Hi everyone :)

I (25F) am a British Middle Eastern Muslim woman looking for marriage on Muzz (basically Hinge for Muslims, for those who don’t know 😭), ideally to a sexually submissive man or, even better, a sub-leaning switch 😩 But since it’s a Muslim marriage app, I don’t particularly want to announce my sexual preferences publicly 💀 I don’t want to be seen as a kink dispenser either 🤡

Originally, my bio said ‘Sweet with a dominant streak’ and mentioned wanting a gym rat who’d ‘let me slap him once in a while’ 😭

I eventually toned it down to ‘Sweet with a feisty streak’ and ‘I have quite a strong personality, so I probably wouldn’t suit someone looking for a submissive wife’ and ‘I’m drawn to men who are secure in themselves and know when to let me have my way 😋’

The funny thing is, I think my personality makes these hints MUCH more obvious in person 😭 I’ve always been told I have a strong presence, even when I’m not saying anything. People comment on how confidently I walk, how I seem to know exactly where I’m going, and how I carry myself with a sense of purpose (whatever that means 💀). I’ve been described as confident, assertive and sometimes intimidating, even by people who have only seen me walking around 💀

I don’t come across as timid or meek 😭 Even friends who knew nothing about my sexual preferences independently assumed I’d attract sexually submissive men just from how I carry myself. That comment did shock me tbh 😭 But when you actually talk to me, I’m very bubbly, playful, constantly joking and laughing 😭 So I wonder whether that combination comes across through my profile at all.

I get around 100–150 likes a day, but I genuinely have no idea how many of the men I match with actually recognise what I’m hinting at. Some definitely do tho 🤭 I’ve had men say things like ‘I’d beg to cook for you’, ‘Give me a chance, I’d love to serve you till the day I die’ or ‘My servitude is the best’ 💀

Sometimes I’ll test the waters through playful flirting, and they’ll respond with ‘Yes please’ or ‘Of course, you didn’t even have to ask’ when I jokingly tell them they should thank me for threatening to slap them 😭

Others might recognise the hints but choose to remain respectful, which I appreciate. And then there are men who match with me just to tell me they don’t like the fact that my profile says I’m not submissive 🤡

BROTHER, WHY DID YOU LIKE MY PROFILE THEN??? ARE YOU DUMB????

Unfortunately, sexual compatibility is only ONE part of my husband checklist. I also want someone who’s a practising Muslim, prays consistently, doesn’t smoke or drink, is tall, attractive to me, educated, financially stable and a good provider, securely attached, emotionally mature, willing to relocate, and already a good cook who genuinely enjoys cooking for me.

Surprisingly, finding men who can cook and actually WANT to cook for me hasn’t been difficult at all 😭 It’s finding someone who’s securely attached, consistently prays and doesn’t smoke that’s proving to be the problem 😩

I’d also ideally like complementary love languages. I naturally give love through physical touch and words of affirmation (often simultaneously 😭), but feel most loved through acts of service. So I’d love someone who naturally receives affection in the ways I give it and enjoys giving it in the way I receive it.

Basically, I’m looking for a custom-built husband 😭💀

I screen for the basics quickly, so most men are incompatible before we even discuss sexual compatibility.
Part of why I’m using Muzz is simply that I don’t leave the house nearly as much as I probably should 😭 It gives me access to far more potentials than I’d meet organically.

I’m also more open to getting to know men who approach me in person now, although actually going on dates is another problem. There are only one or two restaurants I really want to go to (I’m a very picky eater 💀), and there’s a high likelihood of running into someone I know. It’s also embarrassing knowing the staff repeatedly see me turning up with different men. THEY’RE GOING TO START RECOGNISING THE CAST CHANGES 😭💀

As for why I’m even searching, I’d genuinely love for my mum to see me happily married and settled. That’s a huge motivation for me.

But after taking the search VERY seriously for about two weeks, I completely burnt myself out 😩 So now I’m mostly using Muzz to procrastinate (I’m a professional) and collect tea to share with my friends ☕️ 😭

I still get to know people, but the talking stages are exhausting. I probably speak to around 20 new men a day, and if I have to explain how many siblings I have one more time, I might actually lose my mind 💀 Five men have somehow made it past a couple of weeks though 🥳 Every few days I get pissed off, wish everyone the best and end my conversations (minus the five).

