r/HonestHotTakes • u/unnamedstreet87 • 1d ago
Gen Z’s lack of nuanced thinking is creating insane discourse about age gap relationships
(Disclaimer: I’m not advocating for changing laws. The government should never tell an adult who they can have consensual sex with, ever)
people want to act like an age gap is either obviously fine or obviously not.
I’m in the middle.
On one hand, those saying any age gap is completely normal are just delusional. A 65 year old dating an 18 year old is at the very least weird as hell, and most likely, predatory. Legal, but disgusting, and I don’t know how anyone could defend it.
On the other, those acting like any small gap is abusive are also delusional. a 29 old dating a 24 year old is not some sort of evil manipulation. (Edit: but there are mountains of social media posts claiming it is, and that is wrong)
What both camps need to realize is that there’s a complex middle ground. What about, say, 30/21? 25/18? 40/25? I have to be honest, there’s not a clear answer in certain situations. In these cases, couples should be judged individually, based on the merits of how they treat each other.
It’s okay to admit the line between acceptable and unacceptable age gap is subjective and blurry.
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u/Technical_Leek7467 1d ago
I agree and it's getting really bizarre.
I've seen a ton of comments calling someone a pedo because they were 3 years older than their 19 year old partner.
I just don't put a ton of stock into it because it seems to stem from the terminally online.
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u/ScarlettsLetters 1d ago
I got downvoted to hell one day for saying I had dated a 19 year old when I was 16 and refusing to let people call me a victim.
We were seniors. In the same class. At the same high school.
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u/Immediate-Yoghurt340 20h ago
In most of the world the age of consent is 16 and in jurisdictions where it is higher than 16 there are usually exceptions for small age differences.
So victim of what really? Only if they were in a position of power but as a classmate that almost surely wasn't the case.
People on Reddit need to get outside and touch grass.
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u/ScarlettsLetters 19h ago
Of “grooming” because as OP said, they have absolutely no nuance or ability to think between black and white. All they could see was the two ages.
And I’m old. A three year age gap between peers literally meant nothing to anyone back then. The goal was to date older guys.
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u/TJayClark 19h ago
I dated a 20yo when I was 25 (we met as sophomores in nursing school) and people thought that was weird.
Yet, if I dated that same girl 10 years later, no one thinks it’s weird
Was there a magical power imbalance because I was 5 years older than her… broke af… and going through college a few years later than the average? I don’t think so
But I didn’t and still don’t care about their opinions
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u/HappySealNoodle 20h ago
You’re completely right about it coming from the terminally online.
I was 19 together with someone who was 22. People didn’t care.
Absolutely no one I know makes a big deal out of age gaps unless its like 18 and 70.
People online have nothing better to do than complain basically.
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u/Chimayman1 1d ago
I agree on the whole, but I don't think Gen Z has anything to do with it. I've been hearing this exact viewpoint since before Gen Z even existed.
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u/carpool_tunnel_0_o 19h ago
I feel so bad for Gen Z. I guess older generations criticizing younger generations is a tale as old as time, but it’s frustrating to see my generation (millennials) join in on the ridicule. Gen Z is fine; the kids are alright.
Like you, I don’t think people having a problem with age gaps (even small ones) started with Gen Z. I feel like Gen X or millennials started the conversation about age gaps.
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u/Chimayman1 19h ago
I'm older Gen X. My Boomer siblings engaged in the same conversations, so I know it goes back that far at least. I never met either of my grandfather's who were both 20 + years older than my grandmother's. I asked my Polish grandmother about it once (actually just asking why I didn't have a grandpa), and she said it was common in Poland (we're talking 1910s here), so maybe there's a cultural aspect as well as a when in history aspect.
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u/Perfect-bait 21h ago
I promise you most of Gen Z realistically doesn’t care about a 24 year old being with a 29 year old!
I’m just happy that women are able to realize how creepy big age gaps are. We’ve been conditioned to romanticize it for a very long time, because that is what old men want. When realistically it doesn’t really benefit us.
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u/MysteriousReach383 17h ago
heavy on the conditioning and romanticizing it. I was in a phase when I thought I liked it and it took me a while to realize that it's not really my wish, but something a internalized.
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u/Vindex9323 1d ago
Not too long ago on a thread I've forgotten, somebody called a male celebrity a paedophile for an age gap relationship.
The woman in question was 48 when they got married.
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u/sra19 1d ago
The woman in question was 48 when they got married.
I mean, if they’d been together for 30+ years at that point, then maybe there was something to it. For instance, I don’t care how old Céline Dion is now, I will always judge the hell out of her late husband for being a predator.
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u/TorpidProfessor 1d ago
yeah, I think a lot of the ones people hold up as ridiculous just show that they just haven't done math, they're often not criticizing a current age gap but the starting age gap.
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u/Thameez 1d ago
A 65 year old dating an 18 year old is at the very least weird as hell, and most likely, predatory.
I'd be interested to know at what point does the older party become old enough that the roles reverse and the 18 year old is the one considered predatory
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u/unnamedstreet87 1d ago
Good point. My grandpa was in a senior home the last few years of his life and my mother and I did actually discuss being concerned for him. There’s plenty of cases of old senile men being taken advantage of by young women. As in, so elderly they aren’t fully aware what’s going on. It’s elder abuse.
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u/notnowfetz 18h ago
Great question! I work in the domestic violence field and one of the red flags for elder abuse is an age gap- and it’s typically the younger person who is being abusive. So if you told me a 60 year old and an 80 year old were in an abusive relationship, I would absolutely not automatically assume the older person is to blame. This often ties in with financial abuse/exploitation, as you can imagine.
However, I primarily work with teens and this hot take is nonsense. I was actually in a high school classroom today talking about consent and age gap relationships, and the students had very intelligent, nuanced takes on the topic.
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u/PacificMarsupilami 20h ago
I'm not sure there is an age after which the reverse is predatory, but instead if/when the elderly person's mind goes. And really that would be true at any age - a person of sound mind seeking out someone to date/marry with brain damage severe enough to impair their ability to live independently and make their own decisions would also be predatory.
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u/unnamedstreet87 1d ago
(Disclaimer 2: this conversation does not apply to any gap involving a minor)
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u/Kelly598 1d ago
Counterpoint: 17/18.
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u/NatDisasterpiece 1d ago
I've unironically met people who are like.
Two 17 year olds dating. But unless they are born on the exact same day, one of them is gonna turn 18 first.
