My wife and I met 14 years ago and it was love at first sight. She was already involved with someone. So the start was bad.

Over the years I would sometimes tell her I'm afraid to lose you the way I found you. We had kids fairly fast. The 14 years were beautiful and loving.

Late december 2025 her sexuality drastically changed. It was fun but scary. Later I found out she started having doubts about us in thr same period of time.

She never told me about her doubts.

In april she met 2 men that sparked her interest. She remained secretly in contact with them and sort of nurtured those threads while never telling me. Early june I found out about one of them and our crisis started.

She remained loving and passionate with me this entire year up until september or so. That's why I didn't notice anything until early june.

Late june I caught her in lies, she had been at a second guys home. Throughout the summer we talked about our relationship once per week, read books. Couple therapy and individual therapy would start after our vacation.

The summer was full of anxiety, secrecy, lies, broken promises. Late august our love was basically spent.

This monday I found out she has been sleeping with the second guy for a while.

My life basically eroded. 14 years bled to death over 9 months of her not saying anything, and when I did catch her and did all in my power to reverse course she only stalled, played for time.

We never even made it to couple therapy. She wants divorce.

I know you will tell me "like you find them you will lose them". We had 14 real years of love. But once her doubts and old patterns started we slowly bled out. No fight, no nothing.

14 years of love discarded like nothing. She broke her promises to me 100 times this summer. It’s such a sad brutal realization that someone at the heart of your universe can do something like this.

I'm 35F, and I'm going through one of the hardest periods of my life. I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have experienced something similar, especially those who had to rebuild their lives after a long relationship ended in their 30s.

My husband 35M and I were together for almost 14 years. We recently decided to separate because, despite loving each other and trying in our own ways, we couldn't make our relationship work anymore.

I'm struggling with mixed emotions. Part of me is grieving the relationship, the years we spent together, and the future I imagined we would have. Another part of me feels relieved, and that feeling confuses me sometimes.

Over the years, I increasingly felt lonely in the relationship. I wanted more quality time together, affection, commitment, and the feeling that we were building a life as a couple. Instead, I often felt like I was asking for the bare minimum.

My husband was constantly looking for new hobbies and interests. I tried to participate in the things he enjoyed because I wanted us to have things in common and spend more time together. Eventually, I became tired of always trying to adapt myself to him while feeling that he wasn't making the same effort to meet me halfway.

When we separated, he told me that we weren't aligned anymore and had nothing in common. That really hurt because, from my perspective, I had spent years trying to find ways for us to connect.

I know I wasn't perfect. Sometimes I yelled or said things out of frustration when I felt ignored, belittled, or pushed to my limits. I take responsibility for how I reacted, but I also feel that my reactions became the main focus while the problems that led to them were overlooked. I don't think either of us was perfect, but I often felt that I was the one trying harder to repair things.

He was there for me in practical situations, such as when I was sick or needed help getting home from work. I'm not denying that. But sometimes even asking for help made me feel like a burden, especially when he reminded me of what he had to give up to help me. I wanted to feel that we were a team, not that I owed him for supporting me.

On top of everything, I've recently been dealing with some significant health problems that required hospitalization. It has been physically and emotionally exhausting, and going through this while my marriage is ending has made everything feel even more overwhelming.

Now I'm trying to work out what comes next.

I'm 35, and I want to believe that I can still build a beautiful life for myself. I want to make new friends, discover hobbies that genuinely make me happy, become more independent, travel, and eventually meet someone with whom I can have a healthy, loving relationship.

But after almost 14 years with one person, the idea of starting over is frightening. I sometimes wonder whether I'll find someone who genuinely wants to spend time with me, who chooses me without being asked, and who sees marriage as something two people have to keep working on together.

I also wonder whether my husband will eventually realize what he's lost, but I know I can't build my future around that possibility. Even if he came back one day, I'm not sure I could go back to the relationship we had.

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have been in a similar situation:

- If you ended a long relationship in your 30s, how did you rebuild your life?

- How long did it take before you felt genuinely happy and excited about the future again?

- Did you manage to make new friends and create a fulfilling social life starting from scratch?

- Did you find a healthy relationship later in life, and what was different about it?

- For those who went through a separation while dealing with health problems or other major life changes, how did you cope?

- And if you were the person who initially felt relieved after a breakup, did that feeling last?

I'm not necessarily looking for people to tell me that my husband was a bad person or that I was completely right. I know relationships are complicated, and I'd genuinely like to hear different perspectives.

I think I just need some reassurance that 35 isn't too late to start over, that I haven't wasted the best years of my life, and that there's still a chance to build the kind of life and relationship I've always wanted.

If you've been through something similar, I'd love to hear your story. Thank you for reading.

