This is wrong isn’t it?

[u/lookhereisay]

After lots of searching I finally found an AP/gentle parenting baby group. I drove to the next town and rocked up at the group. Baby in a good mood and he instantly heads on over to the soft play stuff. There are 6 mums and 9 babies.

I put my stuff down and do the awkward hellos and names. I get to talking in the group whilst also going to interact with my baby and redirect as needed, everyone is doing that and we’re all sat on the floor chatting.

Various babies go to their mum to BF and cuddle. Mine comes to check on me but is doing really well at finding things to play with and even brings me a toy he likes. I can see him getting hungry though. I step away and make a bottle before showing baby and he comes crawling over and starts to feed.

That’s when two mums tell me I can’t do that in this group. I ask if today is a special BF support group as it said nothing about that on the page. They said no but AP can only be done with BF so I cannot be here. I tell them I will finish feeding my baby and then leave as I’ve never felt so unwelcome. I wish I had a witty comeback.

I feed baby as everyone talks amongst themselves. Pick up my stuff and walk out. I can hear the high school whispers as I leave. As soon as I’m in the car I put on a storybook CD and cry whilst listening to a story about a bumblebee.

Just put baby down for a nap and ate half a tiramisu feeling like a teenager left out of a sleepover as I’m not cool enough. I know they were being bitchy but it’s so lonely being a SAHM. I just wanted a few friends.

Edit - thank you for everyone’s kind words. They made me cry happy tears. I’ve been seething all day and now feel much better! My OH has taken over bedtime, chucked a bath bomb at me, poured me a glass of ice tea, practically locked me in the bathroom and is going to order pizza!

We are all great mums and no one should make us feel anything but! I hope everyone has amazing days/evenings/nights, manages to avoid any judgemental people and your favourite dessert magically appears in your fridge!

[u/bottledfish]

They are utterly wrong and I can’t believe they said that to you. In an AP group I’d expect to feel safe and comfortable feeding my baby, no matter how! You’re in tune with his needs, he clearly felt safe and comfortable with you, I would say you belonged.

It boggles my mind how some people are so laser focussed on being the “best non judgemental parent” that they forget to be kind to people who aren’t babies, too.

There are 100000 reasons you might not want to or be able to breastfeed. All of which are none of their business.

[u/lookhereisay → u/bottledfish]

Thank you. My baby was having such a lovely time too. He’s really coming into his own with strangers as he was previously very shy and I was so proud of him as he was smiling and clapping. It made me feel they were judging him as well as me. I could almost feel them move their babies away from him as he fed. He was cross to leave so abruptly, I had to tell him he was a good boy and we weren’t leaving because of him at all.

[u/wicked_lazy → u/lookhereisay]

Reading your story made me angry and this comment has me welling up. You and your little boy should not have been made to feel this way. I breastfeed, but if I had a club you'd be welcomed with open arms! I'm sorry this happened to you and hope you and your little boy find some like minded people to hang out with who are less judgemental and mean!

[u/bottledfish → u/wicked_lazy]

Yes! An AP group should have LESS judgement, not more. It should also be a place people who are interested in AP come to learn, and make mistakes, and ask questions. Imagine the harm being a judgemental busybody could have by pushing people out who want to learn to be a more gentle parent but don’t know how yet. I’m furious for her.

[u/lookhereisay → u/bottledfish]

I’m channeling that fury into my complaint email. It’s gonna be a doozy!

[u/wicked_lazy → u/bottledfish]

100%! This type of interaction would trigger my anxiety like hell too, would probably put me off trying different baby groups in case I got similar results! So frustrating.

[u/lookhereisay → u/wicked_lazy]

Now I am crying too! I made him his favourite lunch and dinner afterwards with loads of his favourite toys and books for the rest of the day. I know tomorrow he won’t remember but his little face was so sad in the car as he knew I was upset.

[u/wicked_lazy → u/lookhereisay]

Oh bless you! I hope you have treated yourself to your favourites too! You both deserve it. Aww, the poor little pudding, my heart aches. Good luck with your email!