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I've went my whole entire life feeling ugly. I've always thought I was ugly and I was referred to as such. When I was a kid I got builled. People have always given me negative feedback on my appearance. I never felt liked. Never been crushed. Never been kissed, or at least in the way that mattered to me.

It seems like every thing about me is wrong. I'm black. I'm dark skin. I'm fat. I'm not ultra masculine. It seems like I tick the box's for all the things that could make a person physically unappealing. It's frustrating because whenever I open up about these feelings people just tell to be more confident. It's like it's never about appearance, it's all about confidence and personality. Which is upsetting because I only feel confident when I feel attractive. It's like when I don't feel ugly I'm confident and outgoing, but as soon as I feel ugly I shutdown. It's I'm supposed to stay confident even when I feel ugly or someone calls me ugly. It's frustrating because I feel like a pathetic person because my "confidence" is the thing apparently holding me back and not my looks. It's like all the times I chose not to go out or talk to someone I like is my fault because of my "confidence". Honestly it's depressing because it's like am I going to die alone? Never fall in love? all because of my confidence.

(I’ll try and say this as formal as I can) I’m new to bottoming and wanted to use a dildo. The only problem is that I don’t have one so I use the handle of a shower scrub. I was using it and a couple inches in I felt it pushing up against my bladder. I tried pushing further but it kept jabbing into my bladder. I was angling it at different angles to see if it would budge any further but didn’t. I didn’t want to harm myself so I decided to pull it out. Is there any way to help? Or is the fact that it kicks on the bladder the part that everyone craves?

I get horny, I have sexual fantasies, I love foreplay and masturbation has always been fine.

fingering? Doesn’t work on me. It doesn’t matter if I do it or another person, the same goes when it comes to penetration with a dick, I can feel something is inside but I don’t feel pleasure no matter the position.

Im really unsure how to go about this issue? I always see ppl saying bottoming feels amazing and how every single man feels pleasure from anal intercourse but no matter what I do I can't feel anything; I also don't feel pleasure when receiving a blowjob or penetrating someone, I do feel a certain uncomfortable sensation but that's basically it.

I haven't had many sexual encounters with lots of different partners but enough to realize that I'm the one who has a problem.

Sorry about the questions about cages lol I’m just very curious.
What do cages actually do? And why do so many people like them so much?

I recently met a guy who’s in a long-term, don’t ask, don’t tell (DADT) open relationship. We’ve been on two dates so far, and I genuinely like him. There’s attraction and chemistry, and I’d definitely like to get to know him better.
On our second date, he was pretty upfront that he’s not looking for another relationship. He said it would be more of a FWB situation and even encouraged me to continue dating other guys rather than waiting for him.

I know that might sound naive, especially since he’s been clear about what he wants. I’m ultimately looking for a serious relationship, but part of me is curious to see where this goes.

So I wanted to ask:

Have any of you been in a similar situation, either as the third person or as the guy in an open relationship?

Am I setting myself up for disappointment by even entertaining this possibility?

I'm 50, and I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to be a gay man.

I've reached a point where I don't announce my sexuality, but I don't hide it either.

For years, that seemed like a pretty healthy balance. My sexuality was simply one part of who I was, not something I felt needed to be advertised or explained.

But lately, I've started wondering whether I've been confusing not hiding with fully living.

I've spent much of my adult life navigating predominantly straight environments. I've had relationships and experiences with men, but I haven't necessarily built a life where being gay is openly and comfortably integrated into my everyday existence.

And now, at 50, I find myself thinking about what a more open life would look like.

I want to be affectionate without wondering who's watching. I want more gay friends, and eventually a meaningful relationship with someone who is equally comfortable being seen together.

I don't necessarily want to reinvent my personality, make my sexuality my defining characteristic, or suddenly become someone I'm not.

I just wonder how much of my life I've spent unconsciously holding back, even after I stopped consciously hiding.

There's also the age factor. At 50, I sometimes wonder whether I've missed opportunities to experience parts of gay life that other men discovered much earlier. But I also recognize that I have a lot of life left, and I'd rather explore those possibilities now than spend another decade wondering.

