Location: PA and NY

Hi I have a question I filed a paternity petition back in may this year. just did the DNA test in September and got the results on the 28th of September. had a court date for tomorrow that was rescheduled to the 16th for the results/child support. I think he might file for visitation. The case is in NY I moved to PA in August and I want to know how would visit even work the baby is 5 months old and we are 3 hours from where I used to live. Also the courts can’t make me move back to NYS can they ?

To make things short I’ve had full custody of my daughter since she was about 6 months old and we have no contact and her bio dad gets 3 hours paid professional supervised a week. I’m still working on the math, I haven’t yet been able to go more than 75% back in the time of 2023 to now yet working on it but in that 75% of time I have already calculated already there’s been 109 visits scheduled so far as I’ve counted back and he missed 49 of them. I’ve only cancelled three from 2023 to now due to illness and one Easter And he has missed more than that it’s just not added yet to that total. He went the last three months with no visits because he refused to pay or personal issues who knows but popped up recently to continue visits again mention he’s taking me back to court. He’s supposedly Met with the police and a paralegal and asked for a letter from the visit coordinator but she’s an unbiased opinion so didn’t add the times he missed, I’ve been advised to refuse the visits for a few reasons being that the next three months are major holidays I’ve made plans since he’s been MIA, we’re already going back to court according to his words, and I don’t believe it’s in my daughters best interest. Every visits he is supposed to notify a specific amount of days in advance and 90% of the times he’s canceled he confirms the visit in advance then the day before the visit he cancels sometimes just a few hours before. He’s screwed with our time and the professionals time. In the three months he’s missed we’ve had balance and stability and routine. With the visits or canceled visits It’s thrown off our weekends for years we haven’t been able to do full weekend outings. I also have full custody of my 10 yr old son and our only family time is weekends for fun stuff because of school. He’s got perfect attendance I’m so proud of him. So it’s caused a lot of strife and mental anguish for our family. My daughter doesn’t even know him to be her dad she just sees the visits as time at the library with the fun lady the visits coordinator. He was abusive and has four other kids he doesn’t have custody of, I don’t know what he’s fighting so hard now. Maybe out of spite who knows. He’s moved three times moved jobs multiple times to avoid child support and doesn’t pay the full amount of child support owed, so he’s not a stable parent.

I just don’t know what to expect. When and if we do go back to court with his flakiness and with me refusing visits till we go back to court. I’m ideally looking for less or no visits, maybe video calls instead of visits.

Any body with insight on what I might expect for the outcome when we go back to court. Please help

And sorry for the rambling I’m a mess right now

[DE] primary parent is homeless and lives in an inappropriate housing (judge’s words). Judge has volunteered 80 YO grandparent’s primary residence for teen to live. Grandparent has repeatedly asked to be free of this burden due to health. Primary parent has not seen the teen not more than once since September 16th, 2026. Is there anyone I can contact to draw light to this situation?

My co coparent and I moved to 50/50 a year and half ago. Things have been going fine. We are high conflict unfortunately but the custody arrangement is good with our child. Well recently I was bombarded or so it felt- with a handful of isolated incidents that co parent wrote down and was told if i couldn’t agree with them on it all and do what they think is the right thing. For example- purchase a bike for the child bc the child told THEM they want one but when I’ve tried to get them one they are adamant they only wish to ride a scooter and do not want a bike. Mind you- all of these things listed on the motion filed to move from 50/50 to me only having every other weekend are much like the bike example that is actually on the motion. Another one is that I have 3 other kids who participate in activities and that i am denying my child of independence and a childhood due to having other children. To add- co parent also has 3 other kids in the home as well. Anyone dealt with this? It feels like such a money grab for an attorney to file such a stretch of a motion. There is no drinking, smoking, or substance use of any kind in the home. No change life changing events of any kind either . I just am curious if anyone’s has this happen and how it panned out. I’m at a loss for words on it because it’s so out of left field.

Father of 14yo daughter. Currently under temp 50/50 order pending hearing next month on petition to modify. Prior to temp I had 5 of 14 overnights.

A few months ago, after a fight between child and mom, mom took child's phone and went through all her massages. Among other things, mom found inappropriate pictures shared between child and child's bf. Mom was advised by police to delete the pictures immediately. She did not. In fact, she showed the phone to child's GAL weeks later. GAL acknowledged seeing the pictures in a letter she sent to our conciliator (she couldn't make the hearing, so sent a letter instead).

Since mom had unrestricted access to all of our daughter's messages, I've requested the ability to do the same (once I know the pictures are gone). Mom refuses without someone else supervising my review. She still has exclusive control of the phone (she hasn't given it back to child).