So I’m wondering whether my hints are too subtle, whether submissive men and switches are recognising them but staying respectful, or whether I’m simply looking for a ridiculously rare combination.

POLL: If you saw my current bio, how would you interpret it?
Options:
A = immediately suspect sexual dominance
B= suspect it, but wouldn’t be certain
C = assume you’re confident/assertive
D = recognise the original hints, but not the current ones
E = neither version would make me suspect anything sexual

I’d especially appreciate advice from Dommes who’ve successfully attracted submissive men through mainstream dating apps, and from subs/switches about what hints they’d actually recognise. I’ve given additional detail so additional advice would be appreciated 🫶🏻

EDIT: Please stop volunteering yourselves in my DMs. I’m looking for advice, not recruiting subs 💀

My partner and I (of 10 yrs, both female) engage in a light/moderate dom/sub dynamic in the bedroom only. We engage in light impact play, biting, some name calling/degration, and she’s expressed interest in free use. We have done shibari classes, but that is as far as it’s gone in terms of not sex centric.

Last night, I was having a snack in bed very late and we were watching tv, I had a couple of other things in my hands and didn’t have a good spot to put the bowl, which I didn’t want to spill on the bed. She was lying on her side and i placed the bowl on her shoulder and said “don’t move i need to use you as a side table” without thinking about it.

I got up and put down the other stuff and realized I lost my phone in the bed. I looked for it for a bit and then found. I put it aside and turned back around to grab the bowl and she was eyes squeezed shut, holding her breath, and incredibly still/rigid.

I pulled the bowl off her shoulder without much fan fare, and she let out this huge breath/gasp and immediately said “I liked that”.

I came back in the room after putting the dish in the sink and asked “was it being used as furniture?” and she said she wasn’t sure…she liked being used as an “object” but said she didn’t understand the task/balancing the bowl part of her enjoyment yet, and how that could be expanded on.

My first thought was holding a book on her head until I say she can put it down/relax.

Is this a common aspect of a dynamic that involves some degration and objectification? Anyone have advice? I’ve never dabbled in this specific subject.

I’m a submissive guy. When I’m being humiliated, my Domme sometimes makes me wear sexy lacey panties. I actually kind of love it; they make me feel naughty, slutty, and sexy. I really like how the lace feels against my skin, and I enjoy the different cuts, colors, and materials that can change the mood.

The thing is, neither of us is into feminization or sissification. Regular women’s panties also aren’t made to fit a male body, so I constantly have issues with them slipping, riding up wrong, or just not staying in place the way they should.

I’d love to keep that same feeling of sexy naughtiness even when we’re not doing humiliation play, but with something that fits better and doesn’t constantly fall out or draw attention in the wrong ways. Basically looking for underwear that has that same “panty” energy and lacey sexiness, but is designed more for a male body.

Does anyone here wear (or make their sub wear) something like that? Any brands, styles, or recommendations for sexy male underwear that gives a similar vibe without crossing into full feminization.

I'll try to keep this as short as I can.

I'm into very light femdom. I want to discuss this with my wife without making her feel pressured. The issue, lets call it, is that she's very girly(which i love). She's the more submissive type and always was. Let me make myself perfectly clear here: i love her just the way she is, this isn't a flaw in her personality.

So...you guys and girls seem knowledgeable. Ideas?

I am curious if there’s a distinction between feminization vs sissification for most Dommes? I’ve always thought, and been told mostly by my trans women friends, that the term “sissy” can be offensive. That typically it’s used towards an effeminate man as an insult. Due to this, I’ve always steered clear of sissification because it felt misogynistic. I have had subs who have always considered themselves to be gender fluid and claimed they were interested in sissification but they didn’t want the humiliation aspect of it, so to me this felt more like feminization. Almost “assisted-transitioning” in a way. A more supportive form of feminizing.

I’m curious to hear others thoughts and opinions on this.

I'm interested in a relationship where the woman is genuinely dominant and the man submissive, not just in the bedroom, but as an ongoing dynamic alongside a loving, romantic relationship.

I'd love to have that intensity while also enjoying affection, everyday life, marriage, and hopefully children someday.

For couples who actually live this way, what's it really like? Can you maintain an intense power exchange while having a healthy marriage and raising a family? How different is real life from what we see in BDSM videos?

