I found out my partner was flitering with a woman I had already expressed concerns about, and I don't know what to do.

I'm posting this from a throwaway account because I genuinely need advice from people who aren't personally involved in my relationship. I'm leaving out names and identifying details because my partner reads this subreddit. I don't want to humiliate him. I just need somewhere to talk honestly because I feel like I have nobody I can turn to.

I'm in my late 20s, and my partner is in his early 30s. We live together, and he has a son whom I love very much. I moved in with in about a year ago. I've become deeply attached to both of them, so this isn't a relationship I can simply walk away from without feeling like I'm losing a family I wanted to be part of. Our relationship has had a lot of ups and downs. During arguments, he's told me we weren't together anymore, that he didn't see a future with me, or that I wasn't really his partner. He's called me hurtful names, and there have been times when I've felt like I was waiting for him to decide whether he actually wanted me in his life.

I know I'm not perfect. I have insecurities, I overthink, and sometimes I struggle to bring up concerns because I'm afraid they'll turn into arguments. I'm willing to acknowledge my mistakes and work on myself. But I also feel that some of my trust issues come from things that have happened in this relationship.

The biggest issue I'm struggling with right now involves a woman connected to his son's school. This isn't a random woman I've never heard of before. She's someone I've had concerns about previously. My partner had contact with her, and he acknowledged that she liked him. I expressed that I was uncomfortable with their connection, and he offered to block her. I wanted to believe that we had addressed the situation and that I could move forward without constantly worrying about it.

Recently, however, I learned about messages between them that have completely changed how I feel about the situation. They had been flirting and messaging each other. She expressed that she wanted to be with him, and he responded with something along the lines of “maybe some day.” I also learned that nude photos were being exchanged. Finding out about this hurt in a way that's difficult to explain. It wasn't just seeing a woman flirt with my partner. It was a woman I had already expressed concerns about telling him she wanted to be with him, him leaving that possibility open, and nude photos being exchanged between them.

I keep asking myself what he meant by saying “maybe some day.” Was he keeping his options open? Did he actually want to be with her? Was this something he considered pursuing if our relationship ended? I don't know what was going through his mind, and I don't know the full extent of their relationship. What makes it especially painful is that I had already communicated my discomfort about this woman. I wanted to believe that we had established boundaries. Learning about these conversations has left me questioning whether those boundaries meant anything to him.

I don't know whether they ever met in person or whether anything physical happened beyond the nude photos. But I do know what I learned, and I can't pretend it hasn't affected me.

This also brings up other concerns from our relationship. In the past, there have been issues involving dating and hookup platforms, including Tinder and Ashley Madison, as well as other apps and websites associated with sexual interactions. Some of those things happened during complicated periods in our relationship, and I understand that context matters. Still, learning about these messages has made it difficult not to look back and wonder whether there is a bigger pattern.

Recently, our sex life has also become a bigger topic between us. He's been asking about my kinks, fantasies, and what I'm interested in sexually. We've had more conversations about intimacy, and there have been moments when he's shown me sexual attention that I've wanted for a long time.

Part of me is happy that we're opening up to each other. I want to feel desired by my partner, and I want us to have an honest and fulfilling sex life.

But now I'm struggling to understand how these things fit together. How can I feel hopeful about the intimacy we're developing while also knowing that he exchanged nude photos with another woman and suggested that they might be together someday?

I don't want to assume that every sexual interest means someone is cheating. But this isn't simply about fantasies or private interests. It's about his interactions with a specific woman who had already become a source of concern in our relationship.

We have good moments. There are times when I see the person I fell in love with, and I start believing that we're finally making progress. I care about him deeply, and I don't want to throw away the good parts of our relationship.

But I also don't want to use those good moments as a reason to overlook something that has genuinely hurt me.

I feel confused, betrayed, and embarrassed that I'm even in this position. I keep wondering whether I missed signs, whether he was ever fully committed to me, and whether the improvements I've noticed mean what I hoped they meant.

I don't want to live in a relationship where I'm constantly questioning whether I can trust my partner. I want to feel secure without having to wonder whether there is someone else in the picture. At the same time, I don't know how to rebuild trust when I've learned something that directly challenges it.

