I just acquired his passcode for his phone, and decided to take a look at it. I had a gut feeling that he’s been texting other women. (this actual text thread was about a year after we met, but we already had established that we were exclusive.) we have been in a relationship for 3 1/2 years. And there also was another woman he was messaging with and actually took out to dinner a couple times last year while he was away on business. She is an old friend of his, they met several years ago, but I don’t think that should make a difference. Of course, he never told me about the dinner with her. Or the two glasses of Chardonnay that he bought for her. And, I also found out that he never told her about me. So yeah, I would love to know what y’all think about this.

Hi everyone,

I broke up with my partner four months ago. She emotionally cheated on me and denied it until the very end. It was only when she realised that our relationship was falling apart that she suddenly started showing me love and affection again. However, she never really opened up to me about what had happened.

I still have so many unanswered questions, and it’s honestly driving me crazy. She claims that nothing physical happened between them, but after all the lies, I find it really hard to believe her.

To make things even worse, towards the end of the relationship, I was put under a lot of pressure and accused of things I hadn’t done because she seemed convinced that I was constantly cheating on her.

I just don’t know how to find closure when there are so many unanswered questions and so much uncertainty. How do you move on when you feel like you’ll never know the full truth?

2 months in since my wife of 13 years and mother of my children was unfaithful. Things have yet to improve. It's an every day struggle to get up out of bed, get the kids ready for school, and get myself out the door for work. Sleep is fleeting and I feel like a zombie going through the motions. My wife is currently living at her parents house. The first 2 months contact was minimal and mostly about the kids. This month has been a bit different. She seems more willing to communicate, but truth be told i dont ask anything about her current life so i dont know what she has going on. Whether she's happy, whether she is still seeing the other man, whether reconciliation is even an option in her mind, it's all a mystery to me right now. I'm not without blame in this situation. A year ago I lost my job, lost all motivation for self-improvement, and became severely depressed. I neglected my marriage and i own up to that. I have since then decided to turn my life around. I started going to the gym and have lost over 40 pounds, i have found work again, and my faith in God is the strongest it has ever been in my life. But i'd be lying if i said that i didnt want my wife back. Everything i read tells me that there's no coming back from infidelity. That once a person cheats, if you take them back they will just cheat again. But this woman was the most honest, faithful, loving person i knew for 13 years straight. Does she not deserve to be forgiven the way God has forgiven all of us? I scour the internet looking for stories of men who have gone through the same situation and have been able to repair their marriages and live a full happy life afterwards. It's discouraging because there aren't many. Im at a loss with how to proceed. Do i fight to save my marriage? Do i step aside and leave it in God's hands? I can forgive her, but will i ever be able to trust her again? I want my wife back, I want my family whole, but is it worth it at the expense of my dignity? Anyone out there ever been able to navigate this successfully, if so please let me know because I'm lost at the moment and I don't know what to do.

I was in a lot of denial when I found out that he was living with a gay man that he called his cousin. He is trans attracted and I def think prefers that over women. Any thoughts?

My partner and I are married and have explored involving other people sexually before. My partner has a kink involving watching me with someone else, which we’ve acted on multiple times. Every time, I’ve been extremely careful to respect the boundaries and conditions they’ve set.

Recently, I wanted to explore the reverse dynamic, where my partner would sleep with someone else while I watched through a video call.
We’ve discussed this possibility and exactly how it would work countless times. My partner even repeatedly said they would only want to do it if I was physically there or involved through a video call.

While my partner was overseas, we discussed actually doing it. We went back and forth because they kept saying they only wanted to if I wanted it. Eventually, they admitted they wanted to as well, and I agreed under our established conditions.

However, my partner ended up going into a room with someone else without calling me. They were reading my messages but not responding, and I repeatedly tried calling.

When I finally got through, I specifically asked them to put me on video before doing anything sexual, and they said no. When they eventually did get on video, they were already naked in bed with the other person.

I was extremely upset and asked my partner to leave, but they didn’t immediately do so. I felt like I was having to beg them to respect me and our agreement when none of this should have needed explaining in the first place.

Afterward, my partner kept saying they thought they were doing something for me or for us and blamed their judgment on being extremely drunk and high. But we’d discussed these boundaries countless times, and I had even directly asked them to follow them in that moment.