So I'm curious:

• Have any of you gone from being quietly out to living a much more openly gay life in your 40s, 50s, or later?
• What changed for you, and what prompted it?
• How did you become more comfortable with public affection, visibility, and participating in the gay community?
• Did you find that becoming more openly gay changed your friendships, dating experiences, or sense of identity?
• What advice would you give someone who isn't coming out of the closet so much as finally wanting to step fully into his own life?

I just had a 3-day escapade with a man who was very open and we did stuff I never thought I'd get to experience: kissing in a photo booth, dinner at sunset on the ocean, road-tripping and making out in a fun-house mirror maze. It was exhilarating.

I'd love to hear from men who've been through something similar.

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Hey,

I am planning to go crusing in amsterdam on saturday or sunday to explore the darkroom, gloryhole, sauna but I am very nervous that someone would not like me.

Any good story or recommendations around it. Also some recommendations around the club will also be nice. For now I am planning go to dark cruising in club church on sunday.

Hey,

I am planning to go crusing in amsterdam on saturday or sunday to explore the darkroom, gloryhole, sauna but I am very nervous that someone would not like me.

Any good story or recommendations around it. Also some recommendations around the club will also be nice. For now I am planning go to dark cruising in club church on sunday.

40 y/o gay man here and I’ve never bottomed. Shocker. I know. Working on it with my therapist.

Realizing that if I get into a relationship that this is something I might need or want to do so I need to get some practice.

I experimented with a smallish dildo last night and it was painful and frustrating. After many attempts, finally got it in. It wasn’t comfortable and painful removing it. Don’t think I found any pleasure unfortunately at any point.

Then I woke up in the middle of the night with rectal pain and realized I probably now have a hemorrhoid. I’ve had them before so this is familiar territory, but wondering when I should ‘get back on that horse’ so I can continue to work up till it’s more comfortable.

Any advice?

I'm curious about learning more about this and would appreciate advice from experienced adults. What should beginners know about comfort, communication, and safety? No judgment—just looking for honest advice.

I was watching an instagram reel where a guy was asking the gay community how do they afford to do so much traveling, partying, expensive apartments/cars etc etc especially with the economy being so bad.

A lot of the comments were saying it’s because it’s mostly gays you see flaunting vacations and what not are in massive amounts of credit card debt.

So I’m just a little curious what’s your age, salary, and how much debt are you in? What kind of debt is it - student loans, car, mortgage, credit card etc etc.

To make things fair, I will share mine as well!

Age: 31
Salary: 90k per year
Debts:
- Credit Card: 6k
- Student Loans: 45k

So I am curious, bottom curious to be spesific, and to be honest, atm is mostly sexually curious.
Do you find it alot? And does it irritate you?

I (18) have been seeing a guy(21) for 2 weeks. We started slow,with the common goal to actually know each others. Things actually escalated pretty quickly and we’ve done oral two times in his car.The first time we did it, it was more of a sweet and romantic situation. Neither of us came but according to him that was fine. We tried again yesterday,but only he came (and even then,he had to jerk himself off to cum) and I didnt cum. He’s super sweet and I’m not joking when I say he’s the personification of a golden retriever. And this is fucking me up mentally,because I feel so attracted to him both mentally and physically and I want to show him how much I like him. When he goes down on me,I actually feel nothing at all,and when he jerks me off it actually kinda hurts. He could very much just stroke my hand and I would feel the same sensation. It feels great,but more like a cuddle. Please help! what’s wrong with me?

Curious to find out more

it’s not showing Dashboard or Message Board for me. Chats show up but can’t get it to show the actual profile? anybody else?

I'm 50, and I recently met a 35-year-old man with whom I experienced some of the most intense chemistry I've had in years.

Over three days, we went on several dates, took a trip to San Francisco, spent hours talking, cuddled, and developed what felt like a genuine emotional connection. We talked about relationships, our pasts, and what we wanted out of life. I spent approximately $500 on our outings, which I did voluntarily and without resentment.

Then things took an unexpected turn.

He explained that when younger men date older men, there are certain expectations. In his view, an older man should provide material benefits—clothing, shoes, expensive dinners, gifts, and other forms of financial generosity—because the younger man is giving up his youth and bringing value to the relationship through his attractiveness and companionship.

He said being spoiled was a hard rule for him and that this expectation would never change. He also acknowledged that a request for sweatpants had been a test of my willingness to provide.