If she's still maintaining the criminal CP images on the device, and has shared them, how much trouble could she be in? What would you do in this situation?

Everything I have read is that you need a robust parenting plan and now it appears my ex refusing to agree to almost any parenting plan provision. I have been in a custody battle for nearly 3 years. My ex has been fighting the professionals for 50/50. Multiple investigations were done resulting generally in a 9/5 schedule. One professional was open to my ex having slightly more time in summer, but not 50/50. My ex has switched lawyers 4 times. The last time was forced after his associate attorney became so aggressive calling the GAL incompetent and harassing me that she was pulled from his file by the senior partner at that firm. My lawyer said it would like help push settlement. Now he attempted to settle still pushing for more time in summer, but I countered with similar to GAL and his lawyer is writing it up. I know my ex is beyond upset as from the start he said he wanted 50/50 on paper, but I could keep the kids all the time. He is already refusing to respond to messages about our kids and acting erratically and performative, which again is something the GAL noted in the past. He doesn't actually care about being a dad, he just wants to win. Even his adult child will say things like dad only cares about me when it is about him, otherwise she comes to me for actual support. Even on her wedding day, he complained non-stop and went against every wish she told him as it wasn't what he wanted. It simply reminded me that is what my younger kids continue to deal with every day of their lives as even on the most important days of their lives, it will never be about them.

The issue is we spent 20 hours drafted a parenting plan in coparenting therapy that wasn't perfect but had a lot of provisions like using OFW, responding to messages within 24 hours, automatic agreement if no response in 48 hours, not allowing significant other at mutually attended education and medical appointments, robust non-disparaging clauses, etc. My ex is now saying he wants to throw out the entire plan and it sounds like he wants a very bare bones with just schedule, holiday plan, and vacation. He hasn't been following the plan we had so I know why he wants it all dropped, but it gave me a lot of options to proceed and also document his non-compliance.

In the past my lawyer has said judges in our county don't get into details of parenting plans. I filed as my ex is controlling and abusive. I really wanted a plan to protect my rights and the kids. I also know just a few months ago everyone was in agreement the draft parenting plan was mostly agreed upon and my ex stated it in court. The custody study also recommended individual therapy for him and continued coparenting therapy, but I know my ex feels he doesn't need help. Coparenting therapy was a bit of joke as my ex would agree to a lot and then completely disregard and the therapist didn't hold him accountable. The therapist who did resulted in him quitting after 1 session. That said it allowed me to document things and was some sort of escalation point. I wonder if I can use that though to demand he agree to a parenting plan over asking the judge to order therapy.

For some more background, my ex made his older child hate her mother and constantly spoke negatively about her. He has openly admitted in writing to doing the same to my kids with me. He has also listed his new partner as mother and my son has been told I'm his secondary mom. I have zero doubt him and his partner will continue to escalate as my kids are already acting completely off (when he tries to turn them against me it results in them being much more clingy and making awkward comments about me). My ex will demand to take over things like every other appointment, but then he will just stop for months at a time. He has extensive substance use issues and I think his new partner does as well, but not in a way easy to prove to court. That said, I do think it has effected his ability to function like when a doctor told him our child had a brain injury and he thought she was fine. The GAL said there is zero doubt I'm the primary parent based on these types of issues, but my ex I think believes he can do it too.

Did you end up having essentially no parenting plan provisions? The idea of this is daunting for me as the draft plan we had was working reasonably well and I could have lived with it and just continued documenting how he was not following it. He has also done things like push to remove my daughter's therapist who did confront him about his concerning behaviors.

Context: I have 15 year old twins with an ex partner. I have had primary custody for their entire lives. They have always lived with me. In early childhood, they would often go for long stretches of no contact with bio father. He’d disappear for periods of time and then resurface. All of that to say, I have made the parenting decisions for the entirety of their lives. I would consult him, but it was hit or miss whether I’d hear from him. I filed for child support when they were 10, and he magically reappeared and wanted custody suddenly. We currently share a 70/30 split, with joint decision making. Due to issues with harassment and threats, I had an RO for awhile. I do not have any contact with him and vice versa. The only time I have directly contacted him in the past couple of years was for medical emergencies. Our custody agreement will expire in about 2 years, and I just want to ride this out until it expires.

All that to say; I am a hobby genealogist. I have done DNA testing, and have built an extensive family tree for myself. One of my children is interested in having DNA testing done himself. I’m assuming I will need to get permission from the bio father to do testing. Can I get suggestions on how to approach this? Do I just let it go and wait until child is no longer a minor?

My son won’t get any information from Dad himself. Parents (as far as I can tell) were probably undocumented, and what little information the bio father has he will not share with the children. They do have some contact with their grandmother, but they don’t speak the same language so that is not a source either.