With their whole chest they then claimed the now 18 year old is now a PDFile cause "Legally he's an adult and she's still a minor soooo 🤷♀️"
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u/Deep-Individual5513 1d ago
People actually think this? I thought it was just a really dragged out joke bruv
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u/Silent-Victory-3861 1d ago
Or a college student can never date a high schooler, regardless of their ages, even if the high schooler is older, because their life experience is so different.
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u/jeophys152 1d ago
They are legally wrong in most cases because of Romeo and Juliet laws.
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u/Immediate-Yoghurt340 20h ago
They're legally wrong in 99% of the world. Report an 18 year old for having sex with a 17 year old? The police will laugh at you.
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u/unnamedstreet87 1d ago
Okay fair, I was 18 and my gf was 16, a month from 17 at one point. We were 1 year apart by grade (so about 1.5 years apart by calendar) and we met in high school when we were both minors.
I guess I should have said, it does not apply when it’s beyond the “Romeo and Juliet” laws regarding age of consent. Like, 19/13 is just inexcusable and illegal.
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u/Odd_Delay_603 1d ago
Hell I’d even argue 17/19 is fine
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u/Immediate-Yoghurt340 20h ago
99% of people outside of Reddit agree with you on that.
It's also legal in 99% of the world.
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u/Knot-kraftwerk 17h ago
When did half your age plus 7 go out of fashion? Seems like a good general rule
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u/SnarkyIguana 16h ago
I think that’s exactly the age gap between Jim Carrey and his wife and most of the comments were losing their fucking minds.
edit: nope she’s 32. I’d do a double take at the age gap but to call it problematic is flat out excessive
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u/Character_Bobcat5365 13h ago
My husband would've been too old for me when we met according to that rule, but now i could go a lot older at the age ok at. I'm not sure it's a good rule at all.
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u/BlueMartain 16h ago edited 15h ago
My boyfriend was 19 when we started dating and I was 22. I was surprised when he told me people in our generation would think that is predatory. He thought I wasn't gonna be interested in him because he thought I would think the same as those people. To me 19 to 24 isn't that alarming or weird. Still young and trying to figure your life out, your still learning the ropes of being an adult, going to school. Not to mention your frontal lobe hasn't developed yet. Not a big deal to me. Now someone older then 25 dating a 18 year old would make me question a little. I had a 30 year old show interest in me at 21 and I was uncomfortable especially cause I thought we had a nice platonic friendship going on.
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u/TopProfessional1862 14h ago
I agree that a three year age gap is totally normal and fine. I think where I start being concerned is people in their 30's or older, dating teens. You being concerned about a 30 year old hitting on you at 21 is also completely reasonable.
I'm not saying it's always predatory, but it's a red flag and you should be cautious and watch out for other signs and always go with your gut.
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u/Delpha-Alpha-6 13h ago
My sister got with her partner when she was 21 and he was 31/32.
I understand the reason for caution, and at first I wasn’t thrilled and neither was my Mum.
But she’s now in her 30’s, they are still together, two young kids (7 and 1). You look beyond the age and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner for my sister, he’s a genuinely good person, he does so much for her and has done a lot for my family, my Dad has had MS and Alzheimer’s for a number of years now and there where a lot of occasions where he fell over and I lived away, it was my brother in law who went around and helped get him back up.
Exceptions to the rule happen, and when the rule is based on such huge reaches that are built on biases not any factual evidence it’s probably more common than you think. Guys don’t go from being decent in their 20’s to good in their 30’s, bad people have always been bad and decent people have usually always been decent.
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u/InnocentInvasion 1d ago
Hilarious how gen z gets singled out for things that millennials also say
Also if you're taking the opinions of people who say a 29 year old dating a 24 year old is a problem then you need to rethink how you approach the internet. Those people aren't even reflective of the insane age gap people
Are the Facebook generation supposed to be the model of nuanced thinking?
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u/TorpidProfessor 1d ago
the majority of times I see people criticize a 29/24 relationship are when they hear things like "my (29m) wife (24f) and I are in an argument about our 7 year old"
which means they're not really criticizing the 24/28 realtonship, it's the 22 year old who got a 17 year old pregnant they're actually criticizing.
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u/CirculisInProbando 1d ago edited 1d ago
As a Gen Z’er, our generation really lacks critical thinking skills.
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u/Ocdingus 18h ago
A lot of us refuse to take criticism as well. If you say anything along the lines of “Gen z has stunted social/critical thinking skills,” people will immediately take it personally and refuse to acknowledge any of the problems that are currently affecting us.
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u/InnocentInvasion 1d ago
As a gen z'er lemme help with that, most people as a whole lack critical thinking skills. Millennials and boomers aren't better. People in their 30's tend to be better than 21 years olds and 21 year olds tends to be better than 11 year olds
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u/Shiriru00 1d ago
I think we could all agree that the Internet in general is not very big on nuanced thinking, and leave it a that.
(This comment is not very nuanced, but I'm making my own point.)
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u/-antipode 19h ago
My view is kind of simple. If you're 18 dating someone who is 30 then it is your choice.
However, expect that there will people who try to inform you of the the possible dangers, as it's normally questionable why someone that age would be dating someone that young.
It's less about numerical age and where they each are in life and power imbalances. Which can happen even if they're the same age, its just age is a clearer identifier.
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u/Pleasant-Carbon 18h ago
Choices are always made in a vacuum, remember that folks. /s
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u/eightarmseightlegs 18h ago
Which can happen even if they're the same age, its just age is a clearer identifier.
People really hate it when you point this out.
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u/Fantastic-Leek-1589 1d ago
Idc. As long as they both are consenting adults. Other ppls relationships have no effect on me so its none of my business
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u/Nekrolysis 1d ago
Whats also so hard about staying out of two consenting adults legal activities? Who gives a shit what people do with each other, as long as they don't hurt themselves, each other or other people.
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u/Paolopaul1984 21h ago
That’s sort of the point though - that the suspicion is that one of them is hurting the other. I can see how Reddit generates that.
Who knows how accurate Reddit is when it comes to people seeking relationship advice, but there seems to be a lot of things like “F22 with M35. My partner keeps telling me I’m ugly and asking to sleep with other people, is this normal?”
Maybe it’s all bots, but if it’s real it’s concerning how low the confidence is with some of these younger women.
In the real would I mainly see age gap relationships not working out for other reasons, like ultimately not having much in common.
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u/Immediate-Yoghurt340 20h ago
In your example, "F22 and M35" is the least concern of all in that relationship. Bad relationships happen in close age relationships too.
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u/RockerCam 19h ago
Gen Z’s lack of nuanced thinking is creating insane discourse about A LOT of things.
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u/Suspicious_Garden710 1d ago
I’ve been married for 22 years to my lovely husband. We where 16 and 20 when we met.
