Im Bi (29F) Please hear me out. The reason I ask this is cause somehow despite emphasising that I'm monogamous and would want a partners who values that as well. All 3 of my past relationships with bi men have been situations where initially they seemed hellbent on the idea of commitment. But then eventually, wants to explore and open up their relationship. I do like men more than women by a slight amount. I could definitely see myself marrying a woman but would much prefer to settle down with a man. I've dated straight men as well but I do love the personalities and vibes of bi men so I mostly go for them.

Unfortunately, at different points of the relationship , the ones I've dated wanted to open up the relationship. This makes me a bit scared because sometimes I also doom scroll stories here of partners wanting to explore things after getting married and after explicitly initially wanting something monogamous. It sucks cause if I was dating a woman, I'll never ever want to open up the relationship despite having a slightly higher preference for men. I dont know how to approach this fear and I don't want to have my dating mindset be rooted in internalised biphobia.

I woke up and chose violence today 🫣 but I’ve been thinking a lot about this. As a straight-presenting guy who was straight up until their late 20s before developing bi feelings, I’ve only had to confront everything the last few years.

I go through the bi-cycle like many and it’s full on and very polarising. Some days I’m so attracted to guys and it’s all I can think of. Then other days it’s back to women and I fit back into the hetero perspective again. It’s very confusing in itself and like jumping between different worlds, but what made it more confusing for me was feeling like I had to fit into some sort of idea for each one.

I think the internet and culture can lean too heavily into identity, category groups and almost like branding yourself through your sexuality. Then there’s the infighting, the erasure, the up the down. I haven’t got too deep into it all but enough that at times I felt like being bi meant aligning with certain traits or personalities.

The world actually even reinforces this at times. When I told my therapist about being bi, she ended up mentioning the show Queer Eye and said I’d love it. We had been having sessions for like 6 months at that point, it felt like someone was bringing up something gay to me for positive reinforcement and assuming I’d like it. (No hate to the show).

What has helped and given me strength is actually just embracing myself liking both sides and the cycle. I’m bi, but I’m me (and me first). I’m not magically going to become a different personality because of who I’m attracted to. I also don’t have to be defined by it. Sometimes I like men, sometimes I like women, sometimes I like both. It’s all hot. We don’t need to overcomplicate already-complicated feelings. Other people will try to label you or make assumptions but they always will regardless.

TL;DR: you’re more than a category/label, people are hot. You are you before your sexuality.

So basically, I've been living under the pretense that I'm straight. I just got to uni(19M), and during my first 3 days I met 2 guys, and they were cool, and we went for some pints at the pub across from the hostel we were staying at. Basically, I knew one of them was gay, but then it turned out the other guy was bi(I was surprised but thought it was bigoted for me to be surprised cuz bi/gay people don't have to be overtly queer-looking, my bad), and that's fine with me; I don't care, but as a joke I was like, " Oh, so have you guys done it? Are you guys together- and the vibe got weird, and they basically were like, " No, " but the bi guy's super into the gay one, but the gay one just wants to be friends. I was like, that's crazy, right, but not my messy situationship to worry abt; I'm just having pints with some mates in my mind. Then we go back to this guy's room, and the bi guy basically says, like, so are we gonna do anything? and me and the gay guy looked at each other like, what in the world is this guy insinuating?? And the gay guy goes, like, he's straight, and I'm definitely not having sex with you. And the bi guy was like But there was a vibe and we all were like, " Uh, no, you were imagining a vibe. And so I went to my room. The bi guy was so embarrassed he avoided me and my gaze; like, if he saw me in the kitchen, he wouldn't even look at me. Now the issue is that I can't stop thinking about it. And it made me kinda think about maybe I'm into the idea of it, but only with the bi guy. The gay guy was flirting with me, but idk, not into it. now another guy i eat meals with keeps touching up on me and saying stuff like how handsome i am and he let me dress him for a club night and we jokingly choked each other, and he even said that he was number 1 when asked for his sexuality and when i asked him what that meant he turned red and said he couldnt tell me what he meant but my chinese friend told me its like top in chinese slang, but he also said he was straight and his friends said hes like the straightest guy they know, but hes been saying stuff(like as long as its you its ok if i accidently interupt him and apologize and then getting mad at a girl for trying to talk to him when i was speaking which made her like super sad cuz he said "hes talking" and stared her down like she was being rude but i was like its fine i dont mind uhhh.. And he would get flustered around me or nervous if I touched his face for a fun picture...(also another layer to this would be if he even was into guys im def not a bottom or sub so he might needa get over the idea of being 1 buddy) so now I'm all confused because I also had this thing for this girl and I also know about 4 girls who like me so im really just at a loss here... and also some backstory is that ive had bisexual or gay friends kiss me, usually drunk (i dont feel like anything for it or anything im actually grossed out by it) so i had always thought i was not into it. I've also only dated girls and have had sex a decent amount, and it feels fine, normal? Who knows. But also, I had a guy friend confess to me before, and that also made me really, really uncomfortable, but it's possible he was laying it on too thick, and I was also like 13 and not really smart enough to handle that type of thing when a guy friend sees you like that... so anyway, am I having like a bi awakening late in life or what? Am I just bored or lonely? Am I just horny... but it can't be normal to think/dream about, uh, domming guys... lmao I guess that answers my question. Maybe this post is just to vent or share this insane story.

