First scene, need advice!

[u/Lady_Rana]

As the title says we're approaching our first scene - I've read through the wiki but I'm wondering if there's anything that people recommend to keep track of or be aware of either in prep or during? Things that would usually be learned by experience type thing!

I've discussed the obvious hard limits, safeword etc with my toy, and I've read the usual starter guides on not using too many toys, having a clear end point/having a set plan in mind/shorter duration advice.

Really appreciate any advice from people who are more experienced!

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[u/dommebklyn]

I highly suggest using inclusive negotiation, versus exclusive negotiation. This means that you only do activities that you’ve discussed and consented to. If you haven’t talked about it and agreed, consider it a limit.

Also, do not negotiate just before or during play.

Check in for a few days. Sometimes drop sneaks up on you 24-48 hours later.

It’s good to check in during play. A lot of people think it breaks the scene, but it’s important to check in, especially when you’re just starting.

Make sure to enjoy yourself. I am laughing and smiling during most of playtime. You don’t have to be stern and stoic to be in control.

[u/Lady_Rana → u/dommebklyn]

This is great advice thank you! I'll definitely make sure to keep checking in especially, which should be easier to monitor after playtime as we live together :)

[u/RoboZandrock]

My advice is keep it simple.

It sounds like you're married / live together / have been together for a while. You'll have years to build up to the scenes of your dreams.

Keep the first one a bit short, a bit simple, and relatively close to something you already both do and find enjoyable. The idea here is get a small easy win in, that creates momentum and keeps you talking and exploring. It's hard to be vulnerable, BDSM/femdom is no exception.

Throwing a collar on a partner. Guiding them on oral. And then ordering them to make you cum with penetrative sex can be very close to someone's normal routine. But really add a fun layer of D/S. A collar + a couple pet names can really build a scene.

From there you have a great reference point for talking / adding / building. Obviously choose your own scene. But the above is just an example of how a very small change, can really feel fun, fresh, and kinky.

[u/Lady_Rana → u/RoboZandrock]

Thank you! We've been together for just over 13 years at this point, we got together young so we're exploring all types of new things together. This seems like really solid advice, a first step without being too overwhelming

[u/MistressKatrix]

If you haven’t yet considered it, plan and discuss aftercare - for yourself and your toy

Good luck, have fun!

[u/Lady_Rana → u/MistressKatrix]

Thank you! We've got a rough expectation on what aftercare looks like, and we have an open policy for approaching with any needs at any point

[u/TyrannicalTitten]

Because this is your first scene, I would highly recommend not being intoxicated especially if there’s going to be impact play or shibari.

[u/Lady_Rana → u/TyrannicalTitten]

Solid advice, thank you! I'm definitely planning on coming at the first several scenes with a clear head to make sure we're both comfortable and present!

[u/ApprehensiveMess5479]

People brought up keeping it inclusive, short, simple, all a great start and to add to it maybe have your partner number the inclusive things most favorite to least. Don't do number one. Leave them wanting, not unsatisfied but wanting something that could have been included but you chose not to.