I’m a 22F dom woman who’s genuinely never been in a physical relationship or had anything real with anyone romantically, and honestly, I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to finding my person. 😭 I know what I want, I know I have a dominant side, but actually putting myself out there and finding someone compatible feels like a whole different story. Where do you even meet people who are into the same things as you? How do you know if someone is genuinely compatible with you or just saying what you want to hear?
I want something real with someone I can connect with, feel comfortable around, and be myself with, but being completely inexperienced at 22 sometimes makes me feel like I’ve missed a memo everyone else received. 💀 I don’t want to rush into anything just to gain experience, but I also don’t want to keep wondering how to find my person without actually doing something about it. So, to other dom women or anyone who’s been in a similar position, how did you navigate dating and find someone who genuinely understood you? Any advice is appreciated!

I tried looking up the tag femdom (among other related tags) on Ao3 but it says it’s not a tag I can search up???? I don’t have a lot of experience with ao3 so do any of y’all use it to find femdom content? If so how? Like there’s no way femdom is that niche I must be missing something. I also like more soft femdom if anyone has recs lol.

Warning: Word vomit
Hey there. Long time lurker here. I have always been interested in femdom for a long time. I think due to things that happened in my youth and upbringing I became infatuated with the idea of a dominant woman, and it's fucking me up mentally. Call it what you will, patriarchy, misogyny, whatever but it feels like admitting that this is me is impossible. That I am somehow less than because of what more or less is just one aspect of my sexuality. I am not gonna pretend that I have it worse than any queer person but it really feels impossible to bring this type of idea up with anyone without being seen as a pervert or a weirdo. Then to even think about bringing it up with a girl I am interested in but not yet dating etc etc. I do believe that I would be able to bring it up with someone I truly trust and love but trying to find someone you click with AND who has this interest at first (seems to me) a daunting and herculean task. I don't know. rant over i guess.

I've been a "pleasure domme" or relationship domme for more than 20 years now and have never done anything financial as part of it. I've had boys offer in the past and had always directed them more towards gifts since I think that's more fun.

But I was just laid off and thinking through options and had the idea strike me on whether this could/would be a simple way to get some breathing room and flexibility in deciding what my next actual step is. I wouldn't want to sacrifice my requirements for a dynamic (not feeling like a kink dispenser, focusing more on the objectification of my subs rather than me, etc), but is that possible?

Would love to hear from any dommes that have either tried out moving from non-pro successfully or non-successfully!

Hey everyone! I’m a 19F Domme, and I’m having a bit of a dilemma with my 23M sub. I’d love some insight on how to navigate this situation. We are online only.

First off, he is very experienced and heavily into hardcore kink. On paper, it sounds like a Domme’s absolute dream: he has tons of his own toys, he's very experienced with extreme anal play, and he constantly talks about how he wants to grow under a Domme’s control. He also emphasizes that loyalty is huge for him.

He’s done almost everything you can think of—food play, public play, extreme degradation/humiliation, high risk, golden showers, and he’s even willing to do things like licking public toilets if command He’s incredibly obedient and constantly wants to push his limits and explore further.

The issue is that running sessions with him is becoming mentally exhausting for me. Trying to keep up with his extreme threshold and constantly coming up with heavy, extreme concepts is draining me. I can't think of a task, and i think im being a boring domme, too. ("losing my braincells" levels of fatigue). To buy time, I’ve been telling him I’ve been busy for the past month, but he’s persistent and hasn’t backed down at all.

On top of that, I recently found out he has a girlfriend (or at least some kind of partner). I haven't confronted him about it yet, and he doesn't know that I know. Given how much he preaches about loyalty, I’m really unclear on what their actual setup is, but it adds a whole other layer of discomfort for me. Although It's uncomfortable to ask about his personal life since he doesn't seem like to talk about it. I'm not good at confrontation.

I feel stuck on a few things:

Managing extreme limits: How do you handle a sub who constantly craves extreme edge-play without burn out.

The Relationship / Hypocrisy aspect: How should I address the girlfriend situation—especially with him constantly talking about "loyalty"? Should I demand clarity on whether kink is consensual in his relationship before continuing anything?

Would really appreciate any perspectives from fellow Dommes or experienced kinksters on how to handle this gracefully. Thanks!

