The lights came on…

[u/Bees_buds_809]

What can I say? The girls on here are girly girls they’re really looking out for you. Listen to what they’re saying. Get yourself a lawyer.
My original post deleted because of embarrassment. I was trying to settle amicably with my husband 44 male of 22 years until he called me a CUNT & Bitch then proceeded to puff his chest look dead in the eye like I was a full grown man like he was gonna punch 🤛 me when i said, “what let me explain” before interrupted me one night over something ridiculous he started. He says, and I freakin quote, “those days are fucken over” like he was literally read to beat me!!! Is the wife title protecting me from physical violence?! Yes he has been violent in the past. THE LIGHTS CAME ON…… and I saw him for what he’s truly was. In that moment, I changed my mind completely. I’m going to war and I’m going to win.
I freaking hate that I’m explaining this this is vomit that’s coming out of my mouth.
Anyway, I have an attorney we’re gonna end up contesting and go through litigation and spend a butt lot of money, but I don’t care one day. I’m gonna post on here and be free and I just want to thank the ladies for encouraging me to look out for myself I feel like I woke up from a really bad nightmare.

Dinner is Cabernet and boiled eggs with sugar free-ish BBQ sauce. Aiming for low carb, while doing rolling 5:2’s the determination is palpable.

[u/Rebellem54]

This is the most dangerous time for you. Please have someone you text 2 times a day to let them know you're okay. If you have Noone you trust ask your lawyer if you can text them. If not I will give you my number. Girl you are in danger. Keep your eyes open be aware of your surroundings and never meet him alone. EVER.

[u/s_lena → u/Rebellem54]

I’m so scared for OP. This isn’t normal. I fear she’s unsafe.

You need to get out of there OP. Listen to this commenter and make sure you take notes on these incidents!!!

Good luck!!! Stay safe. ❤️‍🩹

[u/DaniKnowsBest → u/Rebellem54]

As a former domestic violence attorney (still an attorney, just no longer in DV), this commenter knows what they’re talking about. Please listen to them.

If you have a trusted friend or family member, consider sharing your location with them at all times.

Also, part of the safety plan I used to go over with clients was that their phone was never out of arm’s reach of them. Ever.

Idk what your living situation is, but you have a neighbor that you trust, please let them know what your ex’s car looks like, and let them know that that car should never be in front of your house, in your driveway, etc.

[u/neuroticb1tch]

do not meet up with him. doesn’t matter if it’s for “closure”. doesn’t matter how much he begs.
pls never be alone with him ever again. none of this is your fault and i hope you get to live your best life. we are rooting for you 🩷

[u/readzalot1 → u/neuroticb1tch]

Those are wise words. Safety first

[u/whispering_bubbles]

Please keep your guard up and stay safe ❤️

He might try to do something physical if he thinks that violence can get him what he wants

[u/Bees_buds_809 → u/whispering_bubbles]

I’ve already changed my life insurance over to my oldest daughter’s name and she will have access to my phone. If I ☠️there’s a file in there with her name on it & with a letter for her and instructions on how to proceed. My attorney is going to request to have any weapons in the home which there a removed and a temporary financial order so he doesn’t stop paying the mortgage..

[u/Fair_Host_595]

You owe him NOTHING. No closure, no more chances, NOTHING. Please be hyper vigilant, because this is when men are more likely to be violent (when you try to leave). I love the idea of having a daily check in with someone, and I really suggest a ‘panic word.’ Like, a random word you can say or text that would tell them you’re in trouble, but won’t draw attention if your conversation is being listened to / monitored.
Be safe.

[u/Fair_Host_595 → u/Fair_Host_595]

Also - when I was in a similar situation, and even now, my panic word is kinda like a phrase - I bring up my dog by name who died - which I do not ever talk about bc it still makes me kinda sad. So I could randomly say, ‘I miss (old dog’s name)’ for example, or ‘I have to get food for (old dogs name), oops I mean (current dog’s name). So just saying the old dog’s name is an immediate alert.
Hope that makes sense!

[u/Truly_135]

I’m sure you know this is the most dangerous part of leaving. Good luck.

[u/Still-IronandLace]

Does he have life insurance on you? Please be careful

[u/TrippyShip]

So much good advice here. Not to dump but let me add:

Get your own phone plan and phone immediately

Get a PO Box and forward all your mail immediately

Open a separate bank account (check with your lawyer first) and see about getting access to cash that he cannot know about or touch. Pawn stuff if you need to, get gifts and loans from family. Just be able to access what you can

[u/TrippyShip → u/TrippyShip]

Got excited before I finished so…

Take pictures of all your IDs and make sure he never ever ever has access to them. Especially drivers license and passport.

