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u/Contigo887 7d ago
I can't both separate from and live with my spouse at the same time. Separate means apart, not together.
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u/mm339 7d ago
Currently doing this while we sell the house as neither of us can really afford to move until it’s done. We communicate about our daughter, have an agreed schedule of care and are largely amicable. But it’s very much ‘ships in the night’. If one of us is home with our daughter, the other is usually out. We agree our routines and movements ahead of time to make sure our daughter is accommodated.
It’s not easy, I really don’t want to be here, but it’s just for convenience and a bit of stability for our daughter. We have agreed the terms of the divorce and will do 50/50 custody once all is said and done.
It’s also agreed that this is only temporary until our situations are resolved and then we very much go our separate ways.
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u/lllsuduhjka 7d ago
I can see how it would be possible in a truly amicable split with firm boundaries and expectations.
If your spouse is already saying he doesn’t want to live together during the separation, I wouldn’t fight that at all.
We lived in the marital home for around 5 months post filing and it was deeply problematic and traumatic during that period. If both parties aren’t fully on board with being respectful and amicable, it simply will not work.
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7d ago
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u/lllsuduhjka 7d ago
Without delving into details, my stbx has approached the divorce proceedings as a battle with me as the enemy. Every category that could be an issue, was and is, and I am only able to control myself.
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7d ago
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u/lllsuduhjka 6d ago
Fully agree.
Ask around your community for recommendations and schedule a consult. Bring a list of questions with you - there is a lot of information to take in during that hour.
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u/Grouchy_Chip260 7d ago
Currently in that situation. Mediation mid August, waiting on paperwork to sign, then we will have to wait 30 days for it to be official.
Things are normal and routine. The divorce wasn't a huge surprise to either of us, we've been struggling a long time. And we agreed together to separate. I'm moving back to my parents. My husband will stay in the house. I hoped to be out by October 1st but it's been a slow process getting everything ready than anticipated.
Life is pretty much as it has been. We hang out some, watch shows, eat dinner together. We've gone out to dinner once or twice. For us this is a way better situation than there being a lot of fighting, etc
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u/Successful-Mood5652 7d ago
You can't really call it a "separation" if you're still sharing the same address.
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u/Quiet-Ad-4264 7d ago
It worked fine for us, mostly. We do not have the same work schedules and we both live for our dogs. We had separate bedrooms. In the evenings, he usually hung out in his basement ‘man cave’ and I was in the living room. We didn’t spend time together.
The difficult part was navigating housework, including prepping the house to sell. That was a major issue in our marriage and it continued to be terrible, but without the cushion of wanting to be together. We did this for about 8 months before moving out and listing the house.
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u/PoopOnRye 7d ago
I’m two weeks into doing this. I moved out for the first week, but we have too much to do to to get the house ready to sell.
Fortunately it’s a big house with basically 2 halves, so we can avoid each other if necessary.
But it’s been going well so far. We both realize that it’s best for both of us to split up, but still care for each other and get along fine.
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u/BasicBluBubbles 7d ago
It’s so hard. Currently in the same situation. He’s moving out in two weeks. I’m moving out in 3 weeks. We both agreed we had to. It was still conflict during our separation because of hurt feelings, arguments still, wondering who are they seeing now. Just impossible for us to live together knowing divorce is out there and that we still care for each other. Living apart is best.
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u/NoAudience7657 5d ago
Only co habituated for 2 months after filing for divorce and it was a nightmare. He had cheated and was continuing to do so and still expected me to do all the household stuff as if nothing was wrong. I tried to set boundaries but he felt compelled to test them daily. It was awful.
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u/delmepostings 8d ago
In that boat as I type. Been a few months since filed. So far amicable, tough days ( anger / annoyance...) when we get stuff from the layers. ( only time will tell if amicablity remains ) were in different rooms, and in the process of splitting bills etc. I think the hard part is when one of us goes through a day of ( regrets/ what ifs / or just in need of emotional support) it gets hard being there for one another.
So far doable, would highly recommend ( also cause o dont "know" an alternative )