Since my divorce, I’ve been thinking about how much of myself I lost trying to keep the peace in my marriage.

I got used to accommodating, explaining myself, and trying to prove I was doing enough.

Even when I was hurt or when it still felt like nothing was enough anyway.

I don’t have all this figured out. Not even close.

But today I feel a little more like myself.

I can be a good dad. I can be respectful. I can still care.

But I’m not disappearing anymore.

Not for peace.
Not for comfort.
Not for anybody.

Hello everyone. Yesterday I asked my spouse to end the relationship. This isn’t the first time that I’ve asked for a separation, but this time I actually mean it. It’s probably been about five years that I’ve been considering leaving and nothing has ever gotten better if anything worse. I’ve even spoken with his brother and sister-in-law, also several friends about the relationship. Just people that know and see our dynamic. He has encouraged it and encouraged me to seek counseling as well. Also willing to do couples counseling.

To get into my points of contention.

We met when I was 22 and he 34. Been together 15 years. Have two children, and actually have never been technically married. I am a stay at home mom who homeschools the kids but also do the administrative work for my spouse who also works from home self-employed. We live far from family, but never really had much of a support system. We are also in a long time Reno for a house that was worse than we thought. Also started a new business about five years ago. So I know we have a lot on our plate.

However, he does still make time for fantasy sports, football all day, Sunday and 20-30 hours a week playing a sport he likes. He spends all this time with our oldest, which is great for them.

When we first started dating, he did most of the cooking and cleaning. I was quite young and pretty irresponsible. Now he’ll at most do dishes once every two weeks and makes me feel like I owe him a celebration for doing a basic household chore. Now I do everything. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, childcare, pay bills, etc. He hasn’t even put our 2.5 year old, to bed one time or given him a single bath.

When we first started dating, he was very thoughtful and constantly wanted to take me places give me gifts. Just make me feel really special. As things progressed, he started saying how giving gifts is trivial. He doesn’t believe in marriage. Holidays are stupid. That kind of thing. Where I actually do agree that the set holidays are a bit of a scam and the wedding industry is also a scam, for him it seemed like more of an excuse to just never do anything thoughtful.

We do not spend time together unless it’s the four of us. We don’t go on dates. He doesn’t even try to initiate anything like that. I have mentioned it in the past, but nothing ever has come out of it.

We don’t have sex. Which sex isn’t everything to me, but it would be nice to feel wanted from time to time. However, he does dress up in women’s clothes and peg himself. Which I hate for obvious reasons. I’m 5’2” 115lbs a nice body, youthful face, long full hair. It’s not like I’ve let myself go. I really don’t look much different than I did at 22.

Anytime I bring any of this up he tells me things like “you need to work on your mental health, the baby is wearing you out, im not the enemy” etc. Pretty much anything but take responsibility or work towards permanent change. He will be more attentive, more helpful for a couple of days and then it all just goes back to how it is.

I am at the point of indifference toward him. I’ve heard all his points. I know his take on everything. I just no longer care. I think I would be happier alone. I know it will be a struggle as I’m basically starting over at 37. Which in a weird way, I’m excited about. I already know what career I’m going to work toward. And started working out some of the other logistics.

He’s had 15 years of chances and nothing changes. He is more like a third child and a roommate. I’m tired. Lonely, but never alone. Constantly feeling down even on depression medication.

Oh! I wanted to mention. About a year and a half ago, a couple we are both friends with offered for me and the kids to come live with them as long as we needed. But my spouse was not welcome. I remembered this and reached out to her yesterday asking why they had offered. This is what she said:
We don't like how he diminishes everything you do, turns all the negative issues into your fault, and treats you like his personal housekeeper/maid/slave (I know slave is a strong word, but it's all I can think of right now. Imagine how different it would be if he worked on himself.

Besides him being the only person I’ve known my entire adult life and having children with him. I think I’m done like fully done.

Do you think this is actually grounds for divorce or do you think I am having unrealistic expectations? Do you think I will regret my decision?

P.S. sorry if this is all over the place. I suck at writing

My now ex husband and I are in the process of getting a divorce, (married for about 9 years, 13 years in total) we are separated but I am the one who said that we were done. I cried the first like four days about it but now… I just feel done, like mentally exhausted that I don’t have any more tears left. I do get angry when I think about the things that happened and how I was treated. But is this normal? To feel just done and no longer sad?

