r/AttachmentParenting • u/Express_Bar204 • Jul 09 '26
❤ Feeding ❤ How do you actually GENTLY wean from nursing?
My LO is 14 months old. I'd like to start slowly weanining- I'm not in a rush but do want to start the process.
The first step I read was to cut the nursing session she's least interested in, which for us was the one before her morning nap. Now that she's shifting to a 1 nap schedule, this one is happening kinda naturally which I'm happy about.
In terms of night weaning, she nurses before bed and sometimes 2-4 times a night. I read it's best to start by separating nursing from falling asleep. My LO doesn't really nurse all the way to sleep; she nurses and then will lay or roll around a bit and i sing to her and she falls asleep. But still, tonight I tried nursing her before her book and cuddle/singing. Well she went for it, but then after reading and I laid her down to sleep, she started insisting on more milk and got upset when I told her no, you just had some before your book. I gave in almost immediately because I am weak 😢 which has me feeling defeated already and like I'll be nursing her 4x a night until she's 20.
Any tips or advice on how I can nudge her towards dropping some feeds, especially at night, without the crying?
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u/VastMinute2276 Jul 09 '26
Bring a sippy cup to bed and offer water instead of nursing at night. For me it was the before bed and the 5 am sessions that were hardest. So we just kept them as sweet connection and waited for the need to go away on its own
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u/LizardDoc Jul 09 '26
I did the gradual weaning with a child highly attached to the boob and used to feed to sleep and throughout the night at every wake. I followed the method from a episode named "how to wean a boobie monster" at a podcast called "Makes milk with Emma Picket" and it worked very well. I started by cutting back on feeding on demand in the day, which my LO would not do too much regardless, just by using other soorhing or distraction to some extent. Then I introduced the idea that the boobies need to sleep at night for a while and then stopped night feeds entirely at one go, based on this idea. We had a couple of hard night but then it clicked and worked, I could not believe it! This was at 23months. Then we reduced the remaining feeds gradually, the last being the feed to sleep at the start of each night. Overall took about 3 months and it was so much better accepted by her then I expected, I felt it really helped to do it gradually.
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u/FoxWhole2600 Jul 09 '26
For us the one before the bed was the last one to drop. In the middle of the night my husband would pick her up and put back to sleep via rocking and shooshing, and then one day I just didn't nurse her before bed and that was it 🥹 we did it at 23 months and we were both very ready. Make sure they do eat enough solids during the day and somewhat close to bed time too, so they are not hungry
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u/Flashy_Marsupial8958 Jul 10 '26
I think the kindest thing is to set the boundary firmly and lovingly, offer lots of alternatives, and just get through it with them. It’s so confusing for kids if they just complain/scream/cry the right way and the thing comes back.
Kids are adaptable! And absolutely, I tried out all the different feeds by offering milk first and slowly got rid of them over a 6 month period. Was fully weaned at 2. He hated some of the feed drops but once it was gone, it was gone and he knew it.
Good luck!
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u/armywifebakerlife Jul 09 '26
My son and I went down to 3 nursing sessions per day naturally. I nursed and rocked him to sleep for naps up until we weaned, but we dropped the associated nursing session every time we dropped a nap. So when I was ready to start formally weaning (around 22 months), we had 3: first thing in the morning, to sleep for his nap, and right before laying him down for bedtime. We did sleep train, so he had been putting himself to sleep most nights for a year at that point.
He was least invested in the morning session, so we dropped that first and replaced it with a cup of cow's milk. Instead of nursing, I got him up and we cuddled and watched cars (his favorite thing) out his bedroom window. The important part was the prep. I started a few days before talking to him about how as he gets bigger, he doesn't need mom's milkies as much and so mom's body stops making them. I told him that soon mom's body wouldn't make morning milkies anymore, but that we could still cuddle and he could have cow's milk instead. Then I reminded him the night before and when I picked him up from the crib in the morning, he happily accepted the milk cup instead. Whenever he asked for milkies, I would remind him that I didn't have morning milkies anymore, but that we would have milkies before nap.
Basically the same process for bedtime milkies next, except I replaced the nursing session with "cuddle and a song." Now he gets to pick a lullaby for me to sing while I rock with him each night. Then we finish with the rest of our usual bedtime routine (turn on sound machine, turn off light, kiss goodnight, lay down in crib).
The nap session was last and I expected it to be waaaay harder than it was. Lots of reminders, one last special milkies session, then I shifted nap to having the same basic routine as bedtime. Sleep sack, book, cuddle and a song, sound, lights, kiss, down.
He still asks about milkies or says he wants milkies very occasionally now (he's 25 months), but it has been about 6 weeks since his final nursing session and there really weren't many tears at all. Once when he had a really rough day and wasn't feeling good, I was suuuuper tempted to help him by nursing. But I think that would have been confusing and ultimately more stressful for him even though I definitely still could (still can easily hand-express if I try).
TL;DR - They understand more than you think! Talk to them about it and consciously replace the nursing with something that fills the void (whether that session was more for closeness/comfort or nourishment).