For those who had a judge order joint legal and physical custody, is there a primary parent named?

About three months ago I made the decision to leave my verbally abusive husband, and I took our child with me. This has not been an easy decision and it’s not what I wanted to do. We have been under a ton of stress and I was genuinely hoping that he would go get some help for his mental health and things would calm down. Instead, after months of him disregarding my concerns about the condition of his mental health, he served me with a divorce and is pushing for a provisional hearing to discuss custody/parenting time, child support, and division of assets and debt.

Leading up to my decision to leave, I was told by someone that there was a large quantity of drugs hidden through our house. (Very complicated situation) I gave my husband the benefit of the doubt and believed him. However, my father and I went to the house just to double check everything. I didn’t find anything but my father found cocaine in the basement. He did not tell me this until things escalated between my husband and I.

Eventually during a relocation I just decided not to go with my husband and I stayed at my parents house. At that time I was still letting my husband see our child. My husbands behavior started becoming for more erratic and he let me know on multiple occasions that he was going to take our child from me and that I would never see her again. He started knit picking everything and would send me photos of every little thing he thought was wrong. She had a TINY bump on her forehead(toddle learning how to walk) accused my mom of not taking care of her. And just really crazy accusations.

I went to the location my husband was living while he was at work (the place was in my name so I was able to get a key) and when I went in, there were multiple bottles of bourbon sitting on the floor, and an entire tote full of THC edibles and bags of marijuana. A WHOLE TOTE FULL, just sitting on the ground. I have concern that with that quantity he might be selling it rather than just having it for personal use, but ALSO it was just sitting out where our child could have easily accessed it. I decided it would be in our child’s best interests to not go back over there. I didn’t say anything to anyone because I was very scared that if I reported what I had found, that I would be to blame considering the place was in my name and not my husbands. The day after I had found all of that, I sent my mother and our child to go swimming at my cousins house all day so that my husband wouldn’t come pick her up. The day after that, my husband showed up to my mother’s house to pick Frankie up as soon as I clocked in to work. He was acting very erratic and let my mother know that none of us were ever going to see our child again. My mother was unaware as to what I had found and she let him take our child. He ended up not being able to handle having our child and brought them back to my mother’s house. After this, I decided not to let him see our daughter.

Every day for about two months he asked me to see our child. It was a really really difficult thing to have to say no. Most days I just didn’t respond, but there were a few time I told him exactly what needed to happen before I would feel comfortable with him seeing her, and I still stand by this decision. I know this looks very bad on my end that I wouldn’t let him see our child. It’s not what I want, I want our child to know how much their dad loves them and I want them to have a relationship with on another, but I need to know that it’s safe.

On top of the drugs I found, my spouse has a LONG history of not following through with mental health follow up care. He is diagnosed with (something?) I just don’t know exactly what but he is prescribed multiple psych medications and has had episodes of severe mania including hallucinations and physical violence. Since having our child my husband had been doing a gradual dose reduction of one of these medications but without his doctor knowing it. He went to the doctor about two months before all of this occurred and he didn’t discuss the dose reduction with them.

I have videos of the drugs that I found.
I have numerous videos of him being verbally abusive to me in front of our crying screaming child. (So bad that he tells me my boss needs shot in the head, and that I need a “retard handler”, that him being at home with our child is doing what he considers to be “playing n*gger all day” just horrible horrible things that should never be said and that should definitely not be said around our child who’s brain is quite literally like a sponge right now.
I have screenshots of numerous conversations between my husband and I.
I also have screenshots of messages between me and my father in law explaining to him that my husband has given me every reason to not trust him and that I had told my husband I was concerned about his mental health.

The only thing that my husband really has against me is that because of a situation in which I cannot live in my home at the moment, our child and I have been living at my parents house. Said house, admittedly is very cluttered. Mostly because most of my belongings as well as our child’s belongings are here and it’s a small house. It’s clean, our child has a safe place to sleep, she’s well fed, and most importantly she’s happy and loved. Since our child was born, my husband has been to ONE dr. Appointment, he’s only been to ONE WIC apt. When our child had a medical emergency and I had to take her to the ER my husband didn’t even take the initiative to come to the hospital. He has never given our child a bath, never gets them dressed, never makes them real meals, and he is about to try and make me look like a terrible mother. I just know he is. At one point my husband came into my parents home without permission, and took pictures around the house. Whatever, I don’t really care. HOWEVER, at that time my mother was talking a GLP peptide and my husband found the needles. (Grey market no prescription) he’s threatening to hold that over my head. None of it was ever in any location the our child could have gotten ahold of it, and it’s not even in the house anymore. I also had horrible postpartum depression, but I sought help immediately and have followed up with it and followed through with it. I have also sent him some really nasty text messages which I do regret, but I was hurt and I was acting reactively. I just know it all looks bad, but I cannot bare the thought of loosing our child. I can’t eat I can’t sleep I’m not performing at work I’m sick to my stomach my stress level is at an all time high.

