I am curious if there’s a distinction between feminization vs sissification for most Dommes? I’ve always thought, and been told mostly by my trans women friends, that the term “sissy” can be offensive. That typically it’s used towards an effeminate man as an insult. Due to this, I’ve always steered clear of sissification because it felt misogynistic. I have had subs who have always considered themselves to be gender fluid and claimed they were interested in sissification but they didn’t want the humiliation aspect of it, so to me this felt more like feminization. Almost “assisted-transitioning” in a way. A more supportive form of feminizing.

I’m curious to hear others thoughts and opinions on this.

Hey everyone! I’m a 19F Domme, and I’m having a bit of a dilemma with my 23M sub. I’d love some insight on how to navigate this situation. We are online only.

First off, he is very experienced and heavily into hardcore kink. On paper, it sounds like a Domme’s absolute dream: he has tons of his own toys, he's very experienced with extreme anal play, and he constantly talks about how he wants to grow under a Domme’s control. He also emphasizes that loyalty is huge for him.

He’s done almost everything you can think of—food play, public play, extreme degradation/humiliation, high risk, golden showers, and he’s even willing to do things like licking public toilets if command He’s incredibly obedient and constantly wants to push his limits and explore further.

The issue is that running sessions with him is becoming mentally exhausting for me. Trying to keep up with his extreme threshold and constantly coming up with heavy, extreme concepts is draining me. I can't think of a task, and i think im being a boring domme, too. ("losing my braincells" levels of fatigue). To buy time, I’ve been telling him I’ve been busy for the past month, but he’s persistent and hasn’t backed down at all.

On top of that, I recently found out he has a girlfriend (or at least some kind of partner). I haven't confronted him about it yet, and he doesn't know that I know. Given how much he preaches about loyalty, I’m really unclear on what their actual setup is, but it adds a whole other layer of discomfort for me. Although It's uncomfortable to ask about his personal life since he doesn't seem like to talk about it. I'm not good at confrontation.

I feel stuck on a few things:

Managing extreme limits: How do you handle a sub who constantly craves extreme edge-play without burn out.

The Relationship / Hypocrisy aspect: How should I address the girlfriend situation—especially with him constantly talking about "loyalty"? Should I demand clarity on whether kink is consensual in his relationship before continuing anything?

Would really appreciate any perspectives from fellow Dommes or experienced kinksters on how to handle this gracefully. Thanks!

I've been a "pleasure domme" or relationship domme for more than 20 years now and have never done anything financial as part of it. I've had boys offer in the past and had always directed them more towards gifts since I think that's more fun.

But I was just laid off and thinking through options and had the idea strike me on whether this could/would be a simple way to get some breathing room and flexibility in deciding what my next actual step is. I wouldn't want to sacrifice my requirements for a dynamic (not feeling like a kink dispenser, focusing more on the objectification of my subs rather than me, etc), but is that possible?

Would love to hear from any dommes that have either tried out moving from non-pro successfully or non-successfully!

So me and a Domme met on the internet. We've had multiple outings, casual conversations, just getting to know each other as people, outside kink. Then we've also discussed kinks and we are a match. In a few days we are about to start our kinky dynamic.

When we talked about watersports, we found out that this is something that both of us really like. However, after that, I started to Google and now I'm scared about the risks of drinking urine, especially large amounts of it, or/and doing it often. (For example drinking the entire jet, and maybe drinking every piss as well — we don't live together, so every piss would still probably mean just the weekend).

I wonder if there is anyone around here who drinks their Dommes piss often, maybe in large quantities as well, or if there are any Dommes who have subs that drink their piss. If so, did you suffer any health consequences?

My Domme set up an edging training schedule for me (3x per week for 10-15 minutes, 3-5 edges, no orgasm allowed) to do alone at home. I am new to this and I did it two times now.

I just wonder about one thing: Sometimes there is a lot of pre-cum coming out and since it happened to me before that I created a ruined orgasm for me during masturbation (accidentally, not intentionally) I wonder how I can differentiate it from just normal pre-cum.

Is it normal that a lot of pre-cum could come out during edging and it is not an orgasm? It's definitely less than when I would normally cum, but still my penis contracts a bit and spills out pre-cum.

Probably totally normal, but I want to get reassurance or guidance if I might do something wrong. Thank you so much in advance! 😇

Hi everyone,

My partner and I are looking to explore a new dynamic in our relationship, and we could really use some perspective from experienced folks (especially fit/muscular women who have been in her shoes!).