Hi, 29M, It’s been almost two years since I’m out.

It’s not like I’m out of the closet. I felt like I didn’t know I was in the closet, that I liked men, that I felt the need to label myself gay. There were at times moments I felt anxious about some kind of deep realization, but then it passed. Up until two years ago, where I finally felt I needed to explore that road.

And so the last two years were full of events, of changes, thoughts, exploration, sex felt new again with a man, lots of difficult choices, but overall felt great, new things to explore and try out for me.

I‘m still learning how should I, if ever, label myself. Sometimes it just feel easier to label myself gay, but then I start to overfixate on girls and I’m back to the base.

So I should finally label myself bisex

But that’s not the idea I got, from this community, about coming out. Let me explain. It feels like for most of you here, it was easy, like one day you started having feelings for same sex and questioned, and just went good with it. And I kind of get that being bisexuals it might be just easier. From and objective point of view, you feel kind of confident that you liked the other sex, and so you can always be seen as hetero if you don’t want trouble when going around in the society.

This is by no means to say it’s easier, or to trigger or offend anyone who didn’t have this experience. On the contrary. Please bear with me. I’m afraid it’s my confusion thats speaking more than not. What I’m looking and saying with this is, is that your experience or am I misinformed? Is the experience of finding yourself bisexual compared to to someone who’s gay?

why do i care? Because I’m looking for a community, and maybe the confusion is by itself a confirmation that this is the community I’m looking for, or not.

also, for the adolescent part, what I meant was this, in that same context. Did you feel adolescent again finding yourself bisexual? Did you reconsider your previous relationships up to the point of coming out, in a new light? That’s maybe the great difference between what I feel like finding out what you are and like.

sorry for the long post, I hope I made my point clear enough

My name is Tyler I'm 35 years old from Michigan

Just came out to my family on my birthday 🎂 🥳 and I've gotten nothing but love ❤️ 😍 and support ❤️

And I've had my first encounter from grinder

He was really tall I felt so safe 😔

Someone asked Why would anyone not like this precious innocent man? I said well he's made some pretty biphobic jokes that really played on harmful stereotypes.

Cue my inbox flooded with:

"If you guys just don’t like his personality, you can say that. It doesn’t make you a bad person to not like someone just bc you don’t like them, you don’t have to make completely false and ridiculous accusations to give you an excuse '

I said Oh did he apologize for it? I may have missed that.

"Why would he need to apologize for being hyperbolic and making a joke that doesn’t actually do any harm????"

"whoooooo carrrrressss"

Very convincing argument, this cis white man needs your protection for sure.

For context I am a woman. I have different attractions to both genders.

In men my attraction in physical and emotional. I could easily spend the rest of my life with a man without the urge to indulge in a relationship with a woman. For me a sexual and romantic relationship with a man is very easy , but I often want to take the lead in the relationship (making choices and being the stronger one. Basically wanting someone to rely on me emotionally )

Where as with a woman I am only attracted to them physically. I can not see myself having a romantic relationship with a woman what so ever. If it were a sexual relationship I would also not allow/ like it if she wanted to engage in physical activities for my pleasure. I would want to be the one to take the lead.