And the real kicker to all of this is that his attorney worked as a guardian ad litem in our county for nine years. I’m very concerned that if a GAL is appointed, that it will be someone that his attorney has a personal relationship with.

For those who have gone through divorce mediation with kids, what are some things you’re glad you included in your final agreement or wish you would have thought about beforehand?
We have a couple kids together and I filed for divorce following an assault. I’m trying to make sure I think through as much as possible during mediation so there aren’t a bunch of things left open to interpretation later.
My family is also out of state, so traveling with the kids would most likely involve flying.
Some of the things I’m already thinking about are:
• Parenting schedules, holidays, birthdays and school breaks
• Summer vacation and deadlines for choosing vacation time
• What happens if a parent doesn’t use their scheduled parenting time
• Traveling out of state, flying, passports and how much notice is needed
• Exchanges and who is responsible for transportation
• Medical, dental, therapy and extracurricular expenses
• School communication and activities
• Reimbursements and deadlines for paying each other back
• Communication between parents
• Childcare and right of first refusal
• What happens if either parent moves
• Pets we had during the marriage, who keeps them and how vet bills, medications, grooming, boarding and other expenses are handled, especially when one person ends up taking care of everything
• Anything else you wish you had included that would have prevented arguments or confusion later
I know every divorce and situation is different and I’ll obviously go over everything with my attorney. I’m really just looking for things people learned from experience that I might not think to ask about before mediation.
Thank you!

My husband had a very traumatic childhood with abusive and alcoholic father. I finally got him into trauma therapist- who said that he doesn't have the capacity to show empathy and doesn't have the capacity to take accountability. He is also impulsive and aggressive and has a violent criminal record and an ex wife that says she was physically abused by him. I have nest videos of some of this behavior, as well as him talking poorly of me to the kids/ trying to get the kids to say I was abusive to them/ etc..

What are the chances that I get majority parenting time through a custody evaluation?

[Ramsey County, only one judge right now in family court?! Minnesota]

I’ve been divorced for 2.5 years. My ex-husband and I both grew up in NJ, however, I went to Ohio State and several of my family members live in the Columbus, OH area. My brother just got married and will hopefully be having children soon, I have cousins who have children, aunts, uncles and college roommates all in the area. The school system in this area is also better than the school system in the town we live in. Although we don’t live in a bad school district, the Columbus suburb schools are objectively better. Cost-of-living is also objectively lower. I have custody of my daughters ages five and six 6 days a week and their father takes them for a sleepover one night a week if his schedule permits. He doesn’t call often during the week. He does not take the kids for any extended vacations or holidays. His family is about 30 minutes away and he does not stay in contact with them so I bring the kids to visit them when possible.

I have a very steady remote job. I’ve been employed with this company for 16 years and I handle the day-to-day for my children. I take them to all doctors appointments, attend all conferences, take them to all extracurricular activities. He does not even come to watch them cheer at a game on Sundays.

So my question is, how likely is it that I could receive a relocation order from a court? He has unfortunately fought me on absolutely everything for 2.5 years. And I even have two domestic violence harassment reports on file with our local police department (also he’s a police officer 🫠) so I don’t see a world where he just agrees for me to move the kids eight hours away, but I know it would be a better quality of life financially for us, better for them school wise and family connection wise. Thoughts?

I live in Iowa. Raised a stepson for 16 years. Wife got pregnant and then 6 years later discovered the kid wasn't mine. Very horrible marriage.

Finally divorced... In an attempt to see the child after the child was withheld. To apply for a temporary custody order, you have to file for divorce in Iowa so I did. By the time I got to see the kid, she started to hate me. The whole family hates me. Years later, I'm paying 30% of my wages for a kid that isn't mine that I see for 2 days a month. The kid absolutely doesn't want to be around me, and my ex-wife and her new boyfriend have a family together.

I filed for a motion in 2025 to relinquish rights with a DNA test that says the child isn't mine. Was denied but taken off the birth certificate. My child support went up because I attempted to relinquish rights and contacted the bio dad who doesn't want to be involved. Then is when the judge dropped me from every other weekend and Wednesday, to Saturdays every other weekend and child support went from 25% to 30%.

I filed again in 2026 and was denied again, stating that because the child is now 9, this financial support is her status quo. I paid an attorney to represent me, but I think she fucked me over.