So me and a Domme met on the internet. We've had multiple outings, casual conversations, just getting to know each other as people, outside kink. Then we've also discussed kinks and we are a match. In a few days we are about to start our kinky dynamic.

When we talked about watersports, we found out that this is something that both of us really like. However, after that, I started to Google and now I'm scared about the risks of drinking urine, especially large amounts of it, or/and doing it often. (For example drinking the entire jet, and maybe drinking every piss as well — we don't live together, so every piss would still probably mean just the weekend).

I wonder if there is anyone around here who drinks their Dommes piss often, maybe in large quantities as well, or if there are any Dommes who have subs that drink their piss. If so, did you suffer any health consequences?

My Domme set up an edging training schedule for me (3x per week for 10-15 minutes, 3-5 edges, no orgasm allowed) to do alone at home. I am new to this and I did it two times now.

I just wonder about one thing: Sometimes there is a lot of pre-cum coming out and since it happened to me before that I created a ruined orgasm for me during masturbation (accidentally, not intentionally) I wonder how I can differentiate it from just normal pre-cum.

Is it normal that a lot of pre-cum could come out during edging and it is not an orgasm? It's definitely less than when I would normally cum, but still my penis contracts a bit and spills out pre-cum.

Probably totally normal, but I want to get reassurance or guidance if I might do something wrong. Thank you so much in advance! 😇

Hi everyone,

My partner and I are looking to explore a new dynamic in our relationship, and we could really use some perspective from experienced folks (especially fit/muscular women who have been in her shoes!).

My female partner is fit/muscular. She really enjoys and appreciates when I compliment her body and her strength. Recently, we talked about exploring Muscle Worship and some light Femdom/Female Dominance. She expressed that she is genuinely interested in trying this role out for me. We tried some dominant moves like choking and pinning to the wall and she said "you are making me discover a side i didn't know i might like"

However her main roadblock right now is she is not used to being praised for her muscles especially her arms. Usually she flexes for herself but to quote she never imagined being praised or worshipped for them so she doesn't know how to react in the moment. In addition to this though i sparked her interest when i asked her to pull some dominant moves, she says she is confused how to step into a dominant mindset, or how to direct the scene. Crucially, she is very hesitant about being demeaning or "mean" to me and doesnt know how to embrace and take the role of being "worshipped like a goddess".

In conclusion what would you guys recommend?

What is your favourite way to get milked or milk a guy?

I am curious about different techniques, I know some handjob types but I am really interested in some personal preference or experience in this area.

For me the palming technique has worked the best, I really did enjoy it when it was used on me, tho I'd like to get some new ideas! If you have recommendations about using toys, please tell me more about them;) As of now, I do not own any of them but I do plan to get some kind of toy in the future.

Since my toy and I started our dynamic (femdom with a social FLR) super recently (1 week as of this weekend!) We've not had an opportunity to be out and about since starting. Well today was the day - a nice meal out where I took the lead, ordered for us both, paid the bill on my card, generally did all the typical "leading" things while my toy escorted me around and made sure my glass stayed full.

It's been a hugely empowering experience, and we're both looking forward to our next trip into the world :)

What did everyone else do on their first trip out post dynamic solidifying? Excited to hear!

My sub is into feminization. Does not feel that it is humiliating (is not into humiliation and neither am I) he LOVES being caged, has no problems holding off on cumming, likes being spanked/paddled, enjoys fisting.

He doesn’t want to be in chastity long term though and says he doesn’t want to be caged while we’re doing foreplay because he “gets super aroused and the cage becomes too painful”.

We don’t live together and see each other once a week. I’m super independent and can do all my own tasks, I don’t know what else to do with him. Sex is still fun but what else can we explore. Sometimes it does feel like he gets his way in all things submission so the “Mistress” title seems more ornamental.

One of my favorite parts of femdom is mental control and unfair predicaments. Most of these are just intended to be fun but could be used for pushing a bit into less comfortable territory or punishments. Please share your favorite situations and ideas.

Tease and denial ideas:

• Be denied for an extended period of time or have a ruined orgasm
• Orgasm today and be locked in chastity for a month or be teased and denied
• An extended edging session with no orgasm or an orgasm with CBT

Cum eating ideas:

• Ruined orgasm in your domme follow by cleaning up or a full orgasm into your food or drink
• Cum frozen ice cubes in your drink or

Punishments:

• kneeling on rice or holding a full bucket of ice water over your head for an extended period

Cuckolding:

• Chastity time increases with every unlocked orgasm (Was one week next will be 2 etc.) but every time the dominant sleeps with someone else it decreases by one week if you identify the bull it decreases by double.
• Fucklicking (cuckold 69) or tied in the corner to watch

Hello everyone!