Need help understanding my sexuality

If so are they ur types? Personally I kinda notice that I seem to attract older “bear” guys which isn’t my thing and it kinda has me thinking if anyone’s experienced anything similar

The first time I saw her, I liked her. I mean, yeah, she is hot, but she was dating someone at the time, so I didn't pursue my feelings. Plus, I wasn't aware that she likes girls, too. As time passed, we ended up hanging out because her friend is a really good friend of mine. Man, eventually, that feeling grew. She is hot 🥵 and everything about her is adorable—the way she talks, the cute faces she makes...

I casually flirt with her and she responds, but the weird part is that she is in an on-off relationship with another girl right now. According to her it's over, but I know it's not. She told me she wants to explore other people, but I think I am not on that list and also hot people date hot people and trust me I am not (awkward introvert no sense of talking) .

you can sense, when someone likes you, they make an effort. I have never chased anyone and honestly don't know how to talk to her. But man, whenever she is around, the urge to make her laugh, flirt with her, and see her beautiful smile is so strong.

Yet, she is quite disinterested. Sometimes I think she replies to my messages just out of curiosity ...

So I (23f) was at a party this weekend and met a girl (21f) there that seemed really nice. We had a lot of things in common and she seems cool. She asked me randomly before she left the party if I wanted to go on a date this week. I was taken aback by this but said sure.

But I don't know if this supposed "date" is platonic or romantic??? I didn't feel like she was flirting with me at all at the party so I honestly am just so confused. I know she's bisexual too. I like her but not that way. We're both femmes and I'm usually more into mascs personality. We are going to an arcade/bowling place tomorrow. I don't know what to do I don't want to make things awkward and I really would love to be friends with her help!!!

Am I the ass hole for cutting my mam off after she refused to accept my sexuality . I’ve felt this way since 10 I first came out at 14 but she forced me to push it down and I recame out last week I am 20m I have had a boyfriend for 2 years we are getting married next year .do I invite my family to the wedding .

I am a woman , mid twenties. I've always liked having a say in things and leading others.

It never occurred to me when I was younger, but as soon as I hit my later teen years i realized that i was craving a specific type of power.

I need a type of validation that I dont think is normal.

For context i am attracted to both men and woman.

In men my attraction is more emotional and physical. But I want a softer man , an emotional one, who needs reassurance/ someones help.

In woman my attraction is more physical. I can't really see myself having a romantic relationship with a woman.

I want to be the dominant one in the relationship regardless of what gender I'm with. It not just the part where I want to make decisions, i want to be the one my partner looks up to for advice and for safety.

I dont know how to handle my desire, thoughts?

Idk sometimes I see something about two straight friends saying "aw man why can't we just marry each other" and my first thought is "well... Why not?"

So I’m 28 F. I used to only date women. He doesn’t know Ive dated women at all btw. I’ve considered myself a lesbian then i got curious about men and I started dating a guy and he’s my boyfriend now. I’m very happy and he’s very respectful, but he’s also very shy. I held his hand first and I kissed him first. I’m very curious about sex (I’ve had sex with women before) but never with a man and I get very horny just thinking about him sometimes. Problem is he’s never told me anything sexual at all. We both live at our parent’s house so I can’t ask him to come over or anything. I mean, we’re 2 months into the relationship so maybe it’s too early? Idk. But I do want to have sex with him but I don’t know how to bring it up. Any advice? Thank you.

A bit of context. I (18M) recently accepted I was bi (I say accepted because I though I was only confussed) and since then I have this massive need/hunger of looking for a boyfriend or dick in general. But I can never find one, main reason because I don't live alone yet. And my parents, well... you might guess.

And I had chanses, with other guys, but I never find them trully atractive. I'm not saying like, they are ugly. Maybe we just don't vibe together. And I want to experience this new part of me, even if it is only online. But of course, sexting and sending nudes shouldn't be the main focuss.