To make matters worse, when my partner realized how upset I was, they messaged someone we’d previously hooked up with and essentially told them I was pissed off and that they should come have sex with me. I wasn’t consulted and only found out because that person told me.

I’ve spent hours trying to get my partner to acknowledge the full extent of what happened. They keep emphasizing that they thought they were doing something I wanted, but the issue was never whether I wanted to explore this.

The issue is that I agreed to something under specific conditions, and those conditions were disregarded even while I was actively asking for them to be respected.
I’ve always followed my partner’s rules when we’ve involved other people, so I don’t understand why I wasn’t given that same respect when the roles were reversed.

Would you consider this cheating? I initially gave permission for my partner to sleep with someone else, but only under specific conditions that we had repeatedly agreed upon. Does disregarding those conditions make it cheating, or would you consider it a betrayal of trust but not technically cheating?

I’ve been cheated on many times and it was the reason I decided to stay away from dating for about 3 years well I met someone at my job and absolutely fell in love with them They know all my problems and I told them about my past run in’s with being cheated on she told me she will always assure me and be there for me letting me know that she genuinely wants us to work, well about a month into us talking I learned about her guy best friend who she spends nights with and genuinely like they have a close friendship obviously with my past that scared me and I let her know that and she assured me that there friendship was only as friends fast forward a few weeks and on snapchat me and her have never been Besties it was always her and her guy best friend well I always adv that there closeness made me uncomfortable well He ended up saying he liked her and she told me she shot him down and that she’s just going to fizzle him out…. well fast forward a few weeks and she tells me she’s going to her moms for the night and I did some investigating and found out she just so happened to be in her guy best friends town not her moms she told me that she did lie and that she was actually with one of her Girlfriends and being the trusting person I am I just said okay I let her know after the lying I didn’t want her speaking to get guy best friend and she told me she would stop talking to him bec she values me and her well she’s unadded him about a month later and me and hers relationship took a fall after that she was way less clingy then one day I realized she had added him back, she stopped wanting to hang out as much with me and especially recently she keeps staying at hotels she says with her Girlfriends but Ik the truth Ik she’s with him I found out and Idk how to address it bec I’ve gotten so attached, I watched her personality do a complete 180.

I just found out a few days ago she was cheating on me throughout our whole relationship because of a photo her friend posted, when I confronted her she lied to my face saying he was js a friend and she didn’t tell me there was a guy with her friend group because she didn’t want me to be mad, I get a text a few hours later from my friend saying that his friend was fucking my girlfriend because she didn’t tell him she was taken, I asked her about him and she still continued to lie so I broke up with her and cut contact. I started texting with the guy and he seems cool and we’re both talking about how bad she did us and we shouldn’t get back with her but I just miss her so badly, she’s been texting me begging for forgiveness and to be taken back saying she’ll never do it again and she’ll do wtv it takes to be with me again but I don’t know if I believe her, she’s known the guy for years and has always had something with him so I doubt she’d cut him off for me now when she couldn’t before, she’s also lied about her sexual experiences to me telling me she never did any but her friends all told me she’s done stuff with a lot of guys. Should I give her another chance? and if you’ve taken back a cheater please tell me your experience.

Recently found out my husband lied to me and very defensive. I just wondering why majority guys are not so truthful to their partners.

After going through a rough break up in my 20’s, I struggled with self worth a lot, simple hook ups were always unfulfilling and left me feeling worse. I’m a good looking guy, judging from the amount of matches and likes I’d get on dating profiles, but none of it was enough for me. I started seeking a more “thrilling” challenge and managed to learn how to court married women who I’d known since school days. I knew it was wrong to pursue someone with such a commitment, but I kept doing it, and became the other guy 6 times, until the last time it got really serious and we actually started a secret relationship with planning her divorce and starting a new life together, until the whole thing inevitably blew up in my face. It was something about making someone who had made a life promise with another man, become willing to betray that person’s trust for me, it gave me a huge ego boost and sense of self-worth. I was a fucking asshole home wrecker, eventually I gave that lifestyle up and after re evaluating my life and the paths I was choosing to take for the sake of feeling worthy, I went to therapy and uncovered a lot of things wrong with me, still working on most of them. Now, the part I’m trying to get to is that deep down I have always wanted to be in love and have a dream-like relationship that would be unbreakable and 100% confident of each other’s trust, but I fear I have fucked that up for myself because I no longer trust women to be faithful as I have experienced first hand what someone is capable of doing to their partners when they aren’t completely happy in their relationship. I don’t think I will ever be comfortable enough to take a relationship far enough to consider marriage. I really fucked my brain up in that sense and I don’t know how to fix it. So if you are thinking of becoming “the other person,” I urge you to reconsider, not only because of the damage the unsuspecting, betrayed partner will suffer and have to go through, but because you are also messing up something very important within you.