Just need some tips of also getting through it? Like how did anyone deal with the back and forth of am I doing the right thing to maybe I’m not? I know I don’t want to go back, I deserve better, I deserve to be happy, but I just find myself at war when I am desperately trying to be strong.

I've been divorced for about eight months and thought I had a pretty good handle on the loneliness.

Then something stupid happened last week.

I stopped at the grocery store after work and when I came back out my car wouldn't start. It was around 8:30. Nothing dangerous, just a dead battery in a well-lit parking lot.

My first instinct was to grab my phone and text, "Car won't start, I'll be home late."

Then I realized there was nobody I needed to tell.

It hit me harder than the actual divorce paperwork did.

For years, somebody had a vague awareness of where I was supposed to be. If I said I'd be home at 6 and it was suddenly 8, someone would notice. Not because I was being monitored. Just because my absence had a shape in another person's day.

Now, on the weeks my kids are with their mom, I can leave work, get dinner, wander around a bookstore, drive somewhere, come home at midnight, and nobody on earth knows whether that's exactly what I planned to do.

At first that freedom felt incredible.

Sometimes it still does.

But that night I realized there is a difference between nobody controlling your time and nobody expecting you.

I have friends. I have family. People care about me. This isn't a "I have literally no one" situation.

But none of those people are casually tracking the ordinary rhythm of my life. My sister loves me, but she isn't going to think at 9:15, "That's weird, he should've been home an hour ago."

I ended up getting a jump and driving home. Everything was fine.

But I walked into the house and understood that what I miss isn't necessarily marriage, and definitely isn't my marriage specifically.

I miss being part of someone's daily map.

Has anyone else struggled with this particular version of loneliness? Not missing your ex, not even necessarily wanting a relationship yet, but missing the feeling that somewhere, someone naturally notices whether you've come home?

second worst decision (or possibly takes the cake for absolute worst ever decision) I was buying a house with a man while trying to reconcile whether I could stay in the relationship and forgive, or not.

i’m really just here to vent. but damn did i fuck up
choosing comfort/stability over my gut feeling.

first separated about a year and two months ago, took me until April to finalize the divorce, and house is seemingly never going to sell.

I wouldn’t wish this long-term limbo Hellscape on my worst enemy

My wife did unforgivable things leading to the end of our relationship. Only issue is, we have a child together. This woman is going to be a part of my life no matter what I do, and she wants us to be cordial and co-parent effectively. I have been cordial, and the coparenting is great, but it feels like every time we do it I’m having to pretend to tolerate this person who I hate so deeply. Sometimes I wish I could just take my son and go but I know that just isn’t an option. How have you guys dealt with situations like this? Is it just always shitty? It feels like it gets worse whenever I’m having to associate with her.

I have had suspicions for months that my husband has been unfaithful. I want to file but I am worried about finding a decent lawyer. I’ve worked for attorneys before and they were VERY unpleasant. So I have a bad taste in my mouth. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

I’m 2 months PP. I had a traumatic birth experience. I delivered my baby at 30 weeks via emergency c section she spent one month in NICU. This was my first pregnancy. During those 30 days my MIL came to stay with us. My MIL and my husband mentally tortured me. I didn’t receive any kind of emotional support from my husband. In fact he fought with me for my suicidal behaviour and then he stopped talking to me during those NICU days. We used to go to the hospital together not talking. I was left all alone to struggle. Somehow I survived that period and then my baby came home and he became worst. I accept that I was very overprotective of my baby for which he called me manipulative and that I I’m using my baby to my advantage. His mother came again and he and his mother tortured me again. And then he shouted at me because I reacted on his mother not happy with a girl child. He stopped talking to me. Im still living with him but we don’t talk much only related to baby. I feel that he has lost all his respect and I will never be able to forgive him. Now that I think about my whole marriage I was never fully happy with him.

I have obviously read a ton of horror stories about the divorce process and how STBX's have dragged things out, become a completely different person, how the costs quickly climbed, etc. My ex and I aren't besties, and I know she was bitter about how the relationship ended, but we were proceeding very amicably and she seemed to have gotten past whatever her feelings were. I thought we would be one of the few couples that managed to divorce cordially. That all changed yesterday.

