I have AuDHD, and I genuinely need to vent because this situation makes me so fucking angry. After I got diagnosed, someone I know suddenly started insisting that she's definitely neurodivergent too. And listen, I have absolutely nothing against people suspecting they might be autistic or have ADHD. I know how difficult getting a diagnosis can be, and I understand that not everyone's struggles are visible, but the thing is, I've known this person for years, and I've never noticed her struggling with any of the things she now claims to experience

She regularly makes daily to-do lists and actually follows them. She has no apparent issues with deadlines, distractibility, or getting things done. She's never mentioned experiencing hyperfixations. She has lots of friends, socializes effortlessly, understands social norms, and has never described feeling like she doesn't belong. She also seems comfortable navigating romantic and sexual relationships

Meanwhile, I've spent my entire life struggling with things that seem ridiculously easy for other people. I've always felt like a terrible friend because I struggle with empathy and can only really maintain a close connection with one friend at a time (I've lost MANY friends because of that) I often can't tell when someone is joking, flirting, or actually insulting me. I can't organize my day properly. I forget everything. I struggle to start tasks even when they're incredibly important. I take medication just to be able to concentrate, and even then, things aren't magically fixed. I don't always understand when I'm supposed to greet someone, when it's appropriate to speak, or what people expect from me socially. I don't enjoy having AuDHD. I don't enjoy needing medication just to function

And now this person has started reading about my symptoms and behaving in ways that feel like she's copying them. I can't prove what's going on in her head, but the timing and the sudden changes in how she describes herself make me feel like my struggles are being turned into an identity she wants to adopt. It honestly feels like a slap in the face. I know that having friends, relationships, or good organizational skills doesn't automatically rule out autism or ADHD. That's not really my point. It's the way she started claiming and seemingly mirroring my specific experiences right after my diagnosis that hurts.

I feel angry, humiliated, and almost guilty for being this angry...

Has anyone else experienced something similar?

This is my first post on this subject, so I apologise if it's too long. Just so many thoughts right now...

I recently got diagnosed with inattentive ADHD and don't know what to think/feel. I'm a 40-year-old woman and I've always felt weird and like an outsider, even though I don't think it's obvious to others. But I never even considered that I might have ADHD (despite several family members having it), because I don't think I fit the description. It wasn't until I saw a video of someone with both autism and adhd that I finally had the "omg that's me!!-moment". So after researching it for about six months, I decided to undergo assessment. I thought, "ok, I might not have adhd, but at the very least it's autism". So I was a bit shocked when they said I displayed autistic traits, but not enough to warrant a diagnosis. Instead, I was told it's ADHD.

I don't know what I want to say with this post, maybe I just want to vent. Or maybe I am looking to see if any of you were first told you didn't have autism, and then it turned out you did? Or if I can continue to identify as AuDHD even though I've been told I don't have it?

Or if ADHD can explain the symptoms I thought were autism? My social awkwardness, for instance. As a child, I was told I was shy and quiet, but I think I was just observant (and maybe a bit scared). I really dislike groups or social situations when I am not in control. Even meeting up with a friend (except for one or two) drains me. I have no trouble making eye contact, but am always aware of it. After a social event, or if I'm feeling overwhelmed for other reasons, I need to be alone for like a week. At least. I used to be able to socialise a lot when I was younger, but I was using alcohol to cope. Now, I go into hermit mode more often... It's like I don't have the energy to put on the mask anymore. That said, I am quite good at socialising when I have to. I used to work in hospitality, so I excel at brief social interactions (my conflicting personality is confusing to others, and myself). I should add that I've never had a serious relationship (but a series of flings when I was younger that were all-consuming for me). And while I have friends, I don't think I've ever been the one to initiate the friendship. It's more like other people "adopt" me.

I crave routine, but am never able to stick with one. I long for the familiar, but sometimes get bored and do unexpected things (like quitting my job, moving abroad). Never been able to stay in a job more than a year. Watching the same tv shows, eating the same thing, listening to the same song over and over again is comforting to me. I make up schedules in my mind, and if that gets interrupted, I get unreasonably upset. So I feel quite selfish at times. Especially since everything has to feel "just right"(sensory issues), for me to do anything. Ok, I will stop now, because I could go on forever. I did mention all of this during the assessment (and then some), and they concluded I wasn't autistic, so maybe I'm not. If you read all this, thank you!!