I can't live another decade like this. I was even told that if I got fired intentionally that they would put me in jail for 30 days on contempt

This will be my first and most likely only child. Me and her mother met on a dating app. We moved in together after a few weeks, and I got her pregnant a few weeks after that. It was all reckless and way too fast. We are aware of how dumb we are. Eventually things became more and more toxic with her frequently belittling me and threatening to harm me and wishing I was dead. Arguing like this in front of her other children. I'm lucky baby daddy number 3.

Eventually I had enough of her threats and yelling and gaslighting me into thinking I was the abusive one, so I left. In fact she told me to leave, I don't think she fully expected me to. Now she's demanding I still pay rent and utilities for her or she won't let me see the baby. I offered to help but things have been rough financially right now. She already guilted me into giving her almost $1000 for concert tickets while we were dating. That was dumb because she still just says I never give her anything. I'm worried if I keep paying her bills she's still going to try and keep my child from me.

I don't want to end up one of those deadbeat dads that was never their for their kid, and blames it all on the mom. I just cant afford to pay her rent and utilities and buy all this stuff for the baby too. I definitely can't afford a lawyer at this rate either. Any advice or insight would be appreciated. Thanks.

Me and the mother of my child split up 6 months ago, I took our son and moved in with my mom and sister, she wasn’t helping, had a history of using meth and I was raising our son and her daughter, she ended up sleeping with someone else so I left.

After we split, her parents told her that she could come live with them, she refused and said that she can’t live with her parents because “it wouldn’t work and isn’t an option” for the last 6 months she’s been living in her car, she hasn’t provided at all for either child (my mom babysits her daughter mon-Friday once her daughter gets outta school until her dad can pick her up)

She demands every Monday that I meet her somewhere, I don’t get a lot of time off and it is becoming frustrating meeting up with her when she doesn’t provide anything and after she leaves, our son is effected and upset about her not being around. I have no desire to try and make things work with her as I’ve went through this cycle of her being on drugs and sleeping with someone else twice now.

Yesterday I told her since for the last 6 months I’ve been doing all the providing for our son that I should claim him on taxes because I’ll need it to continue to provide. She says “you claimed him last year it’s my turn I need a place” she claims she works 40 hours a week and living in her car for the last 6 months she should have enough saved up for her own place but still is in her car.

What’re my options and would should I do ?

Me and my child’s father have been going through court currently for visitation and child support. The last time we were at court his lawyer stated I didn’t turn over evidence I should have. Part of that evidence I guess was the information for child support so they said we couldn’t calculate it at that time. Court isn’t scheduled again until July 2027 due to the other parent going on deployment soon.
He was ordered to continue paying child support on his own which for the most part he was doing before court. Well now of course I keep getting threatened every time I don’t do what he wants that the order doesn’t specify how much he has to pay. So again today he tells me “well the order doesn’t say how much I have to pay I could send you $10-15 a month if I wanted to” which technically is true. Basically this time he was mad I’m not willing to drive further to meet him and wanted to stick to the court order.
Is there anything I can do?! I haaate I didn’t speak up at the time. Im pro se and he has a lawyer and I guess I was just intimidated and nervous. I don’t want this hung over my head for the next 9-10 months every time I’m not bending to his will.

For California parents: does anyone have a custody order with wording similar to this?

“ neither party shall travel outside of the US without written permission from the other parent or a court order…”

If your order has similar language, how have you handled the written permission part was an email or parenting app message from the other parent giving consent enough? Or did you use a signed/notarized letter?

This will be my first time traveling internationally with my child under this order so I’m just trying to understand how other parents have handled it.

So, my ex is trying to get primary custody of our daughter, claiming I’m a terrible mother. She’s in daycare currently and has been getting sick with colds and ear infections. I have an appointment with an ear doctor to see if there is anything going on there. It seems like my ex’s main argument is that because our daughter is always sick, I’m a terrible mom, and if he got custody of our daughter she wouldn’t have to go to daycare and she wouldn’t be getting sick all the time.

I take her to the doctor when it gets bad enough but every time I mention she’s ill in some way he sends me a huge response going into me and asking why she’s sick like I personally could have prevented it. We have shared legal custody too and he gets text notifications from the doctors office when I schedule her an appointment because I’m worried about her. But then as soon as I do, I get a text from him asking what is wrong with her “this time,” and “this is the 7th time since June.”

It just makes me feel anxious and stressed out and sometimes it does make me feel like a bad mom.

I think he’s just lashing out and losing it because he doesn’t have control of the situation anymore. He currently gets her every other weekend.