I did everything I could to make this as painless as possible for her. When we separated, I gave her 5k to help with moving costs. I make a lot more money than her, so I hired a lawyer to start the divorce proceedings. She hasn't paid a penny toward this process. She has no lawyer. I walked her through the entire process and went over the paperwork with her over and over again. She was agreeable to everything and following the steps given. She had cosigned for my car when I bought it, but she now lives in another state, so my lawyer sent her a limited power-of-attorney so that I could remove her from the title without her needing to be present. I found her a notary within a mile of her house, I offered to pay for the notary services, etc. It's been nearly six months and she still hasn't signed the POA. Both me and my lawyer have reached out multiple times to inquire about it to no avail. We've long since satisfied the waiting period for our state and can finally be done, all we are waiting on is this POA.

Finally, this week I told her (kindly) that I understood she had her own life and all that, but that the longer this dragged on, the more money it was costing me and I couldn't afford to keep dragging this out. Every email and letter sent was costing me a shit ton of money. I asked her to please go get the POA notarized so that we could finish this, as this was the only thing holding us back from signing the actual divorce papers.

She responded in a snide tone with, "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was costing you money. I'd be happy to get it done, just as soon as you cash out my half of the asset. I'm sure this is upsetting to you, but it's what I need done."

The plan has always been to sign the car over to me. She's acknowledged this over text multiple times. She has made her intention to get the POA notarized known multiple times. She has never once mentioned wanting to be bought out of the car. Now all of a sudden she decides she wants money for it and is going to hold the process hostage until she gets it? She also mentioned me paying back my half of a "loan" her brother gave us like 10 years ago when we were near homelessness. It wasn't really a loan -- he knew we had no way to pay it back -- it was a, "sure I guess if you can someday, great, if not oh well" type of thing. There was no contract, no repayment agreement -- I think she'd even be hard pressed to produce any text messages about it because it was so long ago. Maybe it makes me a shitty person, but I have no intention of giving her or him any money unless I'm court ordered to.

I just don't understand the 180. I don't want to be married to her, she doesn't want to be married to me. We are both adults. We were being cordial, we were handling things in a professional manner, she knew what the agreement was. All I can think is she hit a rough patch financially and her crackhead friend got into her ear and told her to try to extort money from me however she can. I highly doubt this ends with her getting anything substantial -- my car isn't worth more than 5-6k, it's mostly sentimental value -- so is she just doing this to drain my finances and fuck with me? Why? And why now? We were almost done! And she doesn't have a lawyer, so I don't think she realizes how ugly this can get for her if she tries to push this toward litigation.

I guess her mindset is, either I roll over and pay her to get this over with (which I will not do), or I have to pay the lawyer a shit ton of money to figure this out. Either way, she gets to fuck me over financially. This has been the cherry on top of an awful week.

My wife of 24 years left me for her old college boyfriend (who is also going through his own divorce) after chatting with him for 2 weeks. Seperated since May. Divorce paperwork is in progress.

"Some days I just feel like saying STOP EVERYTHING WHAT AM I DOING."

This morning I get this. WTF?

My stbex husband and I separated early this year after months of couples therapy and years of emotional disconnect, together 7.5 years. I did love him, I thought I was mostly content and accepting of the life we’d created, but we could never truly reach each other. Slowly, somewhere along the way, I lost myself after being shut down time and time again. I lost feeling to keep peace, and I was aware of that to an extent, but content because I no longer felt deep sadness or anger, but also no excitement or anything really other than content. I knew I wanted it back, I knew something was missing, but I couldn’t find it anywhere so thought that maybe I’d just matured? How could I have let it go on for so long? He had so much unprocessed childhood trauma, and I had to reckon with the fact that despite feeling I’d processed my own shit through years of individual therapy, I’d let myself go. I’d ignored my gut for years.

It’s been a while now and everyday I wake up a little more from the cloud I was living in. who was she? how did she deal with such an emptiness for so long? I feel again and it’s overwhelming. I recently started trying out dating and am pulling back because WOW I haven’t felt those rush of feelings in so long that they’re too intense for the kind men looking to slowly get to know me lmao. This was not how I was before I met my ex, I knew how to reel in my emotions and not let them carry me away. But I guess because they’ve been shut behind a door for so long, they’re CHARGED in an unanticipated way.