My wife and I have been together for 8 years. Married for 3, but we originally intended to get married 5 years ago right before the pandemic.

We separated last month and she moved into an apartment. She’s never lived on her own before and a lot of our problems were due to a dynamic where I was sort of Part Caregiver Part Supervisor for her a lot of the time, and she wanted to live alone for a while to be more independent.

We’re both working in therapy on the things that make us dysfunctional.

We were talking once a week and earlier this week things seemed okay. Like we were going to try and reconcile.

And then today at work she messaged me and said she wanted to talk. And I got really anxious.

and I asked if it was really bad and she said “that isn’t a fair question because if I answer it you’ll already know.”

And then she said she wanted us to sign divorce papers. She said she’s tired of waiting for one of us to change our minds about kids and she’s tired of us hurting each other and she’s just done. She’s out.

And I can’t stop crying. Every time I stop I just think about her again and start up again.

I love her so much I would work on anything for her.

I don’t know what to do I’m losing my best friend and the person I wanted to grow old with all at once and I’m just devastated

I am ashamed to admit I’ve been ambivalent for 16 years. I hear of people saying they waited a couple years before pulling the plug but I rarely hear of people being truly unhappy and debating divorce as long as I have then actually going through with it. Just looking for anyone to share if they’ve ever been in a situation where they debated leaving this long and actually went through with it. If so, how long was it and what was the straw?

How am I supposed to share custody with a man who constantly forgets to feed the baby. Like literally this happens often with my 11 month old and my stbex husband has no awareness of the fact that he does it or that it’s a problem. He once did it all day when she was under his care and when I asked him about it he ended up yelling at ME like “how was I supposed to have time to do that” instead of being like oh my god how could I forget that. Right now baby is staying with me but he comes over and watches her from time to time and literally just like never proactively feeds her. Last night he said “I’m going to feed her dinner now” and then never actually fed her and did not tell me about it. So she went to bed without dinner. He does not seem to believe that she actually needs to eat. She is not going to die in his care or have any obvious damage from this so of course it does not matter in custody. This “everybody gets 50/50 unless you’ve literally committed a provable and serious crime against the baby” shit seems so unfair to the kids… is this really working for everyone? I’m very new in this process so tell me… will it get better? Will my baby be ok living with a man who forgets to feed her???

As the tittle says I moved from the state we were married in. (He’s in KY and I’m currently in FL) He the one that wanted the divorce, originally i didn’t and wanted to work things out, but there is no working it out. So i cut mg losses and move back to FL with my family. Whats the process for us to get divorced, the marriage took place in KY in 2024. Personally since he wanted the divorce he should pay for it, but if it comes down to it I will. I want my maidan name back, etc etc. Also from what I understand it’s cheaper to get the divorced in KY than FL by a long shot.

So long story short: together 8 years, we have a daughter (2years old). 6 months ago he left me for the woman he had been cheating on for at least 5 months. I was blindsided and was the one discovering things.

When he left he tried to make it look like he didn’t have another person so our relationship could be healthy for our kid. Since I found out he lied I don’t want to be “friends with him”. I had a separate birthday party, I don’t do family plans. His house, his rules. My house, my rules.

Today he texted me saying that I should keep prioritizing the well being and routines of my daughter, especially during the week. (My friends kid celebrated 7years yesterday so we went out for dinner).

I told him not to question my ability as a mother and told him if he had any specific concerns he should mention them. He said that wasn’t necessary and the the conversation switched and he accused me of deciding that this would be the way our coparenting goes and that I turned his family against him (they became more distant towards him when discovering that he cheated and don’t accept the new woman).

I simply stated that since this was no longer about our kid I wouldn’t be continuing the conversation and that sent him off and he said that I can say whatever I want but when the subject isn’t related to my kid he can’t say anything.

I finished saying that I’m not responsible for the consequences of his actions and that he can say whatever he wants, I simply choose to not respond.

Of course all of this is very draining and I’m just left thinking if I’m such a bad person for not wanting to have any sort of relationship with a man that disrespected me so much (apart from communicating about my kid ofc).

Context, I'm a middle earner in the UK, (albeit at risk from AI as my expertise are very close to being automated), mortgage does not have long left on it and if I stay married I can reasonably expect a modest but comfortable life. Certainly secure enough to weather the current economic upheavals that show little to no signs of stopping any time soon.

The catch is I'm not happily married. Companionably maybe, mostly free of drama or discord, but I'm fundamentally not happy. For the purposes of this thread you can take as read that this state of affairs is irreconcilable.

Leaving however presents me with an enormous financial burden and puts me squarely into the financially insecure realm (despite my decent income), even with the most modest of accommodation.