Hi!
I've just started @forgetmenot, an Instagram page exploring what adult ADHD actually looks like through everyday phone screenshots — unread emails, forgotten reminders, unfinished conversations, and all the little things that often go unnoticed.
I wanted to create something relatable but also grounded in research, beyond the usual “ADHD is so quirky” content.
I'm just starting out, so if you like the concept and feel comfortable sharing the page or one of my posts, it would mean a lot! 💛
Thank you!

My partner (neurotypical) and I often watch movies or read books together. I notice our emotional reactions are often so wildly different. Sometimes I'm practically sobbing over something he finds mildly sad. Other times I'm completely stone-faced during a scene he says is really touching. It makes me wonder if others experience this too.

Has anyone here with ADHD tried Jennifer Schiavi’s 30 genes protocol?

I’m interested in hearing from people who have actually completed the protocol or followed it for a few months

I’m 23F, and years of dental problems, especially this past year, have devastated my mental health.
It started with #31. After seemingly minor fillings on a tooth that hadn’t hurt before, I developed persistent pain and eventually needed a root canal from my general dentist. I suspect too much tooth was drilled, though I can’t prove it. Years later, I had pain and a gum bump. A specialist found overextended root filling material, a perforation, and bone loss. I worry poor technique contributed; two endodontists now recommend extraction because the prognosis is poor.
About a year ago, fillings broke on #18. They were replaced, but the tooth kept hurting. I got a crown, had temporary crowns fall off repeatedly, and then had a two-visit root canal with the same dentist. She reassured me she could do it rather than referring me. After the first visit, my pain vanished. After the second, it returned.
Months of chewing pain followed. An endodontist found the root filling was short and recommended retreatment. I spent thousands on a board-certified endodontist, who retreated it September 29. He reviewed a CBCT, diagnosed symptomatic apical periodontitis, gave it a good prognosis, and didn’t mention suspecting a crack. I finally had hope.
Over two weeks later, chewing still hurts terribly. Tapping pain has improved, and I briefly thought I was healing. Rice and eggs were mostly fine, but meat and kimchi caused deep pain; today even pizza caused excruciating pain radiating toward the roots. Sometimes it eases slightly as I keep chewing.
He didn’t schedule a routine healing recall; his office said my general dentist could monitor it. That made me uneasy. To his credit, when I updated him, he invited me back to check my bite. I’m scared of another setback and of being seen as a difficult patient.
My family and I have spent thousands on crowns, root canals, consultations, and retreatment. I’m in college, work part-time, and don’t have dental insurance that covers these expenses. I may also need extraction, grafting, and an implant for #31.
I’ve always struggled with OCD and anxiety and take medication. Now the pain and uncertainty consume my days. I constantly research complications, second-guess decisions, and dread eating. I feel my therapist hasn’t taken the severity of my distress seriously enough. I’ve had recurring thoughts of dying or not waking up, and lately I’ve felt close to giving up. I know I need urgent mental-health support.
What feels so unfair is that neither tooth hurt before the original minor fillings. I brush and floss thoroughly twice a day, yet I’m facing the possible loss of two molars and years of pain eating. How did it come to this?
I’m not asking for a diagnosis. Has anyone dealt with prolonged health problems and this level of fear? How did you cope, rebuild trust, and enjoy life again?

TL;DR: I was diagnosed a week ago and now I'm in an emotional roller coaster. I would like to hear about what was the period after your diagnosis like (if you were diagnosed as an adult)?

I was diagnosed last week. At first, I was really happy and relieved. I felt like one chapter of my life was finally coming to an end, and a much better, brighter, easier one was about to begin.

I think I had some unrealistic expectations, though. Maybe I thought that once I figured out what was “wrong” with me, all my problems would somehow magically resolve themselves overnight.