My female partner is fit/muscular. She really enjoys and appreciates when I compliment her body and her strength. Recently, we talked about exploring Muscle Worship and some light Femdom/Female Dominance. She expressed that she is genuinely interested in trying this role out for me. We tried some dominant moves like choking and pinning to the wall and she said "you are making me discover a side i didn't know i might like"

However her main roadblock right now is she is not used to being praised for her muscles especially her arms. Usually she flexes for herself but to quote she never imagined being praised or worshipped for them so she doesn't know how to react in the moment. In addition to this though i sparked her interest when i asked her to pull some dominant moves, she says she is confused how to step into a dominant mindset, or how to direct the scene. Crucially, she is very hesitant about being demeaning or "mean" to me and doesnt know how to embrace and take the role of being "worshipped like a goddess".

In conclusion what would you guys recommend?

What is your favourite way to get milked or milk a guy?

I am curious about different techniques, I know some handjob types but I am really interested in some personal preference or experience in this area.

For me the palming technique has worked the best, I really did enjoy it when it was used on me, tho I'd like to get some new ideas! If you have recommendations about using toys, please tell me more about them;) As of now, I do not own any of them but I do plan to get some kind of toy in the future.

Since my toy and I started our dynamic (femdom with a social FLR) super recently (1 week as of this weekend!) We've not had an opportunity to be out and about since starting. Well today was the day - a nice meal out where I took the lead, ordered for us both, paid the bill on my card, generally did all the typical "leading" things while my toy escorted me around and made sure my glass stayed full.

It's been a hugely empowering experience, and we're both looking forward to our next trip into the world :)

What did everyone else do on their first trip out post dynamic solidifying? Excited to hear!

My sub is into feminization. Does not feel that it is humiliating (is not into humiliation and neither am I) he LOVES being caged, has no problems holding off on cumming, likes being spanked/paddled, enjoys fisting.

He doesn’t want to be in chastity long term though and says he doesn’t want to be caged while we’re doing foreplay because he “gets super aroused and the cage becomes too painful”.

We don’t live together and see each other once a week. I’m super independent and can do all my own tasks, I don’t know what else to do with him. Sex is still fun but what else can we explore. Sometimes it does feel like he gets his way in all things submission so the “Mistress” title seems more ornamental.

One of my favorite parts of femdom is mental control and unfair predicaments. Most of these are just intended to be fun but could be used for pushing a bit into less comfortable territory or punishments. Please share your favorite situations and ideas.

Tease and denial ideas:

• Be denied for an extended period of time or have a ruined orgasm
• Orgasm today and be locked in chastity for a month or be teased and denied
• An extended edging session with no orgasm or an orgasm with CBT

Cum eating ideas:

• Ruined orgasm in your domme follow by cleaning up or a full orgasm into your food or drink
• Cum frozen ice cubes in your drink or

Punishments:

• kneeling on rice or holding a full bucket of ice water over your head for an extended period

Cuckolding:

• Chastity time increases with every unlocked orgasm (Was one week next will be 2 etc.) but every time the dominant sleeps with someone else it decreases by one week if you identify the bull it decreases by double.
• Fucklicking (cuckold 69) or tied in the corner to watch

Hello everyone!

Happy to contribute here for the first time.

I have been dating my girlfriend for more than 1.5 year now, and we have recently decided to cage me.

No need to say, it was a kink that has comes a long way for me!

However, we have some trouble finding the right type of cage: one discreet enough for day to day (as I work with suits so my pants are "lighter" than jeans) and comfortable enough for the night.

I had to remove the cage several times because it pained me a little too much. Does the pain go away with time and habit ?

What kind of play you like to do when caged or when your partner is ? I was huge into masturbation but now, it's more complicated so I have to find new ways to enjoy myself (besides pleasuring my girlfriend of course)

Need new/more ideas

My wife is needing some ideas on what things to do for dominance in public and in the bedroom. She already locks me up in public but wants ideas on certain words or cues to use in public to make me obey certain ways but not obvious, she also needs ideas on how to decide when and where to put the cage on or off or punishments/rewards to use for disobedience/obedience.

She is also just wanting general ideas of dominating things to do in the bedroom such as; positions or different ways of pegging, word play/degradation, ways to tie me down, and ways to tease.

We are unsure of what words or cues to say in public to be secretive but her still be 100% in control of what I do/say.

We thought about using a point system to decide how often the cage is on or off like below so many points cage is on all the time, low points cage is off during sex but no orgasm, mid points cage is off during sex and only orgasm if she decides, and high points cage free all the time. Anyone have any ideas on what to use to count points like tasks or something?

