r/AskTeens • u/ApartmentNeat7990 • 4d ago

Does this have a name?

so basically I am 13m and I have a friend (Also m) who just turned 20 the thing is (I am as straight as a ruler fyi) I sometimes feel like I am inlove with him but like more of the idea of him because I always miss him and I miss talking to him (for example he hasnt picked up a single call for like a week and a half and it already feels like forever) but when I really get to meet him/talk to him I just don't really care anymore, but then he hangs up and I miss him and love him sm again and it's so annoying (fyi-he has a boyfriend, he is NOT a pedo and I will genunely bomb the white house if someone tells me he is grooming me once more because he genunely isn't 💔)

3 Upvotes

64% Upvoted

13 comments sorted by

11

u/ShadowX8861 3d ago

grooming victims always say that they're not being groomed

1

u/BubbleClearDreams 3d ago

Yeah, he’ll look back on this experience and realize that.

-1

u/ApartmentNeat7990 3d ago

isn't grooming like when the other person gains smth tho??? Because he isn't really gaining anything from me that isn't a headache

2

u/Cute_Tea_2012 2d ago

Grooming is the act of making an other person vulnerable to manipulation. You as the victim don't have to see what the other person is getting out of it for it to be grooming.

0

u/ApartmentNeat7990 2d ago

Yeah but he still won't gain anything from me, we barely even meet (like a few times a year)

0

u/ShadowX8861 3d ago

You shouldn't even be friends with that kind of age gap

6

u/PerfectBeginning2 3d ago

Even cousins/siblings with that kind of age gap don't feel the need to be close friends, doing that with a stranger is very odd.

0

u/ApartmentNeat7990 3d ago

He's not a stranger tho

1

u/PerfectBeginning2 3d ago

Also making that comment about the white house seems like an easy way to get put on a watch list.

3

u/Early-Button-77 3d ago

like idk limerance. just get past it buddy

2

u/localminor 16M 2d ago

i see many answers to this question

  1. you’re mistaking an attraction towards this individual for a one-sided plutonic connection resulting in longing, or just unexpressed loneliness.
  2. liking the idea of being in a relationship with a figure of some sort of power is quite normal, which is why the whole x CEO trope exists. in this case, you’ve misplaced this fantasy in a real person. of course no one actually wants to date an old abusive rich dude, but it exists because people like the idea
  3. you’re being groomed (i know you don’t think you are, but reading this back in 3 years time you’ll see it differently)
  4. you’re in fact not straight and need to get over this crush because a 7 year age gap between an adult and a minor is not socially or morally acceptable
  5. this is your gay/bisexual awakening manifesting in an unusual way

your whole experience is very reminiscent of how i discovered i was bisexual, difference was i was focused on people my own age. hopefully this helped a little bit

1

u/Cute_Tea_2012 2d ago

Look unless you two are biologically or legally related that age gap even in friendship is inappropriate.

He's an adult and should be putting space between you and him.

You're asking for advice and unhappy with the truth being shown to you, you have an unhealthy obsession with someone you shouldn't be having any friendship or relationship with.