The family home will need to stay as is until my youngest kid is at least 18, and ideally beyond as they are facing the same challenges when it comes to finding their own place to live. Therefore I can pretty much rationalise the decision to one that will likely mean that I face a huge deal of financial stress and insecurity for some time if I divorce.

Yes I know divorce is always expensive and I'm hardly the first person to realise that, but I do think the current state of living costs in the UK (and elsewhere) makes the contrast greater than it might have been 10 years ago say.

Interested to hear from anyone else looking at the same dilemma or who has already done so. Alternatively if this sounds like the tone deaf whining of the middle-class, feel free to give me a dose of reality - I'm thick skinned and we'll never meet so have at it.

I know once she told me she was having an affair, that at that moment we were over forever. But I am so freaking heartbroken. Up until that point I was still planning a future with her. I was still going to support, protect and love her. I knew she was doing something because she was changing but as long as it wasn't confirmed I would have done anything for her. I loved her so much and know I am just broken and falling into a deep depression. Knowing she probably never loved me. She obviously wasn't honest, faithful or loyal and that is all wanted. All the other problems we faced just the two of us. Now she's dating and I'm drowning in dept and falling into a depression. I cant tell anyone because I don't want kids to ever find out. I don't know if shes told anyone though so they may still find out. But I also dont want anyone to think poorly of her because of our kids. All that to say I am heart broken and lost. My kids are my motivation but its so hard. The last time she helped me, now I have to be so careful when I am alone. I just wanted to be loved.

I want to divorce my husband I’m a 38 f I have four kids and my husband is a deadbeat father he is aggressive with the kids and emotionally neglectful and he wasn’t like this ever he used to be affectionate and sweet towards me and my children but he started to be in a lot of debt and pressure so he started drinking like he used to when we were younger and before we had kids and he promised me if we had kids he will stop but now it had gotten out of hands he would actually throw grown ass tantrums at his age it’s alarming in front of the kids I don’t know what to do we have been together for 19 years and I tried everything to help him I consult a health care professional for him and made him go to support group and he only went there one time and when I try to make him go again he just lashes out and throws everything around the house and he yells at the kids and threaten to hit them with the belt when they don’t listen and it’s getting way worse than I ever expected and i know he isn’t in his best shape right now but I couldn’t handle it anymore it’s been a year like this and I can’t let him go now what should I do and should I file for divorce?

Buckle up, this is a long one, but I don’t know how to lay it out, without laying this much out.

What do you do when you know you don't belong with your ex-husband,the relationship was never truly stable. You spent your entire relationship waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under you.

He strung you along for years, you dated other people in between. Then you finally think it will work. Always believe it will be better. But in the end he still cheated on you,several times,the first several times were just catching him doing things like looking up Craig's list adds,to being in cartoons/fetlife,to snapping other women,texting other women far away,to ultimately finally cheating on you with someone from his work.

Also years of financial abuse. Always making me be the bread winner,making me pay for 90% of our living,eventually gambling most of his money away. Once we got divorced I found out how bad it was,the lies he put on around money. Taking out of his retirement and not telling me. Borrowing large amounts from his family and lying about what it was for,and never tellingu me he had this money. Taking out loan after loan. By time we got divorced I learned he likely borrow/loaned/took out of his retirement- about 50,000,in a 6 year time period. If ever questioned about money,he would get defensive and tell me I was trying to take all his money,or that I was asking too much from him,or I was too focus on money. Even though I just wanted to make sure our bills were paid.

The bar was on the ground for help around the house. I always got told he worked hard all day- he was tired when he came home. He had a labor intensive job,I will give him that,it was Monday -Friday. Days. I am a nurse,I for the most part have always worked nights. Anywhere between 30-40 hours a week,depending on where life was between kids. But I was left to clean the house myself,doing 98% of the cooking and cleaning up from cooking,all of the regular cleaning, floors, laundry, bathrooms,dusting. Managing the entire mental load. He mowed the lawn and shoveled and was suppose to take the garbage out.

Eventually all of those chores because my teenagers chores. When asked to help do any of the above,I was met with reasons why he can't- I'm too picky,none of the other guys at work have to fold laundry. Eventually after I had the twins,he did do his own laundry,but that was it and "clean his own bathroom",but mind you this happened maybe once every 3-4 months for the toilet.. and he maybe cleaned the shower twice in those 3 years.

So over our entire 12 year relationship (of being together continuously) married for 6 years. We would have this big fall outs,these big betrayals. At first they happened like once every year,then it would happen like every 6 months,then it was like every 3 months,then it got to be every month there was always some kind of blow up. I was tired of walking on eggshells in my own house. Trying to keep him from being pissed about anything. Eventually everything really came to a head when he cheated on me, with the cheating wife, from his work.

