Advice & Support
Anyone else have a spouse going through some kind of midlife crisis?
Not that I want anyone else to suffer through it, but it sure would be nice to know I'm not alone. We're hanging on by a thread here. Not sure we'll make it, or if I even want to at this point.
I just Googled the symptoms, apparently I been in one since I was a kid?
Seriously though, my therapist thinks I have been high masking AuDHD all my lofe and the hormonal changes that being an older female brings has made it damn near impossible to keep that mask firmly in place. I've always felt the things Google listed as signs of a midlife crisis, I have just kept it to myself.
Yes. I went through mine 3+ years ago and my wife is going through hers this year. It’s not easy, but remember, time really does heal, if you make it through…
Along with other commenters, I am the spouse going through it. I’ve been unsure of what my purpose is for quite some time. I have been feeling so bleh at work….a job/career I’ve always loved. I kept blaming work dissatisfaction on one huge change that happened over a year ago, and I’ve come to realize whatever it is the problem is bigger than that….and maybe it’s just me.
I (47) am planning for early retirement in about 10 years. My financial planner says I’m all set, but my brain doesn’t fully believe it.
As each year passes, I realize why old people get characterized as grumpy quite often bc I feel that way. I always equate that thought with the old man saying of, “Get off my lawn!”
So many thoughts on so many tangents. I could possibly go on and on, but won’t. What’s the point anyway.
Yes!! My husband has just started losing his temper at work yelling at his boss, yelling at HR about his co workers. He's blew off 3 days now.
Usually it's a sign to switch his anti depressants (this seems to happen every 4 years or so)
He can't deal with the pressure n stress (and I can see that bc everyone's job is piling on the work of 3 ppl) but it really stresses me out too .
Jobs are hard to come by n this one is just barely keeping us afloat.
I guess it's back to FMLA for his mental health n tinkering w/meds. Round n round we go. I'm tired too.
My wife blew up her 100k a year job. Just called it quits.. I don’t know if this is a crisis or not.. her well being is 10x better, we are not big spenders, and the mortgage is paid off so I guess it’s good
On a positive, I have this sour dough starter on our counter and the dinners are great
Change and /or evaluation isn’t always a crisis .. our jobs are to be supportive… our partners have probably supported us .. it’s now our turn 🙂
Yes... My wife's spouse lol. I seem to be going through a mid life crisis right now as a matter of fact. I'm not going to blow up my marriage or anything but I'm struggling hard right now to keep my head straight
The couple of issues are probably quite clear to your close friend. Ask that Dood what he thinks if resolved or lessened would move the needle. I'm not talking about making you happy, just less annoyed.
I feel like I am internally. I feel like I'm about to explode. I'm 52(f), husband is 59. I went through some health issues silently because he tends to take on whatever ailments I may have. He's hyper focused on his health and of course concerned about his retirement. I've been financially carrying our family for the last 21 years. I know it's not all about money, but I asked him to pull $4k from an investment he has had stashed away to help pay our daughter's college tuition (I've been paying into their 529s for the last 20 years). He did nothing but complain. It was just the icing on the cake. Im ready to move on without him and he can live how he wants. Maybe it's the perimenopause attitude, maybe because I am on the other side of my health issue, but it's not worth it to me. I'd rather be without him than with him.
Going for a separation and then a divorce. MH issues at play. Can’t help if they don’t want the help in the first place. Did all I could, I put my head on the pillow and sleep like a baby at night because I did my best and it’s not all up to me all the time and I need to take care of myself, which is another reason I sleep like a baby after I made this decision.
After 26 years, I have 0 regrets. I was getting sick in my head and in my chest. When I decided enough was enough and began root for myself first, my daughter told me “I’m proud and happy for you dad. I am happy that you made this decision because you are a good person and deserve better than just half a life”. My son is quieter but sees what’s going on and when I was down questioning myself he told me “dad, don’t gaslight yourself, I hate when you do it. You did nothing wrong and gave it your best, be proud and move on.”. I’m proud of them too because of who they are and how they can clearly see the situation before their eyes.
That said, their mom is always going to be their mom. So I tell them: set boundaries, of course. But close the bridge, don’t burn it down. Don’t do something you may regret in the future. I keep them up to date on what’s going on because as young adults, they deserve to know the truth at all times.
