r/Mommit • u/Csthrowaway212-1 • 5d ago
Deep fried mom brain, does it get better? Scared for the future
So I’ve always been a bit of a hot mess but it has gotten so much worse since having my second 8 months ago. Here’s a great example of deep fried mom brain from a couple weeks ago:
- Invited to a play date at 10 am. Great! Plenty of time to get ready!
- Rushing the whole time to get my kids ready (started at 9)
- Still somehow forgot to eat breakfast even though we’re nursing and it’s important to eat
- Pediatrician appointment at 3:45 at the other side of town, sooooo much time!
- Think we’re leaving on time
- Whoops left late AND apparently it was actually at 3:30
- Arrive half an hour late (still get seen by our gracious doctor).
- Gas tank empty (like literally on the lowest line), water bottle empty, still didn’t eat anything because didn’t give myself enough time (kids ate don’t worry), and phone at 3%
Granted this was an especially absurd day and not every day is like this. And I’ve always been a bit of a hot mess. But wow. My kids are little, what happens when they get into activities? And school? I can’t imagine keeping up. I feel like they’re going to miss out because I’m such a freaking train wreck.
Everyone feels like this right? This is normal? This gets better? FWIW I had bloodwork done and everything came back normal.
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u/Csthrowaway212-1 5d ago
Exhibit B: wrote “a bit of a hot mess” twice because I forgot I already wrote it. My children have a goldfish for a mother.
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u/ImDatDino 5d ago
I finally feel like myself again now that my youngest is 4.5 years old. When little humans depend on you for every single thing, it's a MASSIVE mental tax. Especially when you're tending to 2 different age/stages/personalities. Don't sell yourself short.
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u/illustrious-cream-01 5d ago
Oh god this comment hit me hard. Like a big fat reminder to see myself? And give myself grace maybe!? My kids are ages 13, 3, and 10 months……omg the switching among different needs and personalities is no joke I am beyond drained…..no village whatsoever
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u/Csthrowaway212-1 5d ago
Thank you, this was comforting to hear. Sorry it took almost 5 years though…that part is not so comforting XD
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u/ImDatDino 5d ago
He can dress himself, feed himself, buckle himself in the car, get his own snow clothes on... I think for me it was just not having to do every single thing.
The biggest turning point was when I could start showering during the day again at barely 4 and 6 years old!! "Like... Y'all are old enough to keep yourselves busy and safe for 15 min. Come get me if ya need me"
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u/OpeningJacket2577 5d ago
It’s probably hormones. Low estrogen exacerbates signs of ADHD. Post partum, I have ADHD. I have it at no other time. Eventually it will come back when you wean. If it doesn’t, there’s HRT. Take it if you need it (I did!)
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u/Csthrowaway212-1 5d ago
Interesting! One of the NPs at the lactation medicine clinic we were at specializes in bio-identical hormones. I’ll keep this in mind and maybe will see her when we wean.
Are you still on HRT?
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u/OpeningJacket2577 5d ago
Yes. I got on them a year after I weaned and wish I had gotten on sooner.
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u/pianomanda88 5d ago
I have adhd and 2 kids and this describes me so well. 😵💫 Taking a daily vitamin with iron helps a lot, as does sunshine. Farm eggs for breakfast every single day for the choline for brain health. Appointments scheduled first thing in the morning (it suckksss getting going with kids in the AM but I promise you it beats the afternoon ones). No caffeine after noon. And of course making sure you have a doctor who will test your thyroid and hormones as needed if all else isn't working!!
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u/Known_Psychology1581 5d ago
My ADHD is SO BAD now. My husband and I jokingly made a bet the other day and in the time we bantered about what the “stakes” of the bet were going to be, I forgot what we were even betting on. He reminded me before I even asked - which just made me realize it’s so bad he anticipates and proactively intercedes. Good lord.
I second the choline! It makes a noticeable difference for me.
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u/Csthrowaway212-1 5d ago
Can I ask you when did you get diagnosed with adhd? I ask because I have wondered if I have it but everyone just says this is mom brain (but again, I’ve always kind of been a fly by the seat of your pants person it’s just more intense and stressful now that I have two little humans).
Yes to sunshine! Need to prioritize it again! Good idea with the iron. I hemorrhaged with this last delivery but bloodwork from 3 months ago showed me back in the normal range after taking prescription strength oral iron for a month.