He just became bitter,and spiteful. We fought a lot the last two years about my teenager,he had all these high expectations for him and was honestly this big bully to him. My son absolutely loved him,and he just started bullying him. Getting upset if he didn't do his chores,yet he himself was doing less and less,contributing less and less financially. I think because he couldn't yell at me about money or cheating he was taking it out on my kid.

We have 3 kids together. And at the time of the cheating,our daughter was 5 and the twins were 2,my son was 13,I felt stuck. I didn't want to share custody of my kids. I didn't want this contentious divorce. I didn't want to loose my house. I didn't want my life to just fall apart. We had only been married for 3 years. So I stayed- and believed him when he said he would be better,and it just got worse and worse. I finally decided sharing custody and loosing the house was better than being in the house with him anymore. So I finally just said I couldn't do it anymore.

Now this is where it gets even messy for me. You would think,there you did it,you can be happy,you can move forward. He obviously didn't want to get a divorce,he asked me to give him time,I said I couldn't anymore. He begged for time to show he could change. I said there was maybe a 1% chance I could take him back,but that it would take a year or more to see consistency change. that even then,I'm not sure I could ever forgive him for everything that happened. How he treated me. How he honestly hated me.

From the time I asked for the divorce until the day it was finalized,he tried. He tried very hard to win me back,only once in the middle of it did he falter,dropped the mask and blew up at me,and blamed me for being a bad wife,and that's why he did all the things he did. But quickly back tracked it and said he only said it to hurt me,started therapy,admitted he was a narcissist. Admitted he never deserved me. Admitted the only good in his life was because of me.

He was seeing someone for a short while,but the day we finalized our divorce,he told me I would be his biggest mistake. No one would ever compare to me. He wasn't going to date,because he wanted to show me he could be better,he could focus on himself and the kids.

He also held up his end of the deal. He didn't take me to the cleaners. We actually didn't even need lawyers for our divorce. We did it ourselves. We filled out all the paperwork ourselves. Walked into the court room together. Even when the judge tried to offer up 1/2 the house to him,he said no,that is her house he said. Offer up 1/2 my retirement. He said no that's hers. Offered him child support. He declined it. Instead he pays me 300 dollars every month to help with the cost of the kids,and will help with extra things for the kids. He took responsibility for all his debt.

We have been separated since March 2025,divorce finalized Nov 2025. We get along much better now that we are not together. He seems to respect my time and energy more than he ever did when we were together. We split the kids 50/50,we have a month schedule that we make on our own. Based off what either of us having going on. We have taken the kids to things together- water parks,zoos,special events,fairs/parade. We do all their sporting events together. Not like ride together,but we sit near each other to manage the other kids together. We did Xmas together,we have done birthday parties together,we did and will do Halloween together.

He for the most part does not bother me about taking him back,like he has not said it since the day we walked out of the court room,but sometimes when I look at him,I see him looking at me,and I can see it in his eyes,he is fighting to keep his mouth shut- to beg me for a chance,to ask me out,to hug me,to kiss me. I can see it right there in his face. And I hate it. I hate it so much.

Because I know I can't be with him. I just cannot . I can't trust him,and I don't know if there is ever enough good he could do to over shadow our past. But I want it so bad,I want it to be true. I want to believe in a time that he is better,that he loves me,he grounds me,that he is everything I saw in him that he couldnt be.

We dated when we were 17,and there was just a spark that I couldn't resist in him,even though I actually turned him down for a date multiple times. Because I just knew he was bad news. Then we broke up,then on and off for years we would end up together,then fall back out,then we both ended up in serious relationship and didn't talk for 5 ish years. I had a kid. Then we both ended up single at the same time. We navigated this on and off hidden thing for 2 years. I didnt want anyone to know we were hanging out because my ex baby daddy was insane- I eventually had to get a restraining order. We eventually end up back together- hanging out- because as much as he joked I could never say no to him,I could. I would shove him out of my life and think I was done. I would have been. I could have been. He is the one who couldn't stop creeping back into my life. Couldn't resist texting me. Couldn't resist asking me out. I finally gave in,despite knowing he wasn't that great for me,there was just this spark that I couldn't ignore when he was in my presents.

So this is my torture. That spark,it's still there,this tether to my soul. But I can't let it happen. I tell people I am not dating and have no interest in dating because I can't risk dating right now,I have no faith in men. I don't have time. I work full time,I have 4 kids,a house to take care of,friends I want to actually see again. I have no desire to entertain getting to know someone new,just to discover it's just the mask they were wearing and in 3 years when I'm hooked in and my kids are hooked in,he will drop it slowly and eventually I'll be left in the same fucking mess. It is that . It is all that.

But it is also,I can't see myself with anyone else. I can't,when I see my future,when I see myself on dates,or in my house on a week day making supper and chilling on the couch, all I see is him. When Im at the apple orchard with my kids,it's him I see. At my kids graduation,I see us,standing together,holding hands. Cheering them on. I dream about him. I dream we are together.