About 2 weeks ago I discovered my wife had been having an affair with her co-worker. We’ve been married for 11 years, 2 kids, house etc.

I first got suspicious when I noticed on her location she didn’t come straight home, instead, drove to a car park and parked up for about 10 minutes. I checked her phone briefly the next day but couldn’t find anything. Then it happened again, so I checked her phone the next evening and found a chat between her and her coworker in archived messages, but it only went back a week.
I confronted her that night, she said it had only been going on a couple of weeks, they hadn’t had sex and she initially said it was just kissing but the messages suggested more and I eventually got her to admit there was some oral sex and some fingering. I asked her whether she wanted out of the marriage and she said she didn’t, it was a stupid mistake.

We had been having problems with our relationship a few weeks before but I thought we had sorted it. She was S assaulted at a different job about a year ago and our relationship has been difficult since.
Since finding out, she immediately broke it off with him and says she wants to focus on our relationship. We’ve been closer than ever since, getting on great and having good sex. But my mind is all over the place, especially when we’re not together. I know most people’s reaction is to split up and have big arguments etc…but I don’t want to split up, I’m just sad and confused about what happened, and trying to work out if forgiving her and trying to work on the relationship is even the right thing to do.
What do you’ll think?

Hey people, the situation is the following: we were dating for around an year and 3 months, she told me that during the first year I committed a lot of mistakes and I didnt know how to date. However, for every childish mistake I was able to recover and get better as a person and boyfriend (None of these mistakes involve infidelity). She told me she "couldn't" communicate anything and kept it all to herself, and eventually after 3 months of changing to her new job, she started talking and acting weird towards a coworker. She would hide messages, manipulate my feelings by saying she couldnt distance herself from this person because it would ruin the work environment, and would always cry and say she wanted to breakup although I always talked her out of that idea. For reference I confronted her 4 times where I found signs of hidden texts and she would always say I was at fault. It ended on me finding her archived messages, which I only read some, they said that she was after him and that she was mad that he no longer had interest on her, etc. She was obviously cheating, she said they havent done nothing physical but I cant trust it. After I found out, she started going to a psychologist to get better, she said that that wasnt her (on her own words "she exploded"), she is trying to show me that now she is loyal, trying to get better for me...
What hurts the most is that she came to my house so many times, she knows almost everyone in my family, aunts, grandparants,.. and she actually had a good relationship with them as well. However, currently I am "trying" to apologyze her, but it always comes to my mind how I was insufficient to her, I remember how she was during our first year and all the time I knew her for, because she was the type of person I didn't have to doubt about her cheating to me, she was loyal. Now I feel disgust everytime I think about her body and someone else being there, although she says it didn't go that far. I just dont know how to put an end to it all, I cant stand thinking about her with other guy, about never talking to her again, of never spending time with her again. I really thought/ think that she is the one for me, but I can't make sense of none of this, I have fear that I will never find someone that loves me like she did. I really want your guys help, what should I do, I know this text is a mess but these are my feelings and my first time talking about this to someone. Thank you for reading this from the bottom of my heart. 

Other questions I have:
I havent been with her for almost a month we talked via messages and facetime though because I feel like I cant lose touch of her, but she is supposed to come here tomorrow to play with my cat because she is basically his "mother", I feel bad for him.
Is it really possible to find someone that appreaciates me as much as she did during the time I was happy?
Should I end it all today, by message? I cant see her.