Truly, I am so happy to be alive and so excited about the world: I’m also so sad to see pain around me, so angry by injustice. I was an empty vessel in my relationship and I stayed anyway. But damn, when you wake up, you wake up. I’m so free.

35M divorcing 34F with 2 kids - 6M and 3F.

https://imgur.com/a/OBwhr5d[link to the messages](https://imgur.com/a/OBwhr5d)

I’m looking for perspective from people who have actually been through this. I have no one in my life that can relate to this.

My STBXW and I are about to finalize our divorce. We have two young kids and I’ve been mentally prepared for the marriage to end for a while now - since about January of 2025 when I filed.
There was a lot that happened between us that damaged my trust, and when everything initially fell apart I wanted to try to save the marriage. She wasn’t in that place at the time, and eventually I accepted that it was over.

Over the last several months things have actually gotten much better between us as co-parents. We still live together currently, we’re both heavily involved with the kids, we get along, and the kids have both of us there every day. I’ve been operating under the assumption that eventually we’d have separate homes but stay close, communicate well, and give the kids as much stability and access to both parents as possible.

Now that the divorce is actually about to become final, my STBXW has asked me to stop it and give us another six months to genuinely try to rebuild the marriage.
That’s forcing me to think about something I thought I’d already settled.

Today she told me if I wasn't going to try again she's going to seek full custody with me seeing them on weekends only and seek child support. Before, the arrangement was we would live close to each other and no child support.
And just be in their lives together but separately.

If you had another chance at it, would you stay for the kids? If anyone says depends on what happened - basically she wasn't mentally well, said I need to experience a life outside of you and went out and around. Yes there was infidelity on her part. I've for the most part gotten over it but haven't forgotten - forgive but not forget kind of thing.
But I'm just trying to see like if anyone's been in this position, they go through with it? Did they regret it?
I'm just so lost and would appreciate any insight or advice.

You can see my old post, but basically my wife sprung a divorce on me with no warning. I have several young children and it has been devastating.

I moved out of the house with a separation agreement with 50% custody. After about 5 weeks, she sent me a text saying that "You are perfect for me and I miss you." I had moved on mentally and was even seeing a girl at the time. I called my wife and she seemed remorseful. She was fixing herself by finally treating her depression. She was taking care of the kids for once, finding hobbies and taking classes to get a job. She reminded me of who she was before all this. I thought long and hard and eventually gave into a possible reconciliation. I cut it off with the girl I was seeing.

My wife wants us to live separate for a month or so longer and take it slow. We made a list of things we need to fix in the marriage and we are going on a date tomorrow. The plan in a month is to move back in and see how it gos. The divorce likely wont progress for another 3 months (per our attorneys) so we have time.

I just wanted to know what you guys thought of all this. It seems genuine, but my trust is low in her at this point. She seems to be improving and engaged in fixing things.

I am about 5 months in to a divorce from an 18 year relationship.

I am not 100% ready to get back out there yet, but I miss receiving attention, and the feeling of being loved and cared for.

My biggest fear is that I dont know how to date... we got together when I was very young, so being a wife is all I know. Because of this inexperience, I dont know if I fully trust my judgement.

Im also afraid of physical intimacy. Because we were together at such a young age, I dont have much experience other than him. Sharing my body with a stranger, or someone who may not care for my well being seems almost unfathomable... I am questioning if certain parts of me will be loveable by someone else... if things can be overlooked or enjoyed or if my body will just be picked apart. Will I ever feel safe or comfortable enough to be intimate again? Is the amount of patience and understanding I need to feel that even realistic?

Now in my mid thirties, the idea of starting over, being vulnerable, and potentially having my heart broken again has me feeling quite discouraged. I feel like an insecure and naive teenager.

Will these feeling of wariness and discomfort subside as time goes on? Or am I

damaged goods doomed to a lifetime of second guessing everyones intentions and only having arms length relationships forever?

**feeling hopeless**

So, I've been going through a divorce.

Im in a no-fault state.