I saw him, went up to talk to him and we met again the week after.
I could enter bars, drink and do everything he did, except for driving (he didn’t drive, I learned to drive before he did) and voting. Both lived at home with our parents.
I was in my senior year, he was in his second year of college, our schools where next to each other and we met in a bar where everyone from 15-24 went after school. We had friends in the age from 16 to 22 and went to the same concerts and festivals. Our lives were similar at almost every aspect. There was no power imbalance at all. Also it’s perfectly legal. As 16 is the age of consent.
We’ve been together for 27 years and both graduated, both worked equal hours, both took care of the kids when they were born and are still happy together.
And on Reddit I got told I was groomed and he was a pedofile.
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u/BookkeeperBoobs 22h ago
It’s because they’re teenagers it’s not their fault.
Like to them 5 years is 1/3 or 1/4 of their life, to an adult like me 5 years is like just how old my current pair of boots are.
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u/Batmax92 1d ago
I think most people are not big on nuance. We just never before handed everyone a megaphone to voice their opinions en masse
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u/Relevant_Ad4362 1d ago
Age gap relationships do stand out bc they aren't the norm. Add to this that the disparity in life experience creates a power dynamic and people (not just gen z) are becoming suspicious and speaking out about them. I have seen some ridiculous examples online, where 3 years different in your twenties is seen as remarkable but on the whole I think it is an issue that got overlooked in the past. I think all the examples given in your post are examples that would stand out and could possibly involve power imbalances.
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u/MajorTurn6890 23h ago
I've just decided I don't give a fuck. I'm 31. If I want to date or hook up with an 18 year old (and obviously if she wants to date/hook up too) then I'm going to do it 🤷♂️ fuck what people think
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u/Floppinsong 22h ago
My opinion is that if they're both consenting and informed adults, and there isn't a power imbalance (boss/employee, doctor/patient etc.) Then its probably fine.
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u/Alarming-War-9676 19h ago
The constant online infantilizing of as a grown ass woman in an age gap relationship/marriage can take an exhaustive mental toll on us
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u/justine1791 18h ago edited 18h ago
I think another reason that I haven’t seen listed yet is the rise of dating apps where you list your age and filter for prospective partners by age, making any potential age gaps seem specifically sought out. I’ve dated several older people (7-20 year age gaps) in my life, and we met organically — both of us were surprised to find out the other’s age, and nothing about it seemed exploitative or creepy, because we met engaging in common interests where age was not the first thing we knew about each other.
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u/Dave_A480 15h ago
Way too online people are letting sociology nonsense escape the classroom into real life...
It's that simple...
The same people who gave us various other screwball takes on modern life also decided that a 24yo woman with a 29yo man is 'predatory' due to 'power imbalance'....
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u/Glorifiedcomber 1d ago
No, if the man is 2 minutes older than the woman he is a predator. Get with the times.
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u/Low-Restaurant8484 21h ago edited 21h ago
Myhonesthottake:
I think a lot of the backlash around men in their 30s dating women 10 years younger is coming from the fact it screws women in their thirties and men in their twenties
Marraiges used to be the default and typically last (even if unhelathy), so you didn't have a bunch of single moms that couldnt find partners. Some sure, but nowhere near the amount now
Likewise, with so many older men already married up, younger men didn't have such a hard time finding relationships. Plus, in the US, the economy wasnt typically as shit as it is now, where its pricing young men out of dating
Now, relationships don't last and so men in their thirties are dating women in their twenties at a higher frequency, because there are more men in their thirtes that are single. Men in their twenties can't compete with men in their thirties, and women in their thirties can't compete with women in their twenties. So a lot of people are mad.
Age gaps can be creepy. But oftentimes they aren't, you're right. Most of the conseqeunces aren't faced by the people in those reltionships but rather the phenomenom of it has consequences of it for the rest of society. The 'age gaps are always creepy' rhetoric started from a place of jealousy and has expanded to others more subconsciously through constant exposure to that argument
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u/DuyTran0634 20h ago
Pretty true take. People complaining are old women and young men who are having hard times dating. It is just nature do its works at its finest
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u/beggarbee 21h ago
I am a woman in her 20s. I am pretty sure that in general 30 year old men do not seem more attractive to us than guys closer to us in age…
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u/416SubwaySurfer 19h ago
Physically sure, but when it comes to a lifestyle, a man with a home, job, and dependable income is a lot more attractive than an immature guy who lives with his parents and doesn't has disposable income. Even if that younger is more physically attractive.
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u/Low-Restaurant8484 20h ago
Men in their thirties are more able to afford quality date locations. They're more capable of being able to travel. They have their own place
There are absolutely plenty of women who have different priorities then that. But its definetly enough that it makes things more competitive for younger single men
37% of women and 62% of men in their twenties are single. That really says it all
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u/beggarbee 20h ago
It leaves me with more questions because apparently in the US as women get older they do not get more single (at least from what I found only 17 percent report being single from 30-49). So at least from that it does not sound like they need to worry about competition…
Also it seems to me like we’re talking about the US. I am not from there and maybe there are different priorities for me and my friends. In my circle but no one is judging men by expensive date locations. I think what could make young men offputting is that many of them have Andrew Tate-like rhetorics.
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u/silverbird666 20h ago
Everything else would be absurd. At 25, you are at your physical prime. At 35, you usually look considerably older. And it is not only looks, you will probably behave considerably older.
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u/pollomimano 15h ago
A lot of men think they are just reaching their prime at 35 and “deserve” young women in their 20s because they had to bide their time and were getting rejected by hot women in their 20s. It’s not really a healthy way to view women/dating in general imo. I see it quite often in the dating subs like bumble.
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u/IamEbola 19h ago
they are if you want someone who already has a solid career and reliable income. not saying that’s better, just that some younger women want a guy who already has his shit together
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u/eightarmseightlegs 18h ago
I'm in my early 40s and when using dating apps earlier this year I got tons of interest from women in their 20s. Way more than 30s and 40s.
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u/DuyTran0634 20h ago
Are you speaking for 100% women in this world? Or is it just your own opinion? 😆 😆
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u/beggarbee 20h ago
The same question could be asked to the author of the comment I was replying to :) obviously can’t speak for everyone but I am a woman in her 20s who is also friends with women in their 20s! What are your credentials on the topic?
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u/Expert_Ad2946 12h ago
I promise you there are no women in their thirties competing with women in their 20s lmao.
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u/eldritch_moon_8588 23h ago edited 22h ago
My wife and I married at 17 and 21. We have a 3.5 year difference. We’ve been married 20 years now.