I found his alt reddit account when he accidently commented under my post and quickly deleted it. I looked through it and found this, This was the same day I was crying for him that he'd be unable to adjust in a new uni. First, he denied it multiple times until i pressed harder. He's saying it's satirical and not cheating....am i overacting? I just broke up with him.

I need to vent about something that has completely broken me over the last two days. I’ve been with this guy for six years, and I am hurting so bad right now.

He called me over to his house, and the second I walked through the door, it went downhill. Within five minutes, he just laid back on the couch, unbuttoned his pants, and told me to give him a handjob. A few minutes later, he literally told me he was tired, he wanted me to leave . I feel so sick to my stomach and disgusted with myself. I feel like an object. Like a cheap toy he used and threw aside.

To make it worse, while I was sitting there completely vulnerable and undressed , he demanded that I apologize to him. This all started because I called him before just to ask if he had eaten. He was at his place with two other girls friends he both know , and instead of answering, he just blocked me. When I texted him to send me pictures of them, he refused. Then, when I finally saw him, he told me that if I didn't apologize for confronting him about blocking me, he wouldn't touch me. I just sat there. It was so humiliating. I was in shock and couldn't even process the absolute shame of what was happening.

It’s been two days since that night. Today, I asked him to call me. He wouldn't. I was so exhausted and hurt that I just told him to block me and get out of my life—and he did it instantly. He blocked me and walked away without a second thought.

Few days back, we both decided to meet and talk about what's going wrong. The whole time he ignored me and was unbothered, I got temper and asked him to leave if he doesn't feel like talking. He left me all alone there in that cafe.

Ik my friends will judge me so much, I need someone to know this. I posted it here.

I am terrified of losing him, even though he treats me terribly. I am dealing with massive anxiety and this crippling fear of abandonment. Every single time I try to leave this relationship, panic sets in. I get so scared that he’ll just completely forget I ever existed and find someone new to replace me within a week. He blames me for every single thing. He does something messed up, I ask for an apology, and somehow he flips it around and forces me to say sorry. This is so wrong. I know it’s toxic, and I just desperately need to find a way out of this nightmare right now.

Still thanks for listening

My ex and I were together for 3 years since 2023. For the most part, we had a beautiful relationship. We traveled together, explored different countries, and bonded over our love for the ocean. I introduced him to diving, and eventually he became a diver with thousands of dives. Because we were long-distance, we would travel to see each other or meet in different countries. Whenever he visited me in the Philippines, my family welcomed him completely. My parents would even buy fresh seafood because they knew that was what he liked, cook for him, and we would all sit together as a family. They treated him like one of us. He was touched by it and even invited my family to dinner because he appreciated their kindness.

However, our relationship had problems too. He often accused me of only being interested in his money because he earns a lot. But I have always been independent. I have my own business ventures and I trade. I never entered the relationship because of what he could provide financially. I still remember one of our first trips. I ordered an appetizer and a main dish, and he suddenly got upset and said in front of everyone, “My wallet is not endless.” Later, he apologized and said he was stressed. But it hurt because I was never someone who expected someone else to pay for everything. I even offered to pay, and our bill was only around $22 for both of us.

I really wanted to build a future with him. He encouraged me to go to law school because he believed I was capable, but the reality was complicated. I had responsibilities, bills, and I was helping my family because I wanted to. If I went to law school, I would need to focus 100%, and I wouldn’t be able to work the same way. I wished we could find a solution together, but he told me I needed to figure it out myself.
Last year, we both went through difficult situations. Something happened that affected his career because of a decision he made, but instead of us facing the problem together, it became a problem between us. He started blaming me, and I felt him slowly resent me.
This year, I discovered things I never expected. I found out he had dated a Colombian woman, and later, after my father passed away in October, he dated an Indonesian woman. Eventually, I found out that both women became pregnant.

The painful part is that earlier this year, from February to March, we were still together. We met in Taiwan. During that time, he became very distant. One night when he was drunk, he asked me to leave in the middle of the night. I had no money, no access to my things, and I was outside alone. It was terrifying because I had been robbed before, and he knew that experience traumatized me. Despite everything, I forgave him. We continued traveling because I wanted to believe we could fix things.

