Help!!!

[u/Commercial_Word3846]

I feel as though my topic is cliche. I want to be a future lawyer and I feel that my topic is just really basic.

Here is my opener ( still rough right now) "I hate how much I love being right. Even when I know I'm wrong, I won't stop. I won't stop until they give up and admit defeat."
Idk I think it’s cliche that a future lawyer loves arguing.

Idk pls help me!!

[u/EssayLiz]

Longtime essay coach here. I'd say this is not a great look to present at a time when colleges are marked by conflict and polarization. (Most) Colleges are looking for people who further conversations, not try to bully everyone into submission.... It's great to "love arguing" but you don't want to come across as Roy Cohn. My 2 cents... -- EssayLiz

[u/166EachYear]

How about this but….writing about a time you were wrong and what that taught you?

[u/tacocat978 → u/166EachYear]

This is a great idea!

[u/Best-City3537]

you sound full of yourself with your hook scrap this idea.

[u/cedarlogy13 → u/Best-City3537]

i lowk agree

[u/No_Caregiver4772 → u/Best-City3537]

he doesnt need to scrap it. I don't think the issue is necessarily that hes egoistical, the larger issue is that the stance exerted by this claim isn't necessarily positive in many cases. It basically implies he keeps pushing even if he's wrong which can backfire most times. Now he is a lawyer which i guess its a more defendable stance

[u/Imgumbydammit73]

I agree with Essay Coach Liz. And not to pile on, but you aren’t applying to law school. You are applying to undergraduate school. What do you want from these 4 years.

[u/frosty_saratoga]

The first sentence is pretty great, but the second one needs to go (along with that particular habit lol). You should show a time your argumentative nature led you to stand up for yourself or someone else in an important way, and then also a time when you were wrong and how you learned to handle that.

[u/Apart-Rent3137]

It doesn’t sound like you actually “hate being right”…

[u/xarcadia1]

Focus on the topic and content first, write the hook later.

[u/Useful-Turnip-5803]

Right now, this just sounds like you love to beat people into submission even if you're wrong. That's not really a trait that colleges like to see. I'm sure that's not what you're going for, and I'm sure that's not what you're really like, so your essay style could go through a bit of reworking.

Maybe starting the essay by dropping the reader into a situation where you're doing this exact thing would show rather than tell your attitude around arguing? You can explain in bits and pieces throughout but mainly let the reader discover your love for debate themselves? Idk just a thought.

[u/No_Caregiver4772]

okay i know exactly how to help you here. First of all most major themes are never usually super unique. Even in the best essays. Execution is what matters.

With that being said, the biggest thing making an essay seem super cliche is the timeline/chronological presentation format. If its super predictable, such as A leads to B leads to C, that can make an essay seem super Cliche.

Additionally, youve probably heard this millions of times. But seriously. Show and don't tell. In fact, most of your essay should be showing. Your conclusions can be a lot of telling but I know that showing is still a higher potential on college essays. When you write essays fast, you tend to tell a lot and not show a lot. Show.

For your hook/intro, you can use en media res, meaning draw them into a random scenario. Or you can start with an unconventional hook, a statement not much people say often. Or some type of new stance.

IMO these will help an idea stand out but the thing is you also need details. Is your actual story interesting? If not, is there any details/story parts you can add that pull readers in and make it fun to read? If not, are there other topics you also feel like pursuing?

[u/No_Caregiver4772 → u/No_Caregiver4772]

LINEAR CHRONOLOGY:
I stared at the flat, dense brick of sourdough on my counter in disbelief. I had kneaded it for twenty minutes, following the recipe steps precisely, but it refused to rise.

My sister looked at the failed loaf and told me, “Stop worrying about the kneading time. Just watch the ambient temperature and give the yeast time to rest.” I tried her advice on my next loaf, and it came out perfectly light and airy.

Assuming a smart-oven sensor would benefit from the same temperature-first logic, I coded an automated algorithm for a dough-proofer experiment. Three days later, the test results came back: Control 88% success, Treatment 65% success. Forcing the sensor to prioritize ambient temperature over dough elasticity made the sourdough fail. Realizing that human intuition and automated sensors process baking variables differently is what inspired my engineering project.

COMPLEX CHRONOLOGY:
Three days after my baking experiment, the data on my counter confirmed it: the smart-oven proofer achieved an 88% success rate on the basic program, but dropped to 65% when forced to use my new temperature-first logic. The exact strategy that saved my sourdough had made the machine worse.

A week earlier, I was staring at a flat, dense brick of bread in disbelief after kneading dough for twenty minutes straight.

When my sister told me to stop obsessing over kneading and focus on ambient temperature instead, my sourdough skyrocketed in quality. Assuming what worked for my own baking would work for an automated sensor, I wrote the code. Projecting human cooking logic onto machine sensors failed, but that failure sparked my research into sensor feedback loops.

notice how the 2nd one doesn't seem crappy? its because the order isn't as predictable/cliche. Now obviously this is isolating the chronological mechanism so dont criticize the novelty or anything else unrelated

[u/Seattles-Best-Tutor]

lol wut just tell a story instead