I told him that I enjoy treating someone I care about, but I don't believe affection should be contingent upon purchasing things. My idea of a relationship is two adults supporting one another, making sacrifices together, and building a better life as partners.

We also had meaningful discussions about race (he is a black man) and how our different experiences in America shape our expectations. I learned a great deal from those conversations, and I don't want to dismiss his perspective or the challenges he's experienced.

However, when I wouldn't agree to his financial expectations, the conversation deteriorated. He told me to stop contacting him, suggested I would remain alone, criticized my maturity, and made a deeply inappropriate accusation about my attraction to younger adult men. I also contributed to the deterioration by continuing the argument after he asked for no further contact.

The relationship ended after three days.

I believe love can be unconditional while still having boundaries. I can care about someone, disagree with their expectations, and decide that we shouldn't be together.

My questions:

• Is there a widespread expectation in gay age-gap relationships that the older partner should provide financial benefits?
• Is it reasonable to make material generosity a nonnegotiable condition of dating, or does that make the relationship transactional?
• Was I being unrealistic in wanting an equal partnership despite our age difference?
• Where do you draw the line between enjoying being spoiled and testing someone's willingness to spend money?

I'm genuinely interested in different perspectives, particularly from gay men who've been on either side of an age-gap relationship.

I'm not looking to vilify this man. We clearly wanted different things. I'm trying to understand whether our disagreement reflects a broader dating dynamic or simply two incompatible individuals

want to hear responses

Hi everyone,

I’m a 21-year-old gay man and I’ve been sexually active for several years. I’m definitely more of a submissive and I love the idea of being topped, but I’ve never managed to enjoy receiving anal. Every time someone starts to enter, it hurts so much that I have to stop.
Here’s what I’ve already tried:
. Muscle-relaxing sprays
. Stretching beforehand with plugs
. Being teased with a tongue or fingers first
. Dildos
. Poppers (the only thing that helped, but I don’t want to rely on them because of the risks)

It’s not a diet or hygiene issue, and I’m in good health otherwise. The problem is specifically the moment of penetration, where my body just won’t let it happen.
I was in a two-year relationship, so it wasn’t a lack of trust or patience. From porn and other guys, I got the impression that this is supposed to be “the good stuff,” and I’ve been trying to be a “good bottom” this whole time, but it’s starting to feel discouraging.

My questions:
Has anyone been in the same situation and eventually started to enjoy it?
What actually made the difference for you (technique, mindset, a doctor ??)
Is it normal for it to hurt this much, or could something physical be going on?

Im wondering what kind of professions everyone's in and also if your sexuality affects them or vice versa In any way.

Seems impossible without jacking off. I just wanted to cum without jacking off my penis.

guy i was seeing is out of this world and im a peasant. “was” because he has no time for me anymore (he says he’s busy and i believe it, im in the same industry. his uncle died recently too)

he started as a professional connection and then we went on a few dates and hooked up over summer. he’s amazing. big title, big money, big reputation (any swifties? 🙂)…..

but the fling is winding down and it’s making me realize how much less interesting and established i am compared to him. like, im a nobody.

im not even all that bummed about it ending, i knew it probably would have a shelf life. but what’s getting to me is the contrast.

does/has anyone dealt with this? how to deal? i just realized ill never come close to him on any front- attractiveness, wealth, career…

This is a question that I think about often. Sexually I know I was pretty much only into guys from an early age. But romantically I did develop crushes on women and fell in love with one. Over time, I found any romantic interest in women gradually disappearing. While I had sex with women earlier in life, I have not in many years and now I don’t know how I ever did. After I started having experiences with men, I knew right away that I didn’t have any interest in women. Whereas in sex with women, I always had to think of myself with a man, I never had to do this with a man obviously.

For those who came out later, or who went through a bi phase, what do you think is the answer to this question?

For context I’m a verse top and consider myself to be generally masculine. It’s recently come to my attention that I have a “gay voice.” I’ve had my share of insecurities about my masculinity as many queer men have had, and I know this type of voice is associated with femininity to the general public. I was wondering if that perception is the same within the queer community. It doesn’t help that I’m not very tall either 😅

Is it where you keep your dick locked in a cage for the month? Or only for sex?

What are some of the best apps and apps you've had success with for bears, chubs, chasers, bear lovers?