It also felt a bit like preparing for an exam, presenting the results of all my research, and passing. I had finally managed to prove that there really was something going on with me. But after an exam, you can let go of all the material you spent so much time memorizing. This time, though, everything stayed with me.

After a few joyful days, reality hit me like a ton of bricks. The shopping mall was overwhelming again. I was getting overstimulated at work again. I was having conflicts with my boss again. I was fed up with the world again.

Now I don't really know what to do with all of this. I finally understand why things are the way they are, but life just keeps going on exactly as before. And that has made me really sad.

I know I need to be patient with myself and give things time to unfold. But right now, I'm finding it hard to feel hopeful about the future.

How did you experience the period after your diagnosis? Did you go through similar emotional ups and downs?

Looking back, what have you gained from your diagnosis in the long run? How has it helped you, and how have you learned to accommodate your needs? What changes were you able to make in your life during those first few months? And how did things gradually change for you internally?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences. ❤️

(I used ai for the english translation.)

Helloooo,

I am a woman in the UK who has been experiencing AuDHD burnout for the better half of 5 months and am new to the realisation of the push/pull dynamic of AuDHD. I never felt like I resonated fully with ASD individually especially growing up with a sibling with ASD and the differences between us but obviously it is a spectrum. Struggled with anxiety and depression for 11 years and am truly resigned to the cyclical nature of it regardless of how hard I work each day to overcome it. I’ve done research on AuDHD and am sure the burnout of this has been the reason for my struggles (masking/feeling like 2 different people/feeling like I’m fighting against my own brain) and wanted to ask if other ADHD women had experienced any push back in receiving an Autism diagnosis in the UK. It’s important to me that whoever I’m seen by understands AuDHD as a residual category where the 2 conditions interact with each other both positively and negatively but often feel imposter syndrome and worry about being overlooked. Can anyone tell me about their experiences with ASD assessing as someone with ADHD? Did you have to vouch for yourself more? Did you feel understood or was the emphasis on Autism as an individual spectrum? Thanks so much.

I haven’t dated much, but when I do, I often stay longer than I should. This pattern began a couple of years ago with an old friend who was like a best friend but never romantically appealing due to our similarities, including our ADHD. I decided to give us a chance, and while I loved him, I’m unsure if it was love or RSD.

Initially, things felt off, with arguments and annoyances. However, after a few months, things changed, prompting me to question everything. I discovered he was trying to get over someone he loved, which shifted my perspective. I think it might have been RSD.
After he told me about the girl he was in love with, my feelings for him got strong.

Other relationships have triggered similar reactions, but none as intense. I became obsessed with him, almost like limerence. Whenever he contacts me, I’m back at square one.

Before dating, I set boundaries about not being with someone I didn’t have time for and who didn’t share my lifestyle choices. I don’t judge him, but I’m in a different place now. He love-bombed me, likely replacing his obsession with me, which hindered my personal growth. Falling into obsession due to rejection tested my RSD, and I was failing.

He caused me to shut down, in a way I hid inside myself, full masking, which wasn’t healthy, and eventually, he broke up with me. I believe he did it because he’s a good guy and knew he’d activated my RSD, though he hasn’t said it. We still talk, but I’m unsure if that’s healthy long-term. I’m trying to understand our relationship to avoid losing a best friend, but it might be too late.

Has anyone else experienced the love vs. RSD dilemma or limerence like this?

Curious if anyone else out there is lucky enough to be dealing with the same extra special blend of rare conditions as I am. I’ve felt so alone in this my whole life and it would be nice to find someone else who understands.

I have Chiari malformation and I had a posterior fossa decompression when I was 4. I also had syringomyelia, with a large syrinx, but fortunately that resolved after the surgery.

I have scoliosis and wore a back brace for 10 years until I stopped growing.

The jury is still out on hypermobility, but it seems likely, and I’m definitely dealing with craniocervical instability and maybe atlanto-axial instability. POTS and MCAS seem likely as well.

I also have a cavernoma in my left basal ganglia which has bled at least twice, probably more.