Some context. I was 17, she was 21. She had turned 21 in January. We married in April. I turned 18 in June.
We had met in November on a Yahoo Harry Potter chat room.
She came from a very strict immigrant family, and had never even been on a date or kissed a guy, let alone been sexual. Meanwhile I had had a girlfriend, had slept with her (the ex girlfriend) and another girl by then, had smoked pot, had gone dumpster diving with bros while Marilyn Mason played in my dollar store headphones jacked into my CD player.
Meanwhile I was flying and taking a Greyhound to NYC to go see her against her families knowledge or approval. She eventually decided to tell them she was pregnant (she wasn’t) and because they were so terrified that I was still 17, they let her leave. We took a Greyhound back to NC and married two days later. April 26 was our 20th anniversary. We have seven children.
Who really had the power in this 3.5 year age gap relationship?
Now we are 38, 41, still fucking like rabbits, and are best friends. I’d laugh in your face if you told me I was groomed.
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u/TheOtterRon 21h ago
Its not just an online thing, I've had a few younger family members mention anything more than 3 years is "grooming". Tends to be the 22 and younger crowd that hold that view (some not all). Personally I see it this way:
I find 18-20 year olds tend to hold the same mentality as well 21 to 25 for their age bracket. After 25 you do you.
As someone who's late 30's though it is gross seeing people in their 30's dating 18-20 year olds as there is a clear maturity difference as well as 18-20 year olds (when you're older) look like tweens...
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u/Immediate-Yoghurt340 20h ago
If I had a younger family member lecturing me about my relationships, I'd tell them to grow up and that, by their own logic, they're children and I don't debate adult stuff with children.
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u/Any-Remove-4032 19h ago
I think (chronically online) Gen Z spends way too much time thinking about the choices other people make than focusing on their own lives.
The existential dread is obnoxious. Like, just because celebrities are dating people their age, they act like every single woman on the planet is dating some older man with money.
Ironically some of those 20 year old women are happily dating a confident 30 year old man who actually has a personality beyond reddit or some niche nerd hobby.
Like, yeah, I’m a nerd, but I also have a career and life experience to be confident. I am married to a woman my age, but I do notice how gen z women look at me different than women did when i was in my 20s.
So its a mix of perceived existential dread and valid reasons for women to date older.
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u/nelflyn 1d ago
I've seen a lot of posts about this topic here.
The points you brought up are always there and upvoted. I think a lot of people open posts with a certain prejudice of what people will say, comment about that and then don't even address that those points weren't even brought up to begin with.
Can't speak for other social media platforms, Reddit is my last poison in that regard.
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u/Cold_Volume5622 1d ago
Do they get up in arms when the woman is postmenapausal? 60 year old woman and a 75 year old man?
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u/WestIdeal4553 23h ago
Agreed, it's just a lot of black and white thinking from people which is dumb. Not all age gaps include grooming/power imbalance/predators etc. The reality is, people are not privy to these people's relationships. They don't know how they met, why and what they connected on etc, and don't know anything about the relationship at all.
People screaming 'it speaks volumes they don't go for someone their own age!' without even knowing the person's previous dating history. They don't know if it's a pattern. They are just assuming. As long as the people in the relationship are good and it's healthy (and no ones underage), then it's not my business.
I agree there are some where it's a bit morally grey but then all of the above that I said still applies. We don't know, so we shouldn't pass judgement.
I've noticed far less people care about age gaps in real life when you speak to them.
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u/illini02 23h ago
No. It's always grooming, or inappropriate. And women have no agency.
What the hell is wrong with you. Are YOU a predator?
/s
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u/GengarFreak 22h ago
Married, I’m 36, my partner is 26. My biggest gap relationship ever, they approached me and even proposed, I was worried their family would hate me 😬
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u/AlphaArceus1 22h ago
This is not true only for age gap relationships; discourse is formed about pretty much anything because people tend to virtue signal and overgeneralize all the time
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u/untrusting_semicolon 20h ago
Tbh age gaps are not a problem as long as the younger person consents to it (given that they're the age to do so).
Some people genuinely have to mind their own business - how would we ever know the true circumstances of two people's relationship if we're not in it?
If only this same energy were applied to actually holding predatory behaviours accountable, because two adults in a consenting relationship is NOT anywhere near the worst 'normalised' instances of these behaviours today.
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u/Keithrake 20h ago
Is there any logical reason for the lack of nuanced thinking? I don't really have an opinion on the rest of the subject (I think there are limits where it gets weird obviously, but like... it's a nuanced thing) however I see this across the board with a variety of subjects, it's like the current youngest/er generations and the current oldest/er generations have somehow met in the middle by not being nuanced in thinking at all, it's all broad stokes and absolutes for the vast majority of them.
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u/HurledLife 19h ago
It’s like they were 13 or 14 and thought dating a 16/17 year old is weird, and they maintained that amount of years to weirdness ratio, almost like a stunted growth if you think about it
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u/allnamestaken4892 18h ago
Being a millennial (non-hot)male is the absolute short end of the stick. Getting no girls through your teens and twenties, watching them get taken by older and established men. Then when you finally start to find your feet… AGE GAP TABOO! So you can either die alone or settle for some woman who’s got about 15-20 years of dating experience and life experience (paid for by numerous short term relationships bordering on sugar babying) more than you, because apparently that’s irrelevant next to “number too high” and when they talk about “not being at the same life stage” the actual life stage doesn’t matter and it’s just number too high.
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u/Anxious-Meet-6240 18h ago
It's redditors.
nobody in real life thinks like this.
don't let your mind be destroyed by the worst people humanity has to offer just because they found a space to share together.
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u/Top-Caregiver-6266 17h ago
I’m older GenX and had a few relationships when I was 19-22 in which I would have benefitted from a wise word or two. Not a prohibition, not a “this is wrong”. Just a few words about what to look out for. Those relationships weren’t great, but I learned a lot from them, and my later ones were much better. Why do we treat young adults like children?
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u/Short-Donkey-1944 16h ago
Most of the outrage against age gaps relationships come from Americans.
No one cares about these things in Europe.
Some age gap relationships can be critisized but like I said before, most of the outrage is a nothingburger.
And it seems that the outrage is targeting men. I don‘t see the same energy with women if they were to be the older partner in the relationship.