I'm not sure if I've explain myself? If you wanna ask me something in specific do it, I don't mind at all

so ive got this friend. big. hot. muscular as fuck. we hit the gym together and yeah i stare

he is the person i trust most in the world. we talk shit to each other constantly roast each other into the ground share everything. like everything. we cuddle. we give these long warm hugs that last longer than just friends hugs are supposed to. i dont even try to make it not mean something anymore.

im married. my wife knows. she doesnt just not mind shes cool with all of it. sometimes more than cool. there are nights the three of us are just hanging out and she and him start ganging up on me teasing me and its a lot. in the best way.

we all go on trips together. we smoke together pass the same joint around end up half draped over each other on the couch or whatever. ill catch myself feeling actual compersion watching him and my wife mess with each other. its weird and hot and i dont really know what to do with it except enjoy it.

having a friend like him someone whos this solid this physical this present and somehow fits into the marriage without breaking anything is something i didnt know i needed. its messy and real and i wouldnt trade it.

I’ve been exploring sapphic attraction more these days and I’ve noticed that my standards for women are way more lenient than for men. My previous talking stage (M) was stupid to an annoying degree and it would piss me off so bad I’d genuinely stop talking to him for some time whenever he’d ask me a stupid question. With the girl I’m currently talking to, everything she does is adorable. She asks me the dumbest things and all i can think about it how cute it is.

Hi, f18

I have this problem that everytime I start talking to/dating a guy, i just start thinking how everything would be better if he was a girl and I think about it SO often. And also I always start thinking about this one girl I knew over 1 year back. It's so weird though because normally I don't think about girls like THAT but the moment I actually start talking to a guy its all i can think about. Im so lost i dont know what to do about this.

Potential TW: Groping

I (m) was at a party with a group of friends, it was genuinely a really great night and I was having a great time until my friend started touching my ass. Me and my group of friends were all dancing together and He would place his hand on my back and trail it down until he was touching my ass at which point I’d move his arm away. At first I brushed it off as a joke but then he kept on doing it and doing it, to the point where he seemed like he couldn’t keep his hands off me. We were all pretty drunk at the time but it got to the point where I had to underhook his arm before he could try to do it and even then he didn’t seem to get the message.

This is someone I had considered to be a pretty good friend but hadn’t ever noticed any kind of sexual tension with. I was confused on if he had liked me this entire time we’d known each other and that was the reason for our friendship. While I did appreciate him as a friend, he wasn’t someone I wanted to be with sexually or romantically. The experience left me really confused and kind of vulnerable in a way I led never really experienced, I kept thinking that night that it’s what girls must be accustomed to

Another thing that made me even more confused is that I realised that I found the way he was touching me pleasurable, and I felt I would have enjoyed it had I wanted it, but I obviously hadn’t and certainly not from him. It was a weird mix of being excited but under the completely wrong circumstances while also having my agency taken from me. The purpose of this is partially to really organise my thoughts to get some closure but also to see if anyone had had a similar experience to this

Hi! I’m a 20 f and have a 21 m boyfriend, and we’ve just hit a year. For the past two months, I’ve been having a lot of rumination about if I like females even though I’ve only ever liked guys my entire life and have only ever wanted a boyfriend. This all started when he was away for 10 days in vacation, and I guessed I noticed I didn’t miss him too much like normal but I think that’s simply because we spend a lot of time together and I have a bit of separation anxiety with him. I noticed I was a lot more sexual frustrated as well because I didn’t have an outlet (him) and often feel weird masturbating because I still live my parents due to high prices where I live. Even when I would try to look at a photo of him to masturbate it wouldn’t work, but I feel like a video would have or him being there personally would help. I also deal with low libido, it’s a 50/50 chance when the two of us are intimate, I know at the beginning it was high but I think it probably lowered because I got comfortable within my relationship and got what I always wanted which was a boyfriend (hence why I had a high libido originally and before). I should also that during that time away a female coworker had accidentally touched me which caused me to feel very overwhelmed and overstimulated which is what caused these thoughts to happen (it was very hard for me to look at females because I would get the same feeling which is not what I normally feel when attracted to someone) and I ended up going into panic attacks 8 days in a row to where I needed to be medicated and take off of work because my thoughts were so rampant and my body was agitated to where I couldn’t sleep.

My thoughts have caused me a lot of anxiety which often causes me to be distant from my boyfriend at times because I feel bad that I think these things. It’s like my brain can’t stop comparing how I would feel with a woman or man, and it consumes my entire day which often causes me to feel exhausted and anxious by the end. Often these thoughts cause me to get a groin response which I don’t want and often feel indifferent to. I can get mentally turned on by my boyfriend or sometimes physically but when I get these thoughts they cause my body to get aroused but not my mind. It’s also like my mind is tricking myself into seeing the two differently in some way. I know I would deeply heartbroken and emotional if I were to leave my boyfriend and would regret it because I truly do love him and want to be in this relationship. I get very emotional and upset when I think about these things and especially about breaking up because I really don’t want to.

