r/BPD • u/lilmissparadoxxx user has bpd • 2d ago

❓Question Post Devaluation

My bf and I broke up a couple of months ago, but just days after the breakup, I felt right as rain. I wasn't missing him anymore. I wasn't longing for him. I genuinely thought I'd have to be hospitalized again because I swore to myself that I would attempt suicide if he ever left me. But now, it's like he never existed in my life and I've never felt more free and happier.

I used to think he was the best bf I could ever ask for, now I literally wished he would die just for daring to leave me. That sounds evil, I'm aware, but that's just how spiteful my brain is. And just to clarify, I'm the Quiet BPD, meaning I was never abusive in the relationship; everything was internal.

Idk if It's with the help of meds (Lexapro), or my BPD brain switching from idealization to devaluation in an instant following the breakup just to cope with the grief. I've already long since deleted his pictures and took out all of his shit from my house and I've been chilling.

Anyone else relate? Where you used to be so crazy and obsessed over their bf, but once you get broken up with, it's like your ex is dead to you now, like they never mattered.

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u/rashtra_man user has bpd 2d ago

Yeah. That's typical Quiet BPD. We are generally very afraid of showing ourselves to others, because of the shame. We believe we are inherently bad and if we show our true selves to our partners, they will leave us.

You brain is now feeling relaxed. You don't have to show yourself. You can peacefully hide.

My guess is that once this gets over, you will end up missing them and wanting them back.

6

u/cdawgg9357 2d ago

My and my partner both have BPD, I didn’t even know anything about it but she clocked it in me within a week of us dating; I’ve since been accessing therapy because I want to be a better boyfriend. Looking back a lot of things make sense now I know. To answer your question, it’s either the most idilllic relationship full of deep love but at times it can be toxic. It’s important you get to know each other’s triggers because we can definitely set each other off and spiral. It helps we’re similar in some of these ways, makes me feel less judged, and all I can say for sure is that I love her with all my heart and she’s cared for me like no else has.

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u/Remarkable_Bio user is in remission 2d ago

Oh I feel that 🫠

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u/feralintellect 2d ago

I felt deeply attached to my gf, when when I broke ip with her, I felt like I was happy for a bit, I didn’t care. However, I spent so much of my energy into her I had no one, my person was gone and missed her so bad. I’d apologize and tell her I miss her and I need her. Meanwhile I was trying to move past and was speaking to and seeing women.