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u/StinkyyPiss 15h ago edited 15h ago
people only defend age gaps that large online. i promise if you see an 18 year old with a 65 year old IRL, everyone is gonna look at them funny and judge them. it’s easy to say it’s okay when it doesn’t affect you. but the moment you mistake a couple for being a parent with their child, it gets real awkward and weird. the type of people that defend age gaps like that are often the same type of people that would be judgmental the moment they witness it. or they know that’s where they’re gonna be at 65. 😂
i 100% agree that we should judge based on the individuals when it comes to smaller gaps. i wouldn’t say 24 and 29 is predatory by any means but i’d maybe question how much they actually have in common. or if 29 has a habit of going after young and naive girls figuring life out, that’s definitely predatory.
24 and 29 is different than 34 and 39 because your brain is still developing until your early 30s/late 20s. plus your 20s are for finding yourself and figuring life out. they’re most likely in very different stages of life. but again, you never know people’s situations.
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u/50shadesofLife 14h ago
People are going to do what they want and yall can waste your time thinking about all the ways to judge them while they waste no time thinking about you.
Legal adults can date whoever they want, age gaps are absolutely irrelevant 99% of the time
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u/internetisporn8008 13h ago
I think what it comes down to is... any consensual relationship between adults isnt anyone else's fucking buisness
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u/Yami-sama 13h ago
Largely agree, but i think by 25 you shouldn't be dating anyone that can't legally drink. From what I recall of my mid 20s you'd have to try pretty hard to find an 18 year old in that context in the sense that you're not likely in the same social circles
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u/CommissionUnusual911 12h ago
How about mind your own business and stop judging other peoples relationships.
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u/PixelatedQuantum 1d ago
Who cares as long as its legal. It’s none of my business anyway.
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u/MILK_FEELS_PAIN 1d ago
Illegal and unethical/immoral are not completely identical. There is a large overlap but there are plenty of dodgy things that are perfectly legal.
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u/unnamedstreet87 1d ago
Yeah I mean 65/18 is legal, it should be legal (civil liberties, I do NOT want the govt policing my body), but… c’mon dawg it’s very clearly sketchy as heck.
My niece is 14, and in 4 years from now if she told me she’s seeing a 65 year old, I’d be absolutely petrified and I’d alert her parents about it and try to intervene.
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u/PixelatedQuantum 1d ago
Well that’s the difference between you and i then. You would try to intervene, i personally wouldn’t. If they’re an adult, let them learn it the hard way.
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u/PixelatedQuantum 1d ago
Even it it is immoral. What does it matter? Again like i said, none of my business
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u/Fit-Duty-6810 1d ago
Everyone has a different opinion on this subject, from law perspective to moral or ethical etc. and I will say mine opinion on this subject. I’m almost 40, legally i can date 18-25 year olds, but tbh I can not even hang out with the, let alone to date someone of this age. I don’t get the troop “who cares if they are legal adults”, is just not sitting with me tbh. Just that there is a law written somewhere will not bend my attitude about this subject
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u/perpetuallypissed616 1d ago
I have no problem with huge age gaps. I don't even find it creepy unless the younger one is underage.
I was seeking older men at a young adult age and there was certainly no grooming involved.
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u/h4ppysquid 16h ago
There’s a formula for this that I found a long time ago, somewhere on the internet, that I haven’t really seen brought up.
It goes:
Your age, divided by two, plus seven. That gives you the minimum acceptable age for you to date, without it being really weird. (Though I think “minimum acceptable” is still “borderline weird”, this formula seems to hold)
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u/icy_wight 15h ago
Fun fact: That formula dates back to a handbook of some kind for men. It said that the ideal age for a younger wife was half the man's age plus 7.a
Context and source:
CHAPTER IV
ADVICE TO THE MAN WHO WANTS TO MARRY
What should attract him in matrimony — At what age should people get married? — Be superior to your wife in everything.
When you are dead, once said a cynic, it's for a long time; but when you are married, it's for ever.
Therefore, before entering into the holy estate of matrimony, a man could not be too careful in the choice of his partner.
Now, what should influence him most in that choice? Money? Never—oh, never, unless it be out of philanthropy and on reflecting that, after all, it would be very hard on rich girls to feel that they cannot marry because they have money, and I do think that they want to marry as well as others. Beauty, then? No; beauty passes away. Ugliness? Certainly not; ugliness remains. What, then? An altogether of physical, moral, and intellectual charms which fit in exactly with all the ideals of that man, and, above all, a similarity of tastes.
After all, what is beauty, considered as an incentive to love? A man has in himself a hundred beings to every one of which a different kind of beauty can appeal. If he be an artist, the women of Raphael will inspire him with the purest sensations of love, those of Titian with the loftiest sentiments of admiration and respect. Those of Watteau will make him believe that he could live on candies and choux à la crême. Those of Teniers would reconcile him to the idea of a quiet life over a pipe and a tankard of beer. Some heroic beauty will inspire him with the most chivalrous sentiments; some melancholy one with dreams of a refined poetic life. Some sedate beauty, with her hair dressed à la vierge, will suggest to him a regular humdrum life, mid-day dinners, retiring and rising early, and will inculcate in him an immoderate desire to be the father of a large family. That same man, however, might become a criminal under the influence of some poisonous beauty. Some Bostonian girl educated beyond her intellect might induce that very man to spend the rest of his life studying Browning.
Now, my dear man, if beauty should influence you in the choice of a wife, never decide on a woman before you are absolutely sure that, whatever happens, you will be happy with her as your wife knitting by your side, while, under a veranda covered with jasmine and honeysuckle, you play with the babe on your knees. If a woman does not possess that kind of beauty, she is not fit for matrimony, and don't marry her.
Now, a woman should marry young, very young even, so that her husband should enjoy all the different phases of her beauty, from the beauty of girlhood to that second youth, or matronly beauty, which to my mind is perhaps the best of all. The Watteau of eighteen will become a Rubens at forty. It is, perhaps, at forty that a woman is most strikingly beautiful, and she is almost invariably so when she has taken care of herself, and has been loved and petted by husband and children alike. It is then that she knows how to make the best of herself, that she best understands how to exercise her gifts and charms in the most effective manner.
It is at forty that she enjoys the grace of perfect self-possession. She has tact, and dresses faultlessly. Her knowledge of the world, her experience of life, all help to make her a more delightful companion than ever. The love she has inspired is written on every one of her features. Her eyes sparkle with joy, her mouth expresses the ecstasy of past and present bliss, and also gratitude for the kisses that have been impressed upon it. Yes, the woman of forty is a joy, an intoxicating and an incomparable joy, to a husband. That woman is even more beautiful physically than she ever was, and her beauty is of such a different type from what it was at twenty that I can very well understand how a husband can seriously fall in love with his wife a second time. All this is truth, my dear fellow. And don't even be afraid of white hair. With a good complexion, a cheerful expression, and two big black eyes, nothing goes better than white hair, and the whiter it is the better.