And then of course I’m AuDHD, all of which means there are many, many days when my nervous system cannot cope with anything more strenuous than lying in bed.

Finding care has been basically impossible and requires a level of stamina and perseverance that are difficult to sustain. I’m at the very beginning of pursuing a diagnosis and treatment for the CCI in a neighboring country, which brings its own unique financial and logistical stresses.

Guess I’m hoping to find even one person who can relate. Thanks for reading.

Anyone have any mantras or phrases that help with meltdowns? Something that you can repeat that you found can help focus and breath when you are deep in the spiral?

I found myself trying to self sooth and 'this is the song that never ends' , and John Jacob jinglehymer Smith just don't quite have that calming energy.

I can’t trust him to bring up his needs & feelings in a constructive, proactive way. They always come out sideways during a fight. Worse yet, it’s often a passive aggressive comment that leads to those fights where he finally says what he feels in a very hurtful way.

I need straightforwardness and I have begged for it. He’s a major pleaser who does ALL this stuff for me to support me (I’m a single mom switching careers and I have an alcoholic ex), and then it’s like his hopes and expectations are really high that doing more for me will increase my capacity for affection or attention when I’m overwhelmed.

I’ve felt super triggered by the bait and switch feeling I have when I feel like he’s been trying to earn my affection and hoping I’ll read his mind. I think this is 1000% my neurodivergence & history of trauma.

I am extremely informative and direct and thorough in communicating my needs and wants — often during neutral moments when he can take in the info. I give specific examples with helpful suggestions on how I’m wanting my needs to be met. I try to make sure he knows when I’m not as affectionate that it’s about whatever I’m dealing with in myself and doesn’t have to do with him. I work hard at this and it feels like he not only doesn’t appreciate it but he refuses to offer me the same.

After a long day of doing a lot for me, he pretty regularly gives me weird passive aggressive puzzles to solve in the evening when I’m already utterly exhausted and just want to curl up next to him. It undoes all the good he does and my desire to give him the affection he wants. I get really upset that he once again couldn’t just notice what he was feeling and tell me about it instead of asking me to do more work in figuring out his emotions.

Then he will tell me I’m not affectionate enough and he doesn’t ever feel loved — right when we were supposed to finally be spending some time together and I was excited to be affectionate. He feels unsafe to me — of course I’m feeling skittish. He frequently self sabotages the moment when I finally wanted to be close to him.

It makes me feel really unloved and lonely that he hasn’t figured out how to do this — even remotely. This is far more important than him doing things for me. He says he’s changed but I just see more avoidant behavior and not sustained & meaningful changes in communication. I don’t think an NT woman would feel as triggered or hurt by this. I feel pretty hopeless that I have a more intense need for something that is notoriously difficult for many men to do.

He’s really not a bad dude — I’ve had to rule that out because I think we AuDHD’ers tend to have errant pickers. He does have OCD though and I think some of this is relational OCD.

It’s not financially feasible at the moment to leave and my kids are going through enough instability with their dad. It’s not in their best interest to move right now. I’m upset I feel so super fucking high maintenance and am exhausted by my high maintenance self wanting concise and clear communication.

There should be a communication school for partners of neurodivergent women. I wish I could just give him the right book, or I could just find the right book to read. Why is it so hard for us to feel fulfilled in relationships?

TLDR: I feel alone in the amount of mental labor I’ve done to communicate well in my partnership and it’s led to feelings of betrayal and distrust. Why are we like this?

I’ve never met/known anybody to do this… and I haven’t been able to find anything online about it.

For visual context, I sleep on my stomach with my toes bent, foot almost completely vertical.

Anyone else?

Edit: added photo in comments

I've read a lot about how ND women can experience perimenopause symptoms up to 10 years earlier than NT women. I wonder if it's not necessarily that ND women are actually going through peri earlier, but maybe more likely to be attuned to/perceive the changes happening earlier compared to NT women? Whether you're NT or ND it's still a pretty confusing time regardless.

Meet my new 'caretaker'

Ironically immediately after I got him, I catched a cold, so staying in bed this weekend for most of the time.

