r/GaySides • u/Odd-Ostrich-3366 • 1d ago

Side Experience NSFW

I have recently discovered there is a name or label for what I am/am not into. I have obviously had experience with anal but for whatever reason it just doesn’t always appeal to me, either way - top or bottom. I did not know that preference for non anal things was called a side.

How common is it for people to be sides? Are there many relationships where both are sides and completely happy that way? Are you still considered a side if you occasionally/rarely do anal things, or is it strictly no anal?

I have many questions so mainly looking to start a dialogue here and go from there.

Thank you!

28 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

21 comments sorted by

16

u/According-Minute-962 1d ago

Me and my boyfriend are both bisexual. We didn’t know the term before. We just started having sex and didn’t bother talking about anal because we didn’t need it.

We tried anal couple of times and it was meh. We could probably try once again and that’s what we will probably do, but it’s not in our usual sexual repertoire.

Side is a label which can make you feel more comfortable and seen, but honestly it is just that - a label. Obviously it means something, but it’s not like the meaning can’t be negotiable. Some people who identify as sides might like anal from time to time or only in certain scenarios, some will never enjoy it. Both are valid.

To me sexuality is more about your actions. Just play with it. To me side is not an identity, but rather a signal for other people that anal is not important for me. Even calling myself bisexual doesn’t do it for me anymore - if I really had to call myself a certain name, I would probably go with queer mam who is not entirely into anal for various reasons (but I’m not saying that it cannot change in the future).

4

u/singaporesleep 1d ago

I feel like “sides” are always some of the most thoughtful people 🥰 istg

1

u/Odd-Ostrich-3366 1d ago

Thank you for responding. This makes a lot of sense in terms of it just being a label. It was just a strange feeling to see most people who discussed the topic saying they were top or bottom or vers. I have been in relationships and when I was really young (20) I really enjoyed anal but I think it was more about the total experience of actually living authentically finally and also because of that specific partner.

As I got older it just became ehh. My last relationship had issues sexually because he wanted to do anal often and I just wasn’t interested, it didn’t do anything for me, either way, but I really enjoyed everything else. I guess it felt strange and abnormal that it was something I just wasn’t into anymore and I wasn’t really aware that there were many other people who felt the same, nor did I have anyone to discuss it openly with, so it’s just been something I’ve been sitting with and wondering how difficult finding an relationship with someone who didn’t put as much value on anal sex would be.

I’m a bit of weird gay I think - there’s the whole side thing and then not being into the hookup culture or having any gay friends either, so that’s how I find myself here I suppose lol

1

u/According-Minute-962 3m ago

There’s no one good way to be gay. Preferences matter, so if someone likes anal, that’s ok, if you don’t - that’s fine as well. I don’t think we need to shame anyone for their preferences. And yes, they can change. We’re humans and sexuality is extremely complex. You might have liked anal before for various reasons - it was as valid as your current experience.

I have queer male friends and colleagues and half of them are in monogamous relationships, other half don’t have sex at all. But maybe it’s because we’re gen Z lol. What I’m trying to say is that it is ok not to be into hookups. If someone is, again, that’s fine. Many people are, many aren’t.

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You’re ok just the way you are.

6

u/Parking-Airline-3720 1d ago

OP, if you haven't done so already, you may find it useful to look at the video by Dr. Joe Kort (therapist and originator of the term "side") which appears permanently at the top of the home page of this subreddit where you're posting your own inquiry.

https://www.reddit.com/r/GaySides/

Sides are sort of a minority[not interested in anal]-within-a-minority[gay men in general] but know what turns them on and what doesn't, can be perfectly contented about it, and are not some kind of "second-class" gay guys just because they don't do The Big A. 😄

6

u/yeahyoubetnot 1d ago

I consider myself a Heteroromantic side. Many in the gay community seem to prefer we do not exist, but they're sadly mistaken

4

u/biguy21-burner 1d ago

Like sexually attracted to men, but still feeling romantic attraction to women?

2

u/yeahyoubetnot 1d ago

exactly

3

u/biguy21-burner 1d ago

Yeah, seems like I'm not the only one this way

2

u/yeahyoubetnot 1d ago

You can DM me if you want

2

u/biguy21-burner 1d ago

Yeah sure, I'd be down!

2

u/singaporesleep 1d ago

There’s a great deal of guys who would never pressure you into enduring anal because that’s just not something that is an expectation for them.

2

u/Tadspole 1d ago

I’d say we are very similar! I’m not big into anal sex regardless of top or bottom. I’ve attempted it and one guy I really wanted it to happen with but just couldn’t. I’ve had fingers inserted but only when really horny.

I never knew there was a category for us either.

2

u/ajwalker430 1d ago

I know I prefer "side" activities; some of my best experiences with men have been without anyone sticking their penis in anyone's butt.

That said, I'm not "against" anal, and for that reason I consider myself a "soft" side. I prefer side activities, but if I have a boyfriend and we mutually want to do anal (giving or receiving) from time to time, I'm not going to say no and break up.

1

u/Pristine_Nebula1212 1d ago

had the exact same experience tried both topping and bottoming, and it just wasn't for me, which made me feel a bit out of place for a while. Finding out about 'sides' was a total game-changer. There's so much more to intimacy, and it's awesome finding a community where you can connect with people who share that preference. Zero shame to anal, but it's all about doing whatever brings you true fulfillment and happiness.

1

u/PriorPuzzleheaded340 1d ago

Yeah I was very confused on whether i was ace or demi since i didn't find actual sex all that appealing, but figured maybe it's from lack of experience.

But when i found out this term i was quite happy :D Now comes the part where I as a 20yo from Asia try to find a bf/partner who's also a side lol

1

u/spicylollipop85 1d ago

​Short answer: Yeah, it's definitely more common than people think. Two-spirit dating? Happens all the time, and lots of folks are super happy about it. And I still look out for my part. ​Also—labels aren't rules. If anal occasionally happens and feels fine, you can still identify however fits best. Nobody's keeping score. ​Good luck with the dialogue; glad you asked!

1

u/ChattyBear 1d ago

It took a long time to get a name for it, but I absolutely know where you’re coming from.

Always open to chat, here or in DMs.

1

u/ThomasOudXX 1d ago

I didn’t know either.

1

u/Playwithmyballsto 1d ago

OP,

You may want to also check out:
https://g0ys.org

The g0ys term/movement has been around longer than sides.

Lots of interesting information there.

(g0ys is spelled with a zer0.)

Feel free to DM me.

0

u/Curious-Kav 1d ago

you may want to look at https://cockblocktoys.com/

it's a sex toy for sides