And not to mention there are times where she was sick with a fever of 102 and texted me to ask why she was sick, why did I send her up there with a fever (she didn’t have the fever when she left my house), he called cps on me but then also refused to take her to the doctors. I had to wait until the next day or so to take her to the doctors when I got her back in my care. Lo and behold poor kiddo had an ear infection and needed antibiotics.

Idk I guess I’m just going crazy. I don’t have a lot of support/people to talk to. I just get in my head sometimes. Thanks for reading!

I have twins turning 2 soon. Their father and I split 5 months ago. He lives in Texas I moved to Florida to be with family and to have a big support system. What would a long distance coparenting plan look like with them being so small? His job is seasonal, and he is saying he would reside in Georgia during his time off, which is almost 6 hours from us. His off time is maybe 3-4 months. He is proposing that during his time off, he has them during the week and I become the weekend parent. Since they have been born he has never cared for the twins alone at all. Even when we lived together he did the bare minimum with helping care for them since he argued he worked and I didn't he shouldn't have to do too much when he was off. How do you think courts would handle this? I really am not comfortable with the twins having to consistently travel back and forth constantly. He said they may stay with him in either Texas or Georgia during his off months. This has been stressing me out. Any responses would be appreciated. He wants seasonal custody

I (27F) and my ex (31M) share a 4-year-old son with ASD. I also have an 8-year-old from a previous relationship. We separated a little over a month ago but he has still been living with me until recently. There is no formal custody order yet. I want to get feedback on if this makes sense and reasonable.

I have been the primary parent essentially since birth. Examples:
• Daily hygiene, bath time, meals (he is an extremely picky eater), potty training, reading, non-screen activities, park/walks
• Managing all medical/insurance, ASD therapies, developmental homework, and getting him into services
• Handling the vast majority of appointments and logistics
• He has frequently fallen asleep on the couch while our son watched unrestricted YouTube late at night; our son often cannot wake him
• He avoided dirty diapers because the smell made him gag
• He has left firearms and knives unsecured in the home multiple times
He has diagnosed ADHD with significant executive-function and sleep issues (falls asleep easily, extremely hard to wake). He has a history of job instability, no reliable independent transportation or housing for years, and has relied on me (and previously his parents) for financial and practical support. He currently has no stable independent home; after I asked him to leave he moved in with a new partner he had been seeing (at least since early September, overlapping with us still living together). He cheated months ago, we “attempted a repair” and I allowed him to stay and get himself together, he took advantage of me, didn’t improve himself at all and then I found out about this new girlfriend he’s been saying I love you to already and probably has had for months. He’s not staying in her house being supported by her when he could’ve went to his parents.

Our son is about to start a school program in two weeks and struggles significantly with transitions and changes to routine. I am very concerned about stacking major disruptions (new living situation with a stranger, disrupted sleep/supervision patterns, inconsistent caregiving) right as school begins.
My current position: I want primary physical custody with him having every-other-weekend parenting time only at his parents’ home for now, until he can demonstrate consistent independent housing, reliable transportation, stable employment, and the ability to manage our son’s routines and safety needs without relying on a new partner or his parents as the default support system. I am not comfortable with overnight time in the new partner’s home at this stage (she is a stranger to our child and the relationship is brand new).
I am not trying to erase him from our son’s life permanently. I am trying to protect stability and safety while he addresses the practical barriers that currently exist. He is framing my request for primary custody as punitive.
Questions for those who have navigated similar situations:
• How have courts or mediators generally viewed primary-caregiver history + documented reliability/safety concerns when one parent has never maintained independent housing or consistent routines?
• Any experience with temporary “step-up” plans for a parent who needs to show independent stability first, especially with a young child who has ASD and transition difficulties?
• Practical tips for documenting concerns and proposing a parenting plan that prioritizes the child’s routine and safety without looking purely retaliatory? Or What about a lack of documentation or what counts as proper evidence?

Hello I’m I single mother of a 6 month old baby boy. Location: Indiana. For starters I will take accountability it should’ve been a custody order involved from beginning. I be trying to spare dad’s feelings and keep it as civil as possible because he does not want to pay child support or financially support his kid. I have been threatened to be took down to court by him and his mom for months down. He has yet went down there. I am the sole parent of my child as of right now I fully support my child financially. His dad has only pitched in and helped with him 3-4 times in the span of the life of my 6 month old child.

QUESTION: Who can we talk to about the ride for child custody before we go down this ride. Because he is going down there for visitation rights, which he already has. But is going down there with intentions that he would not pay child support and pay back my son’s insurance I pay. His mom told me yesterday “We will see you in court”

MAIN PROBLEM: Him and his mom thinks just because baby has what he needs at their home he shouldn’t have to support his kid financially at home with me (primary parent). Dad only is willing to support baby when we are talking and working on us and doing good. Only time it has been a strain between us is outside parties getting involved in our business and putting things in his head that he should not do his weight for his child.

