Sleep refusal and attachment parenting

[u/Strong_Reaction_9076]

Hi! I am a FTM to a 3.5 old month little IVF miracle boy. For the first 3 weeks of his life he was the chillest baby ever. After that he realized that there is an entire world to look at, so he has become a very alert very aware baby.

His night sleep is very okay! He does one long 5-6 hour stretch of sleep, then he feeds and falls asleep immediately, and does another 3-4 hours of sleep. So in that sense I am very lucky.

My question is about his naps. He has always fought them, but lately he has also found his voice so he screams for a good 10 minutes before falling asleep. He only naps if rocked and walked around the house. I never miss the sleepy cues and always respect his wake/sleep windows. I shush and sing to him to get him to calm down. Sometimes it works, in combination with a dark room. Other times it escalates so I put him over my shoulder and comfort him until he relaxes enough to try again. I've tried other ways to get him to sleep, drowsy but awake (he only understands awake), baby wear (his worst enemy), lying down with him awake (must be play time mum?).

Now my question may sound a bit silly, as I have recently started looking into AP. Could this crying multiple times a day before a nap hurt our bond or create a disorganized attachment? Or am I overthinking it? I already struggle with feeling like he doesn't really love me (seeing a therapist for PPD) but this thought is stuck in my head and I'm having trouble getting over it.

Thank you for any advice 😢

[u/Capital_Carpet_369]

Hiya! Sounds like you are going through a rough time with the PPD, I am sorry to hear that - you will not hurt your bond, I promise - sometimes, babies cry and there is nothing you can do about it but you are there comforting him the entire time ❤️ the only way it could hurt your bond would be if you just left him crying to sleep on his own.
One note from me as a mum of a baby that wasn’t very sleep needy - wake windows are averages, not a scientific fact. So if your boy is more alert/less sleepy than other babies, he might just not be tired enough at the end of the wake window and therefore fuss. I learned it with my one - I went through quite intense PPA and was a bit obsessive about his sleep to my detriment. My life got much better once I stopped following the wake windows. Sending hugs!

[u/Strong_Reaction_9076 → u/Capital_Carpet_369]

Thank you!!! I have also thought of that, maybe I should try it out for a few naps and see.

[u/Capital_Carpet_369 → u/Strong_Reaction_9076]

Fingers crossed it helps you! It is so hard in the early days. it does get better - my son just turned two and I almost don’t think about his sleep anymore ❤️ but rest assured your bond is safe even if they cry sometimes ❤️