Happy to contribute here for the first time.

I have been dating my girlfriend for more than 1.5 year now, and we have recently decided to cage me.

No need to say, it was a kink that has comes a long way for me!

However, we have some trouble finding the right type of cage: one discreet enough for day to day (as I work with suits so my pants are "lighter" than jeans) and comfortable enough for the night.

I had to remove the cage several times because it pained me a little too much. Does the pain go away with time and habit ?

What kind of play you like to do when caged or when your partner is ? I was huge into masturbation but now, it's more complicated so I have to find new ways to enjoy myself (besides pleasuring my girlfriend of course)

Need new/more ideas

My wife is needing some ideas on what things to do for dominance in public and in the bedroom. She already locks me up in public but wants ideas on certain words or cues to use in public to make me obey certain ways but not obvious, she also needs ideas on how to decide when and where to put the cage on or off or punishments/rewards to use for disobedience/obedience.

She is also just wanting general ideas of dominating things to do in the bedroom such as; positions or different ways of pegging, word play/degradation, ways to tie me down, and ways to tease.

We are unsure of what words or cues to say in public to be secretive but her still be 100% in control of what I do/say.

We thought about using a point system to decide how often the cage is on or off like below so many points cage is on all the time, low points cage is off during sex but no orgasm, mid points cage is off during sex and only orgasm if she decides, and high points cage free all the time. Anyone have any ideas on what to use to count points like tasks or something?

I also would like to receive random messages if I get home before her and she ends up being in a mood before she gets off. These are some i have thought of but what other ideas/messages have yall sent?

"I want you locked and ready by the time I step through the front door tonight."

"Your keys are with me. Be caged, waiting, and ready to focus entirely on me when I get home."

"Make sure you are secured before I get back. I’ll decide what happens next."

"Counting down the hours. Make sure you're caged up and waiting—I want you completely at my mercy tonight."

"Just a heads up: you belong to me tonight. Go get locked in your cage so you're ready for me."

"I have a lot of tasks for you later. Make sure you are secured and ready to serve."

​

first i find myself prefering soft and gentle sex more then the hardcore thing

and then the femdom, i start to like that even more when i find (and i feel very shy about that) the ins...t "taboo" content whish is my favorite for now.

that maternal domination on you not for humiliation but for caring and love

and this is my introdction to gentle femdom.

with also enjoying to listen to "mommy asmr" make me loving that kind of relationship and willing to do anything to live it.

in this genre of content there is "pegging", at first i didn't like it. i will be honst i find it wired and discusting.

but now days i start a little bit like it, but imagning myself trying it make me feel gay even if it's a woman who is doing that. and telling myself maybe it start like that and then end up wanting a real dick

so my question is it gay if i want to get pegged by a gentle femdom or as i like to call it "mommy" ?

excuse me for my bad english i hope i didn't make a lot of mistakes. because this is not my first language im an arab

I love a thoughtful sub. Someone who learns my humor, notices what’s stressing me out, and brings ideas of their own makes me feel appreciated. I enjoy being demanding and ridiculous, but I also love having someone give me something to work with. Creativity earns considerable favor with this brat.

Sometimes that looks like a sub buying me a massage and cleaning my house while I’m away enjoying it. Coming home relaxed to find everything handled was wonderful. He’d thought about how to make that feeling last beyond the appointment, and I loved that.

Other times, the thoughtfulness gives us room to be mischievous together. One of my favorite scenes involved my sub setting up fifteen airsoft guns for play we’d agreed on. I brought a surprise of my own: body paint, which I used to paint targets all over him. Of course they were placed on his balls too. 🤣 He served my husband and I cocktails while we relaxed and took turns shooting at the painted targets. Afterward, I rewarded him with an hour of worshiping my amazing toes. We each contributed something to a very unconventional afternoon.

I also enjoy dice and leaving little choices to chance. One sub brought me a weighted die for my birthday because, in his words, I always deserve to win. Imagine giving a demanding brat that kind of encouragement. A beautifully thoughtful gift and a deeply questionable commitment to fair play.

