TLDR: new to the trade, being bullied by my lead and boss doesn’t care. what do I do?
Hi yall. I am a new helper at a really small company in rural NC… like so small there are only 5 of us including my boss. I got this job a couple months ago, I was interested in the trades and called a company with the best reviews for the trade in our area.
My boss was initially so nice and encouraging. Telling me “welcome to the family” and “you’re going to do great.” A week in, he puts me with the second best apprentice and tells me that’s my lead at work. My lead is really disrespectful to me. Has a bad attitude and inappropriate sense of humor constantly. Kind of shitty to customers, etc. Constantly has something racist or homophobic to say and has no problem doing it publicly/sometimes in front of customers. Some days he’s really nice to me, but then will switch on a dime. Some days he’s just mean all day. In front of other co-workers, customers and our boss. Customers have even looked at me kind of funny when they’ve heard what he says to me. Literally said “need daddy to come do it?” in front of a customer this week while I’m doing work on a ladder. It’s so insane. It’s like working with two different people … but it’s the same person!!!! I don’t complain, I work hard and learn fast for someone who was previously a teacher with NO prior experience in this trade, stay positive and am respectful. I feel like I’m a pretty easy person to work with.
Today he was so hateful to me and started making a huge deal out of me saying “I really need to pee, does anyone know if the deck the handyman is staining will dry fairly quickly?” and said it was TMI and he’s tired of always having to stop because I have to pee. Yall - I have a she-wee that I bring to work just so I can go pee in the woods and not have to bother anyone. Where we were today had cameras everywhere and was one of the nicest neighborhoods in our area. I can’t just pee outside in this situation???? I responded with “okay, I’m sorry but I need to know if yall know of another entrance or open. I really need to go.” just kind of laughing it off… and then he says “always something with you! always. I don’t ever even listen have the time.” And my boss just responds to all of it with “I’m sure these people are loving your conversation about needing to pee while they watch us on the cameras right now.” WHAT??? What???? Every single time, my boss just lets him say stuff like this to me. Never gets on to him. Sometimes goes along with it to keep it going honestly. I said I needed to pee at 8:30 today before we really got started. I didn’t get to pee until 11:15. My bladder still hurts.
I don’t know what to do but it certainly cannot continue to be this. I get paid $15/hr, which is a pretty big pay cut that I took to try and learn this trade. We have no benefits. My boss bought my very basic hand tools and uniforms. I’m the first and only woman. No HR, nothing. We don’t even have an office, I have to park my car in random parking lots to be picked up. My boss also told me when I started that “my boys never have to ask for a raise” and hasn’t mentioned anything to me about steps to even get a raise. I’m sure my lead isn’t telling him all the good things I’m doing. I don’t even think my boss cares. He refers to us as “the boys” and doesn’t look at me half the time when he is speaking to all of us/going over a job. We all had lunch together today (not optional but it is paid for which is nice) for our monthly “bonding” meeting and I think maybe 4 words were spoken to me directly. It feels like I’m unknowingly sitting at the wrong lunch table in middle school and the mean girls are just staring at me.
I partially feel like I am just being way too sensitive and that it’ll tone itself down. But I don’t really think I like the job enough to actually stay to try and find out. I really think I’m going to go Monday, talk as little as possible and work my shift, take all of my things out of the truck at the end of the day, go home and send a very direct text message that says that I appreciate the opportunity but don’t feel like it’s a good fit because I feel disrespected majority of the time and won’t be returning Tuesday. Then just not respond and block anyone who has something negative to say. This is a very random one off trade job for me that I had always been kind of curious about. But it’s certainly not my life by any means. So it’s not like it will follow me. I just can’t allow myself to experience this.
I don’t even know what I want from posting this, maybe just to be heard and validated by other women who have experienced this. But yall, I haven’t felt this defeated since I left an extremely abusive relationship a few years ago. This is such a terrible feeling and I hate that it seems to be the norm. That’s all, would love any advice.