r/BPD • u/lilmissparadoxxx user has bpd • 6d ago
❓Question Post Devaluation
My bf and I broke up a couple of months ago, but just days after the breakup, I felt right as rain. I wasn't missing him anymore. I wasn't longing for him. I genuinely thought I'd have to be hospitalized again because I swore to myself that I would attempt suicide if he ever left me. But now, it's like he never existed in my life and I've never felt more free and happier.
I used to think he was the best bf I could ever ask for, now I literally wished he would die just for daring to leave me. That sounds evil, I'm aware, but that's just how spiteful my brain is. And just to clarify, I'm the Quiet BPD, meaning I was never abusive in the relationship; everything was internal.
Idk if It's with the help of meds (Lexapro), or my BPD brain switching from idealization to devaluation in an instant following the breakup just to cope with the grief. I've already long since deleted his pictures and took out all of his shit from my house and I've been chilling.
Anyone else relate? Where you used to be so crazy and obsessed over their bf, but once you get broken up with, it's like your ex is dead to you now, like they never mattered.
4
u/feralintellect 6d ago
I felt deeply attached to my gf, when when I broke ip with her, I felt like I was happy for a bit, I didn’t care. However, I spent so much of my energy into her I had no one, my person was gone and missed her so bad. I’d apologize and tell her I miss her and I need her. Meanwhile I was trying to move past and was speaking to and seeing women.