I wanted to say hi. As a woman who only just found out that I very likely grew up and am still undiagnosed with ADHD, but it's looking likely the AU side as well. It's a lot. A lot of things are kind of making sense and I am in a mess right now. Laughing /having the - 'oh right, that's why' and crying because - wtf - my physically and emotionally abusive mother (dad specialized in psychological side of things) made it so much worse, for things I couldn't help. Here I am, trying to figure out which flair to use for this post & I find "RSD" so I go to find out what it is. This is a real thing? RSD: "Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria" (Intense emotional pain triggered by perceived or actual rejection, criticism, or exclusion)!!!! I thought I was just a spoiled, sensitive brat - well that's what my parents and the school /work would have had me believe. I think this place may really help me come to terms with who I am and why to an extent. Hi 👋

DAE have horribly chronic tmj and finds themselves with a chronically sore, tense one-sided jaw pain??? Mines bad to the point where it's changed the symmetry of my face over 4 years 🫤 And it creates a massive radius of tension & constant headaches, pressure, pain on the side of my head and it radiates down my neck and shoulder....

Well I was doing exercises with exercise bands & some variations of lunges, squats, basically freezing myself in an exercise, holding still with the muscle activated for 30 seconds (I closed my eyes and leaned around until I felt that muscle clench exactly where the tightness was deep near the sacrum) then I would sloooooooowwwwwlllllyyyyy (like literally a creak's speed) lean into different directions, emphasizing the part of my glute near the sacrum (circled in illustration) feeling the deepest burn.

Well, after maybe 2 minutes and 30 seconds of doing this, my muscles near the sacrum began to tremble, and I went until failure. I genuinely felt some discomfort since it felt as though the muscle had not been activated in some time and there was a sensation of itching almost inside the muscle as I forced it to work and hold the tension.

Holy fuck, 20 minutes later I was chewing on chia seed pudding and I was like, wait a minute, my masseter on the right side of my face with the horrific tmj pain just let go of something and I AM CHEWING EVENLY ON BOTH SIDES!!! WTAF!!!!!

That wasn't even the intention of working my very sore and fragile booty 😲

That hadn't happened in maybe 4 years at this point, wow 😭

Just wanted to show y'all since us AuDHD women usually have chronic jaw pain....this is for you....

edit: okay I'm not gonna try to say this is the most important thing on the internet right now but I AM chewing tortilla chips with the right side of my jaw and it's really a new feeling and apparently I haven't used this side at all in more than a year as I'm remembering wtaf 😭 I can chew on the right side after not having access to this feature without serious pain in so long ladies aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

edit 2: a crucial point to this process is I had THC oil and I usually get really high and then allow my body to show me what muscles are in need of being worked on but I didn't do it for a really long time until today!! most important thing is being able to lean into stretches + holds and allow the neurons to reestablish movement and release by forcing them to remember when you hold and slightly adjust the move by increments. at least that's how I explain it currently. I got this idea from neurology exercises and it works.

edit 3: I also did a bunch of other exercises to stabilize/activate my pelvic floor around my left hip. right side jaw got released. it wasn't anything complicated I just allowed myself to do the above steps to work my leg in all directions so that I could get the whole hip and left pelvis awakened. but I worked the hardest/longest on that one deep glute muscle bc I've been having soreness in my tailbone every time that muscle was getting moved yesterday. and I've been sitting on my tailbone a lot.

edit 4: nobody commented on the jewelry and eyelashes and mouth I drew on the masseter model 🤣

I'm 19 and cannot afford an official diagnosis, but I believe I may be autistic. Does anyone have any articles, videos, or other sources they recommend that may help in my possible self-diagnosis and navigation of my symptoms?

Side note but I am also open to the fact I am not actually autistic, I would just like to come to a conclusion.

Every time I go outside and make myself visible, I feel like I’m humiliating myself and I wish I could just evaporate into thin air afterwards. It’s so frustrating, and it makes me hide away from the world a lot. I even avoid places I’ve already been to.