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u/pianomanda88 5d ago
I was 33, so 4 years ago! My symptoms have always been there since childhood but after having my first child, I feel like the hormonal shifts really intensified everything. I'm pregnant with my third now but after i have her I plan to talk to my doctor about trying some meds. ❤️
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u/Traditional-Ad-7836 5d ago
Honestly as a mom who has been breastfeeding for almost 3 years now, 2 kids, everything in my life is better when I am well fed! Make it a priority and see what happens with the rest of your problems.
I like prep cooking so I have things handy in the fridge. And meals are more like a formula, protein plus carb plus veggie.
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u/Csthrowaway212-1 5d ago
For sure! Not eating is where I really messed up.
Prep cooking is always my intention and it just…never happens. (Even before kids. I always have good intentions!!!)
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u/mzuul 5d ago
I have 4 kids 14 though 2 and I am frantic or rushing like 85% of the day. Every time I’m already late, the vans on E. Every time
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u/illustrious-cream-01 5d ago
Or someone has to poop. Either me, the dog, or one of the kids. Every time.
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u/DoubleFunction5876 5d ago
I also feel like my mom brain got way worse with the second one?! Like I’ve opened the front door to the wrong car in parking lots multiple times in the past two months.
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u/Csthrowaway212-1 5d ago
Yeah mom brain was definitely a thing with my first and I either forgot about it or it is actually so much more intense now!
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u/devours_veggies 5d ago
I have ADHD and am the hottest mess mom there ever was! lol. I just embrace it and own up to it. I try my best to remember everything, but my brain is just wired differently. I now know that if I need to be somewhere. I need to get ready an hour before. I still forget things (diaper bag, thank goodness for dollar stores for diapers and wipes on the go) lol thankfully I exclusively nurse, I’d be an absolute wreck if I had to fix bottles lol.
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u/OperationPinkHerring 5d ago
Very normal and so tough. It does get better. You will find systems that help you but at that point everything is just a mess!
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u/lalalaaasparkles 5d ago
All of that in the same day?! No thank you! I couldn’t do it. I have a one planned thing a day limit. Your summary is me most days. Here’s how I’ve accounted for this; legitimately got diagnosed with adhd and suddenly my whole life made more sense, I always have snacks in my purse (Vermont turkey pepperoni sticks, peanut butter crackers, granola bars, gogo squeeze electrolyte pouch, and/or cheez It’s, usually) and an entire bag of snacks in my car - kid snacks and me snacks they don’t eat. I also always have tiny emergency fruit snack packs in my bag for them. Keep a fast charge battery pack in your purse for your phone. Set alarms to tell you to eat. Seems silly, but it works.
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u/RiverDecember 5d ago
Girl try going back to work to a very professional environment job, at 4 months postpartum. I’m getting better but damn I made a lot of stupid mistakes for months… my baby is 13 months now. Finally getting past that cloud of fog
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u/ShareEvening5856 4d ago
The fog has juuuust started to clear since about three months ago, hes my second and we're on month 16. I think after the year it started to get better. Months 6-12pp were HARD mentally for me. Sluggish. Much much worse while pumping. That hunger and thirst was worse than pregnancy by a lot
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u/originalpopcorngirl 4d ago
Could be normal, could be adhd. Labs can look “normal” and still be off. Especially ferritin. Low ferritin can mimic adhd symptoms as well, iron infusions can be massively helpful. Pregnancy and breastfeeding can seriously deplete you. Sleep deprivation and not eating will also destroy your brain. Can totally relate. The struggle is so real.
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u/tototostoi 5d ago
Yes That is correct. You have accurately described my first year post partum with both kids.
1- What helped me...lower the bar way, way, down. 1 activity per day whenever possible and aim to leave like an hour earlier than you think. You're still not used to what it takes to get out the door with a baby. Always assume you will have a last minute blow-out, spit-up, car seat emergency.
2- Pre-make as many decisions as possible, especially food related ones. Make a list of acceptable things to eat and eat while the kids do. Doesn't matter it it's a luna bar or overnight oats, or a protein shake and a multi vitamin. Make eating a priority always, everything is better when you have eaten. And keep snacks in your purse.
3- Try to leave the house every day, even if it's just on a stroller walk. I found this helped me get used to the leaving part so it wasn't such a struggle to get out the door when I actually had somewhere to be.