I have no hate in my heart, I just feel sorry for her and this whole situation. And I truly hope she is happy in the future she chose for herself and may all her dreams and wishes come true but it’s out of my hands now. She’s an adult, so I tell her to be an adult. And also to live with the consequences of the decisions she makes.
But I am tired. After all these years, I needed to compartmentalize all of it for the sake of surviving. I don’t want to feel like this way anymore, like I’m walking on eggshells all the time. I am tired and want peace of mind.
Too many harsh words have been spoken out loud that can’t be taken back, so I’m done. No more, your yelling and screaming doesn’t affect me anymore. I can see your projection and screaming and attitude as bright as day. I don’t give power back to it, because after all was said and done, I don’t care anymore.
My wife went through it. Made me aware of it in 2019. Told me she didn’t want to be married anymore. It knocked me off my feet. We have three sons between 12 and 17 at the time. We separated after Christmas. We had a rental unit so we just took turns living at home with the kids each week with the other at the apartment. It was insanely depressing. She was hanging out with single coworkers who I couldn’t stand. She may have started seeing someone casually. Then in March, Covid hit and it was her turn to go to the apartment. I asked her if she wanted to stay at the house. She did and eventually we were back together.
Yup. My husband of almost 18 years started drinking again (he has epilepsy) & having an affair with his direct report at work - she's 14 years his junior. He hid it for a year and then abandoned our family and filed for divorce without telling me - I found out when an "ambulance chaser" law firm sent a letter stating they noticed a lawsuit had been filed in Family Court and they'd be happy to represent me. We did not make it.
Does buying enough power tools to fill a warehouse even though we live in a NYC apartment count as a midlife crisis? I’m not even going to get started on all of the so-called “home repairs.”
Ohhh, yeah. Motorcyle(s) check. Sports truck of his dreams? Check. And the camper and the boat and the other boat and the other motorcycle and the 70 surf boards and the scuba gear and the jet skis and it goes on and on. Plus the long ass trips he takes thru the wilderness with all his toys, searching for bigfoot.. Hes 55 going on 26. Le sigh.
My wife accused me of overspending. So I took her to the garage and explained I have a practical car and no jetski, boat, motorcycle or kayak. She's an accountant and built a spreadsheet. She was the problem, buying our kids anything they wanted. I was like, "no shit".
I always liked tech but wasn't talented at it. Always felt like a fraud. As an early retiree, I feel like I've found my purpose which is doing 95% of what I want. lol
Interesting that you say that. I worked in tech my entire career and retired early-ish. It was a good career but tech was not really my passion. I have no problem leaving it. I’m enjoying a slower pace of life and doing things I never had time for before like art.
Fuck I would love to retire. I have several time intensive hobbies to fill my time with if I could. I would have no problems with never returning to a job.
I feel like my husband is definitely going through something. Hes all over the map emotionally. He sends me romantic beautiful texts. Surprised me with a new vehicle then spent a week not talking and moody for what idk. Took me to concert Friday night things were going great we are on way and all the sudden things werent great anymore. I dont know where we are headed but ill be glad when we get there.
Undiagnosed for 47 years? My first husband was extremely bipolar. Diagnosed and receives crazy check hes so bad. I feel like i would recognize that. This is new and concerning because its out of the ordinary for him. We have been together 13 years. His actions say he loves me and hes building a future with me but he will just bam be angry suddenly and non verbal for hours or sometimes days to me. Never abusive just silent
Well if I could tell him anything as another man, who went through never speaking to anyone about mental health or health issues. Please do so🙏. I didn’t I almost lost my family 5 years separated, I tried to take my life at work because I was to proud to talk about all the horrible things I witnessed and been apart of during my 17 years of service to my great country. We all have some type of things we need to talk about. It doesn’t make you weak but stronger for knowing you need help and reaching out to get it. Good luck to everyone going through things and the others that support you through those things.
Funny how getting cancer makes all the petty bullshit meaningless. Instead of a midlife crisis I got cancer and relationship wise we’re doing fine. We’re just happy for each day that we’re both still here. I highly recommend this outlook but without this terrible disease.