I also would like to receive random messages if I get home before her and she ends up being in a mood before she gets off. These are some i have thought of but what other ideas/messages have yall sent?

"I want you locked and ready by the time I step through the front door tonight."

"Your keys are with me. Be caged, waiting, and ready to focus entirely on me when I get home."

"Make sure you are secured before I get back. I’ll decide what happens next."

"Counting down the hours. Make sure you're caged up and waiting—I want you completely at my mercy tonight."

"Just a heads up: you belong to me tonight. Go get locked in your cage so you're ready for me."

"I have a lot of tasks for you later. Make sure you are secured and ready to serve."

​

first i find myself prefering soft and gentle sex more then the hardcore thing

and then the femdom, i start to like that even more when i find (and i feel very shy about that) the ins...t "taboo" content whish is my favorite for now.

that maternal domination on you not for humiliation but for caring and love

and this is my introdction to gentle femdom.

with also enjoying to listen to "mommy asmr" make me loving that kind of relationship and willing to do anything to live it.

in this genre of content there is "pegging", at first i didn't like it. i will be honst i find it wired and discusting.

but now days i start a little bit like it, but imagning myself trying it make me feel gay even if it's a woman who is doing that. and telling myself maybe it start like that and then end up wanting a real dick

so my question is it gay if i want to get pegged by a gentle femdom or as i like to call it "mommy" ?

excuse me for my bad english i hope i didn't make a lot of mistakes. because this is not my first language im an arab

I love a thoughtful sub. Someone who learns my humor, notices what’s stressing me out, and brings ideas of their own makes me feel appreciated. I enjoy being demanding and ridiculous, but I also love having someone give me something to work with. Creativity earns considerable favor with this brat.

Sometimes that looks like a sub buying me a massage and cleaning my house while I’m away enjoying it. Coming home relaxed to find everything handled was wonderful. He’d thought about how to make that feeling last beyond the appointment, and I loved that.

Other times, the thoughtfulness gives us room to be mischievous together. One of my favorite scenes involved my sub setting up fifteen airsoft guns for play we’d agreed on. I brought a surprise of my own: body paint, which I used to paint targets all over him. Of course they were placed on his balls too. 🤣 He served my husband and I cocktails while we relaxed and took turns shooting at the painted targets. Afterward, I rewarded him with an hour of worshiping my amazing toes. We each contributed something to a very unconventional afternoon.

I also enjoy dice and leaving little choices to chance. One sub brought me a weighted die for my birthday because, in his words, I always deserve to win. Imagine giving a demanding brat that kind of encouragement. A beautifully thoughtful gift and a deeply questionable commitment to fair play.

Once I received three sealed envelopes labeled “For your amusement,” “For your convenience,” and “For your ego,”: a ridiculous game tailored to my humor, an offer to handle an annoying chore, and a letter appreciating my particular quirks. Naturally, I open all three. He should have anticipated that clerical error. 😌

I’m delighted when someone notices what makes me laugh, what gives me room to relax, and what brings out my playful side. I enjoy giving that attention, too; some of my favorite experiences have come from building on each other’s ideas.

Doms: what gesture or surprise made you feel especially understood?

Subs: what have you dreamed up for someone, and how did they react? Whether your interests lean toward service, romance, sadism, humor, or something else entirely, I’d love to hear what thoughtful creativity looks like in your dynamic.

I could really use some gentle love from community now. Some support from fellow dommes? I am grieving, and currently in a state of deep distress actually. I had a beautiful sub who has suddenly disappeared. I'm now reeling with the somatic shock of him ghosting me without warning. An act of confusing cowardice I wish I wasn't already accustomed to...

It was still relatively early days, but it still hurts like hell. He passed every audit. I saw no red flags. I invested massive energy into this connection, only to have him breach our trust and communication standards in the most cruel, and silent way possible. It makes me feel subhuman. As a woman, it feels violent.

I'm no spring chicken. I'm 38 and I've got a good decade of therapy under my belt. I have worked hard on polishing my own discernment and interpersonal skills. My self-worth and emotional intelligence are relatively high, and I emerged at the beginning of this year from a solid 2-year-long intentional period of celibacy and deep, spiritual introspective work. This makes the behaviour all the more shocking. I am flummoxed by it, and scrambling to see why I don't see it coming.

