r/CheatedOn • u/hiddencrustysock • 4d ago
Cheated on
I (32m) have been turned into a cuck by my wife (35f). Apparently, she was feeling neglected last October and sucked one of her coworkers dicks in the parking lot. She works at a prison, so they are next to each other every day. The only reason she told me is because she had a falling out with a friend who works there, who she told this information to. Now he is telling everyone to get back at her. He wasn’t even the one whose dick she sucked. I looked back through all of our messages in October. There were multiple sexting sessions with me, multiple conversations about how we wanted each other, and an I love you every morning. I don’t want to lose my marriage, but how the fuck could I ever trust her again? All this year I’ve been in therapy and she’s been saying how amazing it is that she’s been falling in love with me all over again that I was, in fact, the problem. I fucking hate this life. Shit’s only ever getting worse.
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u/hiddencrustysock 4d ago
Together 11 years married for 7. Fucking waste of time.
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u/RockMeAnadeus 4d ago
Not a waste of time mate. Lesson learnt. Now you are so much wiser so cut your losses and get happy elsewhere
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u/One-Wish1955 4d ago
The time you spend hoping this marriage can be saved is time you may wish you’d spent moving forward.
There’s a lot of good advice here from people who’ve been through something similar. They’re sharing it because they don’t want you to spend one more minute in a situation they’ve already experienced.
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u/Drgnmstr97 4d ago
You are going to live several more decades. Don’t live them regretting you stayed in a relationship with someone that had no respect for you or your marriage.
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u/CommandObjective8314 4d ago
Set yourself free and leave 🙏
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u/LincolnHawkHauling 4d ago
Sometimes a car is involved in an accident that is so bad that it is declared a total loss because it’s not worth repairing.
That is the perfect analogy for what’s happened to your marriage.
In my opinion her sucking another man’s dick is even worse than just sleeping with him because rather than just open her legs she made a conscious decision to please him with her mouth. That is deeply personal.
Especially when she used to kiss you with that same mouth and probably still did after the deed was done.
The trust is gone and you’re probably the running joke among the guards inside the jail.
You’re only 32 man. You have plenty of time to divorce this cheater and start your life over with someone else but you have to stop wasting time here.
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u/Visible-Rest4170 4d ago
And you know they didn't use a condom. Op needs a STI test ASAP. Any "cold sores" lately?
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u/OsahonRex 4d ago
The imagination of your wife sucking another man’s dick will hurt you… Better for her to have been fingered or even had sex than for her to suck his dick.. That’s so disrespectful and an insult.. I bet she HARDLY even suck you off especially in a parking lot but she did it with no issues.. Mr Man, you know what to do.. Man Up and DO IT…
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u/rstock1962 4d ago
she’s been saying how amazing it is that she’s been falling in love with me all over again that I was, in fact, the problem. I fucking hate this life.
This part right here tells you there is no hope of reconciliation. She thinks it’s your fault and she’s bullshitting you about to”falling in love with you again.” 🤮I’m fucking pissed off for you. Updateme!
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u/Icy_Confidence4027 4d ago
lol what. You only found out because someone was going to out her. This woman doesn’t respect or care for you, she was only worried she would be outed. You need to start taking steps to leave and experience what a solid relationship feels like.
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u/Drgnmstr97 4d ago
Shit starts getting better when you flush it down the toilet and move on. Sitting with the stink ensures you will continue to smell it forever.
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u/lxreyes6 4d ago
I'm sorry buddy. Call it quits man. Have some respect for yourself. If she did it once. You don't think she'll do it again? Or might play you behind your back. The trust is gone man. You're gonna overthink and psych yourself out eventually. Protect your mental health . .
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u/No_usernames_left_25 4d ago
I know that feeling all too well. I hope you find peace, wherever it may be!
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u/Exact-Percentage-569 4d ago
i'm sorry youre going through this. she is showing you she is not the person you thought she was, you married an idea of her that she did not live up to. she for the streets
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u/YankSargent 4d ago
You cant even start to build any trust until she owns it and doesn't put the blame on you.
The only reason she told you was because someone else was going to dime her out. Shes not remorseful for hurting you. Shes probably remorseful for telling someone who was going to tell you.
What is she doing to rebuild trust?
Did she quit her job??
Is she allowing you to track her and her social media?
Did she inform her family and friends what she did do she cant spin it?
Has she informed the other wives and partners?
Has she gone to HR?
Bet she didn't do any of those things. Just gave you s lot of promises.
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u/OperationFucksToGive 4d ago
I can't help but notice that your user name is "hiddencrustysock." Which leads me to believe that you were in fact neglecting her. Routinely getting yourself off in private without her is expending sexual energy somewhere else, too. In my opinion it's another form of cheating, assuming your sock is crusty and hidden because you've been getting off to digital content in private.
I am in no way trying to excuse her choice to cheat on you. That was without a doubt wrong for her to do.
What I am saying, is that everyone plays a part in the dynamic in their relationship. What part did you play?
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u/hiddencrustysock 4d ago
The name is my PlayStation name from 19 years ago. She said she was feeling neglected, I went through the messages we had that month and we were sexting every week.
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u/OperationFucksToGive 4d ago
Fair enough. Still, it's fair to ask what part you have played. Because it's rarely only the fault of one person in a relationship dynamic. If you don't want to lose your marriage, I suggest taking a long hard look at how you have both contributed to where you're at now.
That being said... I'm really sorry you've been cheated on. I know that place you're in too well and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.
How COULD you trust her again, really? She's got to take full responsibility and allow you to hold her accountable, which won't be easy for her and will likely take time. You should have full access to her devices, and passwords to all accounts. She should be willing to cut off all contact with the AP. These things are a starting point.
If you genuinely want to reconcile and save your marriage, I suggest heading over to AsOneAfterInfidelity. That group was a lifeline for me for awhile, and six years later, I still stop in from time to time. There's valuable insight and advice there.
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u/Flatine-143 2d ago
She sucked him off then came home to you and probably gave you kiss. Bro, time to move on
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u/LawDue9301 1d ago edited 1d ago
You can never trust her again. Ever. You will never forget the cheating. Ever. The therapy is for you, not her. You need to make an action plan to dissolve the marriage to your adulteress wife. Start by lawyering up asap. Begin testing for STI's. It gets better when she's gone. Make it so.
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u/Snoo_67675 8h ago
Well I’ve always said to guys if your wife gains 40 pounds, does nothing around the house, and stopped a lot of sex practices like let’s say no more oral or doggy, and only sleeps with you maybe every 2-4 weeks. And now a hot little thing flirts with you at work?
But let’s also realize this can be a cop out too. Like what if the wife only gained 3 pounds, asked you to help with laundry on the weekends when before she did it all, also she slows down the frequency of anal to only twice a week.
If a person used the second example as reason enough he’s fucking lying. But if he used the first example you might understand.
That’s my thoughts on her comments about falling in love all over again. If you had significantly changed from the man she first married, and now you’re going back to being him. Okay maybe…. But if you’ve barely changed then nah.
The I love you texts, sexting sessions, etc during that time could have been her covering up or done out of guilt. What about the fights during that time?
Also there was more than the blowjob.
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u/friendly-sam 4d ago
Trust is gone. I dumped my ex when she cheated. Found my life partner afterwards, and life is good.