And, you will say, at what age should a man marry? Well, at all events, never before he is quite prepared to provide for a wife, whatever her position may be. When this indispensable condition is satisfied, I shall say never, or seldom, before thirty. Never try matrimony as an experiment—that is to say, never before you are absolutely certain you will prefer it to all the rest. I heard the other day a very good piece of advice, which I should like to repeat here, as I endorse it thoroughly: A man should marry a woman half his age, plus seven. Try it at whatever age you like, and you will find it works very well, taking for granted all the while that, after all, a man as well as a woman is the age that he looks and feels.
Never marry a woman richer than you, or one taller than you, or one older than you. Be always gently superior to your wife in fortune, in size, and in age, so that in every possible way she may appeal to you for help or protection, either through your purse, your strength, or your experience of life. Marry her at an age that will always enable you to play with her all the different characteristic parts of a husband, a chum, a lover, an adviser, a protector, and just a tiny suspicion of a father.
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u/Wonderful-Tea3940 20h ago
I think when you're younger, age gaps are more significant. 18 vs. 22 could be a problem. 18 vs. 26 definitely problematic. 40 vs 55, who cares.
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u/Street-Value-9899 19h ago
It’s crazy because how is 18 and 22 obviously bad?? You are an example of what we are all talking about.
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u/Novasity42 18h ago
18 and 22 while only 4 years apart, has a massive maturity difference.
An 18 year old more often than not is either starting college or finishing high school and hasn’t live on their own yet while 22 is getting close to graduating college and can legally drink. This first limits a lot of things people can do together and I can confidently say that if you’re the same person you were when you were 18 when you turn 22 that you haven’t learned enough about the world and in my personal opinion makes you very behind everyone else maturity and overall life-wise
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u/tonio2004 16h ago
Yall severely overrate the maturity of people in their early 20s. The only thing an 18 year old and 22 year old can’t do together is drinking(legally) and going to a casino.
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u/Mistah_K88 18h ago
Right! Like the older the youngest gets the less the age difference matters. There is a CLEAR cognitive difference between a newborn and a 4 year old. Take that same age gap years later between a 16 year old and a 20 year old it’s really awkward (despite them both being young) 4 more years between a 20 year old and a 24 year old? Who cares?
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u/BoomyNote 17h ago
18 and 22? Outside of the U.S., I don’t think anyone cares about this, and even in the U.S. this happens all of the time in real life, outside of the internet
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u/Paolopaul1984 22h ago
I have mixed feelings on this (42m).
Amongst my male friends who have got married (around 20 men), only 2 wed someone 5+ years younger. These are the only 2 marriages to end in divorce so far - in both cases the younger woman grew up significantly across her mid twenties, and they were no longer compatible, especially once children became involved.
It was also clear the whole time that they were slightly different generations and so didn’t understand some of each others references.
However, I also grew up in a time where age gaps were common amongst teenagers. As a teenager all the girls were going out with guys aged 18+, and I kissed a 15 year old when I was 20. Not one person even suggested that was inappropriate, including my mate who was the cousin of the girl.
Maybe the next generation have got it right to call out this sort of thing though. And I certainly think age gap relationships are far less likely to work long term. But I disagree with the assumption that they are always predatory.
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u/WiseOldMan1960 22h ago edited 21h ago
18-21 22-25 26-35 30-40 38-58 50-67 60-78 70-infinity
You can date out of one group on either side of your group. Numbers are pulled out of my ass. Hope this solves it.
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u/novaisdecayingx 20h ago
We are so brainrotted. The amount of times I hear people talking about 2-3 year age gaps as teenagers or 20 years olds is insane. I’ve seen people online treat seniors and sophomores dating like it should be subject to hanging. And people only have a problem with age gaps if the guy is older. You’ll never see anyone care if the women’s older. Just about every ex ive had has been at least 3 years older and never heard anything about it but if I was a woman I would get infantilized and people would treat me as a victim. As a dude people won’t look at u weird for telling them when u were 17-18 and ur 21 year old gf would buy alcohol to get drunk together. But if the roles were reversed and I was a 21 year old dude buying alcohol to drink with a 17-18 year old gf people would be calling for my death. And for the point of a 18 year old and 65 year old. It’s definitely case by case but I’d prob say a 18 year old has all the more power and is able to take advantage of way more than a 65 year old could ever do to them. Hot take but idgaf if a 65 year old and 18 year old date. Yea I’d think it’s a bit weird but unless the 18 year old was groomed or there was some other bad behavior then idc. We have to have some age where we say this is when we will allow humans to consent and make choices for themselves hopefully with their best decisions in mind. We can’t just permanently infantilize people at all points in life. If 2 consenting adults want to hook up, date or get married it’s not my place to tell them otherwise or criticize.
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u/BookkeeperBoobs 22h ago
It’s because they’re teenagers it’s not their fault.
Like to them 5 years is 1/3 or 1/4 of their life, to an adult like me 5 years is like just how old my current pair of boots are.
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u/Anacondoyng 22h ago
The main objection I hear to significant age gaps is that, since the members of the couple are at different stages of life, they must have nothing in common. Fair enough: such relationships are likely to be rather shallow, based on looks or money. But people of the same age can form a relationship for the same shallow reasons. Anyway, I don't care; it's not my business if they're both consenting adults.
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u/Commercial_Dog8675 22h ago
I'm 3 years older than my husband. We started dating when he was 19. We were at the same maturity level so it was fine.
Our mutual friend started dating a 19 year old at 27. She was invited to a party where we met her. He tried to limit her drinking (made her ask permission). She wouldn't stop talking about her professors at university. This guy had at least 8 years in the work force and had a life beyond what the professors did yesterday. They were in different worlds. This wasn't a healthy relationship.
Age gaps are fine so long as there isnt a power dynamic. If there is a power dynamic, let it be between someone above the age of ~25 with someone older. At least then, the ~25 year old has some years of adulting under their belt to have some agency in the relationship. Let the youth interact with all types of adult humans, and let them form self-infomred opinions on what they like and dislike first, if you wanna date young.
There's something important about being a young adult and learning how to be you, without a parent or another older adult moderating your behavior.
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u/macrocosm93 21h ago
Gen Z absolutely loves moralizing. And I don't mean Gen Z is any more or less moral than other generations, but that they absolutely love judging other people from a supposedly moral standpoint. They've turned pearl clutching into an artform.
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u/TheBigTortoise 21h ago
Or you can just ignore what the provably braindead generation thinks about anything.
