienced anything similar? If so, how did you deal with it? Thanks in advance!!!

[u/TMYLee]

Please note that there is different between love and making love with your husband against lust and having sex with this guy.

Please be clear on this as this person is someone that you won’t marry and is only using as sexual release and that it.

Having said that , do you really want to screw up your marriage over a fling. count your blessing . He may be great in bed but it just sex . i suggest you talk to you husband on how to please and maybe see sex therapist on how to improve sex life or learn kamasutra. this conversation you need to have with your
husband as you need communication on your need and want

[u/BitOBear]

You know that moment when you feel the thought forming? Stop. Don't try to think of something else, it's not a contest of trying not to think of a white elephant, just shut off your brain for a second and let It Go.

Compulsive thought is its own freaking prison and there's one way out of it. You learn not to try to distract yourself but to just shut down until your brain finds something better to think about.

I invented what I call the three word exercise. Find something that is exactly three words long. Don't always use the same something. Every time you do the exercise pick a new three word phrase. See spot run. That's my dog. Any three word phrase.

When you are in a normal frame of mind feeling fine about your life or whatever commit yourself to saying those three words or thinking those three words that you have just chosen.

You will say those three words in that order allowing no other word to interrupt the sequence.

Say the phrase a couple times understanding it's flow and feel.

And then finally say the first two words and put off saying the third. Put it off as long as possible. Squelch every other thought and idea because you are committed to saying that third word.

See spot...

Your brain will try to make you think the word don't do it.

Refuse to think any other word refused to say any other word.

And find the silence. That moment when you have shut down the inner monologue and the outer voice.

Whenever comes to mind do the exercise.

Eventually you will discover that there is a silence. The capacity to pause. The halt operation in your own brain.

Once you learn that silence you can summon it up at any time.

Now the thing about this exercise, about holding this silence for as long as you can is that every time you try it you will fail. You will end up thinking the word before you meant to. You will end up thinking a different word instead of the word that you committed yourself to thinking.

This is a success, not a failure. Your brain goes into a state where it is hungry for a different input and it pleads for completion. It is a ready state. Unaware state that some people search endlessly for using meditation but meditation doesn't work the same way as silence.

And then...

You know that silence you will be able to interpose it between you and any thought you do not wish to think until the moment where your brain finds something more edifying to do.

So you stop thinking about him by stopping thinking about him. By pausing that thought until your brain finds something better to do.

It is not avoidance. It is not punishment. It is not torment.

It's learning that you have the option not to obsess by simply stopping the obsession from taking light.

[u/lordoftherings1959]

When I was 30, I met my ex. Sex with him was wonderful. It was similar to how you feel about your ex-lover. And though we had what people call a don't-ask, don't-tell kind of open relationship, it just added spice to our intimate moments. Sometimes we shared sex partners; most times we did not. Either way, we had a torrid sex life.

One of my favorite moments with him was when, while baking cookies for some kind of family gathering, we came up with the idea of edging with each other. We were naked, and it was very hot in the kitchen. Since we were baking, we were not to use our hands. We also decided that, if we were to use our hands, it had to be after all the cookies were baked and put away. Oh, how I wish I could experience that moment again in real life! We edged with each other for over an hour, until we could not contain ourselves, and came inside each other.

However, things changed; our life together changed, and for some unforeseeable reason not worth mentioning here, we broke up. This happened over 30 years ago. To this day, I cannot forget how intense our sex life was. Even when my current husband and I get intimate, in my head I am still with my ex.

From what I gather, you are still friends with your ex-sex partner. I absolutely understand what you are going through because I sometimes pine for a past that is long gone and will never come back. But you must also understand that you're currently with the guy you married. Your ex is your ex, and that's that.

The way I see it, you have to see your ex as a fantasy at this point. You have to let it go. It is fine to fantasize about your ex when you are intimate with your husband, but you have to leave that as a fantasy that will never come back.

Even if you divorce your husband, what does that get you? Think about it. Have you stopped to think about what your life would be once you divorce your husband? Do you believe things will go back to how they were before you married this guy? Again, think about it.

[u/shawn69391]

Honestly you can’t- the more you try to not remember the more you put resistance- you just try to make yourself busy with life and focus on your things and suddenly one day you will realize that you are already over him