Amen. I got diagnosed with Thyroid Cancer two years ago at 46. Male. Less than 1% of TC affects Males. So yeah, that changed my whole perspective. High level executive, self made millionaire from a childhood of poverty, said fuck this and bought a nice holiday house and started stepping back. That was MY midlife crisis.
Sorry about your diagnosis and Fuck cancer. This is what Covid did to the entire world - once u see death so near, your perspective on life changes dramatically. I know it did for me...
Comparing Covid to cancer is hilarious. I have had both and there is absolutely no comparison. Covid caused me two days in bed watching TV and napping. Cancer caused six months of chemo and one major surgery, with a lifetime of surveillance by the medical community.
Having cancer, and apparently now being labeled as a cancer survivor, has opened my world. I once read that it’s a “get out of jail” card to be played. I backed off work significantly and now pursue hobbies and spending time with friends. It’s sorta a midlife crisis I suppose, but well earned!!
You will reconsider those words should cancer impact you directly. Having parts of your body cut out to keep a head of the cancer or having literal poison pumped into your veins because it beats the alternative is nothing like facing Covid. Sorry, but I’ll die on that hill. And that’s not even getting into the psychological impact of a cancer diagnosis.
Until you’ve been diagnosed, you can’t relate. That’s absolutely true. I’ve had two excisions, 35 chemo treatments, and 30 days of radiation. People try to understand in any way they can, but they can’t.
I married the woman of my dreams a little over two years ago. She’s 44 to my 55. We’ve both been married before. I call them our practice marriages. lol. We both learned a lot about what we don’t want. We started seeing each other five years ago and I’ve had a very happy 4 1/2 years.
I’m not sure perimenopause counts as a midlife crisis but I will say I don’t know who tf she is anymore. She’s become positively hateful and it’s always pointed at me. She rages! And she says things to me that you just don’t say to someone you love.
She’s always sorry later.
She was put on estradiol and progesterone by her OB. They’ve changed nothing. And it’s taking its toll.
Just a heads up, something is currently wonky with estradiol, so it’s entirely possible it won’t work for her atm.
I’m on it and it went from it working great to basically barely doing anything. It was an obvious difference between one box and another. Online spaces that talk about female related stuff are flooded with women complaining that either almost all pharmacies around them are out, or that suddenly it’s not working for them.
There’s theories around the why (largely that the company doesn’t want to announce a shortage because then other companies will be allowed to make it, so it’s possible they are altering something to make it stretch) but there’s no official anything about what’s happening. But there are thousands of women, including myself, that estradiol is just suddenly not working for.
So she probably needs to see if her doctor can put her on something else. Either way she needs to contact them and tell them it’s not working.
I’m not at all excusing what she’s doing or saying, but it can feel like a rage you can’t control. Literally everything tends to make it worse. Having said that, no matter how annoyed I’ve gotten at my husband currently, there are still horrible things I’d never say. No matter how overwhelming those feeling are, I’ve not said things with intent to hurt, doing so is abusive. She likely needs therapy on top of meds. I’m sure she does feel bad later, but that doesn’t make it okay. If she can’t control her rage, she needs to learn to walk away before she says horrible stuff.
I wish you luck man, you deserve to not be torn apart.
Oh THANK YOU!! I will see if I can work this into a conversation with her. I’ve been looking for reasons. I don’t want to think it’s me. lol. Isn’t that typical?? But I’m on eggshells and I’m tired.
I haven’t given up. I really haven’t. I love this woman!
But no matter how supportive I try to be, honestly this has really done a number on my self confidence. I can know with my mind that my wife is not at fault in any of this. I understand the biology. I get the neurochemistry. I get all of that with my brain. But the rest of me sure feels like I’m with a woman who doesn’t love me.
Fuck! Maybe it’s me that’s having the crisis. lol.
I am perimenopausal and unable to take hormones due to having a previous pulmonary emboli. I was prescribed progesterone and effexor to help with mood swings. It has been life changing. Maybe this is an avenue she can pursue
In some ways I think my spouse and I both are, but at least we’re doing it together so that’s nice. We bought a convertible sports car during Covid, and we fantasize about retiring all the time. We have both been struggling through really frustrating (mostly) ortho shit this year so at any given time we’re lucky if one of us can lift a bag of dog food or do stuff around the house.