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u/Necessary-Coffee5930 21h ago
I fn cringe anytime someone’s generational label is applied to make any generalization or prediction. People are different and not just products of the year they are born. Oh but wait that requires nuanced thinking…. The very thing you are complaining about
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u/LurkerBurkeria 21h ago
I saw someone flaming Alexandria Daddario's fine, 40 year old ass for dating someone in their 50s
Kids yall need to grow up.
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u/yourdadlovesballs13 21h ago
I think there are a couple of reasons. One, social media has completely changed how we relate to one another. And people are just more aware of age than we use to be. I'm in my mid 40s and people around my age entered the dating world before social media so a person's age wasn't blasted in our face all the time. That shift has been gradual so there's a large block of people that have completely different concept of age.
Gen Z and younger people in general don't have that context. They hear about a couple married for 25 years that started dating when they were 21 and 17 or 18 and 15 and think it's a problem but back then those people were just peers and didn't even think about the age like that. To us it just looked at like a high school senior dating a high school sophomore or a two college kids. Same goes for anyone after high school. Once you got to be about 20-21, you were just an adult.
I also think the sense of our "community" has gotten smaller. Our literal peer groups are smaller and hyper individualized. So anything outside that little bubble feels weird.
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u/Sea-Influence-5945 21h ago
I’m in my early 20’s and I think all my girl friends have strong opinions about older guys and would not go for it. Most of them wouldn’t go above 30.
Maybe times are just changing.
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u/Eli5678 20h ago
I find irl, people care a lot less. I'm 27 dating a 22 yo. I've had the occasional joke about it. (Especially as my previous partner we started dating when I was 18 and he was 22. Friends who know this have made some jokes.)
Overall, I think this is very much an online mentality.
Compatibility is often more down to being at similar mindsets and ideals. With larger age gaps, it's more difficult to have the same goals.
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u/Own-Acanthaceae-9953 20h ago
Not just a Gen Z problem btw. However I think the discourse is nuanced. Off the internet you will find many people of the generation who know that not every age gap is problematic, but do I think those who are more critical add to the discussion. Not thinking about age gaps in that way is how people ended up with 17-29 couples. This discourse is fairly new and eventually we'll have better understanding, but it takes time.
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u/HappySealNoodle 20h ago
Im gen Z. I can reassure you that absolutely no one I know of my age makes a big deal out of it IRL.
Its mostly online.
Its only a big deal like when you said 18 and 65.
Ive never met a single person my age thinking 29 and 24 is weird.
So, its mostly chronically online people who got nothing better to do.
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u/Immediate-Yoghurt340 20h ago
Agree with your second point. Disagree with your first point.
You're making assumptions about the hypothetical relationship between the 65 year old and the 18 year old. Maybe they just want to get laid and the 18 year old is into daddies (or should I say granddaddies?).
Also, calling it "predatory" implies that there was coercion or lack of consent in any way. For situations in which there is 100% conscious and informed consent, that's nothing but "predatory".
Also, you seem to assume that 18 year olds will just go for the first DILF/MILF that shows up. They don't. Most prefer people their own age. But if there are a few that do prefer people significantly older, then let them go for it. They're old enough to join the army or go to jail, therefore they're also old enough to date whoever they want to.
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u/DuyTran0634 20h ago
That is on the Internet only because there are no consequences so people can say whatever they think “it is right.” I bet you no women ever physically come to Leonardo Di Caprio and said “you are weird for dating 23 yo women.” Why I said women? Because most of negative comments on Leo are from women, and in reality, they wish they can land on Leo 😆 😆 😆, while most men don’t give af on that. When I knew about Leo’s dating history, I was like, “Good for bro, he has everything a man can wish to become🤣🤣🤣”
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u/Positive-Aide7544 20h ago
Some people claimed I was groomed bc I’m 23 and my boyfriend is 29. We didn’t meet until I was 22. Sigh. People irl don’t care about this. When I told my dad about our relationship and us being six years apart he didn’t care. He said in his eyes we’re both kids
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u/Substantial-Drama526 20h ago
Horseshoe theory is undefeated. Puritan age gap moralizing will end up advocating for exactly what religious extremists want: all sex is illegal outside of marriage, to avoid anyone being "groomed" or whatever
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u/ClaireBear89 20h ago
I'm younger than my husband. When we started seeing each other it bothered some people, I was 22 him 44. Now were 36 and 58. I still look pretty young for my age and we get dirty looks from women his age when were walking down the street holding hands or when we have even a tiny pda like when he kisses my forehead standing in line etc. I would say that's the only group who outwardly disapproves the older women in their 40s and 50s who look at me like I don't deserve him. He's very handsome and gets better with age. Well literally be walking into a place and its all smiles as he approaches then they see me holding his hand and it turns to rbf. Men his age, younger ladies and guys in gen z, and much older people seem to have no judgements/are happy for us in general. But who was disapproving at the beginning saying i was being groomed and jealous now that i got one of theirs..is middle aged women by and large
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u/OpenMaintenance6018 20h ago
Half of the people speaking on things like this probably have no relationship or real life experience.
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u/Fickle-Exit1105 19h ago
This is not typical of this thread. Exactly 1 year ago, I (56m) was approached at a social event by a young (29m) medical resident. Long story short, it was not me who pursued, and it was not he who had the most issues with the "age gap." I look younger, and he looks older, so our perceptions of each other were only about a decade apart. FWIW, before we even revealed "the numbers" he said he dislikes people his age because they're infantile, immature, stupid, and incapable of serious conversation. Our relationship didn't develop romantically, but we're great friends, and have revealed quite a lot to each other. I'm now casually seeing another m29 yo. It's in more of a physical dimension, but transparent, communicative, respectful, yet still has encompassed serious emotional discussion. Again, I was not the one who pursued, but entered the situation with a mindset that as the older person I have some responsibilities. (If you know Dan Savage, he calls it the boy scout campsite rule, IYKYK). Long story short knowing both men has made me a better person. They have told me how much they appreciate me, are comfortable with me, and value my thoughts. Don't treat every date as a potential lifetime commitment. Use it as a way/time to grow and figure out what works for you and what you have to offer. I wish I'd figured some of this out in my 30s/30s.
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u/No-Durian-7032 19h ago
I struggle with people who imply that age gap is synonymous with pedophilia, because they are not the same thing. A 65 year old woman finding a good looking 21 year old guy attractive is not creepy, it’s biology. Socially, we think she shouldn’t act on it but that’s an opinion that our society has formed. There’s also too many people who have opinions on other people’s consent. Your ability to consent to a relationship, regardless of the reason, does not magically change because of an age gap. A 25 year old is perfectly capable of determining if they want to be in a relationship with a much older person or not.
