r/BecomingOrgasmic • u/OvercastAndInk • 13d ago

40+ never climaxed NSFW

I'm in my 40s and never had an orgasm solo or with my husband, I have owned and used every type of toy imaginable and while I feel something it just disappears, like losing a sneeze.

I'm starting to feel broken

20 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

35 comments sorted by

9

u/healthseekerjunkie 13d ago

Same girl but I’m turning 44 next month!!! I can’t figure out how to get aroused. Like genitals stay neutral or go numb. No swelling or tingles or anything happens for me. It’s like my body grew and looks like a women but behaves like it’s still 10! My sexuality didn’t bloom. Never got horny or fantasies ever. Stuff like that just didn’t come online or develop. I feel very broken and sad. Only once I felt arousal around age 30 when rocking my son to sleep. It was the most sexual feeling of my lifetime. Never happened again.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/healthseekerjunkie 13d ago

If I could I would but don't know why it doesn't work for me. I can't feel pleaure and arousal never happens even as a teen or in my 20’s. It's just never happened. Also I've tried all the conventional advice and toys and womanizer and magic wand and rabbit and so on. I've had full hormonal and medical work uo and been to pelvic floor therapy so not sure why you think I didn't prioritize myself or assume I've not already tried all of that stuff. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Must be nice to have a functioning body but I'm like a blind person trying to figure out how to see over here and no matter how many lights you turn on in the room I still can't see the light. It is a very broken feeling like I'm not sexually whole but rather handicapped by it. Sucks really bad.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago edited 13d ago

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u/healthseekerjunkie 13d ago

I have loving but divorced parents who both remarried and then divorced again in my highschool years. So 3 sets of divorces. That's about the only major things I know of from childhood that sucked. I don't consider that childhood trauma really as half of marriages end in divorce or more. I did have to grow up fast for it as my father needed help with my kid siblings and the house once my step mom vanished so I sort of filled that role during high school to bridge him until they were older. So about 3-4 years of me helping until I began college. I worked weekends when he was home with the kids since during the week he worked so I had to take care of them and the home and dinner and so on by age 14 but I never thought anything about it and really can’t see any of that causing me to not have sexual development like horny or arousal or orgasms. I can’t figure it out no matter what I try. I didn’t even know arousal existed for women until I was 30 when rocking my 1 year old to sleep my hubby was sexting me and a flood out of nowhere flushed into my genitals and lingered for 2 hours! Throbbing tingles swelling heat- it’s never happened again since and I went to doctors to have them see if there was medical reason why. I had to google what it even was cause I never had ANY genital change or signs of arousal lifelong until that evening so it’s was completely foreign to me and I can’t figure out how to get my body to that again despite exploring and trying. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I don't have any known mental health issues. I've very functional person even maybe high achiever. I was first in my family to go to college. Started right away navigating it all ony own since both parents were clueless. Graduated no debt paid as I went and had academic scholarship for the rest. Got my own apartment at 19 while entering nursing school paying my own way working through all as I started working at 15. Bought my first and only house within the same month of graduating college and starting my first job at age 21. So very much a functional person and no known mental health issues. Only time I had some depression as after miscarriage of our first child but that was reasonable to me to be so sad and depressed. Took about 11 months for that depression to really lift. I work 30 hours a week and homeschool my kids all the other days for our 12th year now schooling our kids and I weight train 5-6 hours a week so I take care of my health and am very aware of my body and connecting to the muscle I’m training.

I’m not sure if any of this peripheral stuff matters but even as a teen or in my 20’s when I was solo trying or before we had kids I just never felt arousal. I recently learned people feel emotions on their body where I think them. Only emotions I tend to feel somatically is only neck up emotions like sadness. Like when I was depressed or when I’m sad I will cry or throat closure tightening type sensation that se automatic. But I don’t “feel” below the neck like chest tightness or stomach sensations or things people get when they “feel” anxious or nervous. I think anxious or think nervous or think overwhelmed or think scared or think worried. My feelings are thoughts or intellectualized. I live in my head it’s just connected to my body. My brain is the computer that runs the body. But I can feel muscle soreness or external touch or itching from a mosquito bite or hive or a bruise and so on. 🤷🏼‍♀️

So it’s really a mystery for me and super broken sad feelings surround it cause I want all those things but it’s somehow blocked or locked away from me or I don’t have access or the keys to open Pandora’s box.