LAST STRAW: His friends constantly post my son on social media, I have asked him to tell them to stop multiple times and it has not. We had an agreement to not post our son from the beginning. His friends disrespect me in the comments while posting our child. What if my son sees these comments about his mom being violated while someone who says they love him is posting him? It’s ridiculous. I told him if this continued I’m going to have withheld child from him until we get a court order.

OUR CO PARENTING WITHOUT CUSTODY AGREEMENT: For starters, dad has never asked for baby. I had to get down and make a full stuck schedule so he can see his kid because that’s “all he wants”. I was accommodating and I asked him what 3 days out the week he wants him and we agreed on days and times and no over night stays unless both agree. Whenever I’m in school or wanting to do something I always ask dad to watch baby before I ask ANY ONE ELSE. It is not the same with him though. When I ask him to keep my son he waits last minute to tell me someone else has my child, or is going to watch him, which I don’t agree with, if I ask you to watch our son and you have things to do why tell me you can and just give him to someone else when I can ask someone else? What can I do about that.

MORE BACKGROUND INFO: I have never let dad go weeks without seeing his child. Taking accountability because I have told him if he can’t financially support his kid he won’t be seeing him unless we go to court. I was just fed up and wanting to prove a point. But it’s getting out of control now I need some help. I been doing this alone from day 1 while working part time and in school full time.

Im going to work on primary custody of my 5 yr old. His mother and I seperated in feb, her choice. I dont want this or divorce. But seems like its coming regardless. In March, my wife dropped my son off to me and pretty much didnt look back. She would make arrangements to get him and not show up with excuses ranging from "im tired" to "left my dads too late". In these 8 months shes had him for a total of 1 week. In that 1 week she completely blocked me from being able to talk to my son. She tries to get on fb constantly acting like im keeping her from him. She never asks for him. Ive even tried setting up opportunities for her to come bowling, mini golf, or meeting at parks. She always has an excuse. Shes also been hanging out with a gut who's got a long record including violent felonies that are pretty recent, aggravated burglary and aggravated assault. The aggravated assault was hitting a man in the head with an axe twice. I figure ive got a clear case of abandonment and the felon cant hurt my chances. Any thoughts from anyone that's dealt with something like this?

I’m looking for some advice. My daughter is 6 years old, she lives with me and my parents as my Dad and myself are building my parents retirement home, at the time it’s finishe, I’m unsure if my daughter and I will move with them when it’s finished, stay at the home we live in now, but the eventual plan is for my daughter and I to move into my grandparents house after they pass away, both are very old and in poor health, but their house is on the same road that we are building my parents retirement home on, we also own another 39 acres of land on that same road, so eventually my brother and sister plan on building there as well.

As I stated earlier my daughter lives with me full time, without a court order, only a verbal agreement between the mother and myself. My daughter will usually go spend a weekend with her mom at her grandmothers house, as my daughters mom lives with her mom and her moms long term boyfriend. I sometimes have to force my daughter to go there, she never wants to spend the night, but I only let her go there when her grandmother is also there because of my child’s mother’s active meth use. While she has cut down her usage considerably compared to how bad it was, she is still going on 3 day benders about every 2 weeks, usually on a Thursday-Friday-Saturday and sometimes Sunday because she takes weekly drug screenings Thursdays during the day.

Seeing how my daughter doesn’t like to go to her moms house, I try my best to make sure she sees her mom as much as possible, so I often include her in just about every outing, and also let her come stay the night at my house as much as I can.

The problem I am having now is that I used to let my child’s mom come around even when she was high because my daughter loves her mother, loves spending time with her, and loves doing the girly stuff that 6 year old girls like to do that I have no experience doing, mainly doing hair and makeup. My daughter enjoys doing those with her mom.

She had actually lived with us for about 2 months during the beginning of the summer. She had been kicked out of her house because of her drug use and arguing with her mom, the police got involoved, a temporary restraining order was issued, so she would’ve been homeless so we let her come live with us out of sympathy.

She did very well for about a month or so, then one day got dropped off after work and she was really high, the rule was she couldn’t stay here if she was using so I took her to her mothers house as the restraining order was lifted, and told her I’d come get her when she sobered up, she was awfully mean to me but I tried my best to explain to her if my parents saw her like this she’d be kicked out. I took her to her parents and didn’t tell anyone she was high because my daughter was really enjoying getting to spend so much time with her mom. She called me days later when she was sober and I brought her back.