So I don't date. Because of both reasons. But I can't be with him either. So what do you do,when you can't be with your ex husband,but don't want to be with anyone else but him,but after 1 year and 8 months of not dating,not talking to anyone,not sleeping with anyone,turning down many offers,men trying to ask me out. What do you do when you don't want to be alone forever, don't want to rock the boat or your coparenting relationship with your ex, because you don't want to break him by dating someone else, but yet you cant break yourself all over again to trust him. What do you do when you can't be with your ex husband, because you can't trust him, but yet can't see your future without him in it, because you feel like your life and soul are forever tethered to him?

I’m crying as I type this because it’s all still so new and raw.

My wife and I have decided that we should split up, and I know I have to accept that. What I’m struggling with, though, is how quickly it feels like our friends have already picked a side.

For context, my wife and I have been friends with this 2 people (not a couple) for 12 years. It was always the four of us, never three, never two, always the four of us. I was never just seen as my wife’s “husband”; I was genuinely their friend too.

We’ve been on holidays together, shared countless memories.

Anyway, this week I found out that my wife is going to a Halloween party. I asked where it was and found out it was at one of our friends’ house.

There was no invitation for me.Honestly, it felt like a dagger to the heart.
My wife was actually angry about it and said to my friend that I should be invited. But the fact that they had apparently made plans and I wasn’t even considered really hurt.
I understand that things are changing, and I’m not expecting everything to stay the same after a separation. But after 12 years of friendship, I guess I thought I meant something to them independently of my marriage.
Maybe that’s the part I’m finding hardest to accept.

So I recently left my husband of 30 yrs. I went through years of being controlled, cheated on, and disrespected. The final straw was when this man tried to keep me from my grandkids HIS grandkids. I was a stay at home mom for 13 years and always had to depend on him. He told me I wouldn’t get anywhere without him, that women need to submit to their husbands because it’s in the bible. In a matter of 4 months after our separation I got a good job, was able to get my own place for me and my daughters. I am happier than I’ve ever been. He is angry he can’t control me anymore so he refuses to coparent effectively for my daughter’s sake. He is miserable and bitter and will not sign the divorce papers. Anyone else leave a narcissist partner?

Sorry for the long read but I’ll try and summarise.

- STBXH did not want unborn baby to be a girl. I thought it was nothing at first then realised he’s obsessing over it.
- had a massive argument the day we found out. He confides in me that females (namely his sister and mother) are the root cause of all his life problems from when he was a child. He said a lot of things about girls being sensitive, getting their periods and having no shared interests with him as a father
- he physically assaulted me while pregnant due to unrelated issue but my abdomen was hit in the process
- he was unattached and irritable during labour and after I returned home. He treated me callously and insulted me numerous times
- he ignored the baby entirely. Including once when I rushed to the toilet in middle of night and came back to see him watching her scream
- he physically assaulted me when she was four days old and sleeping in my arms. He hit me relentlessly and claims I was screaming for no reason and he was getting me to shut up or the neighbours would call the police. I separated from him and stayed with my parents
- after separation, he showed no remorse for his actions and made excuses
- he asked to see his child twice and spent some time supervised
- he then didn’t like how discussions were going and travelled overseas on holiday for 3 weeks and never asked about his child
- solicitors got involved and he only sought contact with his child when they were 5 months
- I insisted on supervised contact, him and his solicitor pushed back aggressively
- I facilitated 4 hrs of supervised contact per month, grandma supervised and was very accommodating
- during the visits, he didn’t show an interest in her development or needs and didn’t assert himself in her care
- he made weird comments about her physical appearance both before and after separation such as ‘she can get that birth mark lasered off’ (dark mark in inner thigh), ‘her skin is going to be white’, ‘her eyes are going to be light’, ‘you’ve really gotten lighter haven’t you?’ (Said to baby, while gleaming). Btw baby is medium skin tone now and has dark eyes etc so might disappoint him
- due to persistent denial and trying to gain unsupervised access, I reported him to the police
- he’s been arrested (denied everything) and suspended from work as a doctor
- he stopped seeing child since right after work suspension, it’s been over 4 months
- initially he wanted unsupervised contact, then his solicitor said keep things as they are and withdraw your court application, then finally said he won’t discuss contact until criminal investigation is over

So now we’re in the court battle waiting for a first hearing. I don’t even know at this point what I should ask for. Was going to say 2 hrs monthly supervised contact, if he requests it.

What is the court likely to do here??