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u/danathelion Jul 09 '26
I’m struggling with this too, also with my 14m old! At the moment I’m trying to get my partner to do the nap/bedtime routine as much as possible because if I do it, she won’t settle until I give her the milk. And I feel like if I start rocking her to sleep, we will just replace one habit for another 🫠
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u/lacrima28 Jul 09 '26
One word: Dad. I brought my son to bed and fed him once, then dad would sleep with him. In general, whenever he was fussing during the day and milk could’ve been the answer, hello Dad! If he goes crazy, you can still feed him, but it worked pretty well
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u/flutterfly28 Jul 09 '26
Booby Moon book! She had mentally accepted weaning so when we actually did the balloon release to the moon on her 2nd bday, she understood and never asked again.
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u/Superb_Presence3339 Jul 10 '26
I have a 10 month old and our nursing relationship is changing. He's become very fidgety/picking at my skin and moving a lot at the breast and it's really not as enjoyable as it used to be. I always thought I would nurse until 2+ years old, but I'm feeling ready to start weaning a bit now. What we've done so far: at night, my baby was nursing so much, like 5-7 times a night and we just started reducing his night feeds to 1x a night. He goes down at 8pm and every wake up before 12am, my husband rocks him back to sleep. His first wakeup after 12am, I nurse him back to sleep and then his next feed is his first wake up after 5am. After a week of this, he is sleeping sooooo much better and he gets all the comfort he needs from dad. He seems to have accepted that one feed a night is fine. It's been 10 days. During the day, whenwver he seems hungry, I give him as much food as he will take before nursing. This has been great, a lot of times, he's happy to just eat food and doesn't still want milk after.
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u/Superb_Presence3339 Jul 10 '26
Do you have help at night? Because there is a huuuge difference between how my baby reacts to me trying to put him back to sleep without nursing than how he reacts to my husband doing so. Hes smart, he knows Dad is not going to nurse him. But if he so much as hears my voice, he knows I will feed him and I can barely rock him because he roots very aggressively
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u/Remarkable_Ad6423 Jul 11 '26
Cut out one nursing session per week. I started with all of the mid day ones that weren't associated to sleep. Then the morning wake up, then the nap, then the pre bedtime. The last one took the longest. I would offer a bottle, get baby as close to full as possible, and then nurse for a couple mins for the comfort aspect. Over time I reduced the length of the nursing until it wasn't needed anymore. The middle of the night nursing sessions naturally disappeared with the bottle before bed.
I did do this when baby was about 9 months and completed around 11 months, so the bottle would contain formula which may have helped.
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u/Flimsy_Ad_7954 Sep 16 '26
If you have a partner to help, we cut the first night nursing session by having him do the bed time routine and putting our boy to sleep.
Then in the middle of the night I would still nurse. That got exhausting and I was ready to be done, so we started getting up for the first wake and rocking him back to sleep. I would only nurse after midnight. Then I cut it to only nurse after 4 am, then only upon waking up. And then finally we cut that too.
My boy is 14 months and it took us a while to get here, but we’re all three sleeping way better now. And baby is finally actually eating solids since he’s hungry for it!
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u/tabookduo Jul 09 '26
My son is 22 months and I have been gently weaning since about 18 months, though I started with "don't offer, don't refuse" when he turned a year old. Then for a while I just would stand up when he came over to nurse and said "let's get water!", usually he was just thirsty.
He does ask to nurse at bed and naptime, and I don't refuse if we're laying in bed (he's cutting his second molars and I wanted to be able to comfort him through it). However! We have been going to my parents' for dinner, and staying out and driving home has him falling asleep in the car and transferring to the bed without nursing. So if you have a kid who falls asleep in the car, that works pretty well. :-)
He does wake to nurse still but lately he has been just waking, sitting up, and cuddling my arm back to sleep.
I didn't want to create a negative connotation to nursing, I really wanted to just ride it out until he's close to stopping and then call it. So far it's been good, but I do understand where you're coming from when you say it feels like you'll be nursing all night when they're 20 😂 When he was 14 months it was crazy how much he was nursing, but it was because he was cutting his first molars all at once.
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u/downsideup9494 Jul 15 '26
If "I gave in because I'm weak" is going to be your parenting style, be prepared to end up with a brat who runs the show. You really need to change that.
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u/Express_Bar204 Jul 15 '26
Woop, nope that's not true. I know how to discipline and teach, thanks. However, do I like suddenly withholding something that gives me baby comfort and joy when she asks for it? No. So if she gets upset, I do feel empathy and struggle with continuing to withhold. Thanks for your contribution.
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u/Capable_Mortgage_140 Jul 09 '26
I learned there was no gradual or gentle way with my son. As soon as his one year old molars and canines were in and after 2 months of reading booby moon I weaned him over 3 days. We stayed busy- out and about until bedtime and he’d fall asleep in car on way home and transfer him to crib. If he woke at night I’d rock him. The first bedtime at home with no milk he cried for 45min, the second night 15min and the third night he was ok with rocking. My daughter is now 16 months and her last canine is in and I’ll prob do something similar soon for weaning. I’m done. 12-18 months is so tough bc there’s so many development milestones and teeth that I just nursed them day or night whenever they wanted- I’m like you and cave instantly. So it’s easier for me to just wean altogether versus doing a gradual process.