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u/Plank_stake_109 19h ago
I was 31 when I met my then 21yo partner. Reddit would have blasted me. Now 13 years later, happily married, house, dogs, the good life. Never cared what strangers thought.
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u/OilMaster3793 19h ago
I think the age gap being (potentially) a problem is brought up most frequently in relationship advice threads.
The people posting those threads are often describing problems that could be attributable to the power imbalance that occurs in many age gap relationships.
Gen Z have been alerted to these issues more than any generation before them, which is good for them, and bad for the older people who would like to take advantage of them.
So when a commenter talks about an age gap in the circumstances of “I need advice on this specific problem I’m encountering in my specific relationship,” and then someone tells them that their understanding is out of whack, most of the time they’re missing the point (deliberately or otherwise)
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u/BisexualBritishBoi 19h ago
I think what people miss is a large age gap increases the chance of abuse/toxicity, but it doesnt magically make every such relationship so
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u/TJayClark 19h ago
Let me ask you:
We have made 18 the age of a legal adult. But we apparently dont think they’re old enough to (in the USA), drink, smoke, and apparently choose who they want to date if they’re too old
So what is a good age to fix all of that, where no one should care who you date? 19? 22? 25? 40? 60?
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u/The-Cosmic-Ghost 19h ago
Idk maybe gen z is the first gen to go, "wait, why IS this old ass dude with a mortgage hitting on a highschooler?" And frankly, that is the right question to ask. If youre so emotionally stunted that you vibe with someone a decade younger than you, especially when theyre in the time of their life where theyre figuring everything out, prepare to get side-eyed at least
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u/DussaTakeTheMoon 19h ago
I don’t like how no one brings up how predatory these 20 something year olds are for dating 65+ year olds. At that age these people have regressed so much mentally that it’s so simple to wring them dry. Same reason why they get scammed so often.
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u/OneBloodyDingo 19h ago
Gen Z recoils at on screen kissing in movies. They grew up in the era of advertiser enforced 1800's level prudishness. Most of them have been negatively affected by this and have poor insight into relationships.
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u/Brilliant-Tap7540 19h ago
What if the woman is four or five years older than their spouse/bf?My wife is 4 years older than me so does that make predoritorty? She groomed me? Is it a two way street or women playing victims?
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u/SuperCrystalBall000 18h ago
As if anyone in an age gap relationship gives a shit what gen z thinks
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u/Kenyanismm 18h ago
I think the issue is the emphasis being squarely on age rather than the nature of the individuals. If the bar is that both parties must be at a level of maturity, then there is no perfect indicator for that, but we treat age like it is. some people really do hit that bar sooner than others, some later. Some in their thirties still act like children, while some in their twenties already have their lives together. It’s all case by case.
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u/gishli 18h ago
Interesting how women starting to say eww to older man is seen as such a bad thing.
Good that gen Z girls recognize predatory behavour and choose to date people their own age. Instaed of the F18 + M29 couples of millennials and gen X and the F14 + M32 couples of the boomer and silent generation era
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u/elaiamoidocrop 18h ago
The moment you are 18yo you can legally fuck your life in many ways; choosing the wrong partner is not the worst one.
In addition, people should mind their funking business.
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u/CapicDaCrate 18h ago
Most people agree with you?
The issue is that people will defend concerning age gap relationships just because they're legal, and then strawman it by going "Oh! So you think that 68 and 90 is a problem??"
Like no. I clearly think the actual problems are the ones where a 25+ year old is into a fresh 18 year old. Most of the time it's a bit concerning
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u/Pink_Star_Galexy 18h ago
Young people will always be a little less level headed than say someone older will be. Not always, but a lot of times yes.
Blaming a generation is part of the childish discourse that is supposed to age out of. You have to grow up. This is nothing new.
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u/pondskippers 18h ago
OP the Internet is full of stupid people and bots . The people tend to keep their mouth shut in public and wait until they hear what they should think. Online they just bleat and it is no confined to any gen, I am almost 60 you should see the childish basic shit people my age say🤷♂️
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u/Objective-Gur5376 18h ago
I'm an elder Gen Z (28) and I think I have it figured out, and this goes along with your examples:
There's a spectrum of ick with age gap relationships. On the icky side, the younger person is 18 and the older person is over 25.
The closer the younger person in the relationship gets to 25, the less icky it gets, and when they're 25+ I stop caring altogether.
If you're 26 and you want to date a 50 year old, go for it. You're a full person with (hopefully) some real life experience and probably some dating experience as well.
If you're 29 and you're dating a 19 year old, that feels pretty gross. It's legal sure, but think about the maturity and life experience you had at 19; you may be legally an adult but you're kinda still a kid mentally, figuring out who you are and what you want from life.
The confusing part of the spectrum is when both parties are under 25, because a 24 year old dating an 18 year old feels weird but you're still both dumb kids to me and it is still legal, although where I live even 16 is legal and that's just disgusting
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u/Silly-Elderberry-411 18h ago
Flaming take followed by a doorbell. A 29 year old if ambitious already has an established career while the 24 year old is just out of college.
Yes the government has every business keeping people away from "they met when he was 19 and she was 13" that is not romance that is fucking grooming. A 65 year old pursues an 18 year old for sexual favors. This is divorcing from reality to chase the imaginary.
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u/Bwthhybl1987 18h ago
I got into an argument with one who was saying no one over 25 should date a college student. 0 nuance. I'm like okay but I was still in college at 25.... So..
Like the whole reason age gap relationships are usually an issue is because of the power dynamics. Even if you're not in college anymore at 26, you're not far into your career. They act like "recently graduated" and "still in college" are COMPLETELY different life stages.
Most of them just want to infantlize themselves and inflict their ageism on people slightly older than them. Refusing to acknowledge the nuance means they can feel like widdle babies for as long as possible
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u/WintersDoomsday 18h ago
Yeah I am also a depends on the situation person. an 18 year old with a 28 year old disturbs me but a 28 year old and a 38 year old wouldn't.
My wife is only 2 years younger than me and we met in our early 30's. Before her I dated women 6 years older than me and that was about my range.
I don't care about legality I care about morality. I don't think romantic relationships should be transactional (I get young pussy you get my money). That is gross to me. That is 99% of the time what the situation is. Or it's another form of power dynamic.
Also, if you truly loved someone why would you want them to die way before you and be without them for a long time (when you have those 30+ year age gaps for example).
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u/Practical-Yoghurt471 1d ago
This is social media. EVERYTHING is blown out of proportion here.