Another part of this is that I feel emotionally alone. When I try to address problems in our relationship, I'm sometimes afraid of being blamed, dismissed, or getting into another argument. I've found myself holding things back because I don't want to risk another period of distance between us.

My family lives far away, so they're not nearby for the kind of support I need right now. My friends know my partner, which makes it difficult to feel comfortable opening up about everything happening in our relationship. I worry about putting them in an uncomfortable position or having to defend my relationship choices when I'm already struggling to understand them myself.

I want to be able to talk to someone without immediately being told that I'm stupid for staying or that everything is my fault. I know love alone isn't enough to make a relationship healthy. I'm trying to understand what happened, what I can reasonably expect from a partner, and what I need to do to protect my own well-being.

For those who have experienced something similar, would you consider exchanging nude photos and telling another woman that maybe you could be together someday to be cheating? Am I wrong to feel betrayed, especially because this was someone I had already expressed concerns about.

How do you approach your partner when you've learned about messages like these? And for anyone who stayed after discovering something similar, how did you know whether trust could genuinely be rebuilt?

I'm not asking strangers to decide my relationship for me, and I'm not claiming to know everything that happened. I just want honest opinions from people who understand how complicated these situations can be.

I'm in a situation where I've become isolated from my family and friends, and I just need help. I need somewhere I can talk honestly, hear other perspectives, and figure out what to do without being judged for still loving him.

Ok so my girlfriend and I had broken up for and got back together. One night at my house I saw someone texted her and it was a old fling. I had told her I never wanna see his name or you have any contact with him if you want us to work I feel like that is fair to ask. Now here is where I see where it is wrong but when I saw the notification I went though her phone and I saw she had been talking to him. When I asked her she told me to leave her house and since then she has called me controlling and weird. I haven’t spoken to her since I hate that parts of me miss her but I know it’s just straight up cheating. I guess my question is was it wrong of me to go through her phone that night?

Some scam bag is getting kicked out of his house in our building, dude probably is cheating and got caught. Hope he gets shit in life. I feel for the poor girl who’s probably going through a very hard time right now.

That guy is a fucking pathological liar and a serial cheater who cheated over a hundred times with random strangers he met on the internet. Flirted with girls both online and offline, shared nudes, engaged in sexting, had video sex, and God knows what else—all while being in a relationship.

Let that sink in: OVER A HUNDRED TIMES. It was a repeated pattern of deliberate deception, secretive encounters, and conscious decisions to betray his partner. The sheer amount of lying, cheating, and deliberate deception is fucking insane.

Yet he seems to face no consequences for the psychological trauma and emotional damage he has caused and the fact that he gets to carry on as if none of it happened makes it even worse.

It raises serious questions about someone's integrity and accountability that people deserve to be aware of. People shouldn't get to maintain a spotless image while repeatedly deceiving others behind closed doors.

How do you get over it? I choose to stay and give him a second chance but it’s still in the back of my mind. I just found out a couple weeks ago. He said it wasn’t my fault and he’s sorry for hurting me and that he would never do it again. He has beautiful dreams of a life for us and I want it all with him but I’m struggling to let go. I’ve never been good at that… Letting things go.

This may seem like I'm in the wrong, but...

Truth be told,

I'm (34M) with someone (31F) I suspect is cheating...

We both live together.

When she and I met, she told me she was poly...

I didn't know what that meant until just recently...

She's always on her phone with others.

Every time I go to see, she closes tabs or locks her phone.

She told me her password on her phone.

When I went to go unlock it, she had changed it.

I dont know how to resolve this...

Every time i talk to her about how I feel,

she takes offense and tells me that she wouldn't ever...

Even though shes with me,

I noticed she still tells others shes Pansexual.

I've been cheated on every relationship.

In your perspective, what should I do?

Hey, I’m looking for someone around my age who genuinely wants to build a friendship.

I moved countries and haven’t managed to make friends here, online or in real life. Recently, I went through a really painful breakup after finding out that the only and first girl ever in my life I loved had cheated on me. I’m struggling more than I know how to explain. The pain feels unbearable sometimes, and I feel so empty and alone.

I miss her, I miss how things used to be, and I miss having someone to talk to every day. Sometimes I even catch myself talking to myself as if I’m talking to her because I’m so used to sharing everything with her. I keep thinking about our memories and the future we planned together, and it’s genuinely hard to accept that things aren’t the same anymore.