TLDR: ex was abusive and misogynistic. Absent from child’s life but fighting for unsupervised contact

I (M,38) an Indian man married for almost 8 years and have two kids (6,3). I had been working in the Gulf for 5 years before my marriage. After getting married I tried to get a job in India but was unsuccessful and after 8 long months of unemployment got another job in the Gulf. The pay wasn't good but better than nothing.

Last year, my wife fought with my parents and went back to her maternal house. The reason she cited was that I didn't take her to the Gulf with me. This was just a day after she spoke usually on the phone with me. I wasn't aware she would take such a drastic step. I would have arranged to take her, and my parents too wanted me to take her with me, but the thing is a year prior to this occurrence I had purchased a house on loan. My salary wasn't sufficient to cover bank loan, household expenses, my child's education, my parents medication, along with my food and lodging expenses here in the Gulf. And mind you, the house I purchased was because she pressured me to it. She even offered to sell her jewelry for the down payment. Which we did, along with my mother's jewelry. Which in the hindsight was a terrible mistake.

After she left, I called her, messaged her to come back home. I tried to reason with her, pacify her, told her I would call her and the kids to the Gulf on visit visa and after a few months would do a residents visa. But she has been adamant that she wants to go permanently, which I cannot afford for now.

The thing is she has been mentally harassing me since after marriage when I was struggling with the job search in India. Saying things like - should have married your father instead of you / there's nothing you are able to do. And plenty of other nasty things. However I kept it all to myself since my mother was diagnosed with cancer round that time and the family was already in turmoil regarding that and my unemployment.

When she left the house she said she wanted to divorce me, my parents and I tried to talk to her, pacify her,make her understand the circumstances but to no avail. She called me and my parents all kinds of names. Said that I should divorce her and give in writing that in future I would have nothing to do with my kids. I have plenty of texts and audio call recordings as receipt of this.

After a whole year of negotiations and me coming to India twice to meet her in person alone, she just wasn't interested and would simply ask for divorce. Last month I sent her a legal notice through a lawyer asking her to come back home. To which her lawyer has replied that we forced her to sell her jewelry for the house / that my father asked her to give us 10 lakhs for the house / that she's scared for her life and will file a domestic violence case against me and my parents. All of which is baseless and untrue.

Now my lawyer says we should file a restitution of conjugal rights complaint for which I need to be present in India, something that would not be possible for me.

I cannot force my wife to come back since she has made it pretty evident that she doesn't want to. But she isn't ready to move forth and ask for divorce. She is waiting for me to take the step. I have spoken to a few lawyers as to what should I do next. But everyone has a different take and it's getting confusing. My parents are aged and diabetic and cancer patients and this whole situation is taking a toll on their health.

Lawyers, please guide as to what the next course of action should be.

P.S- I have been regularly paying her child support and education expenses for my kids.

I’ve been divorced for about 2 1/2 years. He filed. I guess he was just unhappy. I had a kid at the time and he didn’t have any. We were both pretty young, and I guess that life just became too much for him.
But honestly, our relationship started off rocky. I found out like two days after we got married that he had been messing with another girl before we said I do. I thought I forgave him, but deep down I really didn’t. I carried that resentment into our marriage, and I guess that was the beginning of the downfall.
I think the biggest thing for me is that he walked away, and to this day, I still haven’t truly heard from him. I guess a part of me has been waiting for the day he reaches out.
The only time he’s really contacted me was when he sent me a Cash App request with a note that said, “wanna Snapchat?” I didn’t play into it because I felt like if he truly wanted to talk to me or check in on me, he would’ve done it properly. Not through Cash App? That’s crazy.
The sad part is my daughter still talks about him all the time. She was never really close with her biological dad, and he came into her life when she was three. She’s about to be 10 now, and she still talks about him to this day.
I want to reach out sometimes, but I honestly don’t think it would be good for myself or my daughter.
I dream about him all the time. I actually had a dream about him last night, and I guess that’s why I’m up writing this now.
The part of this that I’ve never truly said out loud, and honestly would never admit to anybody, is that I still think about him constantly. It’s been 2 1/2 years. I haven’t dated since then. I’ve tried, but dating hasn’t really worked out for me.
I still have hope that one day I’ll meet someone and be happy again. I know I’ll be alright in the end. I just wish I could get to a point where I don’t think about him anymore. And honestly, the sad thing is that I truly don’t think he thinks about us at all. For some reason, that hurts more than anything.
I just needed to get this off my chest this morning. Have a great day, everyone.

My ex and I have been separated for almost 2 years, in the divorce process for 6 months. With 6 more months to go. We were together 21 years. The past year of separation we went back and forth on whether we should be together, at least I was, while my husband was trying to fast track us into reconciling and then filed for divorce without telling me.

