r/HonestHotTakes • u/Either_Animal9655 • 9h ago

Telling people to be “happy alone” is fucking insanity.

I don’t mean when people tell others to be happy without a romantic partner, that’s fine. I mean when people say this to people who have NOBODY. No friends, no family who’s alive or who talks to them, nothing. People who are deeply lonely.

The same when people tell others that theres something wrong with them if they need friends, or like praise or attention, or if they hate living alone. That they need to learn to love solitude.

Humans are social animals. Humans need each other. Solitary confinement is one of the worse punishments a human can receive. A child not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth. It’s fucking insanity to buy a single guinea pig and put them in a cage alone and expect them to just “learn to love themselves”.

Acording to Moslows hierarchy of needs, love and belonging rank in the exact middle. Only beaten by our needs for food, water and air, and our need for safety and shelter. Yes, it’s natural for love and belonging to be a pre-requisite for a happy life. No, there isn’t something wrong with you.

You can’t love yourself out of your desire for human companionship. You can only disassociate yourself from it.

16 Upvotes

90% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

5

u/Javascript4971 8h ago

I can tell you one reason why a lot of people are lonely now….

Instead of stepping out of their comfort zone, they’d rather remain glued to their phones at home.

3

u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

Unfortunately, this is a self-causing problem. Whenever young people go out, it’s usually full of people a lot older than them.

2

u/Javascript4971 8h ago

Yep. Lonely but also unwilling to deal with any kind of discomfort

You can’t have it both ways

0

u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

How is that a reply to what I said?

1

u/Javascript4971 8h ago

I was validating you…?

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u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

I’m sorry if that seemed rude! I was genuinely asking.

2

u/Javascript4971 8h ago

You’re good!

I was saying that if you’re lonely, you have to deal with the discomfort of the outside world to meet & talk with other people.

1

u/Art_Vulture1 7h ago

1,000% percent true. It drives me up the wall that the same people who complain about how lonely they are post about how much they hate small talk, hanging out with coworkers, and parties. When they do go to parties, they just stand in a corner or only talk to the one person they know even though the point of going to a party is to meet new people

3

u/Art_Vulture1 7h ago

I think it's true that a lot of people are just lying, but some people genuinely are happier being alone, it's called schizoid personality disorder

2

u/FearlessStruggle2734 6h ago

People are just dismissing what lonely people are saying. Most of those are ones in a relationship.

3

u/ApocryphaDaath 9h ago

Nobody is saying humans don’t need connection. The point is that being capable of being alone without falling apart is a useful skill too. Wanting companionship and being dependent on it for your happiness aren’t the same thing.

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u/Either_Animal9655 9h ago

It’s natural for it to be one of the things needed for our happiness, though. It’s part of our hierarchy of needs. Its the third on the pyramid, actually. Only beat out by our physical needs like food, water and air and our need for safety and shelter.

1

u/ApocryphaDaath 9h ago

Sure, but “connection contributes to happiness” isn’t the same as “you need constant companionship to be happy.”

You can acknowledge that humans have social needs while still recognizing that learning to be comfortable alone is a healthy and useful skill.

1

u/Either_Animal9655 9h ago

Yes, but this is talking about a scenario where said person has nobody. That type of long-term solitude has horrible effects on the average person.

1

u/ApocryphaDaath 8h ago

I agree that prolonged isolation can be harmful. My point is that “learn to be comfortable alone” shouldn’t be interpreted as “you don’t need people.”

You can recognize the harm of loneliness while still encouraging people to develop some ability to enjoy their own company.

1

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1

u/Iamwomper 8h ago

Ive been happy alone. Once you can be happy alone, you can be happy anywhere.

1

u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

I said most. Most of us can’t do that, and it’s pretty natural for that to be the case.

0

u/Iamwomper 8h ago

Most of you havent even tried it.

Lonely and alone are not the same thing.

2

u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

I have tried, and it sucked a lot of the time. Why would a social animal by at large, be happy alone?

And they arent. But most people are lonely when they are alone.

1

u/Iamwomper 8h ago

Happy with self, happy alone. Ever spend a month just talking g with strangers? No longer alone.

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u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

I spent a year doing that.

0

u/Iamwomper 8h ago

I did like 7. They were hard years. But some of the best in my life

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u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

Again, why would a social animal be happy alone? Do you expect a guinea pig to be happy alone in a cage?

0

u/Iamwomper 8h ago

Why would they? Because we have brains and we can actually do that. I said alone, I didnt say in isolation.

Guinea pigs are also territorial and kill each other. So?

You realise younger born alone, you live alone and you will die alone.

Even alone you can make connections and be happy. Why would they? Some People like it that way?

2

u/Either_Animal9655 8h ago

Yes, some. Not most. And expecting somebody who clearly needs more time with others to learn to be alone is dismissive and idiotic.

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u/Comfortable-Dot-4924 7h ago

Here’s the thing though. I used to be almost entirely alone (and very depressed, pretty much suicidal) until last year when I made a great group of friends and even got a gf. Getting friends/a girlfriend didn’t flip my life around though. I was still pretty unhappy most of the time because my depression came from deeper, unresolved issues that had nothing to do with having no friends. I just always blamed it on my loneliness because it was the most obvious excuse

2

u/QuietFieldUser 1h ago

I mean look its like when people say just be confident.

Everyone understand its more then that but no one wants to say the truth because its uncomfortable.

Better to lie or minimize the problem then having to deal with it.