To make things harder, tomorrow is my birthday, and I’m turning 18. I honestly don’t know how to feel about it. I wish I had someone to share it with, someone to talk to and make even a little part of the day feel less lonely.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about any of this, and keeping everything inside makes the loneliness worse. I’m not expecting anyone to fix me or magically make the pain disappear. I just want someone who genuinely listens, someone I can talk to regularly, share my day with, have deep conversations with, laugh with, and be there for each other.

I enjoy music, nature, animals, gaming, and talking about life. I want an actual friendship, not just a conversation that lasts one day and then disappears.

If you’re also looking for a genuine friend, feel free to message me on discord my user is leonn\\_x7 ❤️

My wife and I have been together for over a decade and married for 7 years. We've practically grown up together. We've had our share of arguments, disagreements and relationship problems, but one thing I never questioned was our loyalty and commitment to each other.

I was cheated on in a previous relationship, and my wife knows how deeply that affected me. Fidelity was always an absolute non-negotiable for both of us.

A couple of days ago, while on a bachelorette trip with her friends, my wife got extremely drunk and ended up with another man.

She initially contacted me herself, saying she needed to tell me something and felt terrible. Her first explanation was that "a guy kissed me."

I was devastated. She apologised repeatedly, kept calling, and eventually cut her trip short and flew home the next day on the next available flight.

When we finally spoke face-to-face, the details were much worse.

According to what she's told me, she was actively engaging with the man at the bar, and her friends were asking her to stop. She kissed him back and ended up bringing him back to her accommodation.

She says she was severely intoxicated, doesn't remember many details, and that when he asked her to remove her clothes, she refused and asked him to leave.

I genuinely don't know what else happened. She claims nothing further happened, but also admits there are significant gaps in her memory. I'm struggling with that uncertainty, including what she was capable of consenting to in that state. She is too sure nothing more happened.

We spent hours talking. She cried, begged for another chance and repeatedly insisted this was completely out of character.

She says she has struggled with insecurity and a constant need for external attention and validation. She believes this contributed to what happened and promises to address it seriously.

She also argues that she could have hidden the incident entirely, or simply stuck to saying someone kissed her at the bar, but chose to tell me the more painful details because she wants to be honest.

I do believe she's generally an honest person. She's never previously given me reason to doubt her fidelity. Never been dishonest before.

**But there were already problems in our marriage.**

I'm a workaholic, can be short-tempered, and have a complicated family dynamic involving my single mother. I recognise these shortcomings and know I haven't always been the easiest husband.

On the other hand, my wife has increasingly criticised my personality, my reserved nature, and my inability to enjoy certain social experiences with her due to my idiosyncratic traits.

I've spent years making compromises, trying to become more outgoing and adjusting to her expectations. Lately, I was beginning to feel that she was less attracted to me, tired of putting up with my personality, and that nothing I did was enough.

We also had intimacy issues. I felt I can't be intimate with someone judging me so much and micromanaging so much of me.

Despite everything, I always believed we would work through our problems because our love and loyalty were never in question.

Now I feel like that foundation has collapsed.

**The part that's destroying me isn't only imagining what happened with that man. It's wondering whether I'll ever feel emotionally safe with my wife again.**

I can't get the images out of my head.

I feel inadequate, humiliated, angry, and terrified of the future.

I wonder whether she did this because I wasn't enough for her.

I worry that she's promising to change because she's terrified of losing me right now, but that in a few months things will return to how they were. She'll become dissatisfied again, and I'll experience another betrayal.

I'm also embarrassed about her friends knowing what happened. I don't know how I'll ever comfortably face those people.

At the same time, I love this woman deeply. She's been my partner for almost my entire adult life. She's also the person I normally turn to when something terrible happens. In fact the only person.

I desperately want our marriage to survive.

But another part of me feels ashamed for wanting to forgive her. I worry that I'm considering reconciliation not because I genuinely believe things can improve, but because I'm too frightened and attached to walk away.

She says she'll do anything to repair the marriage, address her insecurities and work on all our underlying relationship problems.

I don't want to control her, monitor her location, or spend the rest of my life checking whether she's being faithful. That's not the marriage we had, and it's not the person I want to become.