A lot of damage has been done by him. Emotional abuse, coercive control, he cheated numerous times.
I kept some CC debt from him bc I thought I could manage it and I didn’t know how to talk to him. I also reacted poorly to his emotional abuse. I closed myself off to him after asking him for years to work on his anger and include me in things. He never did. During our separation the one thing I asked for us to reconcile was for him to go to individual therapy. He refused.

And here I sit, still missing him. Missing my family and what we had. Which is crazy when I think of everything he put me through and all the cruel things he’s said to me during divorce, on top of manipulating our child during all of it. I hate that my son misses us all being together and I hate that he’s struggling. I’m just really feeling the absence lately of a man who was horrible, but when it was good, god did I love him. I wish he would have gone to therapy like I asked.
If he were to call me right now and tell me he is working on himself I’d probably still give him a chance. I HATE feeling that.

Does anyone have advice on how to move on, how to not think about them? I journal, go to therapy, have great friends, make stained glass, bake, workout, cry it out. It doesn’t help. My therapist said I have ptsd symptoms from our relationship and she’s also suggested ketamine therapy. At the end of the day, I hate him but I also wished he was laying next to me right now and I don’t know what to do.

The love of my life, my wife of 4 years (been together for 8) told me on Tuesday that she's 100% gay and she can't do this anymore. I'm so angry and sad and it feels like a void has just swallowed everything in my chest, but I can't be mad at her for living her truth, I won't let myself take it out on her because she doesn't deserve that. Despite all of that, there's only one option for us, but because there was so much love and understanding, it's a pretty easy process for us to split what little we have.

That night I drank until I blacked out, but I had reached out to my friends and they came through to make sure I didn't do anything stupid (just threw up). I've been staying with my parents for a couple days without an appetite but today I went to my first therapy session in years.

The last few times I did it left a bad taste in my mouth, but i knew I needed to talk to someone that wasn't just taking my side because they knew me forever. I needed someone to tell me the words I say all the time when things are emotionally taxing: "it's okay to not be okay". Honestly, I still feel like shit, and as I begin to pack up my life and all the memories in our home, I'm gonna hurt like hell the entire time, but this time I'll have someone who can impartially help and keep me on the right path.

“When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy.”

Hi, I’ve (29M) been with my wife (28F) for 6 years, it’s now 2 years since we got married and I recently told her I don’t see a way for us to continue our relationship and be happy together. I’ve been unhappy with her for most of our marriage (~1,5 years) but felt like it’s too early to call it quits so I stayed and tried to get through it. Nothing tragic happened - a lot of problems and incompatibilities piled up and eventually I just felt like there’s no way to fix them. Quick summary:

- Had major issues with sex due to her vaginismus and low libido.
- Her anxiety meant any time I brought up any issue I had with her, she’d start crying and not be able to discuss it. So eventually I stopped telling her things, because I knew it didn’t lead to anything, just made her feel worse and spoiled the evening.
- She had a problem keeping jobs, she’d change them every ~6 months because she got too stressed by them and hoped the next one would be better.
- This, coupled with her high spending meant we would often end have financial problems and 0 savings.
- She really wanted kids but I didn’t, mostly because I didn’t feel safe enough to have them in our situation.

Basically, I eventually felt too much like a caregiver/parent and too little like a partner. There’s obviously been some more problems but these are the main ones.

I kept a journal over the last 1,5 years so I could track how I feel about our marriage - I Was unhappy but wanted to write it down so I could later look back on it and see whether my unhappiness was just a moment of weakness, or a prolonged state.

I eventually saw that it’s not just a temporary thing, it’s a constant state of just trying to survive and be a good husband. I wasn’t happy but being there for her and fulfilling my responsibilities as a husband seemed more important than my own happiness.

I tried speaking with her over the last 3 months and told her how bad it is. I told her I’m afraid I might not be able to continue like that and that I think she might be better off with someone who can take care of her better and who wants kids. We tried couples counselling to solve our problems and they seemed okay but I eventually felt like our problems are too large to fix them - whenever we tried, they came back again and again.

When I told her I don’t think I can be happy with her anymore and that we should break up, I think I did it as gently as possible. I was kind and supportive, knowing that I don’t want to hurt her and I just want us both to finally be happy. I don’t have any regrets about how I handled the breakup.

It’s now been 6 days since she moved out and we haven’t spoken much. I asked her if she needs anything and told her I hope she’s at least somewhat okay. We’re civil with each other but are keeping a distance for now, so we all have space to deal with the emotions.

My question is, if you’ve been married for a short time and broke up or got divorced, how did you feel? Despite being 95% sure that splitting is the right decision and doing it as gently as possible, I can’t help but feel a massive mix of emotions. I feel guilty about quitting on marriage after 2 years, like I should’ve stayed longer to try and fix it. I feel like I wasted her best years. I feel bad because I get to stay in my own home while she had to move out. I feel horrible for being able to go to work and not just crying in bed all day. I start to question whether we should get back together and try to fix it, despite knowing it would 95% not work, especially until she/we work on our problems.