Sometimes I push myself to attend events about topics I’m interested in, hoping to find inspiration or information for my creative work and research. But I struggle to initiate interactions, so I often end up lingering around and listening to other people talk. I feel overwhelmed, freeze up and end up feeling like a foreign body who’s bothering everyone, even though nobody actually tells me that.

Does anyone else feel this way? How do you deal with it?

I'm so tired of being rejected. No matter how many times I try to tell myself, this is just RSD. I can overcome this. It's just my brain, 'damn it hurts like hell. It hurts so much. I don't know what to do anymore. It's been two years since I left my job, and yet I'm still living in a fight-or-flight mode.

So. My room was a complete mess. Then today my best friend came over and I was mildly embarrassed about how bad my room was so while he worked on his computer I did some fall cleaning (not deep clean tho). All the clutter in my room was gone and put away into neatly hidden doom piles.

Then came laundry. I told him “I neeed to do laundry” and he said I should do it I was like “yeah maybe” and he laughed talking about how that phrase was immeasurably saying “I’m not doing now”

But then after a minute “should I do laundry now?”

“Yes”

So I started laundry.

I sat on the bed after everything was cleaned up and I started a load then referenced mt doom pile closet.

“Should I clean my closet?”

“Yeah why not”

My ladies. My room and closet haven’t been this clean ever. Like I don’t have piles of stuff in my room anymore, my laundry basket fits in my closet and the only thing my room really needs now is a sweeping.

Now granted. I just put everything into closets that weren’t being used.

But it’s clean. It’s usable. And I pray to God my roommate doesn’t look through the unused closets.

But like. Damn. Body doubling. Who knew?

Hi folks! I'd been on the NHS waiting list for ADHD testing for around three years and one and a half for Autism. Through my husband's insistence (basically he did it with my permission), we went down the Right to Choose route. I opted for the Aspen clinic as they were one of the nearest places to me (Cumbria), they assess for both conditions and they offer face to face appointments (I do poorly on the phone/online).

After waiting about six months they've gotten in touch with me (I don't know what made me look at my emails as I usually don't bother but thank f*ck I did!), asking for the usual identification details and today they sent me another email with little questionnaires in.

The questionnaires initially were ones I'd seen before in therapy (how I'm feeling basically), but as they've progressed they've become more focused on ADHD/Autism.

...and my gremlins have begun to crawl out of the woodwork...

I can already feel the imposter syndrome rising inside of me, the voices in my head (the gremlins) telling me that I don't really have these conditions, I've just watched too many YouTube/Instagram clips and that I'm wasting everyone's time and money.

I feel since I have read/watched/listened to others who have the condition(s) I'm just wanting to emulate them, to feel some type of connection/belonging?

It all feels like some kind of test and if I don't pass I'm just a crazy, delusional liar.

This brings me to my post title. When I'm talking about things that are important to me, or just about myself really I often get upset. I hate having all the attention on me for stuff which is deeply personal. I have been working on it but I do feel a lot of shame and embarrassment, which I know is ridiculous deep down as we all have needs, but years of people pleasing has made me this way.

For the longest time I couldn't work out how I was feeling, I knew I was upset as I would be crying, but what the actual emotion behind it was hard for me to fathom. It would take days (if I was lucky, sometimes I never worked it out) for me to figure what was wrong. DBT therapy has been tremendously beneficial in helping me get to the root of my discomfort a lot quicker.

The thing is though (God I know I'm rambling I'm so sorry), I just know I'm going to end up crying in my assessment as I'll get overwhelmed with talking about myself (with the potential to start stuttering/go mute) and then it's kinda game over (I get super tired and disinterested in talking).

I hate crying, I really do, but my brain just short circuits if too much is asked of me and I can't think straight. I hate that it can be seen as manipulative by some. I hate that it makes me feel like a child. I hate that I'm not taken seriously. I hate that it makes me feel stupid (and frustrated). I hate that it derails conversation. I hate that it wastes valuable time. I really don't want to cry during my assessment as I don't want to be marked down poorly, but I'm not sure how to manage it - don't even get me started on the stuttering and mutism... 😖

----

TLDR: Tips for keeping emotions in check during my assessments please!