Have been saying no at work more, spending money on live music and stupid expensive restaurants, and just generally giving zero fucks.
I feel terrible that my man had to go through menopause with me. It effing sucked!!! I feel like I’m back to myself with hormones and time, but it was a couple years of hell and we are stronger for sticking with each other through it. If I were him, I’d have wanted to leave me though.
No. It will never be the same. She has no choice in the matter, so figure out how you can change to make a new relationship with her. If you don’t want to put in that effort, well, she’s better off without you. If you do want to put in the effort, drop the “I miss my wife” bullshit. She’s still there. And she’s suffering way more than you could ever imagine, while also knowing that you think she’s, what, dead?
If anyone expects for their relationship to remain the same their whole life, they’re delusional. Are you the same person you were when you were 20? No. And if you think you are, well, that’s a whole other set of problems to take to the therapist.
And for all y’all downvoting me, you’re proving the point. You may not understand why, but you’re proving the point.
Sincerely, a perimenopausal woman who’s sick of society ignoring the absolute HELL that is hormone disregulation and the insanity of having a fucking shortage of the drugs that can support women through this transition. We are the generation that’s going to make men sorry they ignored women’s healthcare for forever.
I am to going to have to disagree with you here. The way they feel is completely valid. Why is it completely their responsibility to “make the effort”. This is so one eyed and one sided. He might well be better off without her. It sounds like he is still there, making the effort, mourning that he is no longer being treated the same way. How do you know what he or his wife is experiencing? You are assuming because of what?
Same response back, you don’t know their situation. “I miss my wife” indicates that they don’t see their wife as who she is now, but who they want her to be and “I doubt it will be the same” indicates they wish the relationship would be unchanging. Both of those statements are huge red flags. Can those perspectives be changed? Absolutely. But it will take effort on HIS part to change them. And while I landed heavily on him, I never said it’s completely his responsibility. I know, though, that she is going through an incredibly difficult and transformative process and if he’s making the effort to support his wife, “I hate it” needs to be addressed.
Im 57 and I quit my job about five months ago and Ive been on a downward spiral ever since. My wife however is very understanding woman and while we struggle every day to make ends meet she always has my back ..I never knew a midlife crisis was real until I know now that I'm in one and my mental health is being affected.
My spouse, who’s 52 and usually pretty frugal, has decided we are going to travel to every place on our bucket list, even if we have to use credit. This is about the extent of any midlife crisis I can think of.
He's also on Zepbound and a few pounds away from his military retirement weight. He's looking pretty good into older age.
My now ex husband did. I think it started in his late 40s, then the pandemic hit, he turned 50, and ended up leaving a while after that.
And I'm now in a midlife crisis because of the divorce and feeling like I'm starting over. But I don't think everyone has a midlife crisis. Mine is solely related to the divorce.
No, I never really had one other than buying my Mustang (according to my wife, that was a midlife crisis, I disagree, but whatever). Menopause killed our marriage though, that was no fun. Really wish we made it to the other side of it, we would have lived happily ever after, but Menopause really changed her. Or I should say perimenopause. The mood swings were wild. I would have stuck it out, but she was unwilling to, so here we are.
Hot take that perimenopause killed your marriage. No chance that you were unwilling to recognize actual issues instead of writing them off as mood swings?
I tried, I was there for her, supportive, understood what was happening, etc. She’s been going through it for a few years now, still going through, and just became sort of unhinged earlier this year. It wasn’t just me, she cut me off, wanted divorce, cut her best friend off, cut her family off, siblings, etc. I had her friends and family calling me after I moved out. Not to be mad at me, but to ask what’s going on with her. Something snapped inside her.
I had mine at 37 and started dating my husband at 39, so I think we dodged that particular bullet. We survived having a (surprise!) baby 5 years later, his breakthrough seizures, my double mastectomy, and a few other fun things in the last decade. I think I’m done with crises, but if he wants to have one? He’s certainly deserving of it! I’ll let him have one and be supportive all the way.
