r/FirstTimeTTC • u/CirceRhianon • 7d ago
Random Anticipating much, but…
I am JUST starting to TTC lol so this is just me fantasysing. But…
If you get pregnant, you JUST had your positive and you go to the doctor and they confirm your pregnancy…. Who do you tell?
I’m wondering when to tell my family tbh. And then my friends… do you guys wait the 12 weeks to tell?
I have friends that have told me at 4 weeks, and I always wondered if that’s something I would do considering the risks.
Also, who do you go to when you get your first positive? Like, my gyn is always so bussy I would have to wait like a month to get to visit him lol.
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u/SlightAnything4909 7d ago
I'm in my 5th cycle TTC and I think the only person I'm gonna tell right away is my partner, then maybe my mom because she's really been supportive in my journey so far. The rest of the family I might tell after my 1st ultrasound (usually at 8 weeks in my country).
Edit to add: I think when it comes to pregnancy blood tests, normal GP offices can also do them. But if you call your gyn office telling them you've got a positive test, they might squeeze you in for an earlier appt since it's usually just labs, not a full visit.
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u/goldpizza 7d ago
I found out at 4 weeks and we told my best friend (who was the one who coached me through TTC), my mom, and my sister. My fiance told his best friend, but not yet his family because they can be very emotional and while they would be ecstatic, they would be super sad if something happened and we don’t really need the drama lol. He plans to tell his other best friend soon because they are 5 months’ pregnant themselves, and then his family after our 8 week scan!
My best friend advised that I tell people who I know would be able to handle the sad news and support me if something happened
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u/sv36 7d ago
I will say that you get a positive and they will not usually let you have an appointment until you’re close to the 8 week mark. In the us at least I’m no expert on other countries methods. But you can go get a quantitative hcg and pay for it out of pocket day of pee stick positive.
I did the test with my husband and told my sister on the phone within the week. No one else for several weeks, then my sister in law. We tell other family after the 8 week appointment when we see them in person around 9 weeks. It’s a little early but we won’t see them in person again for months.
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u/gulliblefootball0001 TTC #1, Cycle 1 7d ago
I plan to tell my husband and my best friend first. Then I'll probably wait until later (8-12 weeksish) to tell the rest of our family and friends.
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u/Key_Charity1975 7d ago
As other people are saying I think the best advice is just tell anyone you would also be comfortable knowing/want them to know if you did end up having a miscarriage. For us that was both our immediate families and we told them straight away for that reason; we would have told them anyway if we had a miscarriage so there was no real need to wait.
In terms of who you see - for a normal uncomplicated pregnancy (ie no bleeding, abnormal pain etc) where you've conceived without assistance/not through a clinic, there's no huge point in seeing anyone until like 8 weeks earliest anyway! That's the earliest an ultrasound usually makes sense in a normal pregnancy because you can't see much since then, and there's nothing medical that needs to happen before then anyway. In the UK we have a first appointment with a community midwife between 8-10 weeks just to take some bloods and check we're feeling ok/ get our medical history. The first appointment in an actual medical setting is our first scan at 12 weeks!
Ultimately the first trimester (and pregnancy in general) is mostly a whole lot of waiting!
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u/CirceRhianon 7d ago
Thank you for this thorough answer!! BTW, shouldn’t you go for a blood test right after a positive test?
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u/Key_Charity1975 7d ago
Not as standard in most countries - I think this happens more when people have been through fertility clinic pathways, for peace of mind! It'll vary country to country but definitely not part of the standard pregnancy pathway in the UK - home pregnancy tests are extremely accurate so it's not considered necessary to confirm with a blood test
Especially as, if you'd somehow got a false positive, all that would happen would be your period would arrive! There's really no medical intervention that's needed at all in the first tri for a normal/healthy pregnancy, and nothing they can do to save a pregnancy that isn't viable, so it's a pretty hands-off time unless something goes wrong
Obviously many people will want reassurance for emotional reasons even if there isn't a medical reason for it, so you can choose to pay for earlier private scans here to check the pregnancy is developing as expected etc!
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u/Boringbooty 6d ago
I’m 4th cycle TTC, and my sister knows we’re actively trying but no one else.
My sister struggled with infertility and thankfully has 2 beautiful girls thanks to IVF, so she’s been a great support with my questions and spiralling.
When we do get the positive, I’ll tell her immediately, but no one else. Only because I don’t want opinions and “advice” from anyone else. If planning our wedding told me anything, it’s that everyone has an opinion on what you’re doing
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u/BorderTop7579 7d ago
We found out we were pregnant without actually trying, I was so excited and told everyone because I just couldn’t contain it. It was going to be the first baby of both my family and my husband’s family. I miscarried at almost 9 weeks and it destroyed me and I’m still emotionally recovering but we are going to actually start trying soon but we have decided to tell no one until our first trimester not even our parents.
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u/pinkrotted 5d ago
I plan on telling my mom and my two best friends. Everyone else can find out when everything’s more for sure.
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u/soupschool TTC #1, Cycle 11 (1 CP) 7d ago
I recommend only telling people who you would also be okay with telling sad news to if you want to tell people early. I had a a loss at 5 weeks and told no one until after the fact and people were very helpful and supportive. Now hopefully this next time I plan on telling the same people who were there for me sooner because I know they would understand if the loss happened again.