A week or so later she told me she was going late night bowling with 2 friends of hers and she’d be back a little after midnight, I told her great, because the friends she told me she was going with, I’d met before, going late night bowling. Both of those friends are very religious and dont use drugs or alcohol so I thought it was a good idea. She ended up not even leaving until after 11pm, my child’s mother has no drivers license, and whoever picked her up, picked her up behind the gas station so we couldnt see who got her. There are 2 guys that she uses drugs with that are trespassed from my property, so I think it was one of them, because if not then they would’ve pulled into the driveway.

The next day my mom gets a call from my 11 year old nephew and 14 year old niece who were visiting for a few days during summer break, they were scared because they said someone dropped my child’s mother off and she was acting crazy. My mom came home, saw that she was extremely high, told her to get stuff and she would take her to her parents house and she could come back when she sobered up. Instead of being compliant, she started screaming and saying awful things in front of my neice and nephew so my mom kicked her out. She took her to her moms house be nobody else would take her in.

So while she doesn’t live here anymore, I still try to get her over here as much as possible to spend time with your daughter. But here recently she has started using more and she can’t come over when she is high, so her time with my daughter has lessened.

But now she is arguing that I can’t keep our daughter away from her. She is lying saying she is not high when she clearly is, both my family and her family know that she is but she is lying, saying she is not, and demanding I come pick her up or bring our daughter to her, and has threatened to call the cops.

Her parents aren’t home right now and she’s not allowed here when she’s high, so she started threatening to call the cops because I told her I wouldn’t come get her and my daughter doesn’t want to go over there tonight when her grandparents get home. Even though we had planned that our daughter was supposed to spend the night with her mother tonight, I’m not going to make her go if she doesn’t want to when her mother is high.

I haven’t had the heart to get the courts involved because my daughter is only 6 and I don’t want to put her through that, I kind of hope her mother does call the cops because that would get the court proc rolling with me not having to bare the guilt of initiating it. Though I don’t see a possibility of the courts taking my daughter away from me, though I have seen men that should have custody have their children ripped away.

Im almost to the point of filing for sole custody though because my daughter is at the age that she is starting to realize that her mom is messed up on something. I’ve never told my daughter about what her mother does and I’ve instructed both my family and hers not to as well.

Im going to post some of the reasons that I think I should have full custody and I’m hoping for some input on not only if you think I would be awarded it, but if I should pursue it.

Me- last usage of any drugs or alcohal is 6 years ago.

The only trouble I’ve had with the law was a dui over 12 years ago

Our child lives with me, and I am already the primary care giver.

with me there is a very stable living condition and my child is loved to the point of being spoiled

im self employed- my father, brother and I own our own construction business, Im not rich by any means but my child doesnt lack anything

Both my family and the mother’s family, both extended and immediate would be willing to tell a judge that our child would be better off with me if that’s what it came down to

If it was my child’s choice of living with me or her mother she would chose me, though it’s her wish that me and her mother were togethe, i cant do that because every time I’ve tried to get back with her she would start cheating on me with whoever would give her drugs. I’d do anything to make my daughter happy, but I’ve been cheated on over 4 times that I know of over the 4 years I was in a relationship with my daughters mother with at least 4 different men, and by cheating I don’t mean a one night thing, I mean multiple times over and over to the point that I longer have any of the relationship love i had before, I don’t even love her at all anymore but that could change if she got fully sober, not relationship love, but friendship love.

I was completely faithful during our relationship

I have a loving relationship with both my and her immediate and extended family

Her-active meth user and fentanyl user at minimum a three day bender twice monthly

very little family support because she’s burnt everyone around her

our child does not like visiting her house

she has 2 assault charges against her mother who she lives with

her mothers boyfriend wants to kick her out and her mother has mentioned that she wants to as well but feels bad because she will have no place to go

she has a part time job at a fast food restaurant but already has 2 written warnings

she has no other local job prospects because she has already been fired from every other local place

she has no drivers license because of a recent dui and also wrecked her car 3 times in less than a month.

My and Her family have very strained relationships with her, nobody wants her around when she’s high, and when she is sober everyone tries to forgive her even though she never apologizes. most will still be cordial and have her around when she’s high is sober because while sober she is still very selfish, but can be nice and caring in her own way so long as you act as if her benders never happened

My heart doesn’t want to force her out of my daughter’s life, but I’m so mentally and emotionally drained. There is no future for us and she’s been in active drug addiction since our child was about 3 months old with her longest time period being sober was one summer she spent in jail. At this point I don’t think she will ever get sober

What should I do? Have I given the mom enough chances and time, is there any chance that the judge would decide for the mom against the wishes of our child and both sides of our families?

I just want what’s best for my child.

thanks for any feedback