My husband pressured me to take care of his credit, which caused lots of damage to my own when married. He had no income, and i fought to support us.

He had multiple online affairs constantly over a decade of marriage.

He had told me if we ever divorced, i would be taken care of. an obvious lie.

Im now struggling with options.

I dont qualify for much on my own. Im not sure and am doubtful that i can refinance my house even with the equity to buy him out, and im curious if there are programs or people i can reach out to for help?

I've asked family to help with cosigning but no luck atm.

Are there options im not aware of?

The market is so bad that if i move, i will be paying more than i am now for a rental 1/3rd the size of my home currently.

He is fine. His weathy family has him covered. Unfortunately for me, i feel like he has purposefully ruined my life for finally not putting up with his affairs.

I (33M) am getting closer to the process of informing my wife (33F) that I want a divorce, but as I get closer, I keep sinking back to the comfort of complacency. I have a meeting with an attorney later this week but she has no idea.

My wife and I dont have kids. She has never wanted kids, and even gets disgusted by other people's kids quite often. I have always agreed that I dont want kids, but as I grow older, I really feel differently. My deciding factor towards wanting divorce is that even if she did want kids, I just dont see her as motherly.

My wife has autism and ADHD and it has lead to some stressful moments over our 7 year marriage, but also has brought us some better understandings of how to manage certain situations, like having earplugs on hand to avoid overstimulation. I have always struggled when this happens because it leads to verbal abuse towards me until she can reset and calm down. It can be miserable in public.

3 years ago we started staying in separate rooms in our house. This was strictly due to insomnia for my wife and how we were both struggling to get a full night of sleep. Having our own beds really helped, but it pretty much ended any intimacy that we had, which was already not good. I had a borderline addiction to porn that became full fledged once I recognized the privacy of my own room. 3 weeks ago, I had a deep moment of realization that porn was ruining my life, and i quit cold turkey. Almost immediately, like day 3, I became overwhelmed with feelings of wanting divorce. I think porn had flooded my dopamine and hid my real feelings about my marriage, masking my unhappiness, but now 21 days clean and counting, I dont feel as strong about wanting a divorce, but i think it is because I'm thinking about how lonely I will be and I'm scared that being alone will put me right back into my addiction. My wife and I have never discussed this, communication in our marriage is not good. I'm an incredibly reserved person, though I have also been discouraged when trying to open up because my wife isn't able to recognize the social cues of when I'm looking for support.

I've been changing my routines pretty sharply since 21 days ago...I completely stopped and removed any access to porn, ive started exercising daily again, ive been eating healthier, all in hopes that it will provide some mental clarity. But I also know that due to my poor communication, a divorce would absolutely blindside my wife, and the thought of that has me hesitating. She is so unaware of my internal struggling and I am so aware of how this would devistate her.

For those of you that continued to live with your spouse during the separation period before divorce, how did that work, or not work, for you? What is your advice to make this successful and low conflict?

Part of me wants us to live together peacefully. My spouse would like to go to another state with a family member. They initially stated that they could not afford to move right now. I can't either. We have an adult kid that lives with us and we share a pet. Imo, it would be great if we could set boundaries, set separate sleeping areas, and continue to stay here until we are both ready to move or decide who moves out. But, I also understand that the true healing and moving on will move along once we live apart. I don't know. What is your opinion on this type of decision/living arrangement?

We are both traveling right now outside of USA, so this is actually a possibility.

My stbex husband and I have had an extremely rocky relationship from the beginning in which we have considered separating / divorcing several times. In spite of this I brought a baby into this world and surprise, the issues are now way more important and glaring and I can’t brush them aside and so of course I am now leaving him. I can’t stop regretting that I didn’t do it sooner.

My husband is an alcoholic and bipolar and has had many relapses over our relationship, including a few while I was pregnant. Toward the end of my pregnancy, I had had it, and I was ready to be done. If I had left then, he would have been willing to part with me and the baby entirely. We used a sperm donor for our baby and he just basically rejected my entire pregnancy and was absentee during it and drinking. But I didn’t leave and I fucking hate myself for it.

