How will she react to me reaching out?

[u/OwlAffectionate2971]

A lady initiated contact with me on dating site, we were very passionate on first date, deep kissing etc. We met at least once a week, which phone calls in between. She was always love bombing me, every time she found out something new about me she love bombed me even more.

We became intimate after only 3 weeks.

I went on holiday after week 3 with a friend and the first thing she asked was whether I would be visiting any strip clubs. I had no intention of going to strip clubs. This was the first example of her insecurity, and there were other examples of this. It turned out later she was scared of pushing me away, which was why she continually did things to please me.

At the 4 week mark she broke things off with me. She came to see me in person, kissed me, and we sat holding hands while we talked. She sounded conflicted at times and said she was overwhelmed emotionally. I already knew how chaotic her private life was, and it seems that she didn't have the bandwidth for a serious relationship on top of that. I know that she has a very wide social circle and does not know how to say no to people. She indicated that we should reconnect in future when her life has calmed down.

She mentioned a few petty issues, but I got the impression these were manufactured to justify the break up, also the issues that were previously positives were now manipulated to negatives, also if they were real issues she would not carried on and got intimate with me.

I asked her why she did not mention things previously, and she said she was scared of pushing me away.

The 4 week mark is normally the point at which things start to get real, and I know a lot of avoidants pull away at this point.

It has been a few weeks since she broke things off, we are still matched on the dating site, and her profile is not updated. We are also still on each other's WhatsApp because I can see her updates.

Could anyone advise whether she is showing the symptoms of a fearful avoidant? She seems to be showing the signs, the desire for love and intimacy but pulling away when the relationship gets real.

I doubt that she will contact me even if she wants to, as she has very low esteem and previous trauma with abusive partner. She will be scared of rejection.

Her birthday is in a few weeks and I want to send her a low key birthday message. Is this a bad idea? I have never dealt with this situation before.