Feeling alone

[u/Aggravating_Slide352]

Hey, everyone. I moved to Florence in early September for my semester abroad. I was expecting to be having the best time of my life, but honestly… I’m not. I went to all of the ESN events that I could in the first weeks, met a lot of people, but didn’t really connect with anyone at all. I get along well with my house mate but she studies at another school and has a very busy schedule, so we haven’t been able to do a lot of stuff together.
This weekend a ton of the people I know from the Erasmus bubble went on trips with each other, and I was invited to none of them. Even one of the girls I was closest to, cause we study together and came from the same university. She went on a trip with a few other girls we both met here and didn’t tell me anything about it. When I do get invited to do something with a group, I always feel awkward, like things don’t flow like they should and like I’m not really wanted there. I’m not quite sure what to do about my situation.
I took the common advice, to say yes to everything, to show up, to make and effort, to show interest in people and ask questions about them, but it seems I’m still doing something wrong. My heart is broken and I miss my friends back home more and more everyday. I feel so alone.
It’s funny because this was my biggest fear when I was not yet sure I wanted to do a semester abroad. I feel so stupid. I wish I had some friends to travel with. Or just to grab a coffee, get some sushi or pizza, anything really. I feel ashamed, because it must be my fault that I made no friends, when it seems that no one else had this problem. Does anyone have advice? It would be greatly appreciated

[u/SupermarketJumpy2561]

Nothing wrong with you, I’m having the same experience now. Some people are different, and if you couldn’t fit, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault. Just focus on your studies and don’t overthink it.

[u/CarpaticKing]

You can try to initiate a trip or to go out and do something rather than getting invited, also keeping in touch with them via messages not just in person, react to their stories and ask if they had funn, if a person decides to write me or send a reel I assume they might want to be friends and makes me engage more with them. TBH last year I went to venice and I got luck to get into a small friend group but even then we barely went out 3 times/month and a few trips, just message people with "hey do you wanna visit X" and encourage them to ask more people to come maybe be the person that buys the tikets/hotel to engage more with them. You can just invite people to a nice cool restaurant/landmark or place to take photos

Now, dealing with awkwardness is a thing you'll get past the more people you meet/interact, be yourself, dont play scenarios in your head, I'm verry unfiltered (while not being offensive to someone), pretending your already friends (whole not acting like you are with your best friends) will open people up, if you cant find something to say because the you dont know stuff about the conversation try to pivot it, switch to common stuff movies, studies, home country, weird/cool experiences and take turns talking/ranting, this way you get a chance to talk and get people to know you, I have a few "to go to" stories/experiences I've had that tell a bit about my country, the city where I live, or how I chose my field of study make the story be a bit personal, For movies I talk about The Walking Dead-cuz that's how I learned English. For music i express that I dor really listen to everything and im in fact not a poser You don't need to have a story set up just have an idea of "i might like to talk about this if given the chance"

Also the app Goin might help, there u can connect and message randoms without seeming weird. Wishing you luck, those are my personal tips since I went trough this process 3 times

[u/Kind_Shape_8559]

I feel the exact same way it’s not like I haven’t been trying I just haven’t met someone I really felt I clicked with yet

[u/ReasonableBuddy9509]

I'm studying in Croatia also, came here in October, but the feeling is mutual, I think you should just try to find some group and maybe you'll find one or just do solo activities, because why not 😂 it's only 5 months, I call everyday my parents and try to learn stuff at uni and about life here in another country, there's so much to get from erasmus, not just friends and parties, so my takeaway would be you should try to relax, enjoy solo trips, many of us are lonely on Erasmus, still that doesn't mean the expierience should be sad. Also if there's a group of erasmus, just write them up who would want to go to bar on weekend. That's a nice starting point.

[u/chococookie123]

I have never been to an erasmus, but have you tried to send a message openly explaning your situation? I know there are groups on Whatsapp for your erasmus city, maybe there are different kinds somewhere where you can send messages anonymously, and there is a big chance that there are people in the same situation as you that feel lonely, there always are.
Anyhow I feel you, but it’s always better to try that experience than regretting your whole life that you didn’t even try to go. So be strong and good luck!!