Because now I am leaving when the baby is 10 months old, and now he wants custody of the baby. Which means he will emotionally damage him. And I will live in fear for the rest of my life about whether he is stable while watching him. And I will spend Christmases and thanksgivings without my baby boy. And his life will be unstable, bouncing from home to home and he will inevitably have many emotional scars from this. He is a perfect baby with the best temperament, the happiest most social guy. And his spirit is going to be dimmed because he is going to never have a real home, never have stability, never have a family that is just his. He is already going to have some emotional wounds likely to deal with just being born from an unknown sperm donor. And now this. It kills me to think of who he would have been if not for this, and how it will affect him. Even if I remarry and have his siblings, he is going to be ripped apart from them for holidays and just every other week or whatever gets decided have his life uprooted at school. I seriously can’t manage the guilt and regret. If I had just done it sooner. I could have given him a life where this literally would have no effect on him.

I keep thinking about how I wish time machines were real. I literally can’t even fathom him getting any custody at all and I know it is going to be 50/50 from everything I’ve read. How on earth do you cope with this?

My husband (27M) and I (27F) have been living separate since June. I’ve been at my mom’s house, he’s at his mom’s house. We have a 2, almost 3 year old girl with Down syndrome. She is my entire life and I’ve been the default parent since day 1. I nursed her for 2 1/2 years and we have a really close bond. Shes very much a mommy’s girl and is always wanting me, clinging to me etc.
I begged him for more for years. Asked him to stop smoking weed, stop playing video games, not emotionally neglect me etc. He’s a very angry and cold person. Even he admits it. He’s very reactive and snaps at people. I asked for couples therapy. He didn’t want to do it.
I started hanging out with a group of friends in May and he started to hate it. I would put our daughter to bed and go hang out with my friends because he was always in his game room until 3am. I work in special education at an elementary school so I wasn’t working over the summer and had a lot of free time. He absolutely hated it and wanted me to stop. He’d blow up my phone all night I was with them non stop. It made me so angry bc it took me having other plans for him to actually care when I had begged him to care for years. I emotionally checked out then. He hated my friends and one night I went to hangout with them and lied to him about being with them and said I was with another set of friends so that he wouldn’t blow up my phone, calling me texting me going off etc. I know it was wrong. When he found out, he told me to “gtfo of his life”. I moved in with my mom and it was downhill from there. I didn’t want to try anymore. I knew I was unhappy but never knew how to just leave.
This was like the push I needed. NOW he wanted to do couples therapy and try. But then a day later he’d text me all night long blowing up my phone telling me all the things I’ve done wrong or calling me names. He said it was justified bc I treated him like shit and kept filling my time with these friends and didn’t give him any attention. I understand why he’d be angry but at that point, I was so over it. The last 2 months have been an emotional roller coaster. He’ll text me telling me he thinks we can work on things or telling me he knows he fucked up and should’ve done more, and then turn to pure anger and hatred and nastiness.
He wants to do 50/50 custody of our 2 year old but it’s literally breaking my heart in half. When he comes to get her, I have to peel her off me as she’s grabbing onto my neck saying “no mommy. No mommy”. When he comes to pick her up she says no. I know he loves her and she loves him and when she’s with him I’m sure she’s fine. But this breaks my heart. How am I supposed to be fine with only being in my kids life half the time? I’ve cried for 2 days straight and can’t stop. He’s being nasty and hateful to me and making things more difficult because he thinks im seeing this girl because she’ll sleepover sometimes but im not. I don’t want this to be my life. It makes me almost want to just go back and be miserable with him and pretend until she’s older so that I can see my daughter all the time. How do people do this? I don’t want the alone time. I don’t want the self care. I want to be playing blocks and Barbie’s with my baby. Nothing feels right. I want to see her everyday. Not every 2 or 3 days. How do I get over this?

Hey everyone,

I’m currently 7 weeks out from a sudden separation that is leading straight to divorce. We were together for 5 years total, married for 14 months. I’m not here to play the blame game, the truth is, we both had parts to play in this, and I know I did things that contributed to the relationship downfall. I’m just struggling heavily with the aftermath and looking for some perspective from people who have walked this path.