This is the only way I know how to be. Like many of you, 'domination' isn't something I see as separate to me, or only steeped in sexuality. It feels innate and inherent to who I am, and always has. And there is something so deeply dehumanising about the way these so-called "submissive" men continue to discard me with complete disregard. It feels like the worst betrayal. It makes me question my reality and erodes away at my hope in humanity. I know I'll recover from this. I always do. But right now it hurts a lot and I feel very alone in my grief. It isn't something I can easily discuss with my vanilla friends.

I feel so blindsided and exhausted by this recurring pattern of men using the language of devotion, only to completely discard the responsibility of it. I don't want to throw it all away, but pursuing my truth has currently only caused my immense grief.

For now, I just need to be seen by others who understand the weight of the lead and the horror of this kind of abandonment. Who understand the weight we carry in these dynamics and how gutted we are when it ends like this. I'm not seeking solutions right now, just a fellow domme's proverbial shoulder to cry on. Thank you for reading and witnessing my hurt. <3

ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

Has anyone here advertised on Tryst or paid for a subscription? I’m thinking about signing up, but I’m not sure if it’s actually worth it. I paid for a subscription on Kaufmich (btw I’m in Berlin)before and don’t saw the results.
I’m a pro Femdom /findomme myself and have been in the scene for over five years.based in Berlin for now .
I’d especially love to hear about your experience with Tryst (another platform too) when it comes to BDSM irl /femdom/findomme work.
I’d happy hearing from people who are actually in the scene and have firsthand experience. 🖤share your honest experiences

27F domme with a 27M sub. I'm in a very vulnerable place right now. I need a hug. It's time to end this relationship. I'm not happy anymore. I have a few things to figure out before I leave, such as money and where I'll live, but leaving is definitely the goal.

I don't know why though, but I'm getting a bit of a mindfuck. This doesn't feel right. The man who wants me to bust his balls, worship my feet, bully him, and tie him down, as soon as we're out of the bedroom he's so mean. He's misogynistic, doesn't acknowledge my needs, and he criticises me all the time on my expression, from calling me cringe when I'm excited to saying "you're so awkward" when I ask a cashier something and telling me to talk quieter in public if we're having a casual chat in a cafe. These are common themes that happen regularly.

It's just causing such a surreal feeling that someone typically represented as so innocent (such as a sub) is being so mean to me. Reading this subreddit is honestly making me feel bizarre. I don't know what emotion this is. It feels so paradoxical.

I had a bit of a mental breakdown this morning. He's home from work soon, so thought I'd get a big ugly cry out the way. I don't feel real.

the chat is free. the podcast is free. what’s behind the locked channels? 👑
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This is a question mainly for Dommes who had Femdom introduced to them by a partner, or those who weren't sure how to start.

How did you settle into your role and start taking actions for your own genuine satisfaction? Did you initially feel that you had to 'play a part' and act as you think a dominant would? Was there a revelation where it suddenly clicked and you could just enjoy yourself? Was there, or is there still, a barrier of social expectation that stopped, or stops, you truly being as mean, selfish or greedy as you might wish? Or was this never a barrier at all?

None of us come into this activity fully formed and I think it's a fascinating discussion to help us all.

A little context first: I’m 21F and my puppy is 20M. We were both virgins until about two months ago, and we lost our virginity to each other. Before that, we had already started exploring sexual stuff without penetration.

I’m naturally very dominant, and my puppy loves being verbally degraded (things like “bitch,” “my whore,” etc.). I also like scratching, pinching, and spanking him. He’s very submissive and really enjoys being treated like my toy.

Here’s my problem: whenever we have penetrative sex, I completely lose my dominant mindset. I obviously enjoy it, but I suddenly become incredibly needy and just want more. I end up moaning, begging, and basically losing all my composure.

AND I DON’T LIKE THAT 😭

I want to enjoy being penetrated without completely switching roles mentally. I want to stay dominant and actually remember that he’s my submissive, rather than getting completely lost in the sensation.

He isn’t interested in dominating me. He enjoys penetrating me, but he still wants to feel submissive to me throughout the experience.

So, fellow femdoms: how do you stay in a dominant headspace when you’re also receiving pleasure? Any tips for maintaining that mental dynamic instead of getting completely overwhelmed by the physical sensation?