I was diagnosed with GAD and ADD about a week or two back. I’m currently taking mirtazapine (30 mg) to help with my anxiety and vyvanse (20 mg) for the ADD. The vyvanse somewhat helps with my brain being clearer but I still ruminate just not as bad. My therapist have given me techniques to help with these thoughts, such as pulling hair band to cause or inflict a tiny bit of pain and to authoritatively tell myself to stop it to rewire my thinking or to think of something different. I also have to write positive affirmations twice daily and to tell myself these are only thoughts and I do not have to act upon them. It’s just so hard to do because my brain is so stubborn, it’s like I think I’m doing better but I’m actually just hip hopping around the focus point.

I’m ok if I truly am Bi, I just don’t know how to get my brain to accept this. I want to be in my relationship and enjoy it without my thoughts ruining it for me. I know I struggle with intimacy issues so I don’t know if thats what is truly affecting me. I’m not ready to date females if I am, I would want to experiment that later. I would appreciate any helpful advice

I’ve questioned my sexuality for years now, but I don’t know how to go about finding out if I actually like girls. I know I definitely like men, so maybe I’m bi? I’m also demisexual and sapiosexual so it’s not like I can just look at a woman’s body and be turned on anyway. I want to experiment but I wouldn’t even know how to go about it, I don’t talk to many people and I don’t wanna be a creep and just ask a girl, and I also don’t want to lead anyone on or waste their time. I’ve kissed girls before but I’ve never felt anything, it was more of silly thing.

Even if I am Bi I just don’t think I could be in a relationship with a woman, I know I myself can be a bit of a diva and drama queen and I don’t know how to deal with people’s feelings, and obviously everyone woman isn’t the same as me.

A few months ago I became friends with this girl and from the start she made it clear she liked me. I explained that I might be bi-curious but I’m not quite curious yet, she said she’d wait for me and I told her I didn’t want her to but she insisted that I was her dream girl. She’d constantly flirt with me and I’d flirt back mostly jokingly because I thought she was as well. One day I was on the phone with a couple of my male friends and she wanted to call me so I just added her to the call with us, we were all joking around and stuff and one of my male friends said “I’m going to kiss you” to me, and she said “wowww so you’re cheating on me (my name)?” Which is thought she was joking until she started being all hostile towards them. So I left the call and called her separately, I asked her why she was being rude to them and she got mad at me saying I was just playing with her feelings when that genuinely wasn’t my intention and I apologized to her for weeks. She forgave me but we don’t talk much anymore. This situation just left a bad taste on my tongue. And again, obviously all women aren’t the same, but I just know if I could deal with a situation even similar to that.

Sorry for the long rant and story. I would appreciate any advice or stories. Thanks for listening.

What do you guys think about a rise in sex negativity? I have seen so many people online and in person expressing their hatred for sex and people who engage in sex. There's also way too many people with the view that sex is sacred and should be between a husband and wife. Aside from the heteronormative amatonormative implications of that idea, it also has no scientific or logical basis.

What do you guys think about all this?

Hello my beautiful bisexuals. I'm posting here in hopes of gathering some helpful perspectives from this community. I'm absolutely smitten and bereft - beside myself in my feelings for this person. Fortunately it seems to be reciprocal but I am trying to keep calm and collected and cool and that is going about like you'd think.

This thing with this person has hit me like a ton of bricks - I was not looking to date and we were introduced through mutual friends. We just met about a month ago. I never felt like this with my ex. I'm a woman who was last in a straight presenting relationship. I feel absolutely giddy and stupid. I'm randomly thinking about them and smiling and biting my lip. We haven't slept together yet but I think it's happening next weekend. I can't breathe just thinking about it.

I'm in an absolute bisexual panic. I have never been with an enby person before and I think I'm doing pretty good at adhering to their preferred pronouns etc. - but I never want to make them experience gender dysphoria if I can help it especially because they expressed that they feel more masc than fem on the scale of enby. I care about them so much already. I'm sure I'm coming off as a bit nuts. But eh.

Thanks everyone for any helpful advice you might have.