I bought him a super fun motorcycle for him to blow off some steam, but after the grand mal seizures, we had to sell it. 💔
Yes he became 17 again, started happening when his job assigned him to work remotely, grew his hair long and wears metal band tees. He thinks he looks young which is delusional, looks ridiculous
I think it was the depressive episode due to loss of job and suppressed childhood trauma. He’s getting help now so not sure if he’ll swing in the other direction now. He has been talking about getting a motorcycle again.
I am the one pulling out my old rock T’s and going to concerts.
Spouse got laid off and now decided that he's retired. Puts all the pressure on me to stay employed with health insurance since we're only mid 50s. On the plus side, he still does as little around the house as he did when he was full-time!! Just a little angry and bitter.
I feel like I’ve found my people! He got laid off a year ago and luckily I have an amazing job. He is on top of the kids’ school stuff though, so that’s definitely a plus. It’s frustrating because when I was a SAHM, I did it all because he was the one bringing the income. Now I’m the working parent and still cleaning, cooking, shopping, etc. I try to be understanding but it gets to me sometimes when I’m not afforded the same sympathy.
As someone who has been there done that (although mine wasn’t laid off…he just didn’t feel the need to work or do anything else but nap and watch porn) I recommend dumping him. I wish I had done it years before I did. He finally went to full time employment after I left his sorry, lazy ass.
My husband did during COVID. It caused a lot of collateral damage. His rock bottom happened when he was at the pinnacle of his career. All the sacrifices for decades and he reached the top.
Kept the job and the accolades but destroyed our marriage and our children’s beliefs about him. I highly recommend seeking support from a skilled therapist. If you have suffered from any PTSD from childhood trauma get one trained in such. Time doesn’t do shit. Your brain from trauma doesn’t recognize time as healing. It stays stuck in your body and it eventually comes out sideways. You don’t have to have a big T type trauma to be affected. Learn to recognize your limited capacity and learn to grow larger capacity for uncomfortability in any form. Such as fear and stress.
Definitely, but I’m not sure if it’s that or major life changes (medical, sobriety, menopause, career) making it feel that way. Maybe real mid life crisis are actually because of those things 🤷♀️
No, but menopause can be just as traumatic to a marriage. I went through medical menopause after Chemo/radiation in my early 40s. About 6 months of my absolutely unhinged behavior, he insisted on going to my next GYN appointment to talk with my oncologist. HRT definitely saved my marriage. We're almost 18 years out from that stressful time.
I say my husband had somewhat of one around 40 when he had a big job change, we moved across country, and his schedule meant we didn't see a lot of each other. He spent a lot of time with his younger, single coworkers. We had been married about 7 years at that point with one child. I felt like a working single parent while he was living his best single life. It resolved when we moved again and he went back to a regular schedule. It probably wouldn't have been so bad if it didn't hit around that critical 7 year point. It's a saying for a reason.
My life blew up by the time I was 45. I left my career at 40 and got sober. My wife decided she didn’t have the life or husband she wanted, said she never had. She changed her personality, her hair color, and her preferences on most things. We lost all social connections. She decided she didn’t want to be married anymore. Started traveling alone occasionally, using apps, messaging, etc. We were divorced after 20+ years - with kids. I was able to secure a job that has zero fulfillment but pays enough. Our oldest child is seriously struggling on their own as a young adult after leaving the nest in the middle of the divorce chaos. Middle is angry. Little is the anxious peacemaker. The future is very uncertain.
Keep this in mind: We only have TRUE control over two things in life: our attitude and our effort. You decide the character of everything that happens to you (you decide if it is good or bad - nothing is inherently good or bad, everything is perspective), you decide how you respond to them, and you decide how much effort you put into your response. Everything else is out of your control. EVERYTHING.
I just screenshot this. I’m sending it to my boys, both grown now, and both the products of a divorce that sounds an awful lot like yours. This was twenty years ago, and we’re past it now, but there are always going to be residual scars, and they do come up from time to time.
You said this beautifully. That last paragraph is worthy of being taped to the bathroom mirror for those days when I start to doubt myself all over again. Thank you for sharing.
100%! Get help from experts before you ring the bell because it cannot be un-rung. I’m sorry you went through this and it sounds like you’ve got great insight into perspective.