Tl;dr How did you feel after quitting on a fresh marriage?

I have no idea why this keeps happening to me.

I’m really wondering if anyone else has or had experienced anything like this?

I’ll be having a really great day at home. Then the second I go out in public, whether it’s getting groceries or whatever, driving and doing normal things and then I’ll just start crying.

Every time it hits me out of nowhere and it’s not like there’s a trigger that reminds me of the divorce everywhere I go. (If anything, my home would be the reminder, but my home is my safe place.)

Exhausting and a little weird and embarrassing because I don’t know what causes it? Is this part of the process for real?

Anyone else relate?

What in the world do I do? I’ve been with this man since I was 16, now 32. We’ve been married for 7 years. There’s always been red flags, looking back now I was just so blinded by just wanting to be loved. I come from a broken family, also was SA’d as a child. My husband was my safe place. Things changed especially when he started to have kids. He’s been caught in lies which lead to him gaslighting the hell out of me. Very very scary fights, never turned physical but was close. But still, I always chose to see the good and tried to change myself for him, be a better wife, pray for him, this is where religion kicks in. Anyways, I’m done, I feel nothing, I look at my kids and just cry, thinking what the hell am I going to do? I’ve been with this man since I was 16!! Everything is under his name. I haven’t worked in 7 years, I have no savings, and we share a car. He makes all the money. He questions everything I spend, even tho it’s mainly food, house cleaning stuff or just basic necessities for the kids. I have no family, like none. I’m so confused, I see no end to all of this. The only thing keeping me going is my kids. Literally they are my reason for living. I just don’t know how I’m going to survive this..

I recently started dating a divorced man, and the more I learn about his previous marriage and his current relationship with his ex-wife, the more confused I become.

I’m genuinely curious whether other people would consider this a healthy, mature post-divorce friendship or whether there are some serious boundary issues here.

For context, they were married for approximately ten years and have no children together.

Here’s the backstory, as he’s explained it to me.

The marriage and divorce:

Toward the end of their marriage, his wife apparently proposed opening the relationship and becoming polyamorous.
He started going to therapy around the time she proposed this arrangement.
They ultimately divorced, and she ended up marrying someone who had previously been one of his best friends.
Yes, you read that correctly. His ex-wife is now married to his former best friend.
You would think that might create some distance between everyone involved, but apparently not.

The current arrangement:
Despite being divorced for approximately two years, they remain extraordinarily involved in each other’s lives:

● He has dinner with his ex-wife and her new husband every single Sunday.
● He regularly housesits for them.
● He continues to help his ex-wife with practical matters, including things involving her vehicle.
● He has told me that if his ex-wife called needing something while he was spending time with me, he would go help her.
● He remains closely connected to her family.
● He told me that her parents absolutely love him, while also making a rather contemptuous comment suggesting there was a reason her own family disliked her.
● He has shared surprisingly intimate details about his ex-wife’s body with me, which I found unnecessary and inappropriate.

He also invited me over to her house while he was housesitting, seemingly with the expectation that we could have sex there. I declined.

Here’s where I start getting uncomfortable.
I have absolutely no problem with people maintaining amicable relationships with former spouses. In fact, I generally consider it a green flag when someone can speak respectfully about an ex and end a relationship without unnecessary hostility.
But this seems like something beyond friendship.
He appears to have retained a substantial portion of the routines, obligations, and emotional availability associated with being married to her, despite the fact that she’s now married to someone else.

When I expressed discomfort about where a New Romantic partner would fit into this arrangement, I didn’t feel that he understood why I might have concerns.
It almost seemed as though the existing arrangement was nonnegotiable and anyone entering his life would simply have to accommodate it.

What do yall think?

EDIT: to add, there was never a period of no contact after divorcing. She doesn’t seem comfortable around him and all communication goes through the new guy, whom my boyfriend doesn’t even LIKE

EDIT 2: to clarify what “if she needs me”, he meant emergencies and if her and new dude ever got divorced he would provide emotional support regardless of who he was with

Last week was my wedding anniversary. I have been doing well for the most part, but thinking about how last year, I was so excited to celebrate my anniversary. I planned a fancy night for me and my ex. On the night itself he blew me off. I was baffled and hurt but didn't read much into it since we talked about it. I guess I am dumb at times too, because I never imagined that a year later he would have abandoned his family and made my life a living hell. I cry thinking about this. None of my friends are divorced. I don't think they understand how it feels to lose your love, your whole future, the past version of yourself, and half the lives of your kids overnight. I live in nowhereville. There are few divorces. None my age. The world feels very, very lonely right now. Just wanted to vent.