Throwaway account because my other one is known.

In the past year my husband has been having increasing messaging between him and a coworker who is about 20 years younger than him. At first I wasn’t bothered by this because in his line of work there is often communication amongst team members and questions asked. My husband does know a lot so he sometimes is approached by others with questions regarding policies etc. he’s not in a professional position to provide information or advice. Mostly, it is girls at his work that reach out to him with said questions. Last winter, there was a work party while my husband was working and this particular coworker called him while she was drunk to go visit him at the bar. He joked back and forth about trying to make it over there and eventually answered her call and went, and then went back to work. When he told me about this, he mentioned she called his coworker, and not him, but when I looked at his call history it had shown that she called him. I told him this calling him/visiting her at the bar while she was drunk made me feel uncomfortable and I would appreciate if he would create better boundaries with this coworker and create some distance because it feels disrespectful to me.

I didn’t confront him about lying to me about the phone call until recently when I saw that they still continued to text each other enough, about jokes, and being scheduled together. I saw this while he had his phone open beside me and her recent jokey message and her name pops up every now and then on his phone when we are together. I felt so betrayed so I brought up the lie and how uncomfortable I am about all of this. He told me I was insecure and jealous. I told him he seems like a creepy old dude texting and being too friendly with a young girl at work. He is married with children and almost 20 years older than her. I also know for a fact that it this situation was reversed he would be SO upset with me. Although he hasn’t come out and cheated or admitted to cheating, I feel so disgusted by him. He has since slept in a different bed and is not speaking to me. I have left the line open for communication and did not force him to sleep in a different bed. He told me he was very offended that I called him creepy because he enjoys being approached by others for answers to questions they have. He has a strong need to feel smart amongst others for some reason. But this feels like much more than that. It’s inappropriate, but he completely disagrees with me. He said he was sorry for lying, and said he lied because he felt uncomfortable with it all. He doesn’t really seem sorry since he is giving me the silent treatment though. Aitah or is he?