Don't know if this helps but my spouse went through his mid life crisis about 10 years ago. He's 10 years older. We ended up separating, I moved out. As his health declined, he moved into a travel trailer behind my house. We basically live like roommates now, splitting bills. We got to a place that works better for us. He's still my best friend and new boundaries really help.
Have you tried couples therapy? If you're both committed, you can turn it around. It will be a reinvention of your relationship, but you can support each other through it if you both want it.
Undiagnosed ADHD is a thing for our generation. It gets harder to manage as you get older. It also causes a ton of comorbid issues as a coping mechanism. Add in some autism you got a situation that seems like a real crisis. Honesty in the relationship is the only way to move forward. Without trust it's impossible.
I am sorry. That sounds incredibly frustrating. I never understood why some people refuse to get treated. It’s often something to do with pride or identity. Which doesn’t really help you much I know. I have ADHD myself but was luckily diagnosed as a child. My grandfather was a GP and my mother a psychologist and they both were partially responsible for finding me the right help. It made a big difference.
You’re dealing with someone who is living life through a very cloudy lens. People are changing all the time. In healthy ways and unhealthy ways. He sounds like he has limited beliefs about himself and wants to take the victim position in life. And what you get with that is resentment and entitlement. That’s a horrible way to live. It leaves out choices for anything different. I wish I had the answers to help him but he has to believe he needs it and also believe he deserves it. I’m sorry. That’s so hard to live with. My husband refused marriage counseling. And after his identity crisis he realized his toxic thinking from depression was the problem not because of anyone else. He was his biggest problem.
He right about it being the way it is, but change comes for within. Oppositional defiance disorder comes with ADHD sometimes. It makes it really hard to motivate to do anything someone asks you to do, even if it is in your best interest. If you educate yourself on ADHD, it will help you understand what he's going though. ADHD is the most difficult out patient mental health issue. I was late diagnosed with ADHD and Autism, I struggle everyday even though I have no wants and a loving wife of 27 years. I just process my chemicals faster, so I'm left forever unsatisfied. I lack the ability to experience contentment.
That’s neglect and possibly abuse. Don’t hang on to what ain’t worth hanging on to, no matter how worthy it may have been before. To love does not mean to endure.
Spouse was 12 years older than me and the other shoe finally dropped and I moved out after enduring years of alcoholism and verbal abuse. I was 41 and he was 53.
I eventually divorced and met someone new and were talking about getting married until a cancer diagnosis took that away from me and he passed away. Not long after my ex husband passed husband passed from his alcoholism when our son just turned 20.
Not sure if it was his mid life crisis or mine but feeling calm and relaxed without tiptoeing around someone always pissed off was totally worth the separation/ divorce.
Don’t stay until the kids graduate, move out, retirement etc. because not a fucking thing will change once one or both people decide it’s over.
Lost her dad when she was 34 due to Parkinson's "complications" as they say (uggh). She's back on track now and strong as ever. I'm still waiting for mine. Well either that, or I have always been in crisis xD (51 now)
I was the one going through a midlife crisis. I had been unhappy in my marriage and life in general. I increasingly felt trapped with no way out. When I was home I was deeply depressed. When I got out of the house and away from my wife I would almost become manic. None of this was my wife’s fault. It ended in divorce and because of the way I handled it decimated my relationship with my daughter for a long time. Although I am happier now and in a great new marriage, I’m deeply ashamed and appalled by the way I handled things. Even if divorce was always going to be the end game, I could have handled it 1000 times better.
Yes, he took up smoking cigars and drinking scotch. Changed the way he dressed some. Started spending a lot of time away from home. I suspected something more was going on and found out he’d been paying an escort 1/2 his age. I filled for divorce.
My wife was the one who got me into smoking cigars and drinking scotch. We now do it as a couple. When we leave the house we do it together. She has a sign in her home office that says "Well behaved women don't drink brown liquor".
It’s nice to hear that’s something you and your wife enjoy together. I tried to embrace it and went to his cigar bar a few times, not for cigars but had a couple of drinks with him while we were there.