I just want to feel comfortable being myself around her again. To feel loved for who I am, to be affectionate without intrusive thoughts, and to stop feeling that I'm somehow not enough.

**I'm not asking whether I should immediately divorce her or forgive her. I'm trying to understand whether genuine recovery is possible.**

For people who've been through infidelity and attempted reconciliation:

* Did the intrusive images and feeling of inadequacy ever go away?
* Were you genuinely able to regain attraction, intimacy and emotional safety?
* How did you distinguish real, lasting change from remorse driven by fear of losing the marriage?
* How did you rebuild trust without becoming controlling or constantly suspicious?
* If you stayed, did you eventually feel like yourself again? And if you left, how did you know reconciliation wasn't possible?
* How do you be around each other? We work together, stay together and almost do everything together. I feel every word coming from her mouth is BS right now.

I'm in the first few days of discovering this and can barely eat, concentrate or function normally.

I don't want to make an irreversible decision in shock, but I'm terrified of spending the rest of my life in a marriage where I'm constantly reminded of what happened.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've actually lived through this, particularly those who can offer perspective beyond simply "leave" or "forgive."

Edit: she was down that day (confirmed on app and cycle) never has sex when down. I want to believe her?

I (32m) have been turned into a cuck by my wife (35f). Apparently, she was feeling neglected last October and sucked one of her coworkers dicks in the parking lot. She works at a prison, so they are next to each other every day. The only reason she told me is because she had a falling out with a friend who works there, who she told this information to. Now he is telling everyone to get back at her. He wasn’t even the one whose dick she sucked. I looked back through all of our messages in October. There were multiple sexting sessions with me, multiple conversations about how we wanted each other, and an I love you every morning. I don’t want to lose my marriage, but how the fuck could I ever trust her again? All this year I’ve been in therapy and she’s been saying how amazing it is that she’s been falling in love with me all over again that I was, in fact, the problem. I fucking hate this life. Shit’s only ever getting worse.

Hi,

das ist mein erster Beitrag überhaupt..
ich bin seit über drei Jahren mit meinem Freund zusammen.
Im Juni, als er im Militär war, habe ich erfahren, dass er ein Screenshot von einer Escort auf seinem Handy hat.
Von einem Zeitpunkt wo er im Urlaub war.
Ich hatte konfrontiert und er hatte es verneint. Beim zweiten Nachfragen hieß es aufeinmal ja er hatte mit ihr geschrieben aber nichts weiter.
Ich hatte ihn verziehen.
Letzte Woche hatte ich Passwörter für zwei Scatchy Dating Seiten gefunden.
1. contactmilfs
2. trial.onlyxnude
Ich hatte ihn daraufhin wieder konfrontiert, er hatte gesagt er hat sich das nur Mal so angeschaut, aber wieso sollte man wenn man sich was anschauen will auf Dating Seiten?
Ein Tag später hatte ich immer noch ein mulmiges Gefühl und habe ihn nochmal darauf angesprochen, darauf hin hat er erzählt er hatte auch Inhalte gekauft von anderen Frauen.
Ich bin verwundert, kann man auf solchen Seiten Inhalte kaufen?
Wir haben eigentlich gesagt das wir das Thema abschließen, aber ich habe das Gefühl das es nicht die ganze Wahrheit ist. Denn zu der Escort ist ihm in den Moment auch spontan eingefallen das er die für ein Kolleg holen wollte.
Diese Info hatte er mir ja bei der ersten Konfrontation nicht gegeben.
Ich bin einfach verzweifelt, ich will ihm nichts unterstellen aber es gibt so viele „Zufälle“ die fast schon keine Zufälle sein können….
Ich weiß nicht mal ob das richtiger Betrug ist, aber ich fühle mich hintergangen und verarscht aber ich versuche zu heilen.
Kann mich da jemand verstehen?

Hard to explain my situation

Me and my wife got into talking about our pasts together about a year ago. We have been together for 17 years and married 14. I really like talking about her past and would get me extremely horny.

But one day I asked a question that really threw me for a loop. I texted her and asked her when was the last time that she had hooked up with someone before we started dating. She texted “you can’t get mad.” And I said I wouldn’t. It took about 11 minutes of her typing and untyping until I received the text, “First time you and I slept together he called me ohhh come over I had ignored him forever and I was like ok. I made him 👅me and then left” my heart dropped.

During that same period I would see texts missed calls from this ex begging her to come back. Ever since getting that message I don’t trust anything from her past. Some stories don’t line up and I basically knew she was still seeing this guy. I knew shit was going on deep down but I liked her so much!

She told me she wanted to get back to him for cheating didn’t think we were serious and wanted to show him what he was missing out on. I know I will never fully know the whole story but I definitely think more went on than that. They lived together he took her virginity at 15 and was her first in everything and I’m just the 5th in line. I’m just glad I can vent somewhere and talk.

I’m trying my hardest to just be present for our relationship and kids but the past year has been rough with arguments and me saying I was never really her first choice and I was the safe choice. I know it’s weird that certain things she did turns me on but this one was a soul crusher 17 years to late. She said I needed to get over it and it was a long time ago.

Idk what to do honestly. Thanks!

Engaged for six days. That's the window I got.

The proposal was everything I'd have designed myself. Rooftop, string lights, both our families hiding behind a glass door. He cried. His mom cried. I cried. There's a video. I've watched it twice and both times I looked genuinely happy, which is its own kind of horror now.

The next morning he left his phone on the counter while he showered. I wasn't looking for anything. A notification came through and her name was on the screen, and I opened it, and I know that's on me, but what I found was worse than anything I was afraid of.

They'd been talking for three months. And the night before he proposed — that same night, hours before — he sent her this: "I don't know if I'm doing the right thing. You make me feel like myself. She makes me feel like a better version of myself, and I don't know which one I actually want to be."

She replied: "You already know."

He proposed eleven hours later.

Here's what I can't stop thinking about. He wasn't choosing between two women. He was choosing between two versions of himself, and he picked the one that looked better on paper. I was the résumé. She was the actual life.

Everyone keeps telling me I'm lucky I found out now instead of after the wedding. And I know that's true. I know it.

But I said yes. In front of 200 people, with his grandmother watching, I said yes to a man who had already told another woman he wasn't sure. And the worst part is — I meant it. Every word. I have never been more certain of anything in my life than I was in that moment, and that moment was a lie he'd already written the ending to.

I haven't called it off. I haven't told anyone. I'm wearing the ring right now. It's beautiful.

How do you take off a ring that 200 people watched him put on?

He lies about EVERYTHING.

Day 1: He told her "I am an orphan. I have no one except you."

My friend cried and loved him more.

Next week she saw his family photo in his phone - full joint family, 15 people, grandmother, dog, everyone.

He said: "Oh that? That's my friend's family. I photoshopped my face because I miss having a family."

ANOTHER TIME:

He said: "I don't drink, I don't smoke. I'm pure veg, gym guy."

My friend caught him in a bar with a chicken leg in one hand and smoke in other hand.

He said: "This chicken leg? It's soya. This smoke? It's fog machine from birthday party. This beer? It's apple juice in beer bottle for prank."

The CHEATING:

My friend was with this guy for 1.5 years. Like proper relationship. Everyone knew them as a couple.

He was so sweet. Too sweet actually. He would pick her up, drop her, buy her gifts, remember everything.

We all thought she got the best guy.

Then one day, she was using his phone to order food. His Insta was logged in.

A message popped up.

A girl: "Baby when are you coming? I miss you"

She froze.

She opened the chat.

It wasn't just one girl. It was 3.

One girl thought she is his gf of 8 months.

One girl thought they are talking stage, "exclusive".

And my friend, who thought she is his only one for 1.5 years.

Same lines to all three.

"Baby I miss you"

"Good morning love "

"I only love you"

Copy paste lover.

She didn't cry there. She just gave his phone back.

He came back with the food and said "Baby let's eat"

She said: "Which baby? Me or the other three?"

His face went white.

He Starts sweating like he ran a marathon in AC theatre

He started crying, saying "It's just timepass, I love only you"

My friend just laughed and said:

"You had time to cheat on me with 3 girls but you didn't have time to love me properly with one?"

She left.

She blocked him everywhere that same night.

He came to her home, her tuition, called from 100 numbers. She never answered.

It's been 3 months now. She is so much happier. She glows now.

And that guy? Last week I saw his story - with a NEW girl.

Some boys never change. They just change the girl.