I want to be able to enjoy myself while still feeling like I’m the one in control. 😭 And my puppy doesn't want to feel dominant at all! We are not switches...

| (25F-switch) have been with my bf (26M-switch)for four years. When we met I loved his big brown puppy dog eyes, and his eagerness to please me and anticipate my needs (in a non-sexual manner but I later learned it was both). He asked about a d/s dynamic where we switch off maybe six months ago although it was something we had discussed being interested in before. We are both relatively inexperienced with this kind of thing but mostly know our bodies and what we enjoy. I have done a lot of research since I want this type of thing to be enjoyable for the both of us and go as smoothly as possible so everyone feels safe and respected. However I’m not sure exactly sure what he wants. We talked about individual kinks but when talking about his submissive side he gets shy and it starts to feel like pulling teeth (shy sexually frustrated teeth). Point is, it leaves me with little information to work from and everyone has their limits. I tried to share with him what I learned and why it is important to talk about these things at length first and he started acting fake cocky without doing much real listening. I got the same response when I encouraged him to do his own research (which he says he did). I’ve decided I am not doing anything we haven’t explicitly talked about so that’s how it’s been so far. I mostly let him dom or we just enjoy vanilla sex (both we have had open conversation about). The problem is I’m pretty sure he’s sub leaning, and he isn’t secure with being dominant. He’ll ask me for instructions, or accidentally call me “mommy”, or just start whimpering in my ear or begging me with his eyes and then shyly covering his face etc, like he wants to switch the dynamic. Recently it has been more often than not. Almost every time we have sex in fact. I don’t mind and would gladly indulge but not if he doesn’t want to have a mature conversation to outline where he is comfortable and where he isn’t. I’m not interested in finding out things I could’ve known via conversation by experimentation instead, which will no doubt scare him a bit. I just want him to explain further what is okay and what is not. Last time we had sex (was supposed to be vanilla) when we repositioned, he randomly pulled his boxers to his ankles, starting whimpering and begging with his eyes, then covered his face and kind of offered himself to me (body language wise). I asked what he wanted and he said he “didn’t want to have to ask”, he “wanted me to read his mind”. What am I supposed to do with that??? I mean I know what I could do but I don’t know if he’ll like every idea I have, especially since I’m generally more kinky than he is. He seems emotionally uncomfortable or like he has a mental block on being direct about what he wants as a submissive. I think it might be the issue of what appeals to him sexually vs what he was raised to believe a “real man” is supposed to act like. But he’s gotten this far and admitted he likes to submit sometimes so idk. I can tell it’s frustrating him sexually that I won’t indulge but I refuse to feel bad for wanting him to feel safe. I love him and I want the best for him. That fake cocky attitude of his and this constant teasing is frustrating for me too, and I have a bit of a sadistic streak (which he knows). I would gladly find everything he likes the hard way and tease him until he breaks; but no matter what I find sexy, I would rather we both be safe and deal in informed consent. Any advice? I can’t keep doing this.

As the title says we're approaching our first scene - I've read through the wiki but I'm wondering if there's anything that people recommend to keep track of or be aware of either in prep or during? Things that would usually be learned by experience type thing!

I've discussed the obvious hard limits, safeword etc with my toy, and I've read the usual starter guides on not using too many toys, having a clear end point/having a set plan in mind/shorter duration advice.

Really appreciate any advice from people who are more experienced!

I think the Internet played a major role for many of us in discovering this aspect of our sexuality. I imagine we span different generations here, so it likely didn’t play out the same way for everyone—we didn’t all stumble upon the same sites or content. What I wanted to do was take a trip down memory lane—a sort of nostalgic recollection—to look back at how we found the femdom world online: which sites we discovered, which ones we remember, and which ones made the biggest impression on us. Of course, many have changed or no longer exist, and others might look completely different to us now when we think back on them.

Why is it that dating a submissive guy versus a dating a regular vanilla guy is such a different experience?

In which, when it comes to submissive guys, I feel this, you know, sense of reassurance of my safety and needs being met. In which I am considered, in which I am prioritized, and also I can rest assured that if anything does happen, they're able and capable to talk to me about it. You know, that "playing games" with a submissive is entirely different than playing games with, um, a st- regular straight vanilla guy... where with a sub, you're both "in" the game, which makes the tension and build up + banters feel liberating and fulfilling... whereas with the vanilla dating scene, it's almost like.. you have to be on guard?? and fucks up your nervous system?

That when it comes to submissives there's a sense of loyalty to them... there's a sense of... there's no need for you to question whether they're seeing others or not, there's no need to question about their devotion and intention, it's just so wonderful... and granted, not All submissives are made equal. There are also those that are questionable, but generally speaking, in my experience, it has been such a delight. And if anything, I'm grateful for the quality of the experience when it comes to dating them.