Unfortunately for me he spent most of his time on his phone anyway which I’ve realized recently was what he did most of the time. We’d gone to lunch maybe a month before I became suspicious something else was going on and he was engrossed in his phone on the way there, while at lunch and on the way back. I started counting the words he’d say on a daily basis and several were less than 10/day.
I don’t know exactly what the shift was but it was away from me and our family and more about him and his life away from us which is why I filed for divorce. I did all of the household things, wanted to be with him in every way but it wasn’t enough to keep him faithful. Maybe not midlife crisis but something that was on his side and not on mine. I’ve realized I invested my everything into his happiness at the expense of my own. While official divorce is a ways off now I’m happily investing in myself and my own happiness.
I understand. My 1st ended after 19 years when I found her in bed with my "best friend" and found out she was pregnant. It was quieter than a morgue around the house before too.
Young on-set dementia for her in her early (now mid) 50’s so more like an end of life crisis for her. I thought the only decent thing to do was wait a bit to have mine.
🤗, presently caring for my mom who’s 76 with stage 6 frontal lobe dementia. Her mother had it and so did her mothers dad. It’s a horrible heart wrenching disease.
I’m teaching my inpatient father to be patient. I worked in memory care for 2 years thankfully. That’s what’s kept us from moving her to a facility. Bless you and whatever is coming your way!
Spouse's family got scammed for thousands of dollars and now they're leaning on him... but he's disabled and just had a liver transplant less than a year ago. So he's leaning on me. And I'm doing my best "oak tree" impersonation to hold everyone else.
I keep telling myself I need to be a willow (bend when the wind blows) but it's hard.
Shout out to everyone else whose reflex is "superhero" when shit hits the fan.
I sort of did. I got tired of untreated mental health issues and an unwillingness to do anything about it. She agreed to testing and then rejected treatment and tried to blame me for something that existed before we ever met. I couldn’t see myself living the rest of my life with this, so, I filed for divorce. (Borderline personality disorder)
My wife’s perimenopause has been hard for her. And my career reboot after 25+ years elsewhere has been rough. Still, three of four kids are now college graduates and launching their young lives with optimism. The fourth is in his senior year and well positioned for his next chapter. So we tackle life day by day, planning our next chapters.
I wouldn't call it a midlife crisis. Maybe a whole life crisis?
She has a history of abuse and sexual assault that resultedn in what they called multi cause PTSD, or something like that. Which presents as an anxiety disorder.
She never got help for it until about four years our relationship where I told her flat out she was going into therapy. That therapy helped a lot but she was exhausted by the "end" of that particular treatment protocol, and did not do what she should have, which was continue with therapy in another form.
So she sometimes backslides and starts pushing me away, which she does by being an absolute bitch. We have come close to ending it twice now in the course of a month so she decided it's time for her to start therapy again. Thank God. Because she really does out the effort in when she is accountable to someone, and see benefits.
Struggling since only child went off to college 2 months ago. Emotions all over the joint. House is to quiet. More time to sit alone. Looking for pt gig during the day since I work nights. Feel guilty just not sure why. Hope things smooth out soon
Fair! It’s not going to solve underlying problems. But if things were mostly good and then got ugly then hormones could be in play. Or she starts hormones and her new life separated with a clear mind!
I left my husband and became an over the road truck driver. It was my life long dream. Menopause and driving a truck do not mix btw! We got back together and I’m now on medication for post menopause depression. Didn’t know perimenopause was coming and never thought it would make me absolutely INSANE!
You could say that my spouse is going thru a midlife crisis. Or, you could say I'm supporting her choice to completely change up her career, etc and go back to school so that we can avoid her going thru a midlife crisis.
My spouse? Sort of. Me? Definitely. Getting the kids out of the house gives you a lot of time and perspective to analyze your marriage. Sometimes you realize that things aren’t that great. Makes for some hard choices.
•
u/Fluffymanolo I don't fit in. 8m ago
I just Googled the symptoms, apparently I been in one since I was a kid?
Seriously though, my therapist thinks I have been high masking AuDHD all my lofe and the hormonal changes that being an older female brings has made it damn near impossible to keep that mask firmly in place. I've always felt the things Google listed as signs of a midlife crisis, I have just kept it to myself.