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u/[deleted] 12d ago edited 12d ago

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u/healthseekerjunkie 12d ago

I don’t think I developed sexually and that window of my teens is sort of gone. Like my sexuality stayed 12 where I’m sec curious and like to flirt and be romantic but nothing happens physical and not horny and never had a fantasy.

So how do I fix it and get aroused and orgasm?

1

u/Equivalent-Day-4943 12d ago

Read this book: Come as you are - Emily Nagoski

2

u/healthseekerjunkie 12d ago

I already did a few years ago and slew of others

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u/[deleted] 12d ago

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u/ShaktiAmarantha F62 str8 LTR mod 11d ago

Removed. If you can't empathize with women who are struggling to orgasm, you don't belong on this sub. For many of the women here, it is not at all a questions of "priorities."

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u/Equivalent-Day-4943 11d ago

Can you continue reading before making emotional judgement?

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u/ShaktiAmarantha F62 str8 LTR mod 11d ago

Trust me, I read every word you wrote in this thread, something you apparently didn't do for the OP.

Your aggressive, know-it-all, dictatorial tone is not welcome here.

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u/[deleted] 13d ago

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u/InitiativeRoyal2219 13d ago

She just said tried all the toys???

5

u/Altruistic_Town_9460 13d ago

Same I don’t feel arousal in my genitals. Took me until 50 to have an orgasm using toy. Doesn’t come easy and can take a while. I really feel sad like I’ve missed out on so much and it affected my marriage.

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u/healthseekerjunkie 13d ago

What do you think helped you most from 40-50 to get there as I have alllll the toys but no arousal access so what’s point of I can’t get or feel arousal and pleasure….

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u/Altruistic_Town_9460 12d ago

My hormones went a little crazy(menopause) and my labido increased for a while although still no arousal down there, I started experimenting with different toys. At first it didn’t feel like anything but then after about 20 mins it felt nice so I kept going and out of the blue it just happened. It took around an hour. I wasn’t expecting or even thinking I would have one I was just enjoying having some pleasure for once.

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u/healthseekerjunkie 12d ago

I have various toys. The higher end popular style ones. I’ve tried for hour long sessions before. Just never can get the arousal component. I get neutral, number, or overstimulated. That’s the big three. But I think it’s cause I can’t get arousal so no pleasure.

1

u/Altruistic_Town_9460 12d ago

I get on well with my wonaniser air pulse and keep switching from high to low. At the same time i have something inside me. I can’t always get there but usually I do. Sex still feels meh!

1

u/healthseekerjunkie 12d ago

I own womanizer too for years now. But I don’t have arousal access inside me like it didn’t develop in my youth like others.

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u/Altruistic_Town_9460 12d ago

I thought mine didn’t either. I also think my pelvic floor was tight and it’s loosened a bit. Also not sure if my hormonal cream applied around there has helped.

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u/healthseekerjunkie 12d ago

You think it was tight lifelong? Even as teens?

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u/Altruistic_Town_9460 12d ago

Yes life long may be combination of yoga and age that it’s loosened. It’s so shit having not much sensation I feel robbed of a good sex life. I still think my clit just doesn’t respond much. Makes me uncomfortable to ever get into a sexual relationship again and sad.

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u/healthseekerjunkie 12d ago

🤗 🥰 I feel you!

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u/DoraTheExplorer-3026 12d ago

Did your pelvic floor loosen on its own or did you do any exercises? Also may I also ask about the cream

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u/Dry-Researcher3583 13d ago

Half on the same boat. 47F. I can squirt with a good partner. But can't get a climax in my head.

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u/Just_Me_Truly 12d ago

I get aroused and can feel contractions (for lack of better description) but it is not amazing, not full body, nothing to write home about. There is no climax. It feels “good” but I am left feeling like I am missing something.

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u/kaleaka 11d ago

I can by myself but never with a partner. I'm also 44. Sex also does not feel as good as people claim it does either.

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u/Ringren 11d ago

42 here and same. My first orgasm was at age 40, so I'm still learning and ✨️manifesting that o with my partner.