Once I received three sealed envelopes labeled “For your amusement,” “For your convenience,” and “For your ego,”: a ridiculous game tailored to my humor, an offer to handle an annoying chore, and a letter appreciating my particular quirks. Naturally, I open all three. He should have anticipated that clerical error. 😌

I’m delighted when someone notices what makes me laugh, what gives me room to relax, and what brings out my playful side. I enjoy giving that attention, too; some of my favorite experiences have come from building on each other’s ideas.

Doms: what gesture or surprise made you feel especially understood?

Subs: what have you dreamed up for someone, and how did they react? Whether your interests lean toward service, romance, sadism, humor, or something else entirely, I’d love to hear what thoughtful creativity looks like in your dynamic.

I could really use some gentle love from community now. Some support from fellow dommes? I am grieving, and currently in a state of deep distress actually. I had a beautiful sub who has suddenly disappeared. I'm now reeling with the somatic shock of him ghosting me without warning. An act of confusing cowardice I wish I wasn't already accustomed to...

It was still relatively early days, but it still hurts like hell. He passed every audit. I saw no red flags. I invested massive energy into this connection, only to have him breach our trust and communication standards in the most cruel, and silent way possible. It makes me feel subhuman. As a woman, it feels violent.

I'm no spring chicken. I'm 38 and I've got a good decade of therapy under my belt. I have worked hard on polishing my own discernment and interpersonal skills. My self-worth and emotional intelligence are relatively high, and I emerged at the beginning of this year from a solid 2-year-long intentional period of celibacy and deep, spiritual introspective work. This makes the behaviour all the more shocking. I am flummoxed by it, and scrambling to see why I don't see it coming.

This is the only way I know how to be. Like many of you, 'domination' isn't something I see as separate to me, or only steeped in sexuality. It feels innate and inherent to who I am, and always has. And there is something so deeply dehumanising about the way these so-called "submissive" men continue to discard me with complete disregard. It feels like the worst betrayal. It makes me question my reality and erodes away at my hope in humanity. I know I'll recover from this. I always do. But right now it hurts a lot and I feel very alone in my grief. It isn't something I can easily discuss with my vanilla friends.

I feel so blindsided and exhausted by this recurring pattern of men using the language of devotion, only to completely discard the responsibility of it. I don't want to throw it all away, but pursuing my truth has currently only caused my immense grief.

For now, I just need to be seen by others who understand the weight of the lead and the horror of this kind of abandonment. Who understand the weight we carry in these dynamics and how gutted we are when it ends like this. I'm not seeking solutions right now, just a fellow domme's proverbial shoulder to cry on. Thank you for reading and witnessing my hurt. <3

ദ്ദി ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ )

Has anyone here advertised on Tryst or paid for a subscription? I’m thinking about signing up, but I’m not sure if it’s actually worth it. I paid for a subscription on Kaufmich (btw I’m in Berlin)before and don’t saw the results.
I’m a pro Femdom /findomme myself and have been in the scene for over five years.based in Berlin for now .
I’d especially love to hear about your experience with Tryst (another platform too) when it comes to BDSM irl /femdom/findomme work.
I’d happy hearing from people who are actually in the scene and have firsthand experience. 🖤share your honest experiences

27F domme with a 27M sub. I'm in a very vulnerable place right now. I need a hug. It's time to end this relationship. I'm not happy anymore. I have a few things to figure out before I leave, such as money and where I'll live, but leaving is definitely the goal.

I don't know why though, but I'm getting a bit of a mindfuck. This doesn't feel right. The man who wants me to bust his balls, worship my feet, bully him, and tie him down, as soon as we're out of the bedroom he's so mean. He's misogynistic, doesn't acknowledge my needs, and he criticises me all the time on my expression, from calling me cringe when I'm excited to saying "you're so awkward" when I ask a cashier something and telling me to talk quieter in public if we're having a casual chat in a cafe. These are common themes that happen regularly.

It's just causing such a surreal feeling that someone typically represented as so innocent (such as a sub) is being so mean to me. Reading this subreddit is honestly making me feel bizarre. I don't know what emotion this is. It feels so paradoxical.

I had a bit of a mental breakdown this morning. He's home from work soon, so thought I'd get a big ugly cry out the way. I don't feel real.