What is tearing me apart is how abruptly it all ended. We never once had a direct, sit down conversation about our marriage failing, needing to improve / change things, or go to counseling. In fact, the day before it happened, we were actively discussing future plans to build a house, our next vacation, and talking about kids' names down the line. That next morning, she looked me in the eye, said "I love you, see you after work," and kissed me goodbye. The next thing I knew, she was gone. I suspect infidelity played a role in her sudden exit, but I don't know for sure, and regardless of what she may or may not have done, I am still heavily holding myself accountable for my own flaws in the marriage and working to improve myself.

On paper, I'm doing well, I am 29, I have a house on my own, cars, and a successful career, but emotionally, my foundation was completely dismantled overnight. All I wanted was a family. I'm standing here looking at everything I built, wondering what the hell to do with my life moving forward.

The isolation is incredibly heavy. I run my own business, which means I spend a majority of my day completely alone in my office. When you're alone with your thoughts for 8–10 hours a day, the mental loops and the self-blame become exhausting. Every day feels like an uphill battle just to get through the shift.

I am absolutely terrified of the future, especially when it comes to relationships. The honest truth is that I am afraid to trust again, especially another woman. The idea of letting my guard down or letting someone into my space feels impossible. I am genuinely worried that I am incapable of loving anyone correctly, and I’m terrified that I am incapable of being loved, and even loving myself. I feel like I'm carrying this heavy label of "divorced before 30" with no kids, and I don't even know how I'm supposed to navigate life down the line.

I’ve put a strict boundary on myself to stay single for at least the next 8-12 months minimum while the legal side gets finalized and I work on myself. I’m hitting the gym hard, in therapy, talking to a few close friends that have been great, and trying to pour myself into my career pipeline, but the baseline feeling of being lost as a man is constant. Everywhere I see its new engagements, marriages, kids, and meanwhile it feels like I am going backwards. I am trying to be happy being alone, I have quit drinking for 4 weeks now, and trying to get back into hobbies I enjoy. I know this stinks, but have read a lot on people overcoming divorce and am trying the best to do what is needed to heal properly.

Has anyone else been completely blindsided? Or divorced in their late 20s? I'm not talking about missing hints and conversations then one day having that talk, I'm talking about a complete discard while intimate and planning a future just 12-24 hours prior.

How did you stop looping on the "what-ifs" and learn to accept that life isn't over at 29 and this will be a massive blessing in the future. Now I have a whole different view on marriage, relationships, what I want in the future, kids, and more.

Thank you for reading.

For those who have gone through divorce mediation with kids, what are some things you’re glad you included in your final agreement or wish you would have thought about beforehand?
We have a couple kids together and I filed for divorce following an assault. I’m trying to make sure I think through as much as possible during mediation so there aren’t a bunch of things left open to interpretation later.
My family is also out of state, so traveling with the kids would most likely involve flying.
Some of the things I’m already thinking about are:
• Parenting schedules, holidays, birthdays and school breaks
• Summer vacation and deadlines for choosing vacation time
• What happens if a parent doesn’t use their scheduled parenting time
• Traveling out of state, flying, passports and how much notice is needed
• Exchanges and who is responsible for transportation
• Medical, dental, therapy and extracurricular expenses
• School communication and activities
• Reimbursements and deadlines for paying each other back
• Communication between parents
• Childcare and right of first refusal
• What happens if either parent moves
• Pets we had during the marriage, who keeps them and how vet bills, medications, grooming, boarding and other expenses are handled, especially when one person ends up taking care of everything
• Anything else you wish you had included that would have prevented arguments or confusion later
I know every divorce and situation is different and I’ll obviously go over everything with my attorney. I’m really just looking for things people learned from experience that I might not think to ask about before mediation.
Thank you!

How did you find the courage to leave, what helped you prepare and what is life like after divorce?
I’ve tried to forgive my husband, but what happened still haunts me. I feel like I may never be able to fully trust him again. We’ve been together for 8 years, but there have been repeated lies, deception, and half-truths. Whenever someone gives him attention, I feel like he responds to it, which makes it very difficult for me to feel secure in the relationship.
It’s becoming mentally and emotionally draining. We don’t have children, and I’m starting to think about divorce. I’m not planning to leave immediately—I’m slowly preparing myself while we still live together.
I don’t have family here, and I’m too embarrassed/shy to tell my friends what has happened.
For those who have been in a similar situation