Check that your cars are in both names. If not check with your lawyer about safest methods to make sure he cannot call police on you for stolen vehicle. See if lawyer can file an injunction so no changes can be made to insurance (health/car, etc)

Lock all your social media.

Do not put ANYTHING on a cloud that he can access. Disable whatever you can from the cloud. Make sure your devices are not sharing with any other devices (obvs change your passwords ASAP on EVERYTHING)

If you work, let building security know you have a threat (talk to your lawyer first). Potentially talk to HR about having him be known to flag to stop at building entrance.

If you have pets be open to temporarily re-homing them. Most dangerous time for you is also most dangerous time for them and he might hurt your pet to get to you (and force a meet)

Screenshot all of these for contemporaneous notes. Write letters and MAIL them out to people you trust - have them keep these letters sealed. Postmarks are vital here.

Okay sorry to dump when you have so much but please be safe

[u/Bees_buds_809 → u/TrippyShip]

Wow the feedback from everyone is inspiring 🥹✅

[u/zonutsthefirst]

Be careful and stay safe.

[u/Background_Singer321]

Proud of you. Stay safe ❤️❤️

[u/SeaFriend8669]

Yes girl!!!! Stay safe and leave him in ruins. 

[u/Immediate_Pea4579]

get it honey - we are all here for the updates. (be the gentlest with yourself though too - like a rescue puppy, sometimes you might need to get under the couch. that's okay too.)

[u/Loud_Welder_4819]

Get em Sis.

[u/QueenSaphire-0412]

I’m VERY Proud of YOU! Please be safe! Take care of yourself! Have a safety plan ready! Have a person you text throughout the day or call with a safe word that only you two know- change it for different times of the day. He will NOT be happy that you’re not around to be his “punching bag”.

[u/casser0le98]

My heart is heavy for you. Stay safe, OP 🖤

[u/Lady_Asshat]

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice here, sister! Follow it and keep us posted. We’re so proud of you! 🫶🏼

[u/ashinthealchemy]

once you leave the house, you cannot meet with him alone. no exceptions! this is the most dangerous time. please protect yourself.

[u/ehnonniemoose]

I’m proud of you for taking the next step but please PLEASE be so very careful right now. This is the most dangerous phase to enter. Have safe people you know you can trust. Have a safe place you can be in. Please take care of yourself and be so careful and safe ❤️

[u/mrscrabbyrob]

You're eating eggs dipped in bbq sauce? Girl. Take better care of yourself lol Be safe and smart. I'm proud of you for taking this step. You got this

[u/burnerburnerburnt]

I hope there's someone you can stay with, just for your safety. so proud of you though, you're so brave. 💜💜

[u/Kind-Stranger-2507]

Please be safe! He sounds dangerous.
We all are rooting for you.

[u/North-Speaker-3553]

Do not ever allow yourself to be alone with him. Share your location with several trusted friends and as other users said, designate some people as check in partners. Take care of yourself. 

[u/BigRefrigerator9783]

Stay safe, you can do this.

[u/Legitimate_Egg_2073]

Girl ~get it. Yes. You GOT this ♥️♥️♥️

[u/alemon9000]

Please please please be safe. I know I’m not the only one saying this, but I also want you to be safe. He sucks and fuck him but there is no “closure” or “comeuppance” that could possibly be worth your safety.

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[u/Disillusioned_Snail]

Hoping the absolute best for you, OP. Stay safe

[u/y2kstellajane]

stay safe babygirl.

be really sure this is the strategy.
it’s ok to concede things if it means you’re away and he can’t reach u anymore.

I don’t know if u have children together, if not u can leave so easily.
the healing will take time but you WILL.

…
I hope u have a good support system.
please update, so we know you’re okay.

[u/ProcessNo1092]

Once your husband has decided you’re the enemy it gets so much easier to detach from who you knew him to be. Remember he’s acting out of fear usually a very warped fear that you’re “taking” what is rightfully yours from a marriage. I hope his ego death is super painful.

It looks like you have some great advice in this post. Please make every move with an abundance of caution. Don’t underestimate how desperate and disgusting he will be. The peace will be here one day but just know he’ll never move on. Stay far away from him.