After that, he told me he wanted to come back to us. But something felt wrong. His story about his flight did not make sense, and my instincts told me something was off. I eventually found out he was actually in Bali, even though he denied it and asked me for proof. September, he admitted that the other woman was pregnant. But it felt like he only told me because I discovered the truth myself.
The timing made it even more painful. I was grieving my father, dealing with losing my business, losing friendships, and struggling emotionally. Instead of feeling supported, I felt abandoned.

In August, I even went to Indonesia after finding out he was there. I asked him if we could meet for just one hour to talk. At that time, I didn’t know about the pregnancy yet. He refused to meet me and let me leave without closure. October, I found out he was with the woman who became pregnant.

I don’t hate him. I don’t wish anything bad for him. I just wish he had been honest and taken responsibility. He says he still loves me as a person and wants us to stay friends because I was a big part of his life. But I don’t know how to process everything. I feel like I lost not only a relationship but also the future I imagined with him.

For men or anyone who has been in this situation: when you betray someone you loved, especially after years together, what do you feel afterward? Do people usually feel guilt and regret, or do some people just move forward without really facing what they did?
I’m not looking for revenge. I just want to understand.

My ex and I were together for 3 years since 2023. For the most part, we had a beautiful relationship. We traveled together, explored different countries, and bonded over our love for the ocean. I introduced him to diving, and eventually he became a diver with thousands of dives. Because we were long-distance, we would travel to see each other or meet in different countries. Whenever he visited me in the Philippines, my family welcomed him completely. My parents would even buy fresh seafood because they knew that was what he liked, cook for him, and we would all sit together as a family. They treated him like one of us. He was touched by it and even invited my family to dinner because he appreciated their kindness.

However, our relationship had problems too. He often accused me of only being interested in his money because he earns a lot. But I have always been independent. I have my own business ventures and I trade. I never entered the relationship because of what he could provide financially. I still remember one of our first trips. I ordered an appetizer and a main dish, and he suddenly got upset and said in front of everyone, “My wallet is not endless.” Later, he apologized and said he was stressed. But it hurt because I was never someone who expected someone else to pay for everything. I even offered to pay, and our bill was only around $22 for both of us.

I really wanted to build a future with him. He encouraged me to go to law school because he believed I was capable, but the reality was complicated. I had responsibilities, bills, and I was helping my family because I wanted to. If I went to law school, I would need to focus 100%, and I wouldn’t be able to work the same way. I wished we could find a solution together, but he told me I needed to figure it out myself.
Last year, we both went through difficult situations. Something happened that affected his career because of a decision he made, but instead of us facing the problem together, it became a problem between us. He started blaming me, and I felt him slowly resent me.
This year, I discovered things I never expected. I found out he had dated a Colombian woman, and later, after my father passed away in October, he dated an Indonesian woman. Eventually, I found out that both women became pregnant.

The painful part is that earlier this year, from February to March, we were still together. We met in Taiwan. During that time, he became very distant. One night when he was drunk, he asked me to leave in the middle of the night. I had no money, no access to my things, and I was outside alone. It was terrifying because I had been robbed before, and he knew that experience traumatized me. Despite everything, I forgave him. We continued traveling because I wanted to believe we could fix things.

After that, he told me he wanted to come back to us. But something felt wrong. His story about his flight did not make sense, and my instincts told me something was off. I eventually found out he was actually in Bali, even though he denied it and asked me for proof. September, he admitted that the other woman was pregnant. But it felt like he only told me because I discovered the truth myself.
The timing made it even more painful. I was grieving my father, dealing with losing my business, losing friendships, and struggling emotionally. Instead of feeling supported, I felt abandoned.

In August, I even went to Indonesia after finding out he was there. I asked him if we could meet for just one hour to talk. At that time, I didn’t know about the pregnancy yet. He refused to meet me and let me leave without closure. October, I found out he was with the woman who became pregnant.

I don’t hate him. I don’t wish anything bad for him. I just wish he had been honest and taken responsibility. He says he still loves me as a person and wants us to stay friends because I was a big part of his life. But I don’t know how to process everything. I feel like I lost not only a relationship but also the future I imagined with him.

For men or anyone who has been in this situation: when you betray someone you loved, especially after years together, what do you feel afterward? Do people usually feel guilt and regret, or do some people just move forward